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**wu7y** · March 4, 2018, 11:59 AM

My first (and last) deep fried turkey:

Several years ago my wife and I were at her brother's house for Thanksgiving. He had just bought a deep fat turkey fryer. I had heard about them but outside of pictures had never seen one, let alone used one. He had it set up on his deck and was looking at it with a look on his face pretty much the same as the first time I showed him a live rattlesnake. He said, "I'm not too sure about this." and asked me if I had any ideas about how this was going to work. I thought about it for a minute or two (It should have been longer) but I was thinking â€“ just how hard can this be? This is heat and meat. As long it is not over or under cooked what could go wrong?

I was a little concerned about how I could get the bird in the hot oil without getting too close to the kettle. He had a framed wooden deck directly above the concrete patio where we had the fryer. I thought it would be a good idea to rig an an eye hook and pulley over the pot to let me stand away from it and lower the bird into the pot when it was ready to cook so we set it up. It was a wise decision.

I had read the directions for the cooker, put the bird in the pot and added water to determine how much oil to use. That done I filled the pot with the proper amount of peanut oil, heated the oil to temperature and lowered the bird into the hot oil.

Then all hell broke loose.

What I had not seen in the directions, if it was even there, was, "Carefully dry the water from the turkey before placing in hot oil."

Once we had the deck cleaned up and I think a fire or two on the concrete put out we finished the turkey. It actually came out pretty good, but right then I decided - never again. In 74 years that's one of the few resolutions I have had no trouble keeping.

**TNPIGBBQ** · October 19, 2019, 10:23 PM

I made two Prime Costco ribeyes so Smokey they were completely inedible. I’d been having trouble with my new grill keeping temps down, since I didn’t wanna ruin prime meat I over corrected the other way. They sat in the grill at middle hot smoking temp, getting hammered with briquettes & wood chunks smoldering.

The wife tried to be polite and take a couple bites. I took one & said thanks for being nice but this takes like licking an ashtray. I went and picked up a pizza or something lol.

**radshop** · October 19, 2019, 10:41 PM

So a couple days ago I started a thread about my first no-knead bread cook.

Yesterday, I toasted a couple slices of that bread in the toaster oven. All the butter was hard in the fridge, so I cut off a couple pats and tossed it on the slices to soften as it toasted. It worked great - GENIUS!

Today, I put the last of the bread in the toaster oven for breakfast. A few minutes later, the smoke alarm was going off. There was a major butter fire in the bottom of the toaster oven. I had to grab the whole thing and take it outside to burn itself out.

Lesson learned!

(I still ate the slightly blackened bread, in case you were wondering.)

**JimLinebarger** · October 20, 2019, 12:08 AM

This is not a food fail but a smoker fail.

I purchased a Traeger Timberline 850. Because I wanted to keep it clean inside, I purchased the drip tray liners that were also suppose to work with another model. Well, maybe it was Traeger going on the cheap but these liners are not even the same shape as the drip tray and would not fit no matter how I configured it. So, I wrapped the tray with aluminum foil. My first cook I did at 225°F and everything was fine. This second cook was at 325°F. I had just put the chicken on and was going to go back into my office. I took one last look at the smoker through the back door and noticed a lot of smoke. Since it is a pellet grill and running at 325°F that shouldn't be happening. Even with the Super Smoke setting it doesn't produce as much smoke as I was seeing. So I went outside to check it out. Everything seemed fine until I also noticed smoke coming from underneath the smoker. That should never happen. So I walked around to the back and actual saw flames coming out the exhaust area and the paint on the lower section near the leg joint had peeled off and was smoking. So I tried to turn off the grill but there is a 15 minute cool down. So I unplugged it and opened the lid. More smoke was coming out from under the drip tray. Took everything out and removed the drip tray. Inside the fire pot there was something smoldering and quite hot. I also saw something strange flying around. That is when I realized that it was the aluminum foil that was smoldering as if it were molten. I have never seen that before. So now I use those stupid trays that don't fit to keep things clean, as well as an aluminum tray lined with aluminum foil sitting on top of the drip tray for extra measures. I also had to prime and repaint where the it burned off the original paint. The smoke from underneath was a large portion of where the paint had burned off.

Oh, forgot to mention, this was all on a wooden deck. But I have a fire extinguisher just inside the door and during the summer, a garden hose that is always on next to the smokers when in use.

**texastweeter** · February 21, 2020, 08:53 PM

Bump. How have I never seen this thread?!?!

**58limited** · February 21, 2020, 09:14 PM

I have no fails. No pics/No proof (hehe).

Seriously, I guess I should start taking pics of the stuff I screw up, might use most of the memory in my camera though.

**Belfagor** · February 22, 2020, 06:40 AM

First attempt at ribs i ever made involved substituting cayenne for chili powder in the rub recipe and then packing the rub on thick. The thought process was something like, "this house doesn't have chili powder and I'm too excited about making ribs to run to the store right now." Sunday dinner almost turns into a crime scene when my brother in law nearly asphyxiates after the first bite. In retrospect, that would have been a blessing in disguise (he now works as a deadbeat dad avoiding child support on a permanent couch surfing tour). Nobody finished more than a single rib. Don't remember how well the meat was cooked, as there was no flavor other than a quarter inch of cayenne pepper coating it all. My brother comes home from the bar at like midnight and loved it -- finished the first rack and called everyone else a bunch of pu$$*3s. The next day i get a call from him at work around noon: "never make those ribs again and burn that goddam recipe, my stomach has never hurt so much!"

**Jim White** · February 22, 2020, 09:20 AM

Not too long ago, I was making a tres leches cake for a food group from church. I decided to go all artsy and sprinkle with cinnamon. After achieving a beautiful dusting, I realized I had grabbed the cayenne instead of cinnamon.

On a totally unrelated note, did you realize it's possible to scrape most of the upper layer of whipped cream off a cake and then whip more cream to go over it? It can work at convenient moments.

**pkadare** · February 22, 2020, 09:39 AM

No pictures but I do have 2 memorable fails. The first was the first time I tried to do a beer can chicken (I know) on my 22" Weber. At the time it was the only cooker I had at the cottage. I was cooking for my family and my in-laws. My in-laws are the type of folks who require their beef to be cooked to shoe leather. Unfortunately, The chicken was too tall for the Weber, and the lid wouldn't fit properly. To make a long story short, I struggled along and took the chicken off when it looked like it was done. It wasn't. This was not good. Had to plate the chicken for each person and then nuke it until it was done, then serve.
The other major disaster was again at the cottage and we had a bunch of friends up for a weekend. I am known for my version of Raichlen's chipotle infused smoked creme brulee. The problem this time is that I didn't have enough ramekins for everyone so I thought that I'd dump it all into a large China White casserole dish. Basically a big huge ramekin, right? Nope. Didn't matter how long I cooked that thing for I never could get it to set up. We went without dessert that night and the critters in the forest behind our cottage had an amazing treat. :-)

**bardsleyque** · February 22, 2020, 12:15 PM

In '92 ribs on a weber,I grilled them thought they were ok neighbor's comment "Bardlsley,Bardsley,Bardsley..."Next batch I learned to put the coals on one side ribs on the other,I still think those were some of the best I've made. That started me down this rabbit hole!
Many years later Thanksgiving Turkey on C.O.S.all the info I had said to cook to safe temp 185 turkey was late and almost dry as jerky!
During the cook there were times it looked "done" but no I had to trust the temp!
The first big event on my big rotisserie for 750 people,ribs, butts,and chicken.For whatever reason we cooked ribs first,there's a warming box on the smoker that's right against cook chamber.The ribs up against the chamber were shall I say beyond fall off the bone(though some of the people thought they were best ribs ever).So not a total fail but...

**surfdog** · February 22, 2020, 06:51 PM

Probably won’t see much from me here...
Not that I don’t screw up, because I can along with the best of them. LOL
No...I have enough trouble remembering to shoot ANY cooks, let alone the problem ones.

**FlipperPhilsy** · February 23, 2020, 11:50 AM

Finally a channel for smiles. I have been learning the okj bronco recently, and have had some learning curve issues. Its alot different than my offset for sure.
for burn in seasoning i started the fire using the donut method. Pretty even temps across the grates, but i was concerned about burn time. So i was determined to light at one side only.
started out with a chuck roast, dry salted overnight, then rubbed onion powder, a little garlic powder and pepper. Was ready to go in the morning but had to wait a loooong time to come up to temp (a blow torch got me there). Finally put the meat on waaaay past planned time and i could hear the warning sirens in my head going off already. I have always water panned, but put my faith in the hands of the bbq ancestors looking down on me. After an hour of monitoring my temp chart, i could see a 25 -40 degree difference north to south in the grates. Soooo i started chasing stupid. Hourly spinning of the grates (which of course let out heat and moisture). About 4 hours into the cook my warning sirens were so loud in my head, i couldnt even hear my wife asking what time dinner would be done (good excuse). Hit the stall and rode it out 1 hour, then panicked when i saw i was 3 hours out from "dinner time". At that point, i decided to race stupid. I wrapped with foil with some beef broth, and tried to hit a grate temp of 275. The second i started messing with my air, i got involved in a roller coaster ride of too high, panic, too low, panic, repeat. Needless to say, at that point i opened a beer, told my wife confidently that dinner would be ready "soon", and made plans to order pizza. Finally hit shred temp long after we had eaten. Picture of stall below fyi, that fire burned 11 hours. Way past bedtime,,,, i finally closed the dampers and went to bed. It seems chasing and racing stupid had exhausted me. It was heavily smoked, nice ring, waaay overdone the next day of course.

**FlipperPhilsy** · February 23, 2020, 08:12 PM

Part 2 bronco diaries.
Hopefully last bronco fail. After my break in experience with the roast, i believed i had the answers to the issues i experienced. I hope that you, the reader, can follow in some small way my failed logic.
Step one, buy 5 pounds chicken quarters and breasts. Step two, buy 4 pounds chicken wings. Step three, purchase a stainless steel mixing bowl that will fit snug inside the bronco on the heat diffuser (insert iron butterfly music here). Step four, mix up Simon and Garfunkel rub, which i love on my pellet smoker. Step five, have my wife make up a traditional brasilian chicken marinade.
I filled up my grate with weber charcoal, lit my fire starter in two spots, north, south and watched it come up to temp in less than 20 minutes. Added two cherry hunks on the fire, and at the last moment threw in 2 apple chunks close to fire. Put in the diffuser, put my new water bowl on top of it, filled it with boiling water, shut the lid and walked away. Half hour later, i had the brasilian wings done drip drying, quarters and breast covered with s&g rub. I checked my grill temp and,,,,,,,187 degrees uuuuuuuugggggh!. I put the chicken back in the fridge, and opened the dampers full open. 1 hour later, barely keeping 225, threw the chicken on. At this point i knew i messed up, but was commited to chase stupid again. My son kept me busy for the next 45 minutes with a toddler tantrum. When everything smoothed over, i checked my grill temp and it was at 182 degrees! I look outside and my whole street if FULL of smoke. I open the lid to see my water bowl boiling like crazy. I stand there stupidly wondering how a crazy hot fire, plus boiling water equals 182 degrees at the grate. I shut the lid, grab a beer and debate for about 5 minutes, when once again, my wife asks when she should start the side dishes for dinner (smiling like a crazy person because she can smell weakness).
As i was still about 50 degrees out from chicken doneness, i decided to see how fast i could race stupid. In a fit, i removed the chicken and tossed the water bowl like a frisbee. Minor injury occurred, but i was on a mission. I tossed in some MORE cherry and apple as i had burned everything up. Chicken back on grates, slam lid, and viola, within minutes temps climbed like a rocket! Victory!
Truth is temp climbed crazy high, was never able to stabilize before chicken got to temp.

smoke flavor was so strong (with a taste of creasol) you could not taste minor things like, seasoning, chicken, your drink ect.
On the upside, toddler interference resulted in burnt asparagas, which gave me a finger to point away from me. The potato salad,,,,,,,,amazing

**Charley Langer** · February 25, 2020, 01:21 PM

If you’re looking for a keto-friendly meatloaf recipe, I got one for you. 😂🤣 (Don’t use Pank-O bread crumb substitute unless you want smoked meat crumbles)

**BillyBriskets** · February 25, 2020, 08:38 PM

One of my first attempts at ribs. Smoked over a tire fire for 45 minutes.

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