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Funny Diatribe on Pizza...

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  • smarkley
    Former Member
    • Jul 2014
    • 1426

    Funny Diatribe on Pizza...

    Quit Messing with Pizza

    Hey, dummy. Stop messing with pizza, and when I say "pizza", I mean New York pizza. That's the only pizza there is. Shut up. Stop talking.

    Pizza is cut into perfect triangles, never party-squares. You are not three and you're not at Chuck E. Cheese. It is not a cake. It is flat. It is not a lasagna. The cheese goes on top and the sauce goes underneath. There is no reason to ever mess with the perfection that is a slice of pizza. You want to put some pepperoni or sausage on it? Fine. Go nuts. Those are the only toppings we're allowing here. Broccoli belongs on Grandma's dinner table or in Chinese food, not on a slice of delicious, infallible pizza. You want a pineapple? Go to Hawaii. You wouldn't travel to The Louvre and smear Buffalo chicken all over the Mona Lisa, would you? Of course you wouldn't. You would be quickly arrested and rightly so. How about dumping a boatload of mashed up "cheeseburger" on a newborn baby's face? No, you're not a monster. Don't put that stuff on pizza. If you want a cheeseburger, eat one.

    Don't try to make it at home. Don't eat it frozen. Don't eat it if you live in California or Chicago (have a taco or hot dog instead). Don't eat it if they refuse to serve it by the slice.(You hear me, Grimaldi's?) Pizza is not a bagel. Pizza is not a French bread hero freaking sangwich. Pizza is pizza. Pizza is perfect. It is the God Particle of food and when you mess with it, you mess with the stability of the universe.
    - John Houlihan
  • FLBuckeye
    Founding Member
    • Jul 2014
    • 565
    • Florida
    • Brand new 26" Weber kettle. Three Weber 22.5"kettles, An 18" Weber kettle.

      Two WSM's, 18.5", one with an extra mid section

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      Have competed in two BBQ comps and plan on more this year

      Huge fan of The Ohio State University.

    #2
    LOL... a pizza snob. My favorite pizza is Tommy's pizza in Columbus OH and they cut it in squares.
    More than one way to skin a cat. To each their own

    Comment


    • Psinderson
      Psinderson commented
      Editing a comment
      I lived in Columbus for a while and I enjoyed Tommy's. I liked the tiny pepperoni they used that got nice and crispy.

    • FLBuckeye
      FLBuckeye commented
      Editing a comment
      They would curl up and collect some nice grease! They also use provolone cheese.
  • HC in SC
    Former Member
    • Nov 2014
    • 476
    • SC Lowcountry

    #3
    I kinda agree with the the article.

    We like the Chicago style pizza, but it is a different experience than just folding a big slice of NY style and chomping it down.

    Chicago style is more of a sit-down dinner pizza with a knife and fork.

    Our 100% favorite is NY stlyle pizza with cheese only from a local shop; but I will admit we do add Canadian bacon and pineapple from time to time....

    Comment

    • smarkley
      Former Member
      • Jul 2014
      • 1426

      #4
      hahahaha... yeah discussions on the best Pizza styles is similar to having discussions on religion or politics.

      I bet fist fights have even broke out on discussions like this!

      Comment


      • HC in SC
        HC in SC commented
        Editing a comment
        I don't see the big deal -- its not like we are talking about people who put catsup on a hot dog or anything as sacrilegious as that. Its just pizza for Christmas' sake! lol
    • Marauderer
      Founding Member
      • Jul 2014
      • 1471
      • Powder Springs, Georgia
      • [ATTACH=CONFIG]temp_6496_1424176307798_786[/ATTACH] Barry
        Powder Springs, GA

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        I want a "Stick Burner"!! Looking at Lang 36" Hybrid Deluxe. Either patio or trailer haven't made up my mind.

      #5
      catsup on a hot dog is sacrilegious!! Especially in Chicago and the customer is 18 yrs or older. Brutal!!

      Since I got my Blackstone Pizza Oven I have been expanding my horizons on pizza. Mostly at pizzamaking.com.

      I didn't realize how personal and regional pizza was. It is as bad as BBQ. They talk about 9-10 styles of pizza. New York, Chicago, Neopolotan, American, Cracker, Thick, Californian, Sicilian, etc. And people are willing to get into fistsfight over which is the best and only certain toppings are allowed on certain types. Steveo's article is right on!!

      Comment

      • Ernest
        Founding Member
        • Jul 2014
        • 3184
        • Dallas, Texas
        • Pit Barrel Cooker AKA The Chicken Whisperer, WSM 14.5 AKA Smokey, WSM 22.5 AKA Big Worm, Weber Performer Platinum. KARUBECUE

        #6
        That's why I make "Pizza-style" Pizza. That way there's no argument about authenticity.
        It not Pizza, it's Pizza-style pizza. How can one argue that? LOL

        Comment

        • Spinaker
          Moderator
          • Nov 2014
          • 10535
          • Land of Tonka
          • John "J R"
            Instagram: JRBowlsby
            Smokin' Hound Que
            Minnesota/ United States of America

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          #7
          New York Style is the best in my opinion. However, Gino' s East and Giordano's in Chicago have some of the best pizza I've had. (If its not pizza, whatever, it tastes really frickin' good.)

          Comment

          • _Keith
            Former Member
            • Jul 2014
            • 187

            #8
            "You don't approve of the pizza I made? You know where your kitchen is."

            Comment

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