Some of the local South Africans were running down American BBQ
First a little background information. There are these two South African fellows, they're nice enough. They have previously made this "boerwoorst" sausage at their home. Farmer's sausage they call it, completely handmade. I had some and it was pretty damn good. They call their BBQ "braai" and said they'd invite me over at some point. Cool. I welcome anyone else that cooks out here...I'm the only one I know of and it would be nice not to be the host for once. They even went so far as to cook up a big coil of sausage and sell it on the street to Chinese people. Street vendors have an iffy reputation and they were selling it in a working class area, so people didn't really know what to make of it. They sold out though, and made 500 yuan in revenue while spending 250 yuan for the components. So hurrah for them. I've been wanting to come over to their cookout for a while now.
The other day on social media (everyone uses Wechat in China) I saw some photos of their vaunted "braai". I was mildly miffed as I didn't get invited. I talked to a girl who was there, and I really started steaming at the ears when she told me what they were saying about our BBQ. She's coming to the cookout I'm having on Monday and while we were chatting she said:
Done over wood! Big deal! What kind of wood? Broken-up plywood? Where are you going to find good wood to cook with over here? There isn't any, I've checked! I can't even find charcoal briquets a lot of the time. There's nothing magical about cooking over wood as opposed to charcoal (this site taught me that). It just burns down into coals which give flavorless heat to the food. Recently on a camping trip I cooked out over wood, it was no big deal. We just had to keep stoking the fire because the wood coals burned out fast because we didn't have big logs, just 1-2 inch diameter sticks. There wasn't any smoke ring or special flavor just because I used wood.
I talked to her later that night in person and she said THEY said OUR BBQ wasn't in the same league! That it wouldn't even be a competition! Oooo, my ears were steaming. "BBQ's retarded cousin"!
If they want to challenge me to a competition I'll blow them away.
Now, I'm no superman. My library of BBQ dishes I know I can make is hamburgers, BBQ chicken, marinaded kebabs (mmm) and rosemary lamb. That's it. I've done ribs in the oven but not on the grill (yet). Brisket...someday. Brisket shines like the light at the top of the hill. I'll get there, but not until after a long arduous journey of skill mastery and personal development. Besides, there are so many other wonderful meats to cook...pulled pork, tri tip, the steakhouse steakburger. I'm not in a hurry, it's the journey that matters. Still, I can beat these trash-talking Afrikaaners in my sleep just with the dishes I already know.
See, on a calm intellectual level, I understand what they're going on about. They love their country's BBQ and think it's the best. Nothing wrong with that. Where they go wrong is skill level. Braai is just direct heat. Marinaded steaks, mostly, from what I've been able to find online. I haven't seen anything remotely resembling indirect heat, smoking, temperature probes, or any of the other technically advanced methods that American BBQ uses. Or that this site has taught me to use, I should say. I'm sure they're not even aware of the methods we use, otherwise they wouldn't be talking like this. They probably boil ribs or use the "press on your hand" test to check doneness. I feel so far ahead of the curve being a Meathead disciple. The rest of the world is going to take a while to catch up.
Of course, there's the small item of who would be the judge of such a theoretical competition. If it were the Chinese, then there's no guarantee I'd win despite my BBQ being far more technically sophisticated. The Chinese are just unpredictable when it comes to strange, unknown foreign foods. They'll pick chicken nuggets over Chateaubriand. You get used to such things living here. There's even a phrase for it, mei banfa. It means, "there's nothing to be done about it, arguing is fruitless." It's not like you can just ring up KCBS and get a panel of qualified judges here.
And that's where we are right now. She's coming over Monday when I'm making rosemary leg of lamb with a board sauce, garlic mashed potatoes, and cole slaw (all courtesy of this site's recipes, and all damn good). I'll bring up the topic and see what she says when she has time to go into more detail. I want to know what they cooked and how they cooked it. All the gory details. The better to destroy them when I know all about their methods and recipes.
The other day on social media (everyone uses Wechat in China) I saw some photos of their vaunted "braai". I was mildly miffed as I didn't get invited. I talked to a girl who was there, and I really started steaming at the ears when she told me what they were saying about our BBQ. She's coming to the cookout I'm having on Monday and while we were chatting she said:
Done over wood! Big deal! What kind of wood? Broken-up plywood? Where are you going to find good wood to cook with over here? There isn't any, I've checked! I can't even find charcoal briquets a lot of the time. There's nothing magical about cooking over wood as opposed to charcoal (this site taught me that). It just burns down into coals which give flavorless heat to the food. Recently on a camping trip I cooked out over wood, it was no big deal. We just had to keep stoking the fire because the wood coals burned out fast because we didn't have big logs, just 1-2 inch diameter sticks. There wasn't any smoke ring or special flavor just because I used wood.
I talked to her later that night in person and she said THEY said OUR BBQ wasn't in the same league! That it wouldn't even be a competition! Oooo, my ears were steaming. "BBQ's retarded cousin"!
If they want to challenge me to a competition I'll blow them away.Now, I'm no superman. My library of BBQ dishes I know I can make is hamburgers, BBQ chicken, marinaded kebabs (mmm) and rosemary lamb. That's it. I've done ribs in the oven but not on the grill (yet). Brisket...someday. Brisket shines like the light at the top of the hill. I'll get there, but not until after a long arduous journey of skill mastery and personal development. Besides, there are so many other wonderful meats to cook...pulled pork, tri tip, the steakhouse steakburger. I'm not in a hurry, it's the journey that matters. Still, I can beat these trash-talking Afrikaaners in my sleep just with the dishes I already know.
See, on a calm intellectual level, I understand what they're going on about. They love their country's BBQ and think it's the best. Nothing wrong with that. Where they go wrong is skill level. Braai is just direct heat. Marinaded steaks, mostly, from what I've been able to find online. I haven't seen anything remotely resembling indirect heat, smoking, temperature probes, or any of the other technically advanced methods that American BBQ uses. Or that this site has taught me to use, I should say. I'm sure they're not even aware of the methods we use, otherwise they wouldn't be talking like this. They probably boil ribs or use the "press on your hand" test to check doneness. I feel so far ahead of the curve being a Meathead disciple. The rest of the world is going to take a while to catch up.
Of course, there's the small item of who would be the judge of such a theoretical competition. If it were the Chinese, then there's no guarantee I'd win despite my BBQ being far more technically sophisticated. The Chinese are just unpredictable when it comes to strange, unknown foreign foods. They'll pick chicken nuggets over Chateaubriand. You get used to such things living here. There's even a phrase for it, mei banfa. It means, "there's nothing to be done about it, arguing is fruitless." It's not like you can just ring up KCBS and get a panel of qualified judges here.
And that's where we are right now. She's coming over Monday when I'm making rosemary leg of lamb with a board sauce, garlic mashed potatoes, and cole slaw (all courtesy of this site's recipes, and all damn good). I'll bring up the topic and see what she says when she has time to go into more detail. I want to know what they cooked and how they cooked it. All the gory details. The better to destroy them when I know all about their methods and recipes.
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