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Humor (Jan Stories) - Quick Hitters

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  • gdsim1
    Club Member
    • Jan 2017
    • 173
    • KC MO
    • Tryin' not to light my beard on fire east of KC MO. Pit Barrel Cooker for smokin', Char-Griller for grillin' and the cutest little no-name instant read thermometer you've ever seen to keep me from screwin' up!

    Humor (Jan Stories) - Quick Hitters

    A few shorter stories of my girlfriend’s beloved mother Jan. For those of you who haven’t encountered my other memories of her on here, the quick background is this - early to mid 70 years old lady (depending on the story), stereotypical little old lady by most appearances, but has ZERO filter... if her brain thinks something, it’s GONNA come out her mouth. LOL She and I have developed something of a special relationship over the years, and I absolutely adore her! 💖

    1) What’s In A Name - one day while driving to the store my girlfriend calls her mother, and the call is on my car stereo via Bluetooth so I can join in.

    GF & Jan: (chitty chatty chitty chatty chitty chatty, about this, that, and the other thing)

    When suddenly...

    Jan: Hows that husband of yours doing?

    GF: We’re not married mom.

    Jan: Fine... hows that FIANCÉE of yours?

    GF: Not engaged either mom.

    Jan: Well Jesus! What do you want me to call him? “That prick you’re with?!?” 💁‍♀️

    I started laughing so hard I nearly ran off the road. 😂😂😂

    2) Pecking Order - the annual family gathering a few years ago. A good chunk of Jan’s family in attendance with my girlfriend and I... Jan’s other daughters, a bunch of the grandkids, the whole nine yards. In the middle of a meal, with the whole crowd in the area enjoying grilled yumminess:

    Me: (says something sweet to Jan, don’t remember what)

    GF: See?!? THAT kind of stuff is why you’re mom’s favorite kid!!!

    Me: I’m sure that’s not true.

    Jan: No, she’s right. You are.

    Me: 😳

    The looks of shock on the other faces around me almost made me spit my bite of hotdog across the patio. 😂😂😂

    3) Be A Man’s Man - one morning while out visiting us, I was in the kitchen when Jan came wandering in for another cup of coffee. Jan opens the Keurig, looks at the used K-cup inside but doesn’t remove it... then lowers the handle with the used K-cup still inside and reaches for the start button.

    Me: Whatcha doing Jan?

    Jan: Making coffee.

    Me: There are new pods in the little drawer there.

    Jan: You CAN make more than one cup of coffee with a pod you know.

    Me: Maybe? But the flavor probably won’t be as -

    Jan: FRICKIN WUSSY BOY! 🙄

    Took me about five minutes of trying to explain why I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe to my girlfriend, because every time I’d start to tell her what happened I’d completely lose it all over again. 😂😂😂

    Jan never said a word... just eyeballed me over the top of her mug of watered down coffee with a look of bemusement the whole time. 😇

    I. LOVE. THAT. WOMAN!!! 💖
  • RonB
    Club Member
    • Apr 2016
    • 12322
    • Near Richmond VA
    • Weber Performer Deluxe
      SNS
      Pizza insert
      Rotisserie
      Smokenator 1000
      Cookshack Smokette Elite
      2 Thermapens
      Chefalarm
      Dot
      lots of probes.
      CyberQ

    #2
    She sounds like a keeper.

    Comment


    • ComfortablyNumb
      ComfortablyNumb commented
      Editing a comment
      He hasn't married his GF because he doesn't want Jan to become his mother-in-law and risk ruining the relationship. ;-)

    • gdsim1
      gdsim1 commented
      Editing a comment
      She is most definitely a keeper! 💖 Feel like I hit the lottery twice - once with my girlfriend (who is the absolute best!) and once with her family, especially Jan.
  • Mr. Bones
    Birthday Hat Master
    • Sep 2016
    • 8893
    • Kansas Territory
    • Grills / Smokers
      *********************************************

      Kingsford 24" grill (Free) 'Billy'
      Brinkmann Smoke n Grill
      Oklahoma Joe Highland, gaskets, LavaLock baffle / tuning plate. 'Big Joe'
      Weber 18" Kettle ($30 CL) 'Lil' Feller'
      Weber Smokey Joe ($25 CL) 'Lil' Brother'
      Weber 22.5 Master Touch '93 P Code Blue($85) from fellow WKC member Bmitch 'Elwood'
      Weber 22.5 Bar-B-Q Kettle '69-'70 "Patent Pending" Red ($80) from fellow WKC member dwnthehatch 'Maureen'
      Weber 22.5 OTS DD Code Black ($40 CL) 'DeeDee'
      Weber 22.5 OTS DO Code Black ($15 CL)
      Weber 22.5 OTS E Code Black ($20 CL
      Weber 22.5 OTS EE Code Black ($20 CL

      Weber "C" Code 18.5" WSM '81 ($50 CL) 8-0!!!
      Weber "H" Code 18.5" WSM '86 ($75 CL)
      Weber " " Code 18.5" WSM

      Weber 26.75, $199 NFM clearance !!!
      Weber SJS AH 'Lil' Brother'
      Weber SJS AT 'Lil' Sister'
      Weber SJS DE Code (FREE) 'Lil' Helper'
      Weber SJG M Code 'Lil Traveller'
      Weber SJS AH Code 'Kermit'
      (Lime Green)
      Horizon 20" Classic, w/baffle/tuning plate (FREE)
      Good One Open Range, (FREE), Monthly Prize from AR giveaway!!!!



      Thermometers:
      *********************************************
      Ol' Skool Bi-metal probe pocket thermo, that has checked / served ~ 1,000,000 meals in my possession, easily...
      Maverick ET-732, (Black)
      Thermopops, (Red, Yellow, Green)
      ThermaPen Mk4 (Black), THANKS!!! to jgjeske1
      Blue ThermaPen Mk4
      Orange Thermapen Mk4
      Pink Thermapen Mk4
      ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S
      ThermoWorks Smoke
      ThermoWorks Open Box Smoke
      4 Pro Series cable extensions
      Smoke Gateway

      Accessories:
      *********************************************
      2 Slow 'N Sears, Slow 'N Sear XL, Grill 'N Griddle
      BBQ Vortex, 2 Hovergrills, Top Deck
      Warming shelf
      MyWeigh KD-8000Kitchen Scale
      Backyard Grill marinade injector
      Acoustic Guitars/Electric Guitars/Basses/1928 National Duolian/Harmonicas/Banjo Washboard, Spoons, kazoos, pocket comb with wax paper, egg shakers ;-)
      Bear Paws
      Meat Rakes
      BBQ Dragon/Chimley of Insanity, Dragon Wing Shelves (x2 ea.)



      Cookware:
      Probably a ton of cast iron, mostly very old...still cookin'
      G'Ma's Piqua skillet, :-)( They went out of business in 1934~)
      '60's Revere Ware (Mom's), + others found elsewhere
      60's CorningWare 10-cup percolator (Mom's) Daily driver
      50's CorningWare 10-cup percolator (G'Ma's), for a backup! ;-)
      Carpy Wally World stock pots, in approx 2 gal/3gal sizes, blue speckledty-porcelain enameled
      Tramontina 6.5 qt Dutch Oven

      Cutlery, etc.:
      Shi*-ton of kitchen/chef knives, most sharper than my straight-razors are. (Better steel!) Chicago Cutlery, Old Hickory, various, including some nice German stuff ;-)
      Dexter 12" slicing knife, 6" Sani-Safe boning knife
      Smith's Tri-Hone Natural Arkansas Knife Sharpening System
      Multiple steels, from all over the planet
      Crock sticks
      Diamond stones, various
      Lansky Sharpening System

      Tableware
      Daily driver:Washington Forge Mardi Gras, Navy / Cobalt Blue
      Dinner: Guests: Washington Forge, Town and Country
      Fancy / Formal: Family silverware

    #3
    My sides hurt from laughin, envisionin alla that lol!
    She sounds like a National Treasure, I'd be tempted to audio record her, fer Posterity's Sake...
    Jus sayin...

    Comment


    • gdsim1
      gdsim1 commented
      Editing a comment
      If you can imagine being dropped into the middle of a TV sitcom, that’s what it’s like. 😂😂😂 Hollywood would make a mint off of Jan stories.
  • ComfortablyNumb
    Club Member
    • May 2017
    • 3122
    • Northeast Washington
    • KBQ C-60
      PK360
      Thermoworks Smoke
      Thermoworks Thermopop
      Thermoworks Dot

    #4
    When you run out of stories, please, please, make some up.

    Comment


    • Mr. Bones
      Mr. Bones commented
      Editing a comment
      Yes, Pretty Please, With Sugar On Top...!!!

    • gdsim1
      gdsim1 commented
      Editing a comment
      That’s part of the beauty of Jan... the stories just keep coming. 😂😂😂 She’ll be out here for a visit next month - I cannot WAIT!!! 😃😇
  • ofelles
    Club Member
    • Jun 2018
    • 1783
    • Brentwood CA
    • Yoder YS640 on Comp cart
      Klose 20x42 Charcoal Grill
      LSG Insulated Cabinet
      Jumbo Joe
      VacMaster Pro 380 sealer
      FireBoard and Pit Bull fan
      Thermoworks Signal
      Thermoworks Dot
      Thermopen Mk4

    #5
    Keep them coming!

    Comment


    • gdsim1
      gdsim1 commented
      Editing a comment
      One more coming tomorrow, to wrap the weekend up with a smile. 😃🙌

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