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2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info coming soon! For now click here for more info.
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Humor - FemBot Helps Me Que

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  • gdsim1
    Club Member
    • Jan 2017
    • 183
    • KC MO
    • Tryin' not to light my beard on fire east of KC MO. Pit Barrel Cooker for smokin', Char-Griller for grillin' and the cutest little no-name instant read thermometer you've ever seen to keep me from screwin' up!

    Humor - FemBot Helps Me Que

    The scene: Early one weekend morning, not long after my girlfriend has moved in with me, I’m in the kitchen doing the prep work to smoke up a grande sized pork butt. The night before, she had offered to help me... even though “touching raw meat” = “ICK!” for her, she knows my love of bbq, and has decided that “ICK!” is outweighed by doing something I love together. 💖

    The background: my girlfriend earned the nickname “FemBot” from me because until she knows you extremely well, she doesn’t like showing emotions so much.

    One thing that I found endearing and funny in our early years was the lack of expressing humor. I introduced her to the movie “Hot Fuzz” which I find riotously funny and laughed all the way through. She never so much as chuckled through the whole thing. At the end I told her I’m sorry she didn’t like it, and she replied “I DID laugh. On the INSIDE.” 😂😂😂 So yeah, expressing emotions and humor (much less PRACTICING them) are things we’ve worked hard at over the years. 😊

    The story: The big day is here! 😃 Being an early riser, I’ve already got the massive pork butt rinsed, patted dry and on the cutting board, with the rub beside it when the love of my life comes wandering her adorable keester downstairs, and I’m working on mixing up some sauce on the other side of the kitchen.

    Girlfriend: Okay, what do I do? 😃

    Me: Here’s some cooking gloves so you don’t have to touch the meat with your bare hands. Just sprinkle some of this on the meat, and pat it on. Cover the whole thing like that, and when the rub stops sticking to the meat it’s ready to go! 😃

    Girlfriend: Gotcha!

    Im so happy! This wonderful woman loves me SO MUCH that she wants to get involved in a passion of mine and share in my joy! 💖 I’ve got heart bubbles popping around my head like a cartoon character as I resume working on the sauce.

    As as we’re working away, I’m half listening to what she’s doing and half paying attention to what I’m doing. I want this to be a positive experience for her, so I’m listening for signs of struggling or distress so I can ride to the rescue.

    (sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle, pat, pat, pat)

    (sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle, pat, pat, pat)

    This goes on for a few minutes and I hear no signs of distress, so I refocus most of my attention on the sauce. The sounds behind me continue... but then begin to CHANGE a bit...

    (sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle, pat, pat, PAT)

    (sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle, PAT, PAT, PAT!)

    (PAT!!!)

    ”You like that, dont you?”

    (PAT!!!)

    ”Who’s a DIRTY little pork butt?”

    (PAT!!!)

    ”Oh, you’re a kinky little piggy, aren’t you?”

    😳

    I finally turn around to see my girlfriend looking at me with one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen, and eyes sparkling with mischief! 😃

    People, we freaking DIED laughing together! 😂😂😂

    When we finally got control of ourselves some while later...

    Girlfriend: I did a funny, huh? 😃

    Me: Yes you did my little FemBot. 😊

    Girlfriend: It was a good one too, huh?!? 😃😃😃

    Me: It was indeed! That humor chip we had installed is integrating nicely. 😊💖 Are you done with the pork butt love?

    Girlfriend: Just a little more to go. 😇👍

    After a smooch, I walk across the kitchen to go back to work on the sauce. Just as I pick up the next ingredient -

    (SMACK!!!)

    ”WHO’S YER MOMMY PORKY?!? WHO! IS! YOUR! MMMMMMOMMY?!?”

    😂😂😂😂😂

    It was years ago, and I’ve giggle-snorted every time I’ve cooked a pork butt to this day! 😊

    Aint love grand? 💕💕💕
  • JimLinebarger
    Club Member
    • Jun 2017
    • 921
    • Spokane Valley, Wa.
    • Grills/Smokers
      Blaze 32" 4-Burner Gas Grill w/infrared rear rotisserie burner
      Weber Jumbo Joe
      Weber 22" Master-Touch Kettle
      Pit Barrel Cooker
      Great Outdoors Smoky Mountain Series 36" Vertical Gas Smoker
      Traeger Timberline 850

      Thermometers
      Thermoworks Smoke
      Maverick ET-733
      Thermapen Mk4, Red

      Sous Vide
      Anova Culinary Sous Vide Precision Cooker, Bluetooth, 800W
      Anova Precision Cooker Insulated Container
      Lipavi C15 container and lid
      Lipavi L15 Rack

      Accessories
      SNS
      BBQ Guru DigiQ (for PBC and 22" Weber Kettle)
      BBQ Dragon
      BBQ Dragon Grill Table for 22" Weber Kettle
      Fire Butler (for Weber 22")
      Grill Grates for Jumbo Joe and Blaze grill
      Hovergrill

      About me
      Name: Jim
      Nick name: Bear
      Location: Spokane Valley, Wa.
      Born at a very young age at Egland AFB, Ft. Walton Beach, FL.

      USAF vet, ECM (F4 & B52)/B52 Crew Chief, Computer Systems NCO, disabled
      Former Computer Tech/Admin
      Campus Manager/Lead Tech/Tech (IT) for The Kemtah Group contracted to Intel, Rio Rancho, NM.
      Short Term Missionary to the Marshall Islands with MAPS of DFM of AOG

    #2
    Did she ever get a response to her question?

    Comment


    • gdsim1
      gdsim1 commented
      Editing a comment
      I don’t think she got a response... but on the other hand, I didn’t hear her getting any argument either. 😂😂😂

    • JimLinebarger
      JimLinebarger commented
      Editing a comment
      I liked this so much I printed it 'cuz I had to read it to my wife!
  • AverageJoe
    Club Member
    • Jun 2018
    • 394
    • Fruita Colorado
    • Current Grills/Smoker (MCS is hitting)
      Brinkman Trailmaster Ceramic Egg
      Classic Pit Barrel Cooker with Nexgrill Deluxe 6 burner gas grill

      Accessories
      CGS special order WOO Ring
      CGS 13" round ceramic stone
      Thermoworks Black Thermapen MK4
      Thermoworks BlueDot
      Thermoworks Smoke

      Cutlery/Prep Stuff
      Dalstrong 12" Granton Edge Slicer
      OXO Steel Chef's Mandoline Slicer
      Random other knives and shears

    #3
    HAHAHAHA. That was freaking hilarious.

    Comment

    • Henrik
      Founding Member - Moderator Emeritus
      • Jul 2014
      • 4491
      • Stockholm, Sweden

      #4
      Love it!

      Comment

      • Mr. Bones
        Charter Member
        • Sep 2016
        • 10168
        • Kansas Territory
        • Grills / Smokers
          *********************************************

          Kingsford 24" grill (Free) 'Billy'
          Brinkmann Smoke n Grill
          Oklahoma Joe Highland, gaskets, LavaLock baffle / tuning plate. 'Big Joe'
          Weber 18" Kettle ($30 CL) 'Lil' Feller'
          Weber Smokey Joe ($25 CL) 'Lil' Brother'
          Weber 22.5 Master Touch '93 P Code Blue($85) from fellow WKC member Bmitch 'Elwood'
          Weber 22.5 Bar-B-Q Kettle '69-'70 "Patent Pending" Red ($80) from fellow WKC member dwnthehatch 'Maureen'
          Weber 22.5 OTS DD Code Black ($40 CL) 'DeeDee'
          Weber 22.5 OTS DO Code Black ($15 CL)
          Weber 22.5 OTS E Code Black ($20 CL
          Weber 22.5 OTS EE Code Black ($20 CL

          Weber "C" Code 18.5" WSM '81 ($50 CL) 8-0!!!
          Weber "H" Code 18.5" WSM '86 ($75 CL)
          Weber " " Code 18.5" WSM

          Weber 26.75, $199 NFM clearance !!!
          Weber SJS AH 'Lil' Brother'
          Weber SJS AT 'Lil' Sister'
          Weber SJS DE Code (FREE) 'Lil' Helper'
          Weber SJG M Code 'Lil Traveller'
          Weber SJS AH Code 'Kermit'
          (Lime Green)
          Horizon 20" Classic, w/baffle/tuning plate (FREE)
          Good One Open Range, (FREE), Monthly Prize from AR giveaway!!!!



          Thermometers:
          *********************************************
          Ol' Skool Bi-metal probe pocket thermo, that has checked / served ~ 1,000,000 meals in my possession, easily...
          Maverick ET-732, (Black)
          Thermopops, (Red, Yellow, Green)
          ThermaPen Mk4 (Black), THANKS!!! to jgjeske1
          Blue ThermaPen Mk4
          Orange Thermapen Mk4
          Pink Thermapen Mk4
          ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S
          ThermoWorks Smoke
          ThermoWorks Open Box Smoke
          4 Pro Series cable extensions
          Smoke Gateway

          Accessories:
          *********************************************
          2 Slow 'N Sears, Slow 'N Sear XL, Grill 'N Griddle
          BBQ Vortex, 2 Hovergrills, Top Deck
          Warming shelf
          MyWeigh KD-8000Kitchen Scale
          Backyard Grill marinade injector
          Acoustic Guitars/Electric Guitars/Basses/1928 National Duolian/Harmonicas/Banjo Washboard, Spoons, kazoos, pocket comb with wax paper, egg shakers ;-)
          Bear Paws
          Meat Rakes
          BBQ Dragon/Chimley of Insanity, Dragon Wing Shelves (x2 ea.)



          Cookware:
          Probably a ton of cast iron, mostly very old...still cookin'
          G'Ma's Piqua skillet, :-)( They went out of business in 1934~)
          '60's Revere Ware (Mom's), + others found elsewhere
          60's CorningWare 10-cup percolator (Mom's) Daily driver
          50's CorningWare 10-cup percolator (G'Ma's), for a backup! ;-)
          Carpy Wally World stock pots, in approx 2 gal/3gal sizes, blue speckledty-porcelain enameled
          Tramontina 6.5 qt Dutch Oven

          Cutlery, etc.:
          Shi*-ton of kitchen/chef knives, most sharper than my straight-razors are. (Better steel!) Chicago Cutlery, Old Hickory, various, including some nice German stuff ;-)
          Dexter 12" slicing knife, 6" Sani-Safe boning knife
          Smith's Tri-Hone Natural Arkansas Knife Sharpening System
          Multiple steels, from all over the planet
          Crock sticks
          Diamond stones, various
          Lansky Sharpening System

          Tableware
          Daily driver:Washington Forge Mardi Gras, Navy / Cobalt Blue
          Dinner: Guests: Washington Forge, Town and Country
          Fancy / Formal: Family silverware

        #5
        What a great story, lmao, here, at Firebase Bonedaddy, fwd....

        Comment

        • FireMan
          Charter Member
          • Jul 2015
          • 8340
          • Bottom of Winnebago

          #6
          How many years ago? Inquiring minds want to know. Also, does she still help wiff the Q?

          Comment


          • gdsim1
            gdsim1 commented
            Editing a comment
            Oh gosh FireMan, I’m not even sure... I had to ask the girlfriend when she moved in with me! 😂😂😂 She says spring of 2016, but it feels much further back than that to me... still, I trust her memory much more than my own. 😇

            As to her helping with the que, yes and no. Handling raw meat still squicks her out (for example she leaves the area when I’m trimming up a full packer brisket lol), but sides and desserts? She’s all over that! 👍
        • RonB
          Club Member
          • Apr 2016
          • 13644
          • Near Richmond VA
          • Weber Performer Deluxe
            SNS
            Pizza insert
            Rotisserie
            Smokenator 1000
            Cookshack Smokette Elite
            2 Thermapens
            Chefalarm
            Dot
            lots of probes.
            CyberQ

          #7
          She sounds like a keeper.

          Comment

          Announcement

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          2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

          We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info coming soon! For now click here for more info.
          See more
          See less
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