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Pretty good puns.....

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    Pretty good puns.....

    • Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
    • I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
    • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
    • I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
    • Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
    • I’m glad that I know sign language. It’s pretty handy.
    • I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
    • A new type of broom has been invented. It’s sweeping the nation.
    • The person who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
    • The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
    • The butcher backed into the meat grinder and he got a little behind in his work.
    • When the cannibal showed up late for the luncheon, he was given the cold shoulder.
    • A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
    • Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but heavier ones need a crane.
    • It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
    • Sleeping comes so naturally to me I could do it with my eyes closed.
    • I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I could never find one.
    • Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, “You stay here. I’ll go on a head.”
    • Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.
    • Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
    • He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
    • The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
    • When William joined the army, he disliked the phrase “fire at will”.
    • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
    • Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming.
    • Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
    • I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
    • There was a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.

    #2
    Ughhh!!

    Comment


      #3
      • Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent!
      • A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
      • An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids weren't much to look at either.
      • Daja Moo. The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
      • And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, hoping that at least half of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!

      Comment


        #4
        Okay, one more.

        Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him, (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good...) A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by bep35 View Post
          Okay, one more.

          Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him, (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good...) A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!

          Hah! Several of these have been good but THIS is my fav so far. So bad, it's awesome.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Pit Boss View Post
            Hah! Several of these have been good but THIS is my fav so far. So bad, it's awesome.
            Ya, I'd have to agree .. so bad, it's awesome

            Comment


              #7
              Q: Which is bigger, Mr Biggar or Mr Biggar's baby? A: His baby is a little Biggar.

              Comment


                #8
                To funny. I like the meat processor the best off my list.

                I heard some good ones growing up. Not clean enough for my taste.

                Comment


                  #9
                  "good pun" is an oxymoron

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                  • Jerod Broussard
                    Jerod Broussard commented
                    Editing a comment
                    NO way. NO way. No antithesis going on here!!!!!!!!!!

                  #10
                  Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into his lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself.

                  Comment


                  #11
                  A steak pun is a rare medium well done

                  Comment


                  • Jerod Broussard
                    Jerod Broussard commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Tis, tis. I had to cook a well-done 1.5" ribeye yesterday. No time to go indirect above 80 internal. I got carpal tunnel from flipping that thing.

                  #12
                  I was playing cards the other day. Someone yelled, "Bomb!!" So I hit the deck. JB Original

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