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Jokes!

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    Jokes!

    Tasteful jokes please....we have audiences from around the world, many religions, and different ages. NO pictures with nudity (real or cartoon), vulgar profanities, X-rated jokes, or other lewd and bawdy subject matter.

    Please be considerate of all audiences.

    #2
    There was a pirate long ago who was loved by his crew for being so selfless and kind to his crew. H ewould always put their interests above his own. His crew noticed that immediately before entering into a battle he would change his garb into a bright red shirt. No one thought to much of this, but one day one of his mates asked him why this is so. "Arrr", replied, "So that that if I get wounded in battle me crew won't see blood and be frightened."

    Just then the lookout yelled "Captain, there are six enemy ships on the horizon!" Cannons are firing at us Cap'n!! What should we do?!?"

    "First fetch me my brown pants!"

    Comment


    • Mark V
      Mark V commented
      Editing a comment
      Saw a cartoon once where the pirates were in range of a ship and a pirate came up to the captain and said "The cannons be loaded" and the captain said "are" and the rest of the pirates enthusiastically yelled "arrr".

    • Bbqmikeg
      Bbqmikeg commented
      Editing a comment
      What is a pirates favorite letter? “Rrrr” you may say, but they’re also fond of the “C!”

    • Murdy
      Murdy commented
      Editing a comment
      A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel hanging out of his pants. The bartender says, "What's with that wheel?" The pirate answers "Yarrrr! It's driving me nuts."

      (in case someone hasn't heard that one before)

    #3
    Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man,

    "What is three times three?" "274," came the reply.

    The doctor rolls his eyes and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

    "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"

    "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

    "Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
    Last edited by Jon Solberg; August 23, 2014, 04:00 AM.

    Comment


    • Ate55
      Ate55 commented
      Editing a comment
      That was awesome

    • ecully
      ecully commented
      Editing a comment
      Two and a half years later and it's still funny.

    • Jimmie Rhoden
      Jimmie Rhoden commented
      Editing a comment
      That's so funny

    #4
    How do you get the guy from the U of Michigan off of your front porch? Pay him for the pizza

    What do you have if you have 32 people from the U of Michigan? A full set of teeth

    College football is almost here!!!

    Go Buckeyes!!!

    Comment


    • JTpellets
      JTpellets commented
      Editing a comment
      O h!

    • tenphases
      tenphases commented
      Editing a comment
      Lol you win the prize!! Thanks from an MSU alum! Only time i root against the Buckeyes is when they are playing state.

    • fkrall
      fkrall commented
      Editing a comment
      Will send to our daughter's in-laws. This post might be my last act on earth.

    #5
    What happens when Ohio State chokes?
    they GO BLUE!



    Comment


    • FLBuckeye
      FLBuckeye commented
      Editing a comment
      Make that 12-2

    • FLBuckeye
      FLBuckeye commented
      Editing a comment
      Make that 18-2 with 8 in a row
      Last edited by FLBuckeye; May 25, 2020, 03:27 PM.

    • Joey877
      Joey877 commented
      Editing a comment
      By my count it's now 19-1 since 2001, and the Bucks have won 17 in a row. Harbaugh is OVERRATED.

    #6
    "Knock Knock"

    "Who's there?"

    "Impatient Cow"

    "Impatien...?"

    "MOOOOOOO!"

    Comment


    • Huskee
      Huskee commented
      Editing a comment
      My boys love this one and say it just about every day

    • David Parrish
      David Parrish commented
      Editing a comment
      True story. I was at a basewide combat dining out... I dunno... 17 years ago (I wore a patchless flightsuit save for my nametag and my wife wore a grass skirt and a top made of coconuts) and after having a very good time for many hours decided to tell this knock knock joke to the base commander. I think he actually laughed. He was having a good time too.

    #7
    You know why you shouldn't fart in church? Cause you have to sit in the pew...

    Comment


      #8
      Johnny was a pit boss
      but he isn't any more -
      What he thought was NaCl
      was really NaClO

      (Stolen from the traditional "Johnny was a chemist ...")

      Comment


      • Karon Adams
        Karon Adams commented
        Editing a comment
        I was JUST telling HWMO that one. he didn't quite get it (he's an elevator mech/inspector) but, he was at a chem plant recently. I think he was a little upset because he was splainin to me. this place made something that vented SO2 into the air at times. and he was splainin to me how THAT wasn't bad but.... "Yeah, I know, it becomes H2SO$ in your lungs". he was so let down. and I told him that Johnny was a chemist joke. he didn't get it.

        maybe THAT'S what happened to my bowl.....

      #9
      Ever notice when a chevron of geese flies over that one side is usually longer than the other? Know why? There are more geese on that side. (Groan)

      Comment


      • Ate55
        Ate55 commented
        Editing a comment
        That's Funny

      • wu7y
        wu7y commented
        Editing a comment
        Every time a flight of geese flew over a guy we used to hunt with was fond of saying,, "You know, it's the lead goose that breaks wind for the rest of the flight."

      #10
      [ATTACH=CONFIG]n12080[/ATTACH]

      Comment


      • Hangman
        Hangman commented
        Editing a comment
        "I don't care who you are, that's funny right there"...

      • Dale Case
        Dale Case commented
        Editing a comment
        Hahaha !!

      • Hawkce541
        Hawkce541 commented
        Editing a comment
        Love it

      #11
      [ATTACH=CONFIG]n12082[/ATTACH]

      Comment


      • Huskee
        Huskee commented
        Editing a comment
        Cat, the other white meat

      • Mr. Bones
        Mr. Bones commented
        Editing a comment
        Or the ever-present, sometimes savory Rat-on-a-Stick frequently encountered, in the P.I., as well as other geographical locations.

      • DavisBarbecue
        DavisBarbecue commented
        Editing a comment
        I had the good fortune to eat horse when I was in Italy! It's much like bison but has a very tough membrane you have to trim away. Don't be "horsing" around!

      #12
      fracmeister, let's use the attachment icon instead of the camera icon, then those of us with bad eyes can see large pics!

      Comment


        #13
        Why don't they drink iced tea anymore at Texas A&M?

        The who knew how to make the ice cubes graduated.

        Comment


        • jwb1962
          jwb1962 commented
          Editing a comment
          Only a T-sip could butcher a punchline like that...LOL

        #14
        This joke does better at a slaughtet house...especially one that processes about 260,000 chickens/day....anywho...

        Question: What do the entrails of a processed animal smell like?

        Answer: They smell offal.

        Comment


        • bbqLuv
          bbqLuv commented
          Editing a comment
          Happiness is a Warm Offal pile.

        #15
        I was going to post a joke about pizza, but then I realized it was too cheesey.

        Comment


        • smokingirl
          smokingirl commented
          Editing a comment
          Such finely leavened humor!
          Gets a rise out of all of us bbq brethren!

        • CaptainMike
          CaptainMike commented
          Editing a comment
          You might want to toss that one.

        • bbqLuv
          bbqLuv commented
          Editing a comment
          I'll save those jokes for the upper crust.

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