Welcome!


This is a membership forum. As a guest, you can click around a bit. View 5 pages for free. If you would like to participate, please join.

[ Pitmaster Club Information | Join Now | Login | Contact Us ]

There are 4 page views remaining.

Announcement

Collapse

2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info coming soon! For now click here for more info.
See more
See less

Jokes!

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • Huskee
    Administrator
    • May 2014
    • 15541
    • central MI, USA
    • Follow me on Instagram, huskeesbarbecue

      Smokers / Grills
      • Yoder loaded Wichita offset smoker
      • PBC
      • Grilla Silverbac pellet grill
      • Slow 'N Sear Deluxe Kamado (SnSK)
      • Masterbuilt Gravity 560
      • Weber 22" Original Kettle Premium (copper)
      • Weber 26" Original Kettle Premium (black)
      • Weber 26" Original Kettle Premium (light blue)
      • Weber Jumbo Joe Gold (18.5")
      • Weber Smokey Joe Silver (14.5")
      • Brinkmann cabinet charcoal smoker (repurposed)

      Thermometers
      • (3) Maverick XR-50: 4-probe Wireless Thermometers
      • (7) Maverick ET-732s
      • (1) Maverick ET-735 Bluetooth (in box)
      • (1) Smoke X4 by ThermoWorks
      • Thermapen MkII, orange
      • ThermoPop, yellow
      • ThermoWorks ChefAlarm
      • Morpilot 6-probe wireless
      • ThermoWorks Infrared IRK2
      • ThermoWorks fridge & freezer therms as well

      Accessories
      • Instant Pot 6qt
      • Anova Bluetooth SV
      • Kitchen Aide mixer & meat grinder attachment
      • Kindling Cracker King (XL)
      • BBQ Dragon
      • Weber full & half chimneys, Char-Broil Half Time chimney
      • Weber grill topper
      • Slow 'N Sear Original, XL, and SnS Charcoal Basket (for Jumbo Joe)
      • Drip 'N Griddle Pan, 22' Easy Spin Grate, and Elevated Cooking grate, by ABCbarbecue
      • Pittsburgh Digital Moisture Meter

      Beverages
      • Favorite summer beer: Leinenkugels Summer & Grapefruit Shandy, Hamm's, Michelob Ultra Pure Gold
      • Fav other beer: DAB, Sam Adams regular, Third Shift amber or Coors Batch 19, Stella Artois
      • Fav cheap beers: Pabst, High Life, Hamm's & Stroh's
      • Most favorite beer: The one in your fridge
      • Wine: Red- big, bold, tannic & peppery- Petite Sirah, Zinfandel, Cabernet Sauv, Sangiovese, Syrah, etc
      • Whiskey: Buffalo Trace, Eagle Rare, E.H. Taylor, Blanton's, Old Forester 1870, Elijah Craig, Basil Hayden's. Neat please.
      • Scotch: Current favorite- The Arran (anything by them), Glenmorangie 12yr Lasanta, sherry cask finished. The Balvenie Double Wood, also like Oban 18yr, and The Glenlivet Nadurra (Oloroso sherry cask finished) among others. Neat please.

      About me
      Real name: Aaron
      Location: Farwell, Michigan- near Clare. (dead center of lower peninsula)

      Occupation:
      • Healthcare- Licensed & Registered Respiratory Therapist (RRT) for MidMichigan Health, a University of Michigan Health System.

    Jokes!

    Tasteful jokes please....we have audiences from around the world, many religions, and different ages. NO pictures with nudity (real or cartoon), vulgar profanities, X-rated jokes, or other lewd and bawdy subject matter.

    Please be considerate of all audiences.
  • Huskee
    Administrator
    • May 2014
    • 15541
    • central MI, USA
    • Follow me on Instagram, huskeesbarbecue

      Smokers / Grills
      • Yoder loaded Wichita offset smoker
      • PBC
      • Grilla Silverbac pellet grill
      • Slow 'N Sear Deluxe Kamado (SnSK)
      • Masterbuilt Gravity 560
      • Weber 22" Original Kettle Premium (copper)
      • Weber 26" Original Kettle Premium (black)
      • Weber 26" Original Kettle Premium (light blue)
      • Weber Jumbo Joe Gold (18.5")
      • Weber Smokey Joe Silver (14.5")
      • Brinkmann cabinet charcoal smoker (repurposed)

      Thermometers
      • (3) Maverick XR-50: 4-probe Wireless Thermometers
      • (7) Maverick ET-732s
      • (1) Maverick ET-735 Bluetooth (in box)
      • (1) Smoke X4 by ThermoWorks
      • Thermapen MkII, orange
      • ThermoPop, yellow
      • ThermoWorks ChefAlarm
      • Morpilot 6-probe wireless
      • ThermoWorks Infrared IRK2
      • ThermoWorks fridge & freezer therms as well

      Accessories
      • Instant Pot 6qt
      • Anova Bluetooth SV
      • Kitchen Aide mixer & meat grinder attachment
      • Kindling Cracker King (XL)
      • BBQ Dragon
      • Weber full & half chimneys, Char-Broil Half Time chimney
      • Weber grill topper
      • Slow 'N Sear Original, XL, and SnS Charcoal Basket (for Jumbo Joe)
      • Drip 'N Griddle Pan, 22' Easy Spin Grate, and Elevated Cooking grate, by ABCbarbecue
      • Pittsburgh Digital Moisture Meter

      Beverages
      • Favorite summer beer: Leinenkugels Summer & Grapefruit Shandy, Hamm's, Michelob Ultra Pure Gold
      • Fav other beer: DAB, Sam Adams regular, Third Shift amber or Coors Batch 19, Stella Artois
      • Fav cheap beers: Pabst, High Life, Hamm's & Stroh's
      • Most favorite beer: The one in your fridge
      • Wine: Red- big, bold, tannic & peppery- Petite Sirah, Zinfandel, Cabernet Sauv, Sangiovese, Syrah, etc
      • Whiskey: Buffalo Trace, Eagle Rare, E.H. Taylor, Blanton's, Old Forester 1870, Elijah Craig, Basil Hayden's. Neat please.
      • Scotch: Current favorite- The Arran (anything by them), Glenmorangie 12yr Lasanta, sherry cask finished. The Balvenie Double Wood, also like Oban 18yr, and The Glenlivet Nadurra (Oloroso sherry cask finished) among others. Neat please.

      About me
      Real name: Aaron
      Location: Farwell, Michigan- near Clare. (dead center of lower peninsula)

      Occupation:
      • Healthcare- Licensed & Registered Respiratory Therapist (RRT) for MidMichigan Health, a University of Michigan Health System.

    #2
    There was a pirate long ago who was loved by his crew for being so selfless and kind to his crew. H ewould always put their interests above his own. His crew noticed that immediately before entering into a battle he would change his garb into a bright red shirt. No one thought to much of this, but one day one of his mates asked him why this is so. "Arrr", replied, "So that that if I get wounded in battle me crew won't see blood and be frightened."

    Just then the lookout yelled "Captain, there are six enemy ships on the horizon!" Cannons are firing at us Cap'n!! What should we do?!?"

    "First fetch me my brown pants!"

    Comment


    • Notavegan
      Notavegan commented
      Editing a comment
      Keith all hail the Spaniards!!

    • Foehn Watts
      Foehn Watts commented
      Editing a comment
      Speaking of Buccaneers: How does much does a pirate sell corn for? Buck an ear!
      Last edited by Foehn Watts; October 10, 2019, 07:01 PM.

    • Mark V
      Mark V commented
      Editing a comment
      Saw a cartoon once where the pirates were in range of a ship and a pirate came up to the captain and said "The cannons be loaded" and the captain said "are" and the rest of the pirates enthusiastically yelled "arrr".
  • Jon Solberg
    Former Member
    • Jul 2014
    • 4729

    #3
    Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man,

    "What is three times three?" "274," came the reply.

    The doctor rolls his eyes and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

    "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"

    "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

    "Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
    Last edited by Jon Solberg; August 23, 2014, 04:00 AM.

    Comment


    • Ate55
      Ate55 commented
      Editing a comment
      That was awesome

    • ecully
      ecully commented
      Editing a comment
      Two and a half years later and it's still funny.

    • Jimmie Rhoden
      Jimmie Rhoden commented
      Editing a comment
      That's so funny
  • FLBuckeye
    Founding Member
    • Jul 2014
    • 550
    • Florida

    #4
    How do you get the guy from the U of Michigan off of your front porch? Pay him for the pizza

    What do you have if you have 32 people from the U of Michigan? A full set of teeth

    College football is almost here!!!

    Go Buckeyes!!!

    Comment


    • JTpellets
      JTpellets commented
      Editing a comment
      O h!

    • tenphases
      tenphases commented
      Editing a comment
      Lol you win the prize!! Thanks from an MSU alum! Only time i root against the Buckeyes is when they are playing state.

    • fkrall
      fkrall commented
      Editing a comment
      Will send to our daughter's in-laws. This post might be my last act on earth.
  • Powersmoke_80
    Founding Member
    • Aug 2014
    • 885
    • Bay City, Michigan
    • Vintage Brinkmann Longhorn Offset Stick burner (newest addition)
      Weber 22 w/SnS
      Brinkmann Pellet Grill W/ Ortech TR-100
      Vermont Castings, gas
      Masterbuilt smoker, gas
      Future build, 80 gallon tank hybrid, pellet/stick burner
      iGrill black, dual probe thermometer
      Thermapen instant read
      Polder,Speed Read instant thermometer
      Favorite Beer, Yeungling Black&Tan

    #5
    What happens when Ohio State chokes?
    they GO BLUE!



    Comment


    • FLBuckeye
      FLBuckeye commented
      Editing a comment
      I guess you haven't been paying attention since Tressel arrived in 2001. 11-2 (and the 2011 loss was to the worst OSU team in decades, by less than a TD).
      Delusional...lol

    • FLBuckeye
      FLBuckeye commented
      Editing a comment
      Make that 12-2

    • FLBuckeye
      FLBuckeye commented
      Editing a comment
      Make that 18-2 with 8 in a row
      Last edited by FLBuckeye; May 25, 2020, 03:27 PM.
  • David Parrish
    Founding Member - Pit Boss Emeritus
    • May 2014
    • 4906
    • Charlotte, NC

    #6
    "Knock Knock"

    "Who's there?"

    "Impatient Cow"

    "Impatien...?"

    "MOOOOOOO!"

    Comment


    • Huskee
      Huskee commented
      Editing a comment
      My boys love this one and say it just about every day

    • David Parrish
      David Parrish commented
      Editing a comment
      True story. I was at a basewide combat dining out... I dunno... 17 years ago (I wore a patchless flightsuit save for my nametag and my wife wore a grass skirt and a top made of coconuts) and after having a very good time for many hours decided to tell this knock knock joke to the base commander. I think he actually laughed. He was having a good time too.
  • Henrik
    Founding Member - Moderator Emeritus
    • Jul 2014
    • 4521
    • Stockholm, Sweden

    #7
    You know why you shouldn't fart in church? Cause you have to sit in the pew...

    Comment

    • BruceB
      Founding Member
      • Aug 2014
      • 225
      • Des Moines WA
      • Grilla Silverbac Original -2020
        aobosi Sous Vide device - 2019
        Weber Original Kettle Premium 22" Copper - 2015
        Pit Barrel Cooker - 2014 - retired Sept 2020
        Brinkmann 4 burner gas grille (very old, stout, and still working well!)
        Slow 'n' Sear for 22" kettle
        Grill Grates for the gasser
        CDN DSP-1 dual sensor probe therm
        Maverick ET-732 therm
        Thermapop digital therm (x2 red and white)
        Thermapen - orange
        Little Chief electric cold smoker (lots of salmon thru this!)

      #8
      Johnny was a pit boss
      but he isn't any more -
      What he thought was NaCl
      was really NaClO

      (Stolen from the traditional "Johnny was a chemist ...")

      Comment


      • Karon Adams
        Karon Adams commented
        Editing a comment
        I was JUST telling HWMO that one. he didn't quite get it (he's an elevator mech/inspector) but, he was at a chem plant recently. I think he was a little upset because he was splainin to me. this place made something that vented SO2 into the air at times. and he was splainin to me how THAT wasn't bad but.... "Yeah, I know, it becomes H2SO$ in your lungs". he was so let down. and I told him that Johnny was a chemist joke. he didn't get it.

        maybe THAT'S what happened to my bowl.....
    • archer2010
      Founding Member
      • Jul 2014
      • 52
      • South Dakota

      #9
      Ever notice when a chevron of geese flies over that one side is usually longer than the other? Know why? There are more geese on that side. (Groan)

      Comment


      • Ate55
        Ate55 commented
        Editing a comment
        That's Funny

      • wu7y
        wu7y commented
        Editing a comment
        Every time a flight of geese flew over a guy we used to hunt with was fond of saying,, "You know, it's the lead goose that breaks wind for the rest of the flight."
    • fracmeister
      Founding Member
      • Jul 2014
      • 1353
      • Sprang, TX
      • Dances with lemmings

        (and smokes on a Yoder 640, raises bees and shoots a .408 WIndrunner) "come la notte i furti miei seconda"

      #10
      [ATTACH=CONFIG]n12080[/ATTACH]

      Comment


      • Hangman
        Hangman commented
        Editing a comment
        "I don't care who you are, that's funny right there"...

      • Dale Case
        Dale Case commented
        Editing a comment
        Hahaha !!

      • Hawkce541
        Hawkce541 commented
        Editing a comment
        Love it
    • fracmeister
      Founding Member
      • Jul 2014
      • 1353
      • Sprang, TX
      • Dances with lemmings

        (and smokes on a Yoder 640, raises bees and shoots a .408 WIndrunner) "come la notte i furti miei seconda"

      #11
      [ATTACH=CONFIG]n12082[/ATTACH]

      Comment


      • Huskee
        Huskee commented
        Editing a comment
        Cat, the other white meat

      • Mr. Bones
        Mr. Bones commented
        Editing a comment
        Or the ever-present, sometimes savory Rat-on-a-Stick frequently encountered, in the P.I., as well as other geographical locations.

      • DavisBarbecue
        DavisBarbecue commented
        Editing a comment
        I had the good fortune to eat horse when I was in Italy! It's much like bison but has a very tough membrane you have to trim away. Don't be "horsing" around!
    • Huskee
      Administrator
      • May 2014
      • 15541
      • central MI, USA
      • Follow me on Instagram, huskeesbarbecue

        Smokers / Grills
        • Yoder loaded Wichita offset smoker
        • PBC
        • Grilla Silverbac pellet grill
        • Slow 'N Sear Deluxe Kamado (SnSK)
        • Masterbuilt Gravity 560
        • Weber 22" Original Kettle Premium (copper)
        • Weber 26" Original Kettle Premium (black)
        • Weber 26" Original Kettle Premium (light blue)
        • Weber Jumbo Joe Gold (18.5")
        • Weber Smokey Joe Silver (14.5")
        • Brinkmann cabinet charcoal smoker (repurposed)

        Thermometers
        • (3) Maverick XR-50: 4-probe Wireless Thermometers
        • (7) Maverick ET-732s
        • (1) Maverick ET-735 Bluetooth (in box)
        • (1) Smoke X4 by ThermoWorks
        • Thermapen MkII, orange
        • ThermoPop, yellow
        • ThermoWorks ChefAlarm
        • Morpilot 6-probe wireless
        • ThermoWorks Infrared IRK2
        • ThermoWorks fridge & freezer therms as well

        Accessories
        • Instant Pot 6qt
        • Anova Bluetooth SV
        • Kitchen Aide mixer & meat grinder attachment
        • Kindling Cracker King (XL)
        • BBQ Dragon
        • Weber full & half chimneys, Char-Broil Half Time chimney
        • Weber grill topper
        • Slow 'N Sear Original, XL, and SnS Charcoal Basket (for Jumbo Joe)
        • Drip 'N Griddle Pan, 22' Easy Spin Grate, and Elevated Cooking grate, by ABCbarbecue
        • Pittsburgh Digital Moisture Meter

        Beverages
        • Favorite summer beer: Leinenkugels Summer & Grapefruit Shandy, Hamm's, Michelob Ultra Pure Gold
        • Fav other beer: DAB, Sam Adams regular, Third Shift amber or Coors Batch 19, Stella Artois
        • Fav cheap beers: Pabst, High Life, Hamm's & Stroh's
        • Most favorite beer: The one in your fridge
        • Wine: Red- big, bold, tannic & peppery- Petite Sirah, Zinfandel, Cabernet Sauv, Sangiovese, Syrah, etc
        • Whiskey: Buffalo Trace, Eagle Rare, E.H. Taylor, Blanton's, Old Forester 1870, Elijah Craig, Basil Hayden's. Neat please.
        • Scotch: Current favorite- The Arran (anything by them), Glenmorangie 12yr Lasanta, sherry cask finished. The Balvenie Double Wood, also like Oban 18yr, and The Glenlivet Nadurra (Oloroso sherry cask finished) among others. Neat please.

        About me
        Real name: Aaron
        Location: Farwell, Michigan- near Clare. (dead center of lower peninsula)

        Occupation:
        • Healthcare- Licensed & Registered Respiratory Therapist (RRT) for MidMichigan Health, a University of Michigan Health System.

      #12
      fracmeister, let's use the attachment icon instead of the camera icon, then those of us with bad eyes can see large pics!

      Comment

      • boftx
        Founding Member
        • Jul 2014
        • 852
        • Las Vegas, NV
        • CharGriller Pro COS
          Oklahoma Joe COS
          Maverick 732 thermometer
          Red Thermapen
          Favorite beer: Scotch

          I know I make damn good BBQ cause my 3 dogs have NEVER said no to it. (OTOH, my 13yr old says no to just about everything, except my ribs.)

        #13
        Why don't they drink iced tea anymore at Texas A&M?

        The who knew how to make the ice cubes graduated.

        Comment


        • jwb1962
          jwb1962 commented
          Editing a comment
          Only a T-sip could butcher a punchline like that...LOL
      • Jerod Broussard
        Moderator
        • Jun 2014
        • 10002
        • East Texas
        • Pit Barrel Cooker "Texas Brisket Edition"
          Weber One Touch Premium Copper 22" Kettle (gift)
          Slow 'n Sear for 22" Kettle
          Weber One Touch Premium Black 26" Kettle (gift)
          Slow 'n Sear XL for 26" Kettle (gift)
          Weber Smokey Joe Gold
          Weber Rapid Fire Chimney
          Vortex
          Maverick ET-732 White
          Maverick ET-732 Copper
          2- Auber SYL-1615 fan systems(Awesome!!!!!!!!)
          Thermoworks Thermapen w/ Back light (gift)
          Thermoworks Timestick
          Cambro Model 300MPC110 w/ Winco SS Pans
          B & B and Kingsford Charcoal
          B & B Pellets

        #14
        This joke does better at a slaughtet house...especially one that processes about 260,000 chickens/day....anywho...

        Question: What do the entrails of a processed animal smell like?

        Answer: They smell offal.

        Comment


        • bbqLuv
          bbqLuv commented
          Editing a comment
          Happiness is a Warm Offal pile.
      • Jerod Broussard
        Moderator
        • Jun 2014
        • 10002
        • East Texas
        • Pit Barrel Cooker "Texas Brisket Edition"
          Weber One Touch Premium Copper 22" Kettle (gift)
          Slow 'n Sear for 22" Kettle
          Weber One Touch Premium Black 26" Kettle (gift)
          Slow 'n Sear XL for 26" Kettle (gift)
          Weber Smokey Joe Gold
          Weber Rapid Fire Chimney
          Vortex
          Maverick ET-732 White
          Maverick ET-732 Copper
          2- Auber SYL-1615 fan systems(Awesome!!!!!!!!)
          Thermoworks Thermapen w/ Back light (gift)
          Thermoworks Timestick
          Cambro Model 300MPC110 w/ Winco SS Pans
          B & B and Kingsford Charcoal
          B & B Pellets

        #15
        I was going to post a joke about pizza, but then I realized it was too cheesey.

        Comment


        • smokingirl
          smokingirl commented
          Editing a comment
          Such finely leavened humor!
          Gets a rise out of all of us bbq brethren!

        • CaptainMike
          CaptainMike commented
          Editing a comment
          You might want to toss that one.

        • bbqLuv
          bbqLuv commented
          Editing a comment
          I'll save those jokes for the upper crust.

      Announcement

      Collapse

      2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

      We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info coming soon! For now click here for more info.
      See more
      See less
      Working...
      X
      false
      0
      Guest
      500
      ["pitmaster-my-membership","login","join-pitmaster","lostpw","reset-password","special-offers","help","nojs","meat-ups","gifts","authaau-alpha","ebooklogin-start","alpha","start"]
      false
      false
      {"count":0,"link":"/forum/announcements/","debug":""}
      Meat-Up in Memphis