A man orders soup at a restaurant. The waiter brings the soup. The waiter has his thumb in the soup. The man asks "why is your thumb in my soup?" "I sprained it and the doctor said to keep it warm." "Well, you could have stuck it up your bum." "That didn't work, I tried it before I put it in the soup."
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I hate to say this, but the wetsuits aren't the only thing that stinks. -
What's yellow and walks through walls?
Casper the friendly banana. -
A farmer was having trouble telling his two horses apart. He told his neighbor, who suggested shaving the mane off one horse.
The farmer did, but it soon grew back.
He told his neighbor, who this time suggested he nick one ear on a horse. The farmer did, but the other horse ran into a thorny bush and nicked his ear, also.
The neighbor then suggested that he should measure the horses, as one might be taller than the other.
The farmer did and it worked!!
He ran down the road yelling to his neighbor "The gray one is an inch taller than the white one."Last edited by Clark; Today, 06:23 AM.Leave a comment:
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During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
The teacher fainted ...
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I have heard some other "number" jokes, but this one was new to me:
Q. Why is six afraid of seven?
A. Because seven is a registered six offender.Last edited by Foehn Watts; Yesterday, 04:05 PM.Leave a comment:
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For his 40th birthday, a guy decided to go visit his teenage buddy Bob who had become a scuba instructor in Hawaii. His first day there Bob invited him to ride along when the class went out that day, promising he'd have a great time. Awesome, he thought, so off they went.
The class is taking their first solo swims that day, suddenly one of them pops to the surface, his suit somewhat inflated. Bob roars with laughter as another pops up, then another.
Through his tears Bob says, "Works every time!" He asks Bob, "What's going on? "
Bob says, "Near the end of class I invite them all over to my place for a party. I make a big pot of chili and break out my special homebrew. The next day I watch them pop to the surface, one by one!Leave a comment:
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