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Jokes!

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    Last night I asked for roast beef for supper and all I got was lambasted.

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      I found this in a newsletter earlier this week:

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        What do you call 300 hundred rabbits hopping backwards in a line?

        A receding hare line...

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        • Mr. Bones
          Mr. Bones commented
          Editing a comment
          Oldie but Goodie lol!

        • JimLinebarger
          JimLinebarger commented
          Editing a comment
          And I was thinking something along the lines of River Dance.

        • Thunder77
          Thunder77 commented
          Editing a comment
          grooooooooan!

        My wife was in labour and started shouting “Wouldn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!”

        “Don’t worry” said the midwife, “they’re just contractions.”

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        Click image for larger version

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          I rather liked this one....
          Attached Files

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          • JCBBQ
            JCBBQ commented
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            Hahahaha














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          • jecucolo
            jecucolo commented
            Editing a comment
            Good ones!

          • Thunder77
            Thunder77 commented
            Editing a comment
            Excellent!!!

          Here's one for ComfortablyNumb

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          • klflowers
            klflowers commented
            Editing a comment
            I like it.

          • Thunder77
            Thunder77 commented
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            I don't care who you are. That's funny right there!

          • panteracfh3
            panteracfh3 commented
            Editing a comment
            Duel meaning with the band and the Nirvana song

          I have this pic on a black t shirt...
          CaptainMike ComfortablyNumb


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          How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
          Put it in the microwave till it's Bill Withers.

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          • JimLinebarger
            JimLinebarger commented
            Editing a comment
            Jokes like this turn a day where there ain't no sunshine into a lovely day.

          • holehogg
            holehogg commented
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            JimLinebarger Did the same for me when I heard it on the radio this morning. It's Bills 81st birthday todsy

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          • Donw
            Donw commented
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            I remember growing up and participating in watermelon bone spitting contests. I guess they just don’t grow them that way anymore.🙂

          With almost 100 pages, my apologies if this has already been posted.
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            The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping in the wilderness. After they got their tent set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,"'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
            The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
            "What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

            The Lone Ranger ponders for aminute then says, "Astronomically-speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time-wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically,the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you,Tonto?"

            "You dumber than buffalo... It mean someone stole tent." ;-) --CG

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            • Texas Larry
              Texas Larry commented
              Editing a comment
              Rofl!!

            • JimLinebarger
              JimLinebarger commented
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              That makes me chuckle!

            • Mr. Bones
              Mr. Bones commented
              Editing a comment
              Oh, that's a good one, My Friend!
              LMAO!!!!

            A large church had 3 new pastors. In an effort to bond to help them work together they decided on a one night camping trip and invited the executive secretary to go with them, which he did. As they set around the campfire that night pastor #1 said he thought should be told that he occasionally takes a swig of Jack and he pulled out a pint and said it was something he was thinking of trying to overcome.. Pastor #2 understood #1 confession and told the company that he smokes occasionally and promptly pull out a pack and lite one up and confessed it was something he would like to stop. After a few minutes pastor #3 spoke up and said he was not past rolling his own in the middle of the week after services to help him calm down reached in his pocket and pulled out a bag of grass and some papers and rolled and lit one stating he was torn on the issue of stopping as the federal government had not yet legalized pot as some states had done.
            Several minutes went by and #s 1, 2, & 3 looked over at the executive secretary who was figgiting something awful. After a few more minutes pastor #1 spoke up.....Brother, it's no secret that none of us are perfect. Surely that is something that you do that you are trying to overcome. Just calm down and tell us what keeps you from being translated.
            Well, I'm so nervous because I can't wait to get back to town! You see......I'm a big gossip!

            Comment


              Not sure if I posted this.
              Attached Files

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              • Donw
                Donw commented
                Editing a comment
                I wish you hadn’t.

              • CaptainMike
                CaptainMike commented
                Editing a comment
                The Irish side of me highly approves. And so does the German side, and the Okie side, and, well, every other side!

              • surfdog
                surfdog commented
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                Well great...there's sparkling water now everywhere! LOL

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