Welcome!


This is a membership forum. As a guest, you can click around a bit. View 5 pages for free. If you would like to participate, please join.

[ Pitmaster Club Information | Join Now | Login | Contact Us ]

There are 4 page views remaining.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Jokes!

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    I took my wife to a restaurant.

    The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

    "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
    "Nah, she can order for herself."

    And that's when the fight started...

    Comment


    • Mr. Bones
      Mr. Bones commented
      Editing a comment
      See, this kinda thing is why I live with a cat...
      They are relatively fergivin...

    • MBMorgan
      MBMorgan commented
      Editing a comment
      Still married AND we have a cat ... which is convenient if/when I get overheard muttering something deemed inappropriate by SWMBO. I can always just reply that I was talking to the cat ... ...

    Click image for larger version

Name:	ET on spit.jpg
Views:	166
Size:	9.8 KB
ID:	692076

    Comment


      Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are fishing in the bayou and they see a dead body floating on the water. They turn it over and it's Richard's wife.

      Later that day they go to Richard's house and tell him that they have good news and bad news. Richard asked to get the bad news first.

      Boudreaux said, "well, we found your wife dead floating in the water in the bayou." Richard said, 'what's the good news?" Thibodeaux said, "we threw her body back in the water and we caught two dozen blue crabs."

      Comment


        My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

        I asked her, "Do you know him?"
        "Yes", she sighed. "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

        "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

        And then the fight started...

        Comment


        • Mr. Bones
          Mr. Bones commented
          Editing a comment
          Yer on a roll!

        When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me.

        Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
        When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

        I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

        The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

        Comment


          Apologies for this one!
          Attached Files

          Comment


            If you get a Facebook friend request from Hormel, don't accept it! It could be spam....

            Comment


            • RonB
              RonB commented
              Editing a comment
              And no apologies for this one??

            There are 3 types of people in the world. Those who are good at math and those who aren’t.

            Comment


            • Polarbear777
              Polarbear777 commented
              Editing a comment
              There are two types of people in the world, those that need closure.

            Apparently if your girlfriend or wife says, “If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.”

            “Anything” doesn’t include her getting stuck in traffic.

            Comment


              Do you ever feel all alone in the world?
              Never! I come home to the sweetest shaped bronze coloured beauty with loveliest pair off handles that anyone could ever ask for!
              Is she also a good cook?
              Are you kidding!
              It is my Cooker
              Last edited by holehogg; June 15, 2019, 01:05 PM.

              Comment


                Click image for larger version

Name:	62CF7C2E-EAAC-43D1-AC09-228864AC8CEB.jpeg
Views:	119
Size:	255.3 KB
ID:	696506 😂🤣😂

                Comment


                  A repeat offender was brought before the judge, who said, "Haven't I seen you in here several times before? And didn't I tell you I never wanted to see you in here again?"

                  The offender replied, "Yes, Your Honor, that's exactly what I told the officer, but he insisted I come anyway!"

                  Comment


                    For Mr. Bones

                    Click image for larger version

Name:	P_20190621_173151[1].jpg
Views:	145
Size:	124.0 KB
ID:	699281

                    Comment


                    • Henrik
                      Henrik commented
                      Editing a comment
                      Love it!

                    • RonB
                      RonB commented
                      Editing a comment
                      Henrik - I wish I had bought one...

                    My high school retired friend told me “I like waking up and not going to work so much I often do it more than once a day.” One day one day...

                    Comment


                    • RonB
                      RonB commented
                      Editing a comment
                      I'm busier now than when I worked - that's not a complaint.

                    • ComfortablyNumb
                      ComfortablyNumb commented
                      Editing a comment
                      Quit your whining if you don't know how Saturday should be spent. Half of it is for sleeping in from Friday night, the other half getting ready for Saturday night. ;-)

                    • JimLinebarger
                      JimLinebarger commented
                      Editing a comment
                      I have a pill box like that and still forget what day it is. Mostly just check for empty slots and take the next one. Get confused when there are pills in all of them.

                    Click image for larger version

Name:	20 (002).jpg
Views:	125
Size:	86.6 KB
ID:	700240

                    Comment

                    Announcement

                    Collapse
                    No announcement yet.
                    Working...
                    X
                    false
                    0
                    Guest
                    500
                    ["pitmaster-my-membership","login","join-pitmaster","lostpw","reset-password","special-offers","help","nojs","meat-ups","gifts","authaau-alpha","ebooklogin-start","alpha","start"]
                    false
                    false
                    {"count":0,"link":"/forum/announcements/","debug":""}
                    Yes
                    Rubs Promo
                    Meat-Up in Memphis