Jokes!

[Bogy]

Ole’s out duck hunting, when a loon flies over. Ole shoots, Bang, Bang, Bang, and the loon keeps on flying. A few minutes later a game warden comes out of the brush, and says to Ole, “Do you have a hunting license?”
“Ya, sure I do!” says Ole.
“Is there a duck stamp attached to that license?” asks the game warden.
“Ya, dere is!” says Ole.
“Well, let me remind you that we are in the great state of Minnesota, and the loon is the official bird of the great state of Minnesota, and had you shot that loon just now you would be in a lot of trouble. I would have not only given you a very expensive ticket, I would have confiscated your gun and your pickup truck, and you might also have been looking at some jail time. You just remember that the next time a loon flies over you,” the game warden says.
“Yes sir, I vill remember dat!” says Ole.
The game warden leaves, but comes back just a few minutes later. He says to Ole, “Look, I have a question to ask you, and you can answer without any fear of penalty, because I will not have witnessed anything, or have any evidence, but I’ve been a citizen of Minnesota for over 40 years, and I’ve been a game warden for over 20 years, and in all that time I have never shot a loon, so I gotta ask you, have you ever shot a loon?”
“Ya,” says Ole, “I have shot a loon.”
“Did you eat that loon?” the warden asks.
“Ya,” says Ole, “I have eaten a loon.”
“Well, what does a loon taste like?” asks the warden.
“Vell, a loon is kinda tough and gamey. I tink the best I can describe it is dat it’s kind uv a cross between a whooping crane and a bald eagle.”

[jbones]

Two dyslexics walk into a bra..

[jbones]

The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking. But it was the invention of the wheel that got things rolling.

[jbones]

[Keiferr]

Stolen from Fakebook;

[CaptainMike]

On the heels of a wisecrack about "smoking a fatty":

So this monkey is sitting up on a branch in a tree smoking a big ole fatty. This lizard strolls by, looks up and says, "Hey man, whatchya doing?" The monkey looks down and says, "Man, I got some pretty good stuff here! Come up and join me!" So the lizard climbs up the tree and they are puffing away. In a little bit they lizard says, "Man, I got some cotton-mouth something fierce! I'm going to go the river and get a drink." So the lizard meanders over to the river's edge and leans over to take and drink. He's so crunched he falls in. An alligator sees this and comes over helping the lizard out of the river. The lizard is very thankful for the alligator's help. The alligator says, "Man, what's going on?" The lizard says, "Man, I've been smoking a joint with this monkey over in a tree and I guess I was more stoned than I thought and I fell in when I went to get a drink. The alligator asks, "Where is this?" The lizard points over to a tree and the alligator walks over and looks up in the tree. Sure enough, there's a monkey up there puffing away. The alligator says, "Hey man!" The monkey looks down and says, "DUDE! How much water did you drink???"

[IowaGirl]

[surfdog]

I hate it when I think I’m buying ORGANIC vegetables, but when I get home they’re just REGULAR donuts. O_o

[RonB]

Today I thought of a color that doesn’t exist…

But then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.

[EdF]

Ouch!

[jecucolo]

After winning the game my friend threw the ball into the crowd.
Yeah he isn't allowed into the bowling ally anymore...

[surfdog]

Get it? ;-)

[surfdog]

Remember, no matter how much you push the envelope.
It’s still stationery.

[surfdog]

You come from dust.
You will return to dust.
That’s why I don’t dust.
It might be someone I know.

[Spinaker]

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?