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    A Very Good Piece of Advice!

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      Here's one for Spinaker

      Never challenge Death to a pillow fight...
      Unless you're prepared to deal with the Reaper cushions.......

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      • HawkerXP
        HawkerXP commented
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        boo

      • Spinaker
        Spinaker commented
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        I am all for this one. Real bad......just the way I like them.

      The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.” “Why not?” asked somebody from the audience. “I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, ‘Hon, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?’” “Did it save time?” the guy in the audience asked. “Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven.”

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        • CaptainMike
          CaptainMike commented
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          Hahahaha......aaaaand,,,,,,goodnight.

        • Thunder77
          Thunder77 commented
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          😂😂

        Four worms where placed in separate test tubes:

        1st in beer
        2nd in wine
        3rd in whiskey
        4th in mineral water

        The next day, the teacher shows the results:

        The 1st worm in beer, dead.
        The 2nd in wine, dead.
        The 3rd in whiskey, dead.
        The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.

        The teacher asks the class:
        What do we learn from this experience?

        And a child responds:
        Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey, does not have worms.

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        • Mudkat
          Mudkat commented
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          I like that kid!!

        I have a phobia about parking under trees I hear they are a bit shady.

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        • holehogg
          holehogg commented
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          CaptainMike JimLinebarger never twigged it wood go this far. I'm stumped.

        • Thunder77
          Thunder77 commented
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          🤪🤪

        • Mudkat
          Mudkat commented
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          Who new the bud of this thread would bloom into such a fruitful story.

        My wife said to me "You're not even listening to me are you?"

        I thought to myself, "Wow that's a weird way to start a conversation..."

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        • panteracfh3
          panteracfh3 commented
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          That’s probably accurate

        • Keiferr
          Keiferr commented
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          My wife says I only have two faults; I don’t listen and something else.

        • panteracfh3
          panteracfh3 commented
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          Hahahaha!

        Found on the interwebs:

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        ... at least there was no ketchup involved.

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        • Bogy
          Bogy commented
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          Of course it tasted terrible, it doesn't look like you smoked it at all!

        • Thunder77
          Thunder77 commented
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          That's just too funny right there!






        This is why punctuation is so important! Those poor pedestrians....
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        • Mudkat
          Mudkat commented
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          Lol! Although who's to say the sign doesn't say exactly what it means? 😛

        • Thunder77
          Thunder77 commented
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          True.... Maybe the pedestrian population is getting too large?? :-P

        • Mudkat
          Mudkat commented
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          Definately!

        A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate.

        Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.

        So Satan walked up to the man and said, “Do you know who I am?”

        —The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”

        —“Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked.

        —“Nope, sure ain’t.” said the man.

        —“Don’t you realize I can kill you with one word?” asked Satan.

        —“Don’t doubt it for a minute,” returned the old man, in an even tone.

        —“Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?” persisted Satan.

        —“Yep,” was the calm reply.

        —“And you ‘re still not afraid?” asked Satan.

        —“Nope,” said the old man.

        —Totally perplexed, Satan asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

        —The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for 48 years.”

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        • Thunder77
          Thunder77 commented
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          LMAO!! Too good!!

        Someone stole my mood ring.
        I'm not sure how I feel about that.

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              I must be nutty to post something like this

              One nut chasing after another nut shouting I cashew.

              I should get A salted.

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              • CaptainMike
                CaptainMike commented
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                That really cracked me up.

              • JimLinebarger
                JimLinebarger commented
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                It's not as bad as if you had said "Legume eye Egg-o".

              I met a blind guy who said he would never skydive again. He said he really didn't mind it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.

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