Welcome!


This is a membership forum. As a guest, you can click around a bit. View 5 pages for free. If you would like to participate, please join.

[ Pitmaster Club Information | Join Now | Login | Contact Us ]

There are 4 page views remaining.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Jokes!

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Murphy and Flannagan were cleaning the big casks at the top of the Guinness factory on day when Murphy fell in and drowned. During the police inquiry, they asked Flannagan if Murphy had suffered during his death. Flannagan said that he didn't appear to suffer as he got out six times to go to the bathroom...

    Comment


      Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs
      She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

      This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

      Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

      To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

      Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

      The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

      Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace.

      Comment


        I had a hen who could count her own eggs. She was a mathemachicken...

        Comment


        • gcdmd
          gcdmd commented
          Editing a comment
          OK, you win. I'm eggzosted..

        • panteracfh3
          panteracfh3 commented
          Editing a comment
          Thanks. I'm eggstatic

        • CaptainMike
          CaptainMike commented
          Editing a comment
          Hahaha, this was fun, and nobody got any egg on their face (okay, I'm done)

        Huskee

        Click image for larger version

Name:	dog_bite.jpg
Views:	172
Size:	29.1 KB
ID:	652907

        Comment


        • Huskee
          Huskee commented
          Editing a comment
          Ouch!!! Not sure there's a pill for that. Glad I work in cardio/respiratory. Nuthin' b'low the waist my friend, nuthin' b'low the waist.

        • Mr. Bones
          Mr. Bones commented
          Editing a comment
          Definitely fixin to be
          nuthin b'low th waist

        Click image for larger version

Name:	dog_stop_that.jpg
Views:	159
Size:	34.2 KB
ID:	653045

        Comment


        • Mr. Bones
          Mr. Bones commented
          Editing a comment
          ROFL, an in sympathy...

          growin up, mostly thought my name was g'dammit,
          also, git offa th furniture...

          Next younger brother's was you, too...

          Who'da ever thunk???

          Happy times...

        Click image for larger version

Name:	dog_counter.jpg
Views:	107
Size:	46.1 KB
ID:	653535

        Comment


          Click image for larger version

Name:	masses.jpg
Views:	153
Size:	39.4 KB
ID:	654009

          Comment


            Saw this guy throw his scrabble letters into the road.
            So I had to ask him whats the word on the street.

            Comment


            So, the president is walking out to his limo when a would be assasin jumps out and points his gun at the pres. The presidents body gaurd steps in and yells Micky Mouse, startling the would be assassin, catching him before any shots fired. The body gaurds supervisor asks him, why did you yell Micky Mouse. He replies, i was rushed, wanting to actually yell Donald, duck.

            Comment


            • gcdmd
              gcdmd commented
              Editing a comment
              You're getting these jokes from your kids, right?

            A young man was hitchhiking through one of our Southern states. A farmer driving an old pickup truck stopped to give him a lift. As they rode along, they got to talking about the local moonshine whiskey. The young man said he didn't drink very much. Moonshine would probably be too strong for his tastes.

            "Nonsense!" said the farmer. "You gotta try some." He fished around behind him and finally produced a small jug. "Here," he said, handing the jar to the lad. "Take a drink!"

            "Oh, no thanks," said the young man. "I really don't think I care for any."

            "No, I insist," pressed the farmer. "Have some."

            "No, thanks ” really," said the young man.

            The farmer wasn't going to take no for an answer. He stopped the truck and grabbed his shotgun from the rack in back. He pointed the gun at the lad and roared, "I said, take a drink!"

            "Okay! Okay!" said the young man. "I've changed my mind! I guess I will have some after all." The young man took a few swallows before he realized how powerful the stuff was. His throat muscles tightened, his eyes watered, and he made a choking sound.

            "What do you think of it?" asked the farmer. "Good, ain't it?"

            "Yeah," gasped the lad, "I guess so."

            Then the farmer handed the young man the shotgun and grinned. "Here! Now, you hold the gun on me and make me take a drink!"

            Comment


            • jecucolo
              jecucolo commented
              Editing a comment
              Oh gee that is funny! Thanks!

            Then there were the two mountain boys who spotted a bobcat up a tree and decided to have some fun. One said, "I'll shinny up that tree and chase him down, and you put him in a sack."

            The other agreed, and the first fellow climbed up the tree. When he reached the right limb, he started shaking and the cat came tumbling down. The other fellow grabbed the varmint by the back of the neck and tried to put him into a sack. There was a terrible commotion. Dust and fur and skin were flying in all directions. The fellow in the tree called down, "What's the matter, you need help catching one little ol' bobcat?"

            "No," replied his friend. "I don't need help catchin' him. I need help turnin' him a-loose."

            Comment


              Click image for larger version

Name:	poop.jpg
Views:	174
Size:	68.4 KB
ID:	654387

              Comment


              • Bogy
                Bogy commented
                Editing a comment
                You don't want to EVER ask that question!

              After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

              Corona’s president sits down and says:
              – Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.

              The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

              Then Budweiser’s president says:
              – I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.

              The bartender gives him one.

              Coors’ president says:
              – I’d like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.

              He gets it.

              The guy from Guinness sits down and says:
              – Give me a Coke.

              The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask:
              – Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?

              The Guinness president replies:
              – Well, if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither will I.🍻

              Comment


              • Donw
                Donw commented
                Editing a comment
                Thats a good one. Going to be repeating it soon.

              • Mr. Bones
                Mr. Bones commented
                Editing a comment
                ROFLMAO, seriously!

                Jus had my nightly 2nd, soon off to beddy-bye, with a GBG plastered all over my face!
                I listen to others expound their love of mass produced Murrican beers, with some degree of patience...

                Then, I try to make em unnerstand that Murrican beer is basically th water from bout th 2nd, 3rd time th tank is rinsed out, from makin Real Beer!

              • Henrik
                Henrik commented
                Editing a comment
                Mr. Bones, ain't that the truth.

              Click image for larger version

Name:	0DDB9E98-FE05-4434-8994-61831C1DDD5C.jpeg
Views:	126
Size:	95.8 KB
ID:	654497

              Comment


              • Mr. Bones
                Mr. Bones commented
                Editing a comment
                Now, that there's purty dang funny!

              • JimLinebarger
                JimLinebarger commented
                Editing a comment
                Thanks for this. I've been looking all over for this recipe and could never find it.

              • surfdog
                surfdog commented
                Editing a comment
                Old chef secret.

              Click image for larger version

Name:	EE62DD6D-94FB-4FAA-924E-D1C643D3376A.jpeg
Views:	102
Size:	30.9 KB
ID:	654503

              Comment


              • Huskee
                Huskee commented
                Editing a comment
                Took me a min but i finally got it!

            Announcement

            Collapse
            No announcement yet.
            Working...
            X
            false
            0
            Guest
            500
            ["pitmaster-my-membership","login","join-pitmaster","lostpw","reset-password","special-offers","help","nojs","meat-ups","gifts","authaau-alpha","ebooklogin-start","alpha","start"]
            false
            false
            {"count":0,"link":"/forum/announcements/","debug":""}
            Yes
            Rubs Promo
            Meat-Up in Memphis