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Jokes!

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      ...what if Bigfoot really is blurry....

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        Welcome back Huskee. How was your fishing trip?

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        • Huskee
          Huskee commented
          Editing a comment
          Good thanks. Cold and rainy mostly, one day of sun and sunburns, and less fish than hoped for but the beer was good and we had a good time.

        Just what we all need for this weekend, one more warning.

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        • Huskee
          Huskee commented
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          Lol

        Bob: "Jeez, John, I didn't know you wore an earring!"
        John: "I started when my wife found this earring in my truck."

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          A guy goes to his doctor complaining of severe constipation. The doc gives him a box of suppositories and tells him to come back when they are gone.

          Guy come back and says "For all the good those pills did, I might as well have shoved them up my ***!"

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            Hahahaha...
            Click image for larger version

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            • smarkley
              smarkley commented
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              Hahahaha! Good one!

            Incest is a relative term.

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              A Panda walks into a restaurant. He calmly sits down and orders his dinner. He has a great experience, the food was great as was the service. After the Panda pays his bill, he pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and calmly walks out of the restaurant.
              The manager runs out after him and says, "HEY!!! YOU CANT DO THAT!!!!"
              The Panda turns to him and says, "Sure I can. Look me up in the dictionary."
              The manager then runs back to the restaurant, checks his online dictionary, and under the definition of a Panda, it says; Large, black and white bear, Eats: Shoots and Leaves.

              LOL!!

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                Guy walks into a bar and notices a pretty woman sitting at the bar holding a small dog. He goes over and sits next to her and smiles. She scowls at him and moves a couple seats down. So the man asks, "Say, do they let you come in here with a pig?" She replies, "It's not a pig you moron, its a dog!" "I know, I was talking to the dog," says he.

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                  Oldies, but relevant here:

                  Vegetarian is an old Indian word for lousy hunter.

                  PETA: People Enjoying Tasty Animals.
                  Last edited by Willy; July 13, 2015, 11:53 AM.

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                    The 97 pound weakling complains to his Charles Atlas-like friend that women at the beach avoid him. The friend suggests stuffing a potato into his swim trunks. The fellow tries this (unsuccessfully) and complains to the body builder that not only was he shunned, the women actually ran away. Looking at the weakling's bathing suit, the friend replies that the potato was meant to be put in the FRONT, not in the back...

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                        This one is meant to be a shaggy dog story, so draw it out with lots of irrelevant details, but the plot is simple.

                        1) Roy Rogers gets his brand new cowboy boots chewed up by a mountain lion (he left them out on the porch), so he sets off in search of the offending critter.

                        2) Lots of irrelevant details about the hunt, capped off with Roy returning to the ranch.

                        3) Dale Evans (describe her Western garb in great detail) steps out on the porch, leans against a post and sings (to the tune of Chattanooga Choo Choo): Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes...

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                          @Willy, you opened the door to some bad puns.

                          A frog enters the bank to get a loan. He approaches the woman at the loan application desk and notes that her name tag reads: Jane Patty-Whack.

                          The Frog says, "Excuse me; I'd like to apply for a loan."
                          The woman says, "Um... Ok, I guess we can help you with that... May I ask your name?"
                          The frog responds, "Kermit Jagger."
                          Jane recognizes the Jagger name and asks, "Really? Are you relation to Mick Jagger?"
                          "Yes, actually! He's my dad."
                          "Alright, do you have any collateral?" Jane asks.
                          "Why, yes, of course!" replies Kermit, handing her a small pink ceramic elephant.
                          Confused, Jane states, "I'm not sure we can accept this as collateral..."
                          Immediately the frog replies, "Well, go speak to the manager about it. He and my dad are real tight."
                          She does so, and asks the manager, "Sir, there is a frog outside trying to get a loan from us. He says his name is Kermit Jagger, and I don’t know what this weird elephant thing is he wants to use as collateral."
                          The manager takes the figurine and explains, "Yes, what's the problem? It's a knick knack, Patty-Whack, give the frog a loan! His old man’s a Rolling Stone!"

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