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Join us in Memphis for our Meat-Up! Space is limited to 400, secure your spot by booking early! Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis2020)
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  • gcdmd
    Charter Member
    • Sep 2014
    • 939
    • The Republic of Texas



    Texas cows are very literate.
    Last edited by gcdmd; August 14th, 2018, 02:50 PM.

    Comment

    • gcdmd
      Charter Member
      • Sep 2014
      • 939
      • The Republic of Texas

      Here's a business model I can relate to:

      Comment


      • Buck Flicks
        Buck Flicks commented
        Editing a comment
        gcdmd Was that a name given by non-Texans? I've never heard that phrase, and I've lived in TX my whole life. To be fair, I've also never seen a store like that.

      • gcdmd
        gcdmd commented
        Editing a comment
        Buck Flicks I may be remembering the name wrong or perhaps it was a San Antonio thing. I do remember the phenomenon, however.

      • Buck Flicks
        Buck Flicks commented
        Editing a comment
        I can certainly understand it being seen as a very "Texas" type of thing by folks who aren't from here (and if you're at Ft Hood, you're among a lot of folks who aren't from Texas.) I think it's funny. Also, a very bad idea.
    • THE Humble Texan
      Club Member
      • Oct 2017
      • 158

      There's free ear piercing down at the local pub tonight...
      or "Ladies Darts Night" as it's more formally called.

      Comment

      • Polarbear777
        Club Member
        • Sep 2016
        • 1450

        What happens when you show up late to the BBQ?

        ...you get the cold shoulder.
        Last edited by Polarbear777; August 25th, 2018, 05:22 AM.

        Comment

        • Keiferr
          Club Member
          • Jun 2018
          • 961
          • Southeast Michigan

          On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

          'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

          Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery, so he slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me..'

          He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

          'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'

          The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk. When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

          Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'

          The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord!



          Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

          At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...'

          They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

          Comment


          • Thunder77
            Thunder77 commented
            Editing a comment
            Lmao!!
        • Henrik
          Founding Member - Moderator Emeritus
          • Jul 2014
          • 3877
          • Stockholm, Sweden

          Here's one I really like, the guy posts his stuff at wronghands1.com:

          Click image for larger version

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          Comment

          • JGo37
            Club Member
            • Apr 2018
            • 1331
            • the LOU
            • Cookers:

              22" Blackstone Griddle, with stand & hood
              CharGriller Portable Firebox - so modified you'll BLOL
              Kitchenaid #810 Charcoal Grill - highly modified
              Weber BI-code Black Performer w/Igniter
              Weber DE-code Red Limited - 'Lucille'

              Accessories:

              Ancient heavy CI Propane Turkey Fryer, for lighting chimneys
              BBQ Dragon kettle shelves - 2
              Fyre Dragon Kettle Drippin' Ring, Burnin' Cone & Drippin' Pan - 2 sets
              Fyre Dragon Kettle Ribbin' Ring
              Fyre Dragon Kettle 2-Zone Smokin' Sheet
              OneGrill Rotisserie for the Kitchenaid
              Smokenator
              Smoking Tubes: 2x12" & 1x6"
              SnS
              Weber Gourmet Grill w/Griddle, Pizza Stone & Wok

              My Helpers:

              Anova 900W Sous Vide Cooker w/Radios
              Instant Pot 6Q Duo
              Nesco Tabletop Roaster
              & the PIT!

            Fella gets up early every Sunday morning to go fishing. Today was horrible weather - couldn't get his dog to come outside. Tarp blew off the boat and across the yard. Horizontal rain got him soaked and he hadn't left yet.

            He gave up, went back in, got in bed behind his wife, and said "weather's horrible out there". She said "I know - can you believe my husband's fishing in this?"

            Comment

            • Donw
              Club Member
              • Jul 2017
              • 2324

              A fisherman goes out on the Chesapeake Bay but doesn’t return from his trip.
              His wife gets nervous and reports him missing to the Marine Police.

              A few days later she gets a visit from three officers. One of them says they have bad news, good news and some great news to give her.

              The first officer tells her that they are sorry to have to inform her that her husband drowned but they have recovered the body.

              The second officer jumps in and tells her the good news. When they hauled him up there were over 4 dozen crabs attached to his body.

              Through her tears she asks what can possibly be the great news.

              The third officer smiles big and says, “Tomorrow we’re going to haul him up again!”

              Comment


              • Mudkat
                Mudkat commented
                Editing a comment
                Yup. It ain't Texas but that's how we roll in Maryland!

              • THE Humble Texan
                THE Humble Texan commented
                Editing a comment
                In TEXAS we go for the crawdads.

              • Thunder77
                Thunder77 commented
                Editing a comment
                Chesapeake Blue Crabs!!
            • surfdog
              Club Member
              • Mar 2016
              • 791
              • Sunny SoCal
              • Cooking gadgets
                Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
                Weber Summit Platinum D6
                Blue Rhino Razor
                Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
                Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
                Anova WiFi

                Thermometers
                Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

                Other useful bits...
                KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
                A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
                A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
                Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
                All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8-qt Dutch ovens
                Weber GBS griddle & pizza stone
                Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

              Yes, the invention of the shovel was indeed groundbreaking...

              But...

              It was the invention of the broom that swept the nation.

              Comment

              • surfdog
                Club Member
                • Mar 2016
                • 791
                • Sunny SoCal
                • Cooking gadgets
                  Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
                  Weber Summit Platinum D6
                  Blue Rhino Razor
                  Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
                  Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
                  Anova WiFi

                  Thermometers
                  Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

                  Other useful bits...
                  KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
                  A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
                  A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
                  Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
                  All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8-qt Dutch ovens
                  Weber GBS griddle & pizza stone
                  Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

                A woman is sitting at her deceased husband's funeral.

                A man leans in to ask her, "Do you mind if I say a word?"

                "No, go right ahead," the woman replies.

                The man stands, clears his throat, says "Plethora," and sits back down.

                "Thanks," the woman says, "that means a lot."

                Comment

                • RichieB
                  Club Member
                  • Apr 2018
                  • 957
                  • Western Mass

                  Click image for larger version

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                  Comment


                  • gcdmd
                    gcdmd commented
                    Editing a comment
                    That brings to mind the Bruce Willis movie in which he came home from working a night shift and knew his wife had male company because the toilet seat in the master bath was up.

                  • EdF
                    EdF commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Lol!
                • troymeister
                  Charter Member
                  • Aug 2014
                  • 1143
                  • Forest Park Il
                  • Weber 26

                    Weber Performer 22.5, Weber 18.5, WSM 18.5, Smokey Joe

                    2 Slow N Sears, Charcoal Rotisserie, Kettle Pizza for Weber 22.5

                    Smoke Thermometer, Igrill, Thermapen, Thermapop,Maverick 2 probe

                    Good Cabernet, Merlot, Zin

                    Anti Hero, Blue moon

                    I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I put it in my food.

                  Three general contractors die around the same time and find themselves together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greets them and says he has a problem. The Pearly gates are broken and needs estimates to get them fixed.

                  St. Peter goes to the first guy Joe and ask him how much to fix? Joe says, "$1000 dollars. $500 for parts and $500 for labor.

                  St. Peter goes to the second guy Stein and asks him how much to fix the gates. Stein says, "$2000 dollars. $1000 for parts and $1000 for labor.

                  St. Peter goes to the third guy Guido and asks him what his estimate would be. Guido says, tree tousand bucks. St. Peter says, "Oh my, that is much more than the others. How come?"

                  Guido says, "Look Pete... one a tousand for you, one a tousand for me and a nudder tousand, we get a Joe to fix em.

                  Comment


                  • Huskee
                    Huskee commented
                    Editing a comment
                    The beauty of subcontracting!
                • Buck Flicks
                  Club Member
                  • Jul 2017
                  • 341
                  • Dee Eff Dub, TX

                  Did you hear about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?

                  Comment


                  • JGo37
                    JGo37 commented
                    Editing a comment
                    It takes a while - there's layers to this onion.

                  • Buck Flicks
                    Buck Flicks commented
                    Editing a comment
                    It's a thinkier. I love a joke where the setup also contains the punchline.
                • Willy
                  Charter Member
                  • Apr 2015
                  • 1774
                  • High Desert of the Great Southwest

                  SMART ARSE ANSWER 6
                  It was mealtime during an Air New Zealand flight.
                  "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
                  "What are my choices?" the man asked.
                  "Yes or no," she replied.

                  SMART ARSE ANSWER 5
                  A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at a Woolworth's store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
                  She asked a passing assistant, "Do these chickens get any bigger?"
                  The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."

                  SMART ARSE ANSWER 4
                  Policeman got out of his car and teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window
                  "I've been waiting for you all day," the Cop said.
                  The lad replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could."
                  When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a ticket.

                  SMART ARSE ANSWER 3
                  A truckie was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read "Low Bridge Ahead."
                  Before he realized it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.
                  Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived.
                  The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"
                  The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!"

                  SMART ARSE ANSWER 2
                  A teacher at West Australian University reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
                  "Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
                  I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
                  A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
                  The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
                  "Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."

                  SMART ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR
                  Telephone rings, woman answers.
                  Pervert, breathing heavily, says, "I bet you have a tight arse with no hair?"
                  Woman replies, "Yes, I have. He's watching the rugby ... Who shall I say is calling?"

                  Comment

                  • Bogy
                    Club Member
                    • Mar 2016
                    • 435
                    • North Central Iowa
                    • Blaz'n Grill Works Grid Iron
                      Weber Genesis E-310
                      Original Grilla
                      Smokey Joe® Charcoal Grill 14"
                      Thermoworks ThermoPop
                      Thermoworks Thermapen Mk4
                      Thermoworks Smoke Thermometer with gateway
                      2 iGrillminis - from before they were Weber.

                    Ole, Sven, and Lars came into the bar. They were high-fiving each other, shouting, and generally having a celebration of some sort.
                    "Line 'em up," Ole shouted as the party continued.
                    They drank and carried on for hours. Finally the bartender’s curiosity got the better of him. "Just what are you celebrating?" he asked.
                    "51 days! We did it in 51 days!" they responded.
                    "What did you do in 51 days?" he probed.
                    "Put the puzzle together," they replied, "51 days, and the box said 3-5 years!"

                    Comment

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                    Meat-Up in Memphis 2020

                    Join us in Memphis for our Meat-Up! Space is limited to 400, secure your spot by booking early! Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis2020)
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                    Meat-Up in Memphis

                    T-Shirts & More T-Shirts & More
                    Order men's and women's T-Shirts, Sweatshirts, Aprons, Mugs, Caps, Tote Bags, Flasks, and more, all imprinted with the Pitmaster Club logo. There's even a spiral bound journal where you can make notes on your cooks.

                    Cool Embroidered Shirt Cool Embroidered Shirt
                    This beautifully embroidered shirt is the same one Meathead wears in public and on TV. It's wash and wear and doesn't need ironing (really!), but it is a soft cottonlike feel. Choice of four colors and both men's and women's.

                    Click here for more info.

                    Support ARC

                    Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, and it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! And remember, we only recommend products we love. If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon.

                    https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

                    BBQ Stars

                    Spotlight

                    These are not ads or paid placements. These Are Some Of Our Favorite Tools And Toys.

                    These are products we have tested, won our top awards, and are highly recommend. Click here to read how we test, about our medals, and what they mean.

                    Use our links when you buy things

                    Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon

                    https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

                     


                    Placeholder

                    Surely you know somebody who loves outdoor cooking who deserves a gift for the holidays, birthday, anniversary, or just for being wonderful. There he is, right in the mirror! Here are our selections of best ideas, all Platinum or Gold Medalists, listed by price.

                    Click here to see our list of Gold Medal Gifts


                    Digital Thermometers Are Your Most Valuable Tool And Here's A Great Buy!

                    maverick PT55 thermometer

                    A good digital thermometer keeps you from serving dry overcooked food or dangerously undercooked food. They are much faster and much more accurate than dial thermometers. YOU NEED ONE!

                    Click here for more info on the Maverick PT-55 Waterproof Instant-Read Thermometer Review shown above. It may be the best value in a thermometer out there


                    If you have a Weber Kettle, you need the Slow 'N' Sear

                    slow n sear

                    The Slow 'N' Sear turns your grill into a first class smoker and also creates an extremely hot sear zone you can use to create steakhouse steaks.

                    Click here for our article on this breakthrough tool


                    Bring The Heat With Broil King Signet's Dual Tube Burners

                    the good one grill

                    The Broil King Signet 320 is a modestly priced, 3-burner gas grill that packs a lot of value and power under the hood. Broil King's proprietary, dual-tube burners get hot fast and are able to achieve high, searing temps that rival most comparatively priced gas grills. The quality cast aluminum housing carries a Limited Lifetime Warranty.

                    Click here to read our complete review


                    The Good-One Is A Superb Grill And A Superb Smoker All In One

                    the good one grill

                    The Good-One Open Range is a charcoal grill with an offset smoke chamber attached. It is dramatically different from a traditional offset smoker. The grill sits low in front and doubles as a firebox for the smoke chamber which is spliced on above and behind so it can work like a horizontal offset smoker only better. By placing the heat source behind and under the smokebox instead of off to the side, Open Range produces even temperature from left to right, something almost impossible to achieve with a standard barrel shaped offset.

                    Click here to read our complete review


                    Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker

                    Griddle And Deep Fryer All In One

                    The flat top does the burgers and the fryer does the fries. Use the griddle for bacon, eggs, and home fries. Or pancakes, fajitas, grilled cheese, you name it. Why stink up the house deep frying and spatter all over? Do your fried chicken and calamari outside. Blackstone's Rangetop Combo With Deep Fryer does it all. Plus it has a built in cutting board, garbage bag holder, and paper towel holder. An additional work table on the left side provides plenty of counter space.

                    Click here to read our detailed review and to order


                    Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker

                    The Pit Barrel Cooker May Be Too Easy

                    The PBC has a rabid cult following for good reason. It is absolutely positively without a doubt the best bargain on a smoker in the world. Period. This baby will cook circles around the cheap offset sideways barrel smokers in the hardware stores because temperature control is so much easier. Best of all, it is only $299 delivered to your door!

                    Click here to read our detailed review and the raves from people who own them


                    The Undisputed Champion!

                    thermapen

                    The Thermoworks Thermapen MK4 is considered by the pros, and our team, to be the single best instant read thermometer. Don't accept cheap substitutes.  Click here to read our test results and comprehensive review and why it won our Platinum Medal .


                    Compact Powerful Sear Machine For Your Next Tailgater

                    Placeholder

                    Char-Broil's Grill2Go x200 is a super-portable, fun little sizzler made of heavy, rust-proof cast aluminum. The lid snaps shut. Grab the handle and you're off to the party! Char-Broil's TRU-Infrared design produces searing heat while reducing fuel consumption. A 16 ounce LP gas canister is enough to keep you flipping burgers for hours.

                    Click here to read our detailed review and to order


                    The Cool Kettle With The Hinged Hood We Always Wanted

                    NK-22-Ck Grill

                    Their NK22CK-C Charcoal Kettle Grill puts a few spins on the familiar kettle design. In fact, the hinged lid with a handle on the front, spins in a rotary motion 180 degrees. It's hard to beat a Weber kettle, but Napoleon holds its own and adds some unique features to make the NK22CK-C a viable alternative.

                    Click here for more about what makes this grill special


                    Placeholder

                    G&F Suede Welder's Gloves

                    Heat Resistant Gloves With Extra Long Sleeves Hold The Hot Stuff

                    If you're using oven mitts at the grill, it's time to trade up. Say hello to these suede welder's gloves. They're heat resistant enough to handle hot grill grates, and flexible enough to handle tongs. The extra long sleeves even let you reach deep into the firebox to move hot logs without getting burned. Our Fave.

                    Click here to read our detailed review

                    Click here to order from Amazon


                    GrillGrates Take Gas Grills To The Infrared Zone

                    grill grates

                    GrillGrates(TM) amplify heat, prevent flareups, make flipping foods easier, keep small foods from committing suicide, kill hotspots, are easier to clean, flip over to make a fine griddle, and can be easily removed and moved from one grill to another. You can even throw wood chips, pellets, or sawdust between the rails and deliver a quick burst of smoke to whatever is above. Every gas grill needs them.

                    Click here for more about what makes these grates so special


                    kareubequ bbq smoker

                    Our Favorite Backyard Smoker

                    The amazing Karubecue is the most innovative smoker in the world. The quality of meat from this machine is astonishing. At its crux is a patented firebox that burns logs above the cooking chamber and sucks heat and extremely clean blue smoke into the thermostat controlled oven. It is our favorite smoker, period.

                    Click here for our review of this superb smoker


                    Masterbuilt MPS 340/G ThermoTemp XL Propane Smoker

                    masterbuilt gas smoker

                    The First Propane Smoker With A Thermostat Makes This Baby Foolproof

                    Set ThermoTemp's dial from 175° to 350°F and the thermostat inside will adjust the burner just like an indoor kitchen oven. All you need to do is add wood to the tray above the burner to start smokin'.

                    Click here to read our detailed review


                    Professional Steakhouse Knife Set

                    masterbuilt gas smoker

                    Our founder, Meathead, wanted the same steak knives used by steakhouses such as Peter Luger, Smith & Wollensky, Morton's, Kobe Club, Palm, and many others. So he located the manufacturer and had them stamp our name on some. They boast pointed, temper-ground, serrated, high-carbon stainless-steel, half-tang blades with excellent cutting edge ability. The beefy hardwood handle provides a comfortable grip secured by three hefty rivets. He has machine washed his more than 100 times. They have never rusted and they stay shiny without polishing. Please note that we do not make, sell, or distribute these knives, they just engrave them with our name.

                    Click here to read our detailed review and to order


                    PK 360 grill

                    Is This Superb Charcoal Grill A Kamado Killer?

                    The PK-360, with 360 square inches of cooking space, this rust free, cast aluminum charcoal grill is durable and easy to use. Four-way venting means it's easy to set up for two zone cooking with more control than single vent Kamado grills. It is much easier to set up for 2-zone cooking than any round kamado. Beautifully designed and completely portable. Meathead says it is his preferrred grill.

                    Click here to read our detailed review of the PK 360

                    Click here to order it direct from PK and get a special deal for AmazingRibs.com readers only


                    Fireboard: The Ultimate Top Of The Line BBQ Thermometer

                    fireboard bbq thermometer

                    With the ability to monitor up to six temperatures simultaneously with either Bluetooth or Wifi on your mobile phone, tablet, or computer, Fireboard is the best digital thermometer we’ve tested.

                    Click here to read our detailed review


                    Finally, A Great Portable Pellet Smoker

                    Green Mountain Davey Crockett Grill

                    Green Mountain's portable Davy Crockett Pellet Smoker is one mean tailgating and picnic machine. But it's also gaining popularity with people who want to add a small, set it and forget it pellet smoker to their backyard arsenal. And with their WiFi capabilities you can control and monitor Davy Crocket from your smart phone or laptop.

                    Click here to read our detailed review and to order