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Jokes!

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  • Polarbear777
    Club Member
    • Sep 2016
    • 1687

    If you aren’t part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate.

    Comment

    • Mosca
      Charter Member
      • Oct 2014
      • 3364
      • PA
      • Large Big Green Egg, Weber Performer Deluxe, Weber Smokey Joe Silver, Maverick 732, DigiQ, and too much other stuff to mention.

      Werner Heisenberg is pulled over by a police officer. After checking his license and registration, the cop asks “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?”

      “Not at all,” replies Heisenberg, “but I know precisely where I am.”

      The cop says “I clocked you doing eighty miles an hour.”

      “Oh great!” says Heisenberg. “Now I’m lost!”

      Comment

      • ComfortablyNumb
        Club Member
        • May 2017
        • 3238
        • Northeast Washington
        • KBQ C-60
          PK360
          Thermoworks Smoke
          Thermoworks Thermopop
          Thermoworks Dot

        A man comes home to find his wife packing her things. "Where are you going?" he asks. "I'm moving to Las Vegas", she replies, "I read a woman can make $500 a night having sex." The man starts packing his things. "Where are you going?", she asks. "Las Vegas", he replies, "I want to see you live on $1000 a year."

        Comment

        • RonB
          Club Member
          • Apr 2016
          • 12695
          • Near Richmond VA
          • Weber Performer Deluxe
            SNS
            Pizza insert
            Rotisserie
            Smokenator 1000
            Cookshack Smokette Elite
            2 Thermapens
            Chefalarm
            Dot
            lots of probes.
            CyberQ

          Every day millions of plants are killed by vegetarians.

          Help end this wanton violence.

          EAT BACON !!!!!!!!

          Comment


          • Mr. Bones
            Mr. Bones commented
            Editing a comment
            I consume them pesky animals that are voraciously denudin the Earth of vegetation.
            I'm quite comfy, fillin this particular niche in th foodchain.
            Somebody gotsta do it.
        • Bogy
          Club Member
          • Mar 2016
          • 594
          • North Central Iowa
          • Blaz'n Grill Works Grid Iron
            Weber Genesis E-310
            Original Grilla
            Smokey Joe® Charcoal Grill 14"
            Thermoworks ThermoPop
            Thermoworks Thermapen Mk4
            Thermoworks Smoke Thermometer with gateway
            2 iGrillminis - from before they were Weber.

          Comment


          • Bogy
            Bogy commented
            Editing a comment
            Obviously, I was inspired to post the picture above in response to the previous post.
        • painter
          Club Member
          • Dec 2016
          • 215
          • Denver
          • Primo LG300
            Weber Performer Deluxe
            Maverick 732
            Smobot
            Vortex

          Man walks into a diner, sits at the counter and asks the waitress "What's today's special?"
          "Today's special is beef tongue" she replies.
          "WHAT!" The man exclaims. "Eat something from an animals mouth? That's GROSS! Gimme a couple eggs..."

          Comment


          • EdF
            EdF commented
            Editing a comment
            Human nature - LOL!
        • Craigar
          Founding Member
          • Jul 2014
          • 1102
          • Papillion, NE
          • * - Weber 26.75" OTG
            * - Weber 22.5" Premium cloaked in Crimson
            * - Slow 'N Sear
            * - Smoke E-Z - 26.75" (The Grain Silo)
            * - Lodge Sportsman Grill
            * - Weber Rapid Fire Chimney Starter
            * - Thermoworks ThermoPop
            * - Thermoworks Dot
            * - iGrill2 - 4 probes
            * - Favorite Beer - the cold one in my hand (craft beers of all flavors; haven't had a blue yummy in over 6 years) my tastes change with the season so it is difficult to name just a couple. However, I will occasionally have a vanilla porter float in the summer (Empyrean Vanilla Porter w/a scoop of homemade vanilla ice cream) as I usually drink stouts & porters in the colder months, pale ales & IPAs in the warmer months. I have to add Not Your Father's Root Beer to beers I use for floats.
            * - Booze - I don't really have a favorite, but lean towards single malt Scotch & Irish whiskey
            * - Wines - Reds: mainly the heavy stuff mixed in with the occasional pinot noir ( I have yet to meet a malbec I didn't like); Whites: German & Nebraska (hey, I have to support the home team)
            * - Favorite Spice outlets - Frisco Spices in LaVista, NE (the local butcher supply shop); Volcanic Peppers in Bellevue, NE
            * - Current butchers: Just Good Meats & Fareway Foods

          Out of a newsletter this morning:

          Comment


          • gcdmd
            gcdmd commented
            Editing a comment
            Inspired by "Fargo," maybe?

          • FireMan
            FireMan commented
            Editing a comment
            Is that a Volvo hearse? And did anybody think of first impression?
        • Keiferr
          Club Member
          • Jun 2018
          • 963
          • Southeast Michigan


          Q: How do you keep from burning Hawaiian pizza?
          A: Cook it at aloha temperature!

          Comment


          • Henrik
            Henrik commented
            Editing a comment
            Love it!

          • Spinaker
            Spinaker commented
            Editing a comment
            Lol
        • Henrik
          Founding Member - Moderator Emeritus
          • Jul 2014
          • 4293
          • Stockholm, Sweden

          Q: Do you know why milk can’t walk?
          A: Because they lactose!

          Comment


          • Spinaker
            Spinaker commented
            Editing a comment
            Hahahaha, classic!
        • Spinaker
          Moderator
          • Nov 2014
          • 10597
          • Land of Tonka
          • John "J R"
            Instagram: JRBowlsby
            Smokin' Hound Que
            Minnesota/ United States of America

            ********************************************
            Assistants
            Dexter (Beagle mix)
            Kinnick (American Foxhound)
            ************************

            Grills/Smokers/Fryers
            Big Green Egg (Large) X2
            Blackstone 36" Outdoor Griddle 4-Burner

            Broil King Keg
            Karubeque C-60
            Kamado Joe Jr. (Black)
            Lodge L410 Hibachi
            Pit Barrel Cooker
            Pit Barrel Cooker 2.0
            R&V Works FF2-R-ST 4-Gallon Fryer

            Weber Spirit Gasser
            ******************.
            Thermometers
            FireBoard (Base Package)
            Thermoworks ThermaPen (Red)
            Thermoworks MK4 (Orange)
            **************

            Accessories
            BBQ Dragon
            Big Green Egg Plate Setter
            Benzomatic TS4000 Torch X 2
            Benzomatic TS800 High Temp Torch X 2

            Bayou Classic 44 qt Stainless Stock Pot
            Bayou Classic 35K BTU Burner

            Digi Q DX2 (Medium Pit Viper Fan)
            Dragon VT 2-23 C Torch
            Eggspander Kit X2
            Field Skillet No. 8,10,12

            Finex Cat Iron Line
            FireBoard Drive
            Lots and Lots of Griswold Cast Iron
            Grill Grates
            Joule Water Circulator
            KBQ Fire Grate

            Kick Ash Basket (KAB) X4
            Lots of Lodge Cast Iron
            Husky 6 Drawer BBQ Equipment Cabinet
            Large Vortex
            Marlin 1894 .44 Magnum
            Marquette Castings No. 13 (First Run)
            Smithey No. 12
            Smokeware Chimney Cap X 3
            Stargazer No.10, 12
            Tool Wizard BBQ Tongs
            Univex Duro 10" Meat Slicer
            ********************************
            Fuel
            FOGO Priemium Lump Charcoal
            Kingsford Blue and White
            Rockwood Lump Charcoal
            Apple, Cherry & Oak Log splits for the C-60
            **************************

            Cutlery
            Buck 119 Special
            Dexter 12" Brisket Sword
            Global
            Shun
            Wusthof
            *******
            Next Major Purchase
            Lone Star Grillz 24 X 48 Offset

          What do you call a belt made out of watches?

          A waste of time.

          LOL, I don't know if I will make it though the day with knee slappers like that. LOL.

          Comment

        • Keiferr
          Club Member
          • Jun 2018
          • 963
          • Southeast Michigan

          Finally a parking spot for us fat guys that like to grill!
          Click image for larger version

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          Comment


          • RonB
            RonB commented
            Editing a comment
            And he's been eating a lot of Q.

          • Henrik
            Henrik commented
            Editing a comment
            Ha ha ha!
        • RonB
          Club Member
          • Apr 2016
          • 12695
          • Near Richmond VA
          • Weber Performer Deluxe
            SNS
            Pizza insert
            Rotisserie
            Smokenator 1000
            Cookshack Smokette Elite
            2 Thermapens
            Chefalarm
            Dot
            lots of probes.
            CyberQ



          Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.
          “Why would you ever do such a thing!” He exclaimed.

          “Well you see Mr Gandalf, after our adventure we haven’t been able to feel the euphoria of being a hero until we tried this wonderful magic crystal” said Frodo.

          “That’s it!”, said Gandalf. “I’m opening up a rehabilitation center. When I come back in a year, this had better be cleaned up!”

          A year passes and Gandalf returns. Alas, the hobbits are strewn about with their spoons and needles.

          Gandalf scoffs, “Breaking Bad hobbits is going to be harder than I thought.”

          Comment

          • Bogy
            Club Member
            • Mar 2016
            • 594
            • North Central Iowa
            • Blaz'n Grill Works Grid Iron
              Weber Genesis E-310
              Original Grilla
              Smokey Joe® Charcoal Grill 14"
              Thermoworks ThermoPop
              Thermoworks Thermapen Mk4
              Thermoworks Smoke Thermometer with gateway
              2 iGrillminis - from before they were Weber.

            I thought of putting this in the "What are you drinking right now" thread.

            Comment

          • FireMan
            Charter Member
            • Jul 2015
            • 7674
            • Bottom of Winnebago

            I don’t care how high a pigeon flys or in what direction,

            you’ll still break a window if ya hit it with a hammer!

            Comment


            • CaptainMike
              CaptainMike commented
              Editing a comment
              I've always said that.
          • Bogy
            Club Member
            • Mar 2016
            • 594
            • North Central Iowa
            • Blaz'n Grill Works Grid Iron
              Weber Genesis E-310
              Original Grilla
              Smokey Joe® Charcoal Grill 14"
              Thermoworks ThermoPop
              Thermoworks Thermapen Mk4
              Thermoworks Smoke Thermometer with gateway
              2 iGrillminis - from before they were Weber.

            Comment


            • FireMan
              FireMan commented
              Editing a comment
              Ya mean ya hafta read to cook bacon! Or, or ya might end up in the principle’s office?

          Announcement

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          Meat-Up in Memphis 2021

          WE'RE SELLING OUT FAST! Less than 10 seats available. Secure your spot by booking now!
          Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis)
          See more
          See less
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          Meat-Up in Memphis

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          These are not ads or paid placements. These Are Some Of Our Favorite Tools And Toys.

          These are products we have tested, won our top awards, and are highly recommend. Click here to read how we test, about our medals, and what they mean.

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          https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

           


          If you have a Weber Kettle, you need the Slow 'N' Sear

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          The Slow 'N' Sear turns your grill into a first class smoker and also creates an extremely hot sear zone you can use to create steakhouse steaks.

          Click here for our article on this breakthrough tool


          The Good-One Is A Superb Grill And A Superb Smoker All In One

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          The Good-One Open Range is dramatically different from a traditional offset smoker. By placing the heat source behind and under the smokebox instead of off to the side, Open Range produces even temperature from left to right, something almost impossible to achieve with a standard barrel shaped offset.

          Click here to read our complete review


          Griddle And Deep Fryer In One

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          The flat top does the burgers and the fryer does the fries. Use the griddle for bacon, eggs, and home fries. Or pancakes, fajitas, grilled cheese, you name it. Why stink up the house deep frying and spatter all over? Do your fried chicken and calamari outside. Blackstone's Rangetop Combo With Deep Fryer does it all!

          Click here to read our detailed review and to order


          The Pit Barrel Cooker May Be Too Easy

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          The PBC has a rabid cult following for good reason. It is absolutely positively without a doubt the best bargain on a smoker in the world. Period. This baby will cook circles around the cheap offset sideways barrel smokers because temperature control is so much easier.

          Click here to read our detailed review and the raves from people who own them


          The Undisputed Champion!

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          The Thermoworks Thermapen MK4 is considered by the pros, and our team, to be the single best instant read thermometer. The MK4 includes features that are common on high-end instruments: automatic backlight and rotating display. Don't accept cheap substitutes.

          Click here to read our comprehensive Platinum Medal review


          Grilla Pellet Smoker proves good things come in small packages

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          We always liked Grilla. The small 31.5" x 29.5" footprint makes it ideal for use where BBQ space is limited, as on a condo patio.

          Click here for our review on this unique smoker


          Delta by Nuke,
          Stylish and Affordable
          Gaucho Grill

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          Delta by Nuke burns wood or charcoal and comes with an adjustable height grill grate. This Argentinian grill will get your flame on!

          Click here to read our complete review


          Genesis II E-335 
          A Versatile Gasser That Does It All!

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          Weber’s Genesis line has long been one of the most popular choices for gas grillers. The new Genesis II E-335 offers solid performance, a sear burner for sizzling heat and an excellent warranty.

          Click here to read our complete review


          GrillGrates Take Gas Grills To The Infrared Zone

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          GrillGrates(TM) amplify heat, prevent flareups, make flipping foods easier, kill hotspots, flip over to make a fine griddle, and can be easily rmoved from one grill to another. You can even throw wood chips, pellets, or sawdust between the rails and deliver a quick burst of smoke.

          Click here for more about what makes these grates so special


          Is This Superb Charcoal Grill A Kamado Killer?

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          The PK-360, with 360 square inches of cooking space, this rust free, cast aluminum charcoal grill is durable and easy to use. Four-way venting means it's easy to set up for two zone cooking with more control than single vent Kamado grills. It is beautifully designed, completely portable, and much easier to set up for 2-zone cooking than any round kamado.

          Click here to read our detailed review of the PK 360

          Click here to order directly and get an exclusive AmazingRibs.com deal


          Our Favorite Backyard Smoker

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          The amazing Karubecue is the most innovative smoker in the world. The quality of meat from this machine is astonishing. At its crux is a patented firebox that burns logs above the cooking chamber and sucks heat and extremely clean blue smoke into the thermostat controlled oven. It is our favorite smoker, period.

          Click here for our review of this superb smoker


          Masterbuilt MPS 340/G ThermoTemp XL Propane Smoker

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          This is the first propane smoker with a thermostat, making this baby foolproof. Set ThermoTemp's dial from 175° to 350°F and the thermostat inside will adjust the burner just like an indoor kitchen oven. All you need to do is add wood to the tray above the burner to start smokin'.

          Click here to read our detailed review


          Digital Thermometers Are Your Most Valuable Tool And Here's A Great Buy!

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          A good digital thermometer keeps you from serving dry overcooked food or dangerously undercooked food. They are much faster and much more accurate than dial thermometers. YOU NEED ONE!

          Click here to read our complete review


          Track Up To Six Temperatures At Once

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          FireBoard Drive 2 is an updated version of a well-received product that sets the standard for performance and functionality in the wireless food thermometer/thermostatic controller class.

          Click here for our review of this unique device


          The Cool Kettle With The Hinged Hood We Always Wanted

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          Napoleon's NK22CK-C Charcoal Kettle Grill puts a few spins on the familiar kettle design. In fact, the hinged lid with a handle on the front, spins in a rotary motion 180 degrees. It's hard to beat a Weber kettle, but Napoleon holds its own and adds some unique features to make the NK22CK-C a viable alternative.

          Click here for more about what makes this grill special


          Finally, A Great Portable Pellet Smoker

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          Green Mountain's portable Davy Crockett Pellet Smoker is one mean tailgating and picnic machine. But it's also gaining popularity with people who want to add a small, set it and forget it pellet smoker to their backyard arsenal. And with their WiFi capabilities you can control and monitor Davy Crocket from your smart phone or laptop.

          Click here to read our detailed review and to order