Jokes!

[Panhead John]

Consider the source. He’s from Oklahoma. 😉

[THE Humble Texan]

Jealousy rears it's ugly head.

[Foehn Watts]

@SheilaAnn.
You naughty girl. . . ! ;-)

[Foehn Watts]

Oh, jeeze Mr. Bones and Panhead John! I dint EVEN read "gold" cuz my brain just filled in "golf"! Sheesh, I guess I will need to pry my eagle-eye open and read more carefully before hitting post--double hard because I hate editing. . . thanks to you both; fixed! :-)

[JimLinebarger]

I like #9.

[Mr. Bones]

Reckon if'n that there's alla th parts what was salvageable from th Great Muffakin Trainwreck that 2020 turned out to be, wail, then So Be It...

[ofelles]

Wedunne mission accomplished!

[Wedunne]

You made my wife groan when I read them, so mission accomplished!

[ecowper]

She's cured!

[ofelles]

1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.

3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.

4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.

5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.

6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on

7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.

9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.

10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.

12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.

13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.

14. Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.

15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.

16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.

17A. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”

17 B. Two men walked into a bar. You’d think that the second one would have ducked

18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.

19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.

20. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.

22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.

23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”

24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.

25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

[SheilaAnn]

Stuey1515 What you said! What was once seen cannot be unseen!

[SheilaAnn]

*twirling my blonde hair.....

what?

[Stuey1515]

Just because you can, doesn't always mean you should haha

[RonB]

[coolfins]

So, these three guys go fishing for the first time in their lives, none of them can swim. One guy stands up in the boat and falls overboard. The other two are horrified, " What are we going to do, we can't swim! Let's drag the anchor and see if we can hook him" Sure enough they hook him and pull him into the boat. One guy starts giving him mouth to mouth and says " I don't remember his breath being this bad" and his buddy says " I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit either"