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Jokes!

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    Why were the three wise men so thirsty on their journey to Bethlehem?

    No well, No well, No well...

    Comment


    • holehogg
      holehogg commented
      Editing a comment
      No way, No way, No way...

    Comment


      Weekend forecast; Alcohol with lowered standards, possible poor decisions.

      Comment


        JCGrill Pirate Scott Spinaker and any other fisherman;

        Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
        Teach and man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

        Comment


        • Pirate Scott
          Pirate Scott commented
          Editing a comment
          ComfortablyNumb Yes Sir! You get a terrible Thirst chasing Fish in the River.

        • timhstarr
          timhstarr commented
          Editing a comment
          Build a man a fire and you'll warm him for a day; set a man on fire and you'll warm him for the rest of his life!

        • Spinaker
          Spinaker commented
          Editing a comment
          One the all time greats.

        I keep a spreadsheet to log my cooks, and a spreadsheet to keep track of my favorite jokes. Here are some from the latter:

        - What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
        - Why did the old man fall into the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
        -
        My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said, "Forty."
        -
        My grandfather had the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the Cincinnatti zoo.
        -
        I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

        Comment


        • Spinaker
          Spinaker commented
          Editing a comment
          Oh these are good! tbob4

        • tbob4
          tbob4 commented
          Editing a comment
          Spinaker - these are terrible. Just the way I love them!

        • Spinaker
          Spinaker commented
          Editing a comment
          Ted!! Great to hear from you! Happy New year! tbob4

        Probably this joke is already posted in here somewhere, but for richinlbrg

        Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend's door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he asked, "Fred, how'd that pig get him a wooden leg?"

        "Well, Michael, that's a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!"

        "And the boar tore up his leg?"

        "No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin' like he was stuck, woke us up, and 'fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved 'em all!"

        "So that's when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?"

        "No, Michael. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out 'fore I drownded. Sure did save my life."

        "And that was when he hurt his leg?"

        "Oh no, he was fine. Cleaned him up, too."

        "OK, Fred. So just tell me. How did he get the wooden leg?"

        "Well", the farmer tells him, "A pig like that, you don't want to eat all at once!"

        Comment


          Clamp your hams...
          Attached Files

          Comment


          • Mr. Bones
            Mr. Bones commented
            Editing a comment
            Lol! Reckon' that's one way to hang it in yer cooker!
            Thanks Tim!
            Last edited by Mr. Bones; January 6, 2018, 11:24 AM.

          • JCGrill
            JCGrill commented
            Editing a comment
            😂👏

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            Why do sharks live in salt water?

            Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

            Comment


              Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up.

              However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.

              They’re great at separating independent Clauses.

              Spinaker

              Comment


              • Huskee
                Huskee commented
                Editing a comment
                oh boy....

              • Thunder77
                Thunder77 commented
                Editing a comment
                Oh wow! That is so horrible!! Two Thumbs up!

              A pregnant woman wants her child to have very good manners. Every night while she's going to bed she rubs her stomach and says, "Be kind, be kind.1"

              Nine months comes and goes and she doesn't have the baby. She refuses to have doctors look at her because it is against her believes. She dies at the age of 70 and still hasn't given birth. The mystery is solved when doctors inspect her. Inside of her womb they find two little men saying to each other "No brother, after you."

              Comment


                Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead. He calls 911 immediately. The operator says "Can I help you sir?"

                The man replies "I think my friend is dead! Get an ambulance! What should I do?"

                The operator replies "Okay, calm down sir. First we have to make sure he is dead."

                There is silence, then a gun shot, then the man comes back on "Okay, what now?"

                Comment


                • gcdmd
                  gcdmd commented
                  Editing a comment
                  That sounds like an Aggie joke.

                • Mudkat
                  Mudkat commented
                  Editing a comment
                  I'm betting that's a true story! 😉

                Three Aggies went hunting together. Having had no luck in the blind, they decided to walk around the deer lease and see if they could find any deer, agreeing to meet back under a certain Live Oak in 2 hours. A couple of hours later two of the Aggies were back, tired and irritated at having seen nothing. Hearing some noise in the brush, one of them took a sound shot. They were horrified to hear their buddy scream out in pain as the bullet hit his arm.

                A few hours later in the emergency room the doctor came out into the waiting area shaking his head. Their friend was dead. "How can he be dead?" asked the first Aggie, "It was only a flesh wound!"

                "Well, boys," drawled the doctor, "it's true the wound didn't amount to much. But you really shouldn't of field dressed him before bringin' him in."
                Last edited by gcdmd; January 6, 2018, 04:41 PM.

                Comment


                • Mudkat
                  Mudkat commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Okat. I hoping that's not a true story! 🤔

                • Mr. Bones
                  Mr. Bones commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Thanks, amigo!
                  An' oldie but goodie!

                No matter how hard you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary.

                Spinaker

                Comment


                • Spinaker
                  Spinaker commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Hahahaha

                • HawkerXP
                  HawkerXP commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

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                • SMOG MAN
                  SMOG MAN commented
                  Editing a comment
                  I don’t care who you are, THAT’S FUNNY!

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