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Jokes!

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    I went to an airport information desk and asked "how many airports are there in the world?"

    I once took a survey that asked who you'd most like to [spend the night with], anyone living or dead. I replied: anyone living.

    -Jimmy Carr

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      I sure wish I could catch up to the woman that drove me to drinking. I never got a chance to thank her for it!
      W.C. Fields

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      Hamm's & cheese sandwich.








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      • DWCowles
        DWCowles commented
        Editing a comment
        I don’t care what they say...that’s funny

      • CaptainMike
        CaptainMike commented
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        Aaaahhhh, hahahahahahaha.......

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        Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

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          This is a kid's Halloween joke, so it should be perfect for some here...

          What's the scariest plant in the world?




          bamBOO

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          • CaptainMike
            CaptainMike commented
            Editing a comment
            That's funny, but I think ghost peppers are scarier!

          Some days I amaze myself with the really intelligent stuff I say and do. Other days I try to get out of the car with my seatbelt on...

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          • EdF
            EdF commented
            Editing a comment
            I feel the pain!

          What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

          SUPPLIES!!!

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            What do you say when you have blind deer as pets?

            I have no eye deer.

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            • JimLinebarger
              JimLinebarger commented
              Editing a comment
              With jokes like these, and Meathead still keeps you on? These are baaaaaaadd, he said sheepishly...

            • Huskee
              Huskee commented
              Editing a comment
              JimLinebarger He doesn't read these, so please don't tell him. He'll lose all respect for me.

            • JimLinebarger
              JimLinebarger commented
              Editing a comment
              Huskee It's gonna cost ya....

            Not a joke but damn funny. Ken M is a guy who goes on to websites and drives people nuts with his comments. Here he is trolling In N Out burger.

            https://i.redd.it/p2dnti5ozw101.png

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              Originally posted by JCBBQ View Post
              Not a joke but damn funny. Ken M is a guy who goes on to websites and drives people nuts with his comments. Here he is trolling In N Out burger.

              https://i.redd.it/p2dnti5ozw101.png
              I was once at a friend's house when the phone rang. He answered, "Hello" which was followed by the following: "Oh, thank God, you don't know how much I need this credit card." "I actually just got out of jail and don't have a permanent address, but I really need this credit card." "I don't have job right now, but my parole officer says I have a couple of good prospects, I really want this credit card" This went on for about fifteen minutes before the solicitor finally hung up on him. With a devilish grin my friend told me he does it all the time.

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                Why is the ocean so salty?

                Because the land never waves back.

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                  How do you get an Aggie off your porch...you pay him for the pizza...What do you call that same Aggie 4 years later...BOSS.

                  Comment


                    Some South African Humor.

                    Koos (Keith) phones the South African Police (SAP) and reports his neighbour Piet (Peter) is hiding Dagga (cannabis) inside his braai (bbq) wood. The police thank him for his cooperation in combating crime and the next day they descend on Piet’s house. They search where the braai wood is kept, and using axes they chop open every piece of wood, but find no Dagga. They shout and swear at Koos and leave. The phone rings at Piets house.
                    “Hey Piet did the SAP come?”
                    “Yes”
                    “Did they chop the firewood for the braai tonight?”
                    “Yes”
                    “Happy birthday brother”

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                    • ComfortablyNumb
                      ComfortablyNumb commented
                      Editing a comment
                      That trick wouldn't work in Washington, USA, or a few other states. Since its legalisation we have pot shops on every corner.

                    • troymeister
                      troymeister commented
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                      I like it!! Good one!!

                    Especially for the deer hunters: "You had me at 'meah' "

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