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  • Daddio on the Patio
    Former Member
    • Sep 2017
    • 68
    • Suburb south of Kansas City

    This one can be adjusted accordingly.

    A guy from KSU and a guy from MSU are taking a leak in the bathroom. The guy from MSU finishes first and washes his hands while the guy from KSU finishes and does not wash his hands.

    The guy from from MSU says to the guy from KSU, "At MSU, they taught us to wash our hands after going to the restroom." The KSU guy responds, "Well at KSU they taught us not to pi$$ on ourselves."

    Comment

    • HouseHomey
      Club Member
      • May 2016
      • 4948
      • Huntington Beach, Ca. Surf City USA.
      • Equipment
        Primo Oval xl

        Slow n Sear (two)
        Drip n Griddle
        22" Weber Kettle
        26" Weber Kettle one touch
        Blackstone 36” Pro Series
        Sous vide machine
        Kitchen Aid
        Meat grinder
        sausage stuffer
        5 Crock Pots
        Akootrimonts
        Two chimneys (was 3 but rivets finally popped, down to 1)
        cast iron pans,
        Dutch ovens
        Signals 4 probe, thermapens, chef alarms, Dots, thermapop and maverick T-732, RTC-600, pro needle and various pocket instareads.
        The help and preferences
        1 extra fridge and a deep chest freezer in the garage
        KBB
        FOGO
        A 9 year old princess foster child
        Patience and old patio furniture
        "Baby Girl" The cat

        Erik S.

      How do you catch a unique rabbit. Easy silly you "Unique" up on it.

      How do you catch a tame rabbit. The "Tame" way, you "Unique" up on it. Jeeze...

      I'm confident in who I am and I can where pink.....

      Too many kids????

      Comment


      • JCGrill
        JCGrill commented
        Editing a comment
        I've known those for a long time and I've never known what a unique rabbit is.

      • gcdmd
        gcdmd commented
        Editing a comment
        Oh, what the heck; go ahead and throw in the one about the rabbit in the refrigerator.

      • HouseHomey
        HouseHomey commented
        Editing a comment
        gcdmd waabit, fridge?? Tell it my friend!
    • Thunder77
      Founding Member
      • Jul 2014
      • 2736
      • Halethorpe, MD
      • Weber 26.75" Kettle with SnS. Broil King Baron 5 burner. Akorn Kamado, and Akorn Jr kamado. Primo Oval Junior. Love grilling steaks, ribs, and chicken. Need to master smoked salmon Favorite cool weather beer: Sam Adams Octoberfest Favorite warm weather beer: Yuengling Traditional Lager All-time favorite drink: Single Malt Scotch

      Spinaker, these are for you.

      Researchers have noted that as women age they own more and more cats. They are calling this phenomenon Many-paws.

      Oxygen was dating potassium. It was OK. They still see each other periodically. Oxygen is now dating Magnesium. They're all OMg!

      What do you call dental x-rays? tooth pics.

      Bah dum tssssh!

      Comment


      • HouseHomey
        HouseHomey commented
        Editing a comment
        EdF JCGrill now my wabbit jokes don't seem so bad do they? Thunder77 thanks for the save 😀😀😀

      • tbob4
        tbob4 commented
        Editing a comment
        Boooooo! Get off the stage! Pull the curtain!
        I've emailed these to my sister. Great job!

      • Spinaker
        Spinaker commented
        Editing a comment
        Classic! Great work!
    • gcdmd
      Charter Member
      • Sep 2014
      • 962
      • The Republic of Texas

      HouseHomey

      A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves. "What are you doing in there?" she asked. The rabbit replied: "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?", to which the lady replied "Yes." "Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."

      Comment


      • tbob4
        tbob4 commented
        Editing a comment
        Two veterinarians were arguing over the title of a paper there were publishing about conjoined rabbits. A colleague asked if they agreed on the findings. They both replied "Yes". "As for your argument then" the colleague replied " I believe you are just splitting hares."

      • Thunder77
        Thunder77 commented
        Editing a comment
        I think I last heard that when I was about 12? I still laughed though!! 😃

      • JCGrill
        JCGrill commented
        Editing a comment
        My two cats think my whole house is a Westinghouse.
    • gcdmd
      Charter Member
      • Sep 2014
      • 962
      • The Republic of Texas

      From rabbits to chimpanzees

      Click image for larger version

Name:	Chimps in Church.jpg
Views:	50
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ID:	383675

      Comment

      • Craigar
        Founding Member
        • Jul 2014
        • 1080
        • Papillion, NE
        • * - Weber 26.75" OTG
          * - Weber 22.5" Premium cloaked in Crimson
          * - Slow 'N Sear
          * - Smoke E-Z - 26.75" (The Grain Silo)
          * - Lodge Sportsman Grill
          * - Weber Rapid Fire Chimney Starter
          * - Thermoworks ThermoPop
          * - Thermoworks Dot
          * - iGrill2 - 4 probes
          * - Favorite Beer - the cold one in my hand (craft beers of all flavors; haven't had a blue yummy in over 6 years) my tastes change with the season so it is difficult to name just a couple. However, I will occasionally have a vanilla porter float in the summer (Empyrean Vanilla Porter w/a scoop of homemade vanilla ice cream) as I usually drink stouts & porters in the colder months, pale ales & IPAs in the warmer months. I have to add Not Your Father's Root Beer to beers I use for floats.
          * - Booze - I don't really have a favorite, but lean towards single malt Scotch & Irish whiskey
          * - Wines - Reds: mainly the heavy stuff mixed in with the occasional pinot noir ( I have yet to meet a malbec I didn't like); Whites: German & Nebraska (hey, I have to support the home team)
          * - Favorite Spice outlets - Frisco Spices in LaVista, NE (the local butcher supply shop); Volcanic Peppers in Bellevue, NE
          * - Current butchers: Just Good Meats & Fareway Foods



        And all my doc would prescribe for me was a standing desk at work.

        Comment


        • gcdmd
          gcdmd commented
          Editing a comment
          ComfortablyNumb
          There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.

        • Mr. Bones
          Mr. Bones commented
          Editing a comment
          Doc has th' Right of It, I do believe...
          Too Much Liquor? Ceegar? I've always held Winnie up as an inspiration, up there with John Wayne...
          YMMV

        • Atalanta
          Atalanta commented
          Editing a comment
          @Mr.Bones Don't forget George Burns, hit 100 with a cigar in one hand, a drink in the other, and show girls on both arms.
      • RonB
        Club Member
        • Apr 2016
        • 12156
        • Near Richmond VA
        • Weber Performer Deluxe
          SNS
          Pizza insert
          Rotisserie
          Smokenator 1000
          Cookshack Smokette Elite
          2 Thermapens
          Chefalarm
          Dot
          lots of probes.
          CyberQ

        Florida Woman, Using Her Beretta, Saves her Life in an Alligator Attack





        This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.



        "While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator.

        It began charging us with its large jaws wide open.

        It - she - must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.

        If I had not had my little Beretta .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!



        Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took.

        The 'gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace..

        It's one of the best pistols in my collection

        The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible.

        And his life insurance – a surprise bonus!"

        Comment


        • Mr. Bones
          Mr. Bones commented
          Editing a comment
          One of th' Best I've ever heard, so far!!!!!
          Thanks fer makin' my season, at th' least...

        • Locotech
          Locotech commented
          Editing a comment
          lol, don't be givin' women ideas.
      • RonB
        Club Member
        • Apr 2016
        • 12156
        • Near Richmond VA
        • Weber Performer Deluxe
          SNS
          Pizza insert
          Rotisserie
          Smokenator 1000
          Cookshack Smokette Elite
          2 Thermapens
          Chefalarm
          Dot
          lots of probes.
          CyberQ

        Someone just sent me this:

        Click image for larger version

Name:	maid_in_china-413x285.jpg
Views:	55
Size:	40.4 KB
ID:	385460

        Comment

        • Mudkat
          Club Member
          • Feb 2017
          • 2133
          • At a river near me, MD
          • Weber Smokey Mountain 14.5"
            Weber 22" Kettel
            Weber Smokey Joe (2)
            One Grill 45" Rotisserie
            Lodge 5 qt. Dutch Oven
            Lodge 10.5" Double Loop Skillet
            Cast Iron 9" Skillet
            Cast Iron 12" Skillet
            Weber 22 Grill Grates
            Home Built 55 Gallon Ugly Drum Smoker - "MUDS"

          After 30 years of marriage and raising two kids a woman asked her husband where did all the time go? Through our bank account an onto our waistes he replied!

          Comment

          • Willy
            Charter Member
            • Apr 2015
            • 1787
            • High Desert of the Great Southwest

            I think the fellow below has graduated from ruin sorbees to Microsoft tech support:



            "Tendjewberrymud"

            Be warned, you're may find yourself talking "funny" for a while after reading this. This has been nominated for best email of 1999.

            The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia.
            Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
            Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service"
            RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
            G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
            RS: "Ow July den?"
            G: "What??"
            RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
            G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
            RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
            G: "Crisp will be fine."
            RS: "Hokay. An San tos?"
            G: "What?"
            RS: "San tos. July San tos?"
            G: "I don't think so"
            RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
            G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means."
            RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
            G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
            RS: "We bother?"
            G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
            RS: "Wad?"
            G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
            RS: "Copy?"
            G: "Sorry?"
            RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
            G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
            RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
            G: "Whatever you say"
            RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
            G: "You're welcome"


            It is funny, but, hey, the guy speaks at least one more language than I do.

            Comment


            • FireMan
              FireMan commented
              Editing a comment
              Hilarious!
          • jgg85234
            Charter Member
            • Nov 2014
            • 738
            • Gilbert, AZ (Suburb of Phoenix)
            • *Cooking Equipment
              Kamado Joe Classic in Eucalyptus Table (2016)
              Kamado Joe Joetisserie (2017)
              Weber 22.5" Kettle (K Date Code - 1988) Wooden handles/wood side table
              Adrenaline BBQ Company Slow n Sear #61
              Adrenaline BBQ Company Drip n Griddle
              Weber Smokey Mountain 14.5" (2014)
              *Controllers
              Flame Boss 200
              *Thermometers
              Thermapen MK4 (Red)
              Thermopop (Red)
              Thermoworks TW8060 with grill and meat probes
              *Favorite Whisky - Knockando Speyside Single Malt
              *Favorite Red Wine - Clos du Bois Marlstone
              *Favorite White Wine - Sonoma Cutrer Chardonnay
              *Favorite Beer - Budweiser Budvar (Czechvar in the US) frisch vom fass
              *Favorites to grill - New York Strips or Top Sirloins, pizzas are fun too
              *Favorites to smoke - Baby Back or St. Louis Ribs, Pork Butts, Standing Rib Roast, Strip Loin Roast, Tri-Tip, Chicken, Turkey, Pork Loin, Cornish Hens

            Actually, Willy, I posted this a few years ago on AR. Written at the UN-IAEA while I was over there. Originally circulated at the UN in Vienna in 1994 or 1995.

            I'll repost the other one about making English the official language of Europe. I just have to find it again.

            Got a big chuckle out of CeramicChef at the time.

            When I posted it, I asked what room the caller was in. No one ever responded so here's the answer.

            Ass Ruin torino fee (that's room fourteen o three) (1403)

            Best regards,
            Jim

            Comment


            • Willy
              Willy commented
              Editing a comment
              Yep, it's an oldie for sure. I pegged the room as 1303...
          • Daddio on the Patio
            Former Member
            • Sep 2017
            • 68
            • Suburb south of Kansas City

            Why do they call it a roach clip?

            Because pot holder was already taken.

            Comment

            • Atalanta
              Club Member
              • Jul 2016
              • 430
              • Barnsley's Ford
              • Grills: 22" Weber (wood handles) (another Weber on the way), Lodge Sportsman "hibachi"
                Smoker: None yet, part of why I joined
                Thermometer: 10+ yr old Taylor digital thermometer with remote
                Sous Vide: Anovo Imersion Circulator (1st gen)
                Coffee Roaster: Hot Top Coffee Roaster
                Adult Beverages: Fighting Cock Bourbon, Leinny Shandy, Troegs Mad Elf

              Listening to news radio on my way to work (need those regular traffic reports!). I hear a bit about the problems Uber is having in London.

              So Uber will be starting a new service in London. When you call them, they'll send a flying nanny to get you. It'll be called Ubercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

              Comment


              • FireMan
                FireMan commented
                Editing a comment
                Thunder77, I didn’t know Spinaker wrote jokes.

              • Thunder77
                Thunder77 commented
                Editing a comment
                FireMan, I meant that it si the type of horrible joke that Spinaker would love!

              • Atalanta
                Atalanta commented
                Editing a comment
                Thunder77 FireMan Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment! LOL
            • Daddio on the Patio
              Former Member
              • Sep 2017
              • 68
              • Suburb south of Kansas City

              A son's father was turning 95, and he wanted to do something special for him. He decided he would send him a lady of the night to give him a spectacular time.

              The old man hears a knock on the door, opens it, and sees a gorgeous bombshell on his porch. She says, "Hi, I'm here to give you super sex for your birthday!" He says, "I'll have the soup."

              Comment


              • Atalanta
                Atalanta commented
                Editing a comment
                When I was doing the census in 2010, we'd have our district meetings in the Food Court at the local mall. At that same time, a group of Senior Citizens would also meet. One of the older gentlemen would wear a shirt that said, "Chick Magnet" and be surrounded by women.
            • RonB
              Club Member
              • Apr 2016
              • 12156
              • Near Richmond VA
              • Weber Performer Deluxe
                SNS
                Pizza insert
                Rotisserie
                Smokenator 1000
                Cookshack Smokette Elite
                2 Thermapens
                Chefalarm
                Dot
                lots of probes.
                CyberQ

              So I met this guy at the train station who was trying to kill himself.


              But I knew he was just looking for help, so I put him on the right track.

              Comment


              • CaptainMike
                CaptainMike commented
                Editing a comment
                Ugh!

              • kmhfive
                kmhfive commented
                Editing a comment
                Ooof! I’m standin’ at the station right now waitin’ on my wife. Train is only 14+ hours late!

            Announcement

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            Meat-Up in Memphis 2021

            Join us in Memphis for our Meat-Up! Space is limited to 400, secure your spot by booking early!
            Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis)
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            Meat-Up in Memphis

            T-Shirts & More T-Shirts & More
            Order men's and women's T-Shirts, Sweatshirts, Aprons, Mugs, Caps, Tote Bags, Flasks, and more, all imprinted with the Pitmaster Club logo. There's even a spiral bound journal where you can make notes on your cooks.

            Cool Embroidered Shirt Cool Embroidered Shirt
            This beautifully embroidered shirt is the same one Meathead wears in public and on TV. It's wash and wear and doesn't need ironing (really!), but it is a soft cottonlike feel. Choice of four colors and both men's and women's.

            Click here for more info.

            Support ARC

            Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, and it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! And remember, we only recommend products we love. If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon.

            https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

            BBQ Stars

            Spotlight

            These are not ads or paid placements. These Are Some Of Our Favorite Tools And Toys.

            These are products we have tested, won our top awards, and are highly recommend. Click here to read how we test, about our medals, and what they mean.

            Use our links when you buy things

            Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon

            https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

             


            Placeholder

            Surely you know somebody who loves outdoor cooking who deserves a gift for the holidays, birthday, anniversary, or just for being wonderful. There he is, right in the mirror! Here are our selections of best ideas, all Platinum or Gold Medalists, listed by price.

            Click here to see our list of Gold Medal Gifts


            Digital Thermometers Are Your Most Valuable Tool And Here's A Great Buy!

            maverick PT55 thermometer

            A good digital thermometer keeps you from serving dry overcooked food or dangerously undercooked food. They are much faster and much more accurate than dial thermometers. YOU NEED ONE!

            Click here for more info on the Maverick PT-55 Waterproof Instant-Read Thermometer Review shown above. It may be the best value in a thermometer out there


            If you have a Weber Kettle, you need the Slow 'N' Sear

            slow n sear

            The Slow 'N' Sear turns your grill into a first class smoker and also creates an extremely hot sear zone you can use to create steakhouse steaks.

            Click here for our article on this breakthrough tool


            Bring The Heat With Broil King Signet's Dual Tube Burners

            the good one grill

            The Broil King Signet 320 is a modestly priced, 3-burner gas grill that packs a lot of value and power under the hood. Broil King's proprietary, dual-tube burners get hot fast and are able to achieve high, searing temps that rival most comparatively priced gas grills. The quality cast aluminum housing carries a Limited Lifetime Warranty.

            Click here to read our complete review


            The Good-One Is A Superb Grill And A Superb Smoker All In One

            the good one grill

            The Good-One Open Range is a charcoal grill with an offset smoke chamber attached. It is dramatically different from a traditional offset smoker. The grill sits low in front and doubles as a firebox for the smoke chamber which is spliced on above and behind so it can work like a horizontal offset smoker only better. By placing the heat source behind and under the smokebox instead of off to the side, Open Range produces even temperature from left to right, something almost impossible to achieve with a standard barrel shaped offset.

            Click here to read our complete review


            Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker

            Griddle And Deep Fryer All In One

            The flat top does the burgers and the fryer does the fries. Use the griddle for bacon, eggs, and home fries. Or pancakes, fajitas, grilled cheese, you name it. Why stink up the house deep frying and spatter all over? Do your fried chicken and calamari outside. Blackstone's Rangetop Combo With Deep Fryer does it all. Plus it has a built in cutting board, garbage bag holder, and paper towel holder. An additional work table on the left side provides plenty of counter space.

            Click here to read our detailed review and to order


            Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker

            The Pit Barrel Cooker May Be Too Easy

            The PBC has a rabid cult following for good reason. It is absolutely positively without a doubt the best bargain on a smoker in the world. Period. This baby will cook circles around the cheap offset sideways barrel smokers in the hardware stores because temperature control is so much easier. Best of all, it is only $299 delivered to your door!

            Click here to read our detailed review and the raves from people who own them


            The Undisputed Champion!

            thermapen

            The Thermoworks Thermapen MK4 is considered by the pros, and our team, to be the single best instant read thermometer. Don't accept cheap substitutes.  Click here to read our test results and comprehensive review and why it won our Platinum Medal .


            Compact Powerful Sear Machine For Your Next Tailgater

            Placeholder

            Char-Broil's Grill2Go x200 is a super-portable, fun little sizzler made of heavy, rust-proof cast aluminum. The lid snaps shut. Grab the handle and you're off to the party! Char-Broil's TRU-Infrared design produces searing heat while reducing fuel consumption. A 16 ounce LP gas canister is enough to keep you flipping burgers for hours.

            Click here to read our detailed review and to order


            The Cool Kettle With The Hinged Hood We Always Wanted

            NK-22-Ck Grill

            Their NK22CK-C Charcoal Kettle Grill puts a few spins on the familiar kettle design. In fact, the hinged lid with a handle on the front, spins in a rotary motion 180 degrees. It's hard to beat a Weber kettle, but Napoleon holds its own and adds some unique features to make the NK22CK-C a viable alternative.

            Click here for more about what makes this grill special


            Placeholder

            G&F Suede Welder's Gloves

            Heat Resistant Gloves With Extra Long Sleeves Hold The Hot Stuff

            If you're using oven mitts at the grill, it's time to trade up. Say hello to these suede welder's gloves. They're heat resistant enough to handle hot grill grates, and flexible enough to handle tongs. The extra long sleeves even let you reach deep into the firebox to move hot logs without getting burned. Our Fave.

            Click here to read our detailed review

            Click here to order from Amazon


            GrillGrates Take Gas Grills To The Infrared Zone

            grill grates

            GrillGrates(TM) amplify heat, prevent flareups, make flipping foods easier, keep small foods from committing suicide, kill hotspots, are easier to clean, flip over to make a fine griddle, and can be easily removed and moved from one grill to another. You can even throw wood chips, pellets, or sawdust between the rails and deliver a quick burst of smoke to whatever is above. Every gas grill needs them.

            Click here for more about what makes these grates so special


            PK 360 grill

            Is This Superb Charcoal Grill A Kamado Killer?

            The PK-360, with 360 square inches of cooking space, this rust free, cast aluminum charcoal grill is durable and easy to use. Four-way venting means it's easy to set up for two zone cooking with more control than single vent Kamado grills. It is much easier to set up for 2-zone cooking than any round kamado. Beautifully designed and completely portable. Meathead says it is his preferrred grill.

            Click here to read our detailed review of the PK 360

            Click here to order it direct from PK and get a special deal for AmazingRibs.com readers only


            kareubequ bbq smoker

            Our Favorite Backyard Smoker

            The amazing Karubecue is the most innovative smoker in the world. The quality of meat from this machine is astonishing. At its crux is a patented firebox that burns logs above the cooking chamber and sucks heat and extremely clean blue smoke into the thermostat controlled oven. It is our favorite smoker, period.

            Click here for our review of this superb smoker


            Masterbuilt MPS 340/G ThermoTemp XL Propane Smoker

            masterbuilt gas smoker

            The First Propane Smoker With A Thermostat Makes This Baby Foolproof

            Set ThermoTemp's dial from 175° to 350°F and the thermostat inside will adjust the burner just like an indoor kitchen oven. All you need to do is add wood to the tray above the burner to start smokin'.

            Click here to read our detailed review


            Fireboard: The Ultimate Top Of The Line BBQ Thermometer

            fireboard bbq thermometer

            With the ability to monitor up to six temperatures simultaneously with either Bluetooth or Wifi on your mobile phone, tablet, or computer, Fireboard is the best digital thermometer we’ve tested.

            Click here to read our detailed review


            Finally, A Great Portable Pellet Smoker

            Green Mountain Davey Crockett Grill

            Green Mountain's portable Davy Crockett Pellet Smoker is one mean tailgating and picnic machine. But it's also gaining popularity with people who want to add a small, set it and forget it pellet smoker to their backyard arsenal. And with their WiFi capabilities you can control and monitor Davy Crocket from your smart phone or laptop.

            Click here to read our detailed review and to order