Jokes!

[HawkerXP]

Please don't yell at me.

"Whats a pirates favorite letter of the alphabet?"

"The Letter Rrrr"

"No!"

"Its the C he loves."

[JCGrill]

Oldie here.

A man has been having terrible headaches. He goes to the doctor who runs him through a battery of tests and tells him that the only solution is to have his testicles removed. The man is very depressed, but the headaches are debilitating, and so he proceeds.

After the surgery he is headache-free and he has a new outlook on life. Things are going to be OK, even without testicles. He decides to buy himself a new suit. He goes to a tailor, walks in and tells him he wants a new suit. The tailor looks him up and down and says, "let's see, 17 inch neck." "That's right, how did you know," says the man. "Been in business 40 years!" says the tailor. "And a 34 inch waste." "Right again!" says the man. "I told you, I've been in business 40 years," says the tailor.

"And a 36 inch inseam," says the tailor. "Ha!" says the man, "I'm a 34." "That's not possible," says the tailor. The man says, "really, I've always been a 34." The tailor says, "If you wear a 34 the pants will push your testicles up into the base of your spine and give you terrible headaches."

[MBMorgan]

Possibly one of the funniest videos I've ever seen: "Mousetrap Lego Mayhem"

It's on Facebook but it seems to be available to anyone (I hope) ... enjoy!

https://www.facebook.com/jmart.mall/...9946096227229/

If the facebook link doesn't work for you, here it is on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mBV5g87MIw

[Mosca]

[surfdog]

TWO OLD FRIENDS

Two guys grow up together but after college one moves to Michigan, and the other to Florida.
They agree to meet every ten years in Vero Beach and play golf.

At age 40, they finish their round of golf and decide to go to lunch.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Well, you know, they got the girls with the tight shirts and the tight shorts and those legs."
“OK."

Years later at age 50 they play again.
“Where you wanna go?”
"Hooters."
“Why?”
“Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games.”
“OK.”

Later at age 60 they play a round of golf.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“The food is pretty good and there is plenty of parking.”
”OK.”

At age 70 they play a round of golf.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Wings are half price for seniors.”
“OK.”

At age 80 they play their round of golf.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door.”
“OK.”

At age 90 they finish a round of golf.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“We’ve never been there before.”
"Ok."

[Willy]

When I call tech help, they ask me if I speak English. I say "yes" and they transfer me to a person whose English is so poor I can't understand them.

[Craigar]

I received this from a buddy that grew up in the Houston area:

[richinlbrg]

Here is the latest from Texas. Texans being Texans?

[Sephon]

I once told a joke about Infinity.

Never heard the end of it..........

[RonB]

The statement “You are what you eat” isn’t really true.

If you eat a vegetarian, you probably aren’t a vegetarian.

[MBMorgan]

Found on the interwebs: The grocery store vegan food shelves during a disaster

[JCBBQ]

Don't know if this has been posted already but it cracked me up, so here you go.

[Craigar]

Maybe she should have.

[Huskee]

Fry-splatter gloves

[Huskee]

Now why didn't I think of that? Genius!!