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2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled

We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for tentatively March 18-21, 2022. Click here for more info: https://pitmaster.amazingribs.com/forum/announcements/misc/1014106-meat-up-in-memphis-2021-canceled
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Jokes!

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  • Foehn Watts
    replied
    Ya need to be "of a certain age" for the following joke (--but of course you could look up the stuff on the net). I had to post it because it reminded me of the way I used to torture my boss at the school kitchen: I'd walk in singing "What's New Pussycat"; she'd moan and groan about the rest of the shift about that song running nonstop through her head. It always makes me smile!

    Joke:

    A guy goes to the doctor.

    "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"

    "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

    "Is it common?"

    "It's not unusual."

    Leave a comment:


  • Foehn Watts
    replied
    A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery,loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover carnage and wreckage. Finding the politicians, he buries them.

    The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?"

    The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."

    Leave a comment:


  • Foehn Watts
    replied

    What is the most common pregnancy craving?

    For men to be the ones who get pregnant.


    Leave a comment:


  • Donw
    commented on 's reply
    SheilaAnn Exactly. This is why when I find something I like I buy several. I’ll never find it again because it will have disappeared off the face of the earth by next week. My wife use to tease me because in my closets are usually 6 of the exact same shirts, 6 of the exact same pants, and boxes of the exact same shoes.

  • Foehn Watts
    commented on 's reply
    Donw -- Law #14 is also known as the First Law of Social Media, where NO logical argument possible . . .

  • pkadare
    replied
    Click image for larger version

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  • SheilaAnn
    commented on 's reply
    #17 has happened to me more times than I can remember 🤣🤣🤣

  • Donw
    commented on 's reply
    It must be a required class in schools now. Why is it that we have so many people in the world suffering from “Dunning Kruger” and practicing rule #14, the “Law of Logical Argument?” 🤔

  • ofelles
    replied
    Immutable laws


    1. Law of Mechanical Repair
    After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

    2. Law of Gravity
    Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

    3. Law of Probability
    The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

    4. Law of Random Numbers
    If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

    5. Variation Law
    If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

    6. Law of the Bath
    When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

    7. Law of Close Encounters
    The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

    8. Law of the Result
    When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

    9. Law of Biomechanics
    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    10. Law of the Theaters & Sports Arenas
    At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

    11. The Coffee Law
    As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

    12. Murphy's Law of Lockers
    If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
    13. Law of Physical Surfaces
    The chance of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor is directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

    14. Law of Logical Argument
    Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

    15. Law of Physical Appearance
    If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

    16. Law of Public Speaking
    A closed mouth gathers no feet!

    17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
    As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it or the store will stop selling it!


    If you don't forward this to your friends, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off. Really... It's true. I read it on the Internet!

    Leave a comment:


  • RonB
    replied
    An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.



    “I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

    “That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

    “The guy was your doctor…”

    Leave a comment:


  • coolfins
    replied
    So, this guy is walking down the beach in California and comes across this old lantern, rubs it and a genie pops out. (I'm guessing you've never heard of that happening). Genie says you have one wish. Guy says " I've always dreamt of going to Hawaii, but I'm terrified of water and flying. I'd like you to build me a bridge" Genie says " Are you kidding me. do you know what that would take? Pick something simpler. OK, I'd like to understand how women think. Genie says "Were you thinking of a two lane or four lane bridge?"

    Leave a comment:


  • Foehn Watts
    commented on 's reply
    Both.

  • Clark
    commented on 's reply
    Panhead John Correction, please. I am a Texan, but living in Oklahoma.

  • Bighorn Dave
    replied
    Seems appropriate enough.
    Attached Files

    Leave a comment:


  • Panhead John
    commented on 's reply
    Consider the source. He’s from Oklahoma. 😉

Announcement

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2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled

We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for tentatively March 18-21, 2022. Click here for more info: https://pitmaster.amazingribs.com/forum/announcements/misc/1014106-meat-up-in-memphis-2021-canceled
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A big part of this site is our unbiased equipment and product reviews. We love playing with toys and we have no problem calling them the way we see them. Some companies pay a finder's fee if a reader clicks a link on AmazingRibs.com and buys a product. It has zero impact on our reviews, zero impact on the price you pay, and the sites never tell us what you bought, but it has a major impact on our ability to keep this site alive! So before you buy, please click our links. Here's a link that takes you to a page on Amazon that has some of our favorite tools and toys:

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