Welcome!


This is a membership forum. As a guest, you can click around a bit. View 3 pages for free. If you would like to participate, please join.

[ Lost Username or Password | Pitmaster Club Information, | Join 30 Days Free | Contact Us ]

There are 2 page views remaining.

Announcement

Collapse

Meat-Up in Memphis 2021

Join us in Memphis for our Meat-Up! Space is limited to 400, secure your spot by booking early!
Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis)
See more
See less

Jokes!

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • martybartram
    Former Member
    • Apr 2016
    • 462
    • Vass, NC

    Click image for larger version

Name:	300697_370803336326140_1904842744_n.jpg
Views:	55
Size:	38.1 KB
ID:	347055

    Comment

    • martybartram
      Former Member
      • Apr 2016
      • 462
      • Vass, NC

      Click image for larger version

Name:	3297a3789c44a642eddf78d6b38d5d9a--grilling-bbq.jpg
Views:	52
Size:	142.5 KB
ID:	347057

      Comment

      • martybartram
        Former Member
        • Apr 2016
        • 462
        • Vass, NC

        Click image for larger version

Name:	hotdogholder.jpg
Views:	68
Size:	12.5 KB
ID:	347059

        Comment

        • Eugene A
          Charter Member
          • Aug 2014
          • 94
          • Port St John, FL (although the post office is Cocoa, FL)

          Jesus and Moses come down to earth to play a round of golf. Jesus tees off first. As He grabs a club, Moses says, "Lord, I don't think you should use that club." And Jesus replies, "This is the same club that Arnold Palmer uses on this hole. WHACK! Hole in one. Moses gets par. On the next hole, same thing, and Jesus says, "This is the same club that Arnold Palmer uses on this hole." And another hole in one. Moses gets one over. This goes on for the entire front nine, and each time Jesus gets a hole in one. On the tenth hole, as Jesus grabs a club, he looks at Moses, and Moses says nothing. WHACK! Jesus slices the ball, and it lands in the lake. Naturally, Jesus walks out onto the lake to retrieve the ball. While He's out there, another group comes by, and they see Him on the lake, and they say to Moses, "Who does he think he is, Jesus?" And Moses says, "No, He thinks He's Arnold Palmer."

          Comment

          • Breadhead
            Banned Former Member
            • Jul 2014
            • 1

            ......
            Attached Files

            Comment

            • Craigar
              Founding Member
              • Jul 2014
              • 1086
              • Papillion, NE
              • * - Weber 26.75" OTG
                * - Weber 22.5" Premium cloaked in Crimson
                * - Slow 'N Sear
                * - Smoke E-Z - 26.75" (The Grain Silo)
                * - Lodge Sportsman Grill
                * - Weber Rapid Fire Chimney Starter
                * - Thermoworks ThermoPop
                * - Thermoworks Dot
                * - iGrill2 - 4 probes
                * - Favorite Beer - the cold one in my hand (craft beers of all flavors; haven't had a blue yummy in over 6 years) my tastes change with the season so it is difficult to name just a couple. However, I will occasionally have a vanilla porter float in the summer (Empyrean Vanilla Porter w/a scoop of homemade vanilla ice cream) as I usually drink stouts & porters in the colder months, pale ales & IPAs in the warmer months. I have to add Not Your Father's Root Beer to beers I use for floats.
                * - Booze - I don't really have a favorite, but lean towards single malt Scotch & Irish whiskey
                * - Wines - Reds: mainly the heavy stuff mixed in with the occasional pinot noir ( I have yet to meet a malbec I didn't like); Whites: German & Nebraska (hey, I have to support the home team)
                * - Favorite Spice outlets - Frisco Spices in LaVista, NE (the local butcher supply shop); Volcanic Peppers in Bellevue, NE
                * - Current butchers: Just Good Meats & Fareway Foods

              A nun walks into the Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration.“What troubles you, Sister?” asked the Mother Superior. “I thought this was the day you spent with your family.”

              “It was,” sighed the Sister. “And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.”

              “I seem to recall that,” the Mother Superior agreed. “So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?”

              “Far from it,” snorted the Sister. “In fact, I took the Lord’s name in vain today!”

              “Goodness, Sister!” gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. “You must tell me all about it!”

              “Well, we were on the fifth tee — and this hole is a monster, Mother —540 yard par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green … and I hit the drive of my life. The sweetest swing I’ve ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted … and it hits a bird in mid-flight!”

              “Oh my!” commiserated the Mother Superior. “How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!”

              “No, that wasn’t it,” admitted the Sister. “While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!”

              “Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!” sympathized the Mother Superior.

              “But I didn’t, Mother!” sobbed the Sister. “And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!”

              “So that’s when you cursed,” said the Mother Superior with a knowing smile.

              “Nope, that wasn’t it either,” cried the Sister, anguished, “because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!”

              The Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said …“You missed the .......ing putt, didn’t you?”

              Comment


              • Breadhead
                Breadhead commented
                Editing a comment
                Missing that putt after all of that would have had Jesus himself cussing like a truck driver!😖

              • Mr. Bones
                Mr. Bones commented
                Editing a comment
                Or, worse yet, like a Seabee!

              • Breadhead
                Breadhead commented
                Editing a comment
                Or like my ex wife after our divorce when she discovered she couldn't invade my personally owned corporation.🤑🤑🤑 She squealed like a stuck pig.😆
            • Breadhead
              Banned Former Member
              • Jul 2014
              • 1

              These dogs got kicked out of their dog house...
              Attached Files

              Comment

              • JCGrill
                Club Member
                • Mar 2017
                • 1729
                • Minneapolis / St Paul burbs
                • Charcoal - 22" Weber Kettle
                  Gas - Saber
                  Smoker - Green Mountain Daniel Boone
                  Portable - Charbroil Tabletop Propane Grill

                A pilot crash lands on a deserted tropical island. He is marooned for years. One day he is amazed to see a person in SCUBA gear come walking out of the water. As he looks on the diver removes the breathing apparatus and wet suit hood, and he sees that it is a beautiful blonde. She walks up to him and says, "Is there anything that you would like?"

                "Well, I'd love a good cigar, but I suppose you don't have one of those," he says. She unzips a waterproof satchel and pulls out a cigar with a lighter. He takes a few puffs, and it's a great Cuban cigar. "Anything else?" she says.

                "I haven't had a martini for years," he says. She digs in the satchel, pulls out gin, vermouth, and a glass and mixes him a perfect martini.

                As he finishes the cigar and martini she says, "What else can I do?" The man replies, "Actually, I'm good!"

                "You mean after all these years of being alone on this island you don't want to play around?" she asks.

                The man's eyes get big and he says, "You have a set of golf clubs in there too?"

                Comment


                • Craigar
                  Craigar commented
                  Editing a comment
                  An oldie but a goodie!

                • gcdmd
                  gcdmd commented
                  Editing a comment
                  I thought it was going to be the clam digger one.
              • Craigar
                Founding Member
                • Jul 2014
                • 1086
                • Papillion, NE
                • * - Weber 26.75" OTG
                  * - Weber 22.5" Premium cloaked in Crimson
                  * - Slow 'N Sear
                  * - Smoke E-Z - 26.75" (The Grain Silo)
                  * - Lodge Sportsman Grill
                  * - Weber Rapid Fire Chimney Starter
                  * - Thermoworks ThermoPop
                  * - Thermoworks Dot
                  * - iGrill2 - 4 probes
                  * - Favorite Beer - the cold one in my hand (craft beers of all flavors; haven't had a blue yummy in over 6 years) my tastes change with the season so it is difficult to name just a couple. However, I will occasionally have a vanilla porter float in the summer (Empyrean Vanilla Porter w/a scoop of homemade vanilla ice cream) as I usually drink stouts & porters in the colder months, pale ales & IPAs in the warmer months. I have to add Not Your Father's Root Beer to beers I use for floats.
                  * - Booze - I don't really have a favorite, but lean towards single malt Scotch & Irish whiskey
                  * - Wines - Reds: mainly the heavy stuff mixed in with the occasional pinot noir ( I have yet to meet a malbec I didn't like); Whites: German & Nebraska (hey, I have to support the home team)
                  * - Favorite Spice outlets - Frisco Spices in LaVista, NE (the local butcher supply shop); Volcanic Peppers in Bellevue, NE
                  * - Current butchers: Just Good Meats & Fareway Foods

                Comment


                • Breadhead
                  Breadhead commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Yes... as soon as all the suits get involved NOTHING makes any sense anymore. That's why they lock up all of those weirdos in the corporate headquarters.😡

                • Craigar
                  Craigar commented
                  Editing a comment
                  That's no joke. Wait a minute...I kinda resemble that remark. Ha!

                • gcdmd
                  gcdmd commented
                  Editing a comment
                  It looks like a serving line. They're probably hard-boiled, which would validate both observations, by Breadhead and Craigar.
              • Breadhead
                Banned Former Member
                • Jul 2014
                • 1

                ......
                Attached Files

                Comment


                • Spinaker
                  Spinaker commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Hahaha
              • Breadhead
                Banned Former Member
                • Jul 2014
                • 1

                .......
                Attached Files

                Comment

                • Dusty
                  Club Member
                  • Apr 2016
                  • 109

                  Three trees & a woodpecker

                  It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but
                  Here is one:

                  Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small Tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is That a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannotTell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

                  The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if That is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

                  The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is
                  Neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the
                  Best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.

                  Now wipe that smile off your face. And pass it on.

                  Comment


                  • EdF
                    EdF commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Gentle, that one!

                  • ComfortablyNumb
                    ComfortablyNumb commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Not one dirty word, but double entendre.
                • gcdmd
                  Charter Member
                  • Sep 2014
                  • 972
                  • The Republic of Texas

                  There are several versions of this one, but they all come to the same conclusion:

                  A Mississippi woodpecker and a Texas woodpecker were in Mississippi
                  arguing about which state had the toughest trees to peck. The
                  Mississippi woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker can
                  peck. The Texas woodpecker challenged him and was able to peck a hole in
                  the tree with no problem. The Mississippi woodpecker was in awe. The
                  Texas woodpecker then challenged the Mississippi woodpecker to peck a
                  tree in Texas that no woodpecker had been able to peck successfully.
                  After flying to Texas, the Mississippi woodpecker successfully pecked
                  the tree with no problem.

                  The two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Texas
                  woodpecker was able to peck the Mississippi tree and the Mississippi
                  woodpecker was able to peck the Texas tree when neither one was able to
                  peck the tree in their own state?

                  After thinking for some time they both came to the same conclusion:

                  Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home

                  Comment

                  • Craigar
                    Founding Member
                    • Jul 2014
                    • 1086
                    • Papillion, NE
                    • * - Weber 26.75" OTG
                      * - Weber 22.5" Premium cloaked in Crimson
                      * - Slow 'N Sear
                      * - Smoke E-Z - 26.75" (The Grain Silo)
                      * - Lodge Sportsman Grill
                      * - Weber Rapid Fire Chimney Starter
                      * - Thermoworks ThermoPop
                      * - Thermoworks Dot
                      * - iGrill2 - 4 probes
                      * - Favorite Beer - the cold one in my hand (craft beers of all flavors; haven't had a blue yummy in over 6 years) my tastes change with the season so it is difficult to name just a couple. However, I will occasionally have a vanilla porter float in the summer (Empyrean Vanilla Porter w/a scoop of homemade vanilla ice cream) as I usually drink stouts & porters in the colder months, pale ales & IPAs in the warmer months. I have to add Not Your Father's Root Beer to beers I use for floats.
                      * - Booze - I don't really have a favorite, but lean towards single malt Scotch & Irish whiskey
                      * - Wines - Reds: mainly the heavy stuff mixed in with the occasional pinot noir ( I have yet to meet a malbec I didn't like); Whites: German & Nebraska (hey, I have to support the home team)
                      * - Favorite Spice outlets - Frisco Spices in LaVista, NE (the local butcher supply shop); Volcanic Peppers in Bellevue, NE
                      * - Current butchers: Just Good Meats & Fareway Foods

                    Another newsletter dandy:

                    My tentative travel plans for 2017

                    I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.
                    Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with
                    someone.

                    I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

                    I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to
                    be driven there. I have made several trips there thanks to my friends,
                    family and work.

                    I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not
                    too much on physical activity anymore.

                    I have been in Decisive...at least I think so.

                    I have also been in Doubt, but it makes me uncomfortable. So I try to
                    live by the motto: Often wrong, but never in Doubt.

                    I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to not bend.

                    Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

                    One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the
                    adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the
                    stimuli I can get!

                    And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible, but life shows me I am not.

                    People keep telling me I'm in Denial, but I'm certain I've never been
                    there before!

                    I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember much, except that
                    it is very damp there.

                    I have been in Deepshit many times; the older I get, the easier it is
                    to get there.


                    I hope everyone is happy in your head - we're all doing pretty well in mine!

                    Comment


                    • tbob4
                      tbob4 commented
                      Editing a comment
                      Spinaker !!!!!

                    • gcdmd
                      gcdmd commented
                      Editing a comment
                      I hope to never be in Flammable, but every time I go shopping with my wife I find myself in Expensive.
                  • Willy
                    Charter Member
                    • Apr 2015
                    • 1792
                    • High Desert of the Great Southwest

                    I dialed a number and got the following recording:
                    "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
                    I am making some changes in my life.
                    Please leave a message after the
                    Beep. If I do not return your call,
                    You are one of the changes."

                    ~~~~~
                    My spouse and I had words,
                    But I didn't get to use mine.

                    ~~~~~
                    Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

                    ~~~~~
                    The irony of life is that, by the time
                    You're old enough to know your way around,
                    you're not going anywhere.

                    ~~~~~
                    I was always taught to respect my elders,
                    But it keeps getting harder to find one.

                    ~~~~~
                    A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles
                    while taking a bath.
                    "Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?"
                    "Not yet," she replied...

                    Edit Add-on: Sorry--cut 'n' pasted and I can't fix the right margin.

                    Comment


                    • EdF
                      EdF commented
                      Editing a comment
                      "Not yet" LOL!

                    • gcdmd
                      gcdmd commented
                      Editing a comment
                      Sometimes I copy and paste into a Word document and then edit and copy and paste into the AR reply or comment.

                  Announcement

                  Collapse

                  Meat-Up in Memphis 2021

                  Join us in Memphis for our Meat-Up! Space is limited to 400, secure your spot by booking early!
                  Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis)
                  See more
                  See less
                  Working...
                  X
                  Meat-Up in Memphis

                  T-Shirts & More T-Shirts & More
                  Order men's and women's T-Shirts, Sweatshirts, Aprons, Mugs, Caps, Tote Bags, Flasks, and more, all imprinted with the Pitmaster Club logo. There's even a spiral bound journal where you can make notes on your cooks.

                  Cool Embroidered Shirt Cool Embroidered Shirt
                  This beautifully embroidered shirt is the same one Meathead wears in public and on TV. It's wash and wear and doesn't need ironing (really!), but it is a soft cottonlike feel. Choice of four colors and both men's and women's.

                  Click here for more info.

                  Support ARC

                  Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, and it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! And remember, we only recommend products we love. If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon.

                  https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

                  BBQ Stars

                  Spotlight

                  These are not ads or paid placements. These Are Some Of Our Favorite Tools And Toys.

                  These are products we have tested, won our top awards, and are highly recommend. Click here to read how we test, about our medals, and what they mean.

                  Use our links when you buy things

                  Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon

                  https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

                   


                  If you have a Weber Kettle, you need the Slow 'N' Sear

                  slow n sear

                  The Slow 'N' Sear turns your grill into a first class smoker and also creates an extremely hot sear zone you can use to create steakhouse steaks.

                  Click here for our article on this breakthrough tool


                  The Good-One Is A Superb Grill And A Superb Smoker All In One

                  the good one grill

                  The Good-One Open Range is dramatically different from a traditional offset smoker. By placing the heat source behind and under the smokebox instead of off to the side, Open Range produces even temperature from left to right, something almost impossible to achieve with a standard barrel shaped offset.

                  Click here to read our complete review


                  Griddle And Deep Fryer In One

                  Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker

                  The flat top does the burgers and the fryer does the fries. Use the griddle for bacon, eggs, and home fries. Or pancakes, fajitas, grilled cheese, you name it. Why stink up the house deep frying and spatter all over? Do your fried chicken and calamari outside. Blackstone's Rangetop Combo With Deep Fryer does it all!

                  Click here to read our detailed review and to order


                  The Pit Barrel Cooker May Be Too Easy

                  Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker

                  The PBC has a rabid cult following for good reason. It is absolutely positively without a doubt the best bargain on a smoker in the world. Period. This baby will cook circles around the cheap offset sideways barrel smokers because temperature control is so much easier.

                  Click here to read our detailed review and the raves from people who own them


                  The Undisputed Champion!

                  thermapen

                  The Thermoworks Thermapen MK4 is considered by the pros, and our team, to be the single best instant read thermometer. The MK4 includes features that are common on high-end instruments: automatic backlight and rotating display. Don't accept cheap substitutes.

                  Click here to read our comprehensive Platinum Medal review


                  Grilla Pellet Smoker proves good things come in small packages

                  Grilla pellet smoker

                  We always liked Grilla. The small 31.5" x 29.5" footprint makes it ideal for use where BBQ space is limited, as on a condo patio.

                  Click here for our review on this unique smoker


                  Delta by Nuke,
                  Stylish and Affordable
                  Gaucho Grill

                  Weber Genesis Grill

                  Delta by Nuke burns wood or charcoal and comes with an adjustable height grill grate. This Argentinian grill will get your flame on!

                  Click here to read our complete review


                  Genesis II E-335 
                  A Versatile Gasser That Does It All!

                  Weber Genesis Grill

                  Weber’s Genesis line has long been one of the most popular choices for gas grillers. The new Genesis II E-335 offers solid performance, a sear burner for sizzling heat and an excellent warranty.

                  Click here to read our complete review


                  GrillGrates Take Gas Grills To The Infrared Zone

                  grill grates

                  GrillGrates(TM) amplify heat, prevent flareups, make flipping foods easier, kill hotspots, flip over to make a fine griddle, and can be easily rmoved from one grill to another. You can even throw wood chips, pellets, or sawdust between the rails and deliver a quick burst of smoke.

                  Click here for more about what makes these grates so special


                  Is This Superb Charcoal Grill A Kamado Killer?

                  PK 360 grill

                  The PK-360, with 360 square inches of cooking space, this rust free, cast aluminum charcoal grill is durable and easy to use. Four-way venting means it's easy to set up for two zone cooking with more control than single vent Kamado grills. It is beautifully designed, completely portable, and much easier to set up for 2-zone cooking than any round kamado.

                  Click here to read our detailed review of the PK 360

                  Click here to order directly and get an exclusive AmazingRibs.com deal


                  Our Favorite Backyard Smoker

                  kareubequ bbq smoker

                  The amazing Karubecue is the most innovative smoker in the world. The quality of meat from this machine is astonishing. At its crux is a patented firebox that burns logs above the cooking chamber and sucks heat and extremely clean blue smoke into the thermostat controlled oven. It is our favorite smoker, period.

                  Click here for our review of this superb smoker


                  Masterbuilt MPS 340/G ThermoTemp XL Propane Smoker

                  masterbuilt gas smoker

                  This is the first propane smoker with a thermostat, making this baby foolproof. Set ThermoTemp's dial from 175° to 350°F and the thermostat inside will adjust the burner just like an indoor kitchen oven. All you need to do is add wood to the tray above the burner to start smokin'.

                  Click here to read our detailed review


                  Digital Thermometers Are Your Most Valuable Tool And Here's A Great Buy!

                  maverick PT55 thermometer

                  A good digital thermometer keeps you from serving dry overcooked food or dangerously undercooked food. They are much faster and much more accurate than dial thermometers. YOU NEED ONE!

                  Click here to read our complete review


                  Track Up To Six Temperatures At Once

                  Grilla pellet smoker

                  FireBoard Drive 2 is an updated version of a well-received product that sets the standard for performance and functionality in the wireless food thermometer/thermostatic controller class.

                  Click here for our review of this unique device


                  The Cool Kettle With The Hinged Hood We Always Wanted

                  NK-22-Ck Grill

                  Napoleon's NK22CK-C Charcoal Kettle Grill puts a few spins on the familiar kettle design. In fact, the hinged lid with a handle on the front, spins in a rotary motion 180 degrees. It's hard to beat a Weber kettle, but Napoleon holds its own and adds some unique features to make the NK22CK-C a viable alternative.

                  Click here for more about what makes this grill special


                  Finally, A Great Portable Pellet Smoker

                  Green Mountain Davey Crockett Grill

                  Green Mountain's portable Davy Crockett Pellet Smoker is one mean tailgating and picnic machine. But it's also gaining popularity with people who want to add a small, set it and forget it pellet smoker to their backyard arsenal. And with their WiFi capabilities you can control and monitor Davy Crocket from your smart phone or laptop.

                  Click here to read our detailed review and to order