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Meat-Up in Memphis 2020

Join us in Memphis for our Meat-Up! Space is limited to 400, secure your spot by booking early! Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis2020)
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  • gcdmd
    Charter Member
    • Sep 2014
    • 898
    • The Republic of Texas

    I heard this several years ago on "Prairie Home Companion." Imagine Garrison Keillor reading it.

    The King James Version might be even funnier.

    Laws Concerning Food and Drink; Household Principles; Lamentations of the Father

    IAN FRAZIER

    Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room.



    Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.

    But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

    And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke. Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away. When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck; for you will be sent away.

    When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you. Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is. And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why. Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

    Laws Pertaining to Dessert
    For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert. But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof. And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.

    On Screaming
    Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault. Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet do not die.

    Concerning Face and Hands
    Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon. And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.

    Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances
    Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building; nor eat sand.Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not that humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.

    Complaints and Lamentations
    O my children, you are disobedient. For when I tell you what you must do, you argue and dispute hotly even to the littlest detail; and when I do not accede, you cry out, and hit and kick. Yes, and even sometimes do you spit, and shout "stupid-head" and other blasphemies, and hit and kick the wall and the molding thereof when you are sent to the corner. And though the law teaches that no one shall be sent to the corner for more minutes than he has years of age, yet I would leave you there all day, so mighty am I in anger. But upon being sent to the corner you ask straightaway, "Can I come out?" and I reply, "No, you may not come out." And again you ask, and again I give the same reply. But when you ask again a third time, then you may come out.

    Hear me, O my children, for the bills they kill me. I pay and pay again, even to the twelfth time in a year, and yet again they mount higher than before. For our health, that we may be covered, I give six hundred and twenty talents twelve times in a year; but even this covers not the fifteen hundred deductible for each member of the family within a calendar year. And yet for ordinary visits we still are not covered, nor for many medicines, nor for the teeth within our mouths. Guess not at what rage is in my mind, for surely you cannot know.

    For I will come to you at the first of the month and at the fifteenth of the month with the bills and a great whining and moan. And when the month of taxes comes, I will decry the wrong and unfairness of it, and mourn with wine and ashtrays, and rend my receipts. And you shall remember that I am that I am: before, after, and until you are twenty-one. Hear me then, and avoid me in my wrath, O children of me.
    Last edited by gcdmd; April 5th, 2017, 09:45 AM.

    Comment


    • Willy
      Willy commented
      Editing a comment
      Leviticus or Deuteronomy?

    • FireMan
      FireMan commented
      Editing a comment
      That is a marvelous piece. I have/had a very bad headache, that was very soothing & funny. I really lost it at the do not eat sand part.

    • Thunder77
      Thunder77 commented
      Editing a comment
      Love the laws pertaining to dessert!! :-P
  • richinlbrg
    Founding Member
    • Jul 2014
    • 1797
    • Leesburg, VA. (Northern, VA)
    • We have two weber kettle grills (one LARGE and one small/average), the SnS and the Weber Smokey Mountain 18" smoker. We use both natural lump charcoal and KNB for smoking and measure our temps with a Maverick 733, thermopen and MK4. Favorite beer depends on what is cooking (alt answer is yes).



    Too true not to post

    Comment


    • Spinaker
      Spinaker commented
      Editing a comment
      100% Great Post!

    • Willy
      Willy commented
      Editing a comment
      Ain't that a walleye?
  • Breadhead
    Banned Former Member
    • Jul 2014
    • 1

    I stayed up late last night making brownies for my grandkids. They don't get very many treats with sugar in it so they were excited when I told them I made brownies for them...🤗












    They weren't very excited to see that it was an April fools joke...🙄
    Attached Files

    Comment


    • Spinaker
      Spinaker commented
      Editing a comment
      Hahahaha. Good one Gramps! What did they say?

    • Breadhead
      Breadhead commented
      Editing a comment
      You know that chuckle with a frown expression.😏 They understood the humor but they would have much rather of had a real brownie.
  • Huskee
    Pit Boss/Manager
    • May 2014
    • 13806
    • central MI, USA
    • Follow me on Instagram, huskeesbarbecue
      Smokers / Grills
      • Yoder loaded Wichita offset smoker
      • PBC
      • Grilla Silverbac pellet grill
      • Slow 'N Sear Deluxe Kamado (SnSK)
      • Dyna-Glo XL Premium dual chamber charcoal grill
      • Weber 22" Original Kettle Premium (copper)
      • Weber 26" Original Kettle Premium (black)
      • Weber Jumbo Joe Gold (18.5")
      • Weber Smokey Joe Silver (14.5")
      • Brinkmann cabinet charcoal smoker (repurposed)


      Thermometers
      • (3) Maverick XR-50: 4-probe Wireless Thermometers
      • (7) Maverick ET-732s
      • (1) Maverick ET-735 Bluetooth (in box)
      • (1) Smoke by ThermoWorks
      • (1) Signals by ThermoWorks
      • Thermapen MkII, orange
      • ThermoPop, yellow
      • ThermoWorks ChefAlarm
      • Morpilot 6-probe wireless
      • ThermoWorks Infrared IRK2
      • ThermoWorks fridge & freezer therms as well


      Accessories
      • Instant Pot 6qt
      • Anova Bluetooth SV
      • Kitchen Aide mixer & meat grinder attachment
      • Kindling Cracker King (XL)
      • BBQ Dragon
      • Weber full & half chimneys, Char-Broil Half Time chimney
      • Weber grill topper
      • Slow 'N Sear Original, XL, and SnS Charcoal Basket (for Jumbo Joe)
      • Drip 'N Griddle Pan, 22' Easy Spin Grate, and Elevated Cooking grate, by ABCbarbecue
      • Pittsburgh Digital Moisture Meter


      Beverages
      • Favorite summer beer: Leinenkugels Summer & Grapefruit Shandy, Hamm's, Michelob Ultra Pure Gold
      • Fav other beer: DAB, Sam Adams regular, Third Shift amber or Coors Batch 19, Stella Artois
      • Fav cheap beers: Pabst, High Life, Hamm's & Stroh's
      • Most favorite beer: The one in your fridge
      • Wine: Red- big, bold, tannic & peppery- Petite Sirah, Zinfandel, Cabernet Sauv, Sangiovese, Syrah, etc
      • Whiskey: Buffalo Trace, Eagle Rare, E.H. Taylor, Blanton's, Old Forester 1870, Elijah Craig, Basil Hayden's. Neat please.
      • Scotch: Current favorite- The Arran (anything by them), Glenmorangie 12yr Lasanta, sherry cask finished. The Balvenie Double Wood, also like Oban 18yr, and The Glenlivet Nadurra (Oloroso sherry cask finished) among others. Neat please.


      About me
      Real name: Aaron
      Location: Farwell, Michigan- near Clare. (dead center of lower peninsula)

      Occupation:
      • Healthcare- Licensed & Registered Respiratory Therapist (RRT) for MidMichigan Health, a University of Michigan Health System.

    Kid: Dad, am I adopted?

    Dad: What!? No way! You're "Daniel". What would possess you to ask that, and why on earth would anyone name you Adopted? That's just weird son. Besides, even if we wanted to call you that your name was already Daniel when we adopted you.

    Comment

    • Willy
      Charter Member
      • Apr 2015
      • 1767
      • High Desert of the Great Southwest

      The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

      Here are the winners:

      1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

      2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and a jerk.

      3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

      4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

      5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

      6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

      7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

      8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it

      9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

      10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

      11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

      12. Decafhalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

      13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

      14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

      15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web

      16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

      17. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn when you discover half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

      The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

      And the winners are:

      1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

      2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

      3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

      4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

      5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

      6. Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

      7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

      8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

      9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

      10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

      11. Testicle, n A humorous question on an exam.

      12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

      13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

      Comment


      • FireMan
        FireMan commented
        Editing a comment
        My favorite was like the Karmagedon, ya know.
    • Willy
      Charter Member
      • Apr 2015
      • 1767
      • High Desert of the Great Southwest

      Behind every great fortune there lies a crime.

      Comment


      • Breadhead
        Breadhead commented
        Editing a comment
        Fighting a lawsuit with $250,000 in legal fee's when you can settle out of court for $150,000 is financial abuse of your networth.😖 Is principle worth $100,000? We live in a very litigious society. Calculate your cost of doing business carefully.

      • Willy
        Willy commented
        Editing a comment
        The key thought in this post is "GREAT FORTUNE". I ain't talking 'bout folks who work hard and achieve a good measure of financial success. :«)
        Last edited by Willy; April 2nd, 2017, 08:48 PM.

      • Spinaker
        Spinaker commented
        Editing a comment
        C'mon Gents, Lets move it back to telling jokes and sharing laughs. Breadhead Willy
    • Steve Vojtek
      Charter Member
      • Mar 2015
      • 613
      • Melbourne Australia
      • 6 & 2 burner gas BBQ's
        Diy electric smoker
        A-maze-n-tube 12 inch
        Gas powered pizza oven
        GMG Davy Crockett with Wifi
        Rosle 24 inch charcoal kettle
        Slow'nSear - my favourite
        2 x Thermapens
        2 x wireless thermometers
        3 x wired thermometers
        Favourite drink:
        Scotch whiskey various brands
        American Honey WT
        And beer ....
        And at work just plain old chilled water....

      Let's have some fun....
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      Hehehehe..


      ​​​​​​​

      Comment


      • tbob4
        tbob4 commented
        Editing a comment
        I'm guilty of the top two cartoons!

      • Spinaker
        Spinaker commented
        Editing a comment
        LOl on the first one!!! Hahahaha

      • gcdmd
        gcdmd commented
        Editing a comment
        The middle one reminds me of a time when my neighbor's boxer came over into my yard with a big piece of fried chicken in his mouth. He was a great dog, and I was on very good terms with him, but there was no way I was going to try and take it away from him, choking hazard or no.
        Last edited by gcdmd; April 4th, 2017, 05:08 AM.
    • Steve Vojtek
      Charter Member
      • Mar 2015
      • 613
      • Melbourne Australia
      • 6 & 2 burner gas BBQ's
        Diy electric smoker
        A-maze-n-tube 12 inch
        Gas powered pizza oven
        GMG Davy Crockett with Wifi
        Rosle 24 inch charcoal kettle
        Slow'nSear - my favourite
        2 x Thermapens
        2 x wireless thermometers
        3 x wired thermometers
        Favourite drink:
        Scotch whiskey various brands
        American Honey WT
        And beer ....
        And at work just plain old chilled water....

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      Comment


      • Spinaker
        Spinaker commented
        Editing a comment
        That phone number tho..... hahahahahaha
    • Shane Rakow
      Club Member
      • Oct 2016
      • 569
      • Nebraska
      • Traeger Pellet w/ add-on Cold Smoker attachment (2008)
        Weber-22" Kettle w/SnS Plus (2002)
        Brinkman Bullet Smoker (super old)
        Little Chief (really, really old)
        Kenmore Propane 4-burner w/Searing Station (2015)
        Burn Pit (1992)
        ThermoWorks Smoke (2016)
        ThermoWorks Thermapen (old, waiting to win a new one)

        Favorite Dog Breed: German Shorthair Pointer
        Favorite Car: The ones that start
        Favorite Month: October
        Favorite Steak: Ribeye, rare, and reverse seared

      Dry brine, about 350F, apple wood?


      Comment


      • tbob4
        tbob4 commented
        Editing a comment
        You think they are serving on bread or crackers?

      • Steve Vojtek
        Steve Vojtek commented
        Editing a comment
        Supply is limited..Hahahaha
    • Spinaker
      Moderator
      • Nov 2014
      • 9819
      • Land of Tonka
      • John "J R"
        Instagram: JRBowlsby
        Smokin' Hound Que
        Minnesota/ United States of America

        ********************************************
        Assistants
        Dexter (Beagle mix)
        Kinnick (American Foxhound)
        ************************

        Grills/Smokers/Fryers
        Big Green Egg (Large) X2
        Blackstone 36" Outdoor Griddle 4-Burner

        Broil King Keg
        Karubeque C-60
        Kamado Joe Jr. (Black)
        Lodge L410 Hibachi
        Pit Barrel Cooker
        Pit Barrel Cooker 2.0
        R&V Works FF2-R-ST 4-Gallon Fryer

        Weber Spirit Gasser
        ******************.
        Thermometers
        FireBoard (Base Package)
        Thermoworks ThermaPen (Red)
        Thermoworks MK4 (Orange)
        **************

        Accessories
        BBQ Dragon
        Big Green Egg Plate Setter
        Benzomatic TS4000 Torch X 2
        Benzomatic TS800 High Temp Torch X 2

        Bayou Classic 44 qt Stainless Stock Pot
        Bayou Classic 35K BTU Burner

        Digi Q DX2 (Medium Pit Viper Fan)
        Dragon VT 2-23 C Torch
        Eggspander Kit X2
        Field Skillet No. 8,10,12

        Finex Cat Iron Line
        FireBoard Drive
        Lots and Lots of Griswold Cast Iron
        Grill Grates
        Joule Water Circulator
        KBQ Fire Grate

        Kick Ash Basket (KAB) X4
        Lots of Lodge Cast Iron
        Husky 6 Drawer BBQ Equipment Cabinet
        Large Vortex
        Marlin 1894 .44 Magnum
        Marquette Castings No. 13 (First Run)
        Smithey No. 12
        Smokeware Chimney Cap X 3
        Stargazer No.10, 12
        Tool Wizard BBQ Tongs
        Univex Duro 10" Meat Slicer
        ********************************
        Fuel
        FOGO Priemium Lump Charcoal
        Kingsford Blue and White
        Rockwood Lump Charcoal
        Apple, Cherry & Oak Log splits for the C-60
        **************************

        Cutlery
        Buck 119 Special
        Dexter 12" Brisket Sword
        Global
        Shun
        Wusthof
        *******
        Next Major Purchase
        Lone Star Grillz 24 X 48 Offset

      Breaking News............The Energizer Bunny has just been arrested.



      He was charged with a battery.

      Comment


      • Steve Vojtek
        Steve Vojtek commented
        Editing a comment
        They should give him the "Electric chair" he'll get a buzz out of that...hahahahaha..
    • Breadhead
      Banned Former Member
      • Jul 2014
      • 1

      A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic.But let me ask you a question first." "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea." "Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

      Comment

      • Breadhead
        Banned Former Member
        • Jul 2014
        • 1

        Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund...🙀

        Comment


        • Steve Vojtek
          Steve Vojtek commented
          Editing a comment
          Yeah Chuck is indestructible....but so is Arnie...
      • Breadhead
        Banned Former Member
        • Jul 2014
        • 1

        Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

        Comment


        • Spinaker
          Spinaker commented
          Editing a comment
          Very solid run.
      • Spinaker
        Moderator
        • Nov 2014
        • 9819
        • Land of Tonka
        • John "J R"
          Instagram: JRBowlsby
          Smokin' Hound Que
          Minnesota/ United States of America

          ********************************************
          Assistants
          Dexter (Beagle mix)
          Kinnick (American Foxhound)
          ************************

          Grills/Smokers/Fryers
          Big Green Egg (Large) X2
          Blackstone 36" Outdoor Griddle 4-Burner

          Broil King Keg
          Karubeque C-60
          Kamado Joe Jr. (Black)
          Lodge L410 Hibachi
          Pit Barrel Cooker
          Pit Barrel Cooker 2.0
          R&V Works FF2-R-ST 4-Gallon Fryer

          Weber Spirit Gasser
          ******************.
          Thermometers
          FireBoard (Base Package)
          Thermoworks ThermaPen (Red)
          Thermoworks MK4 (Orange)
          **************

          Accessories
          BBQ Dragon
          Big Green Egg Plate Setter
          Benzomatic TS4000 Torch X 2
          Benzomatic TS800 High Temp Torch X 2

          Bayou Classic 44 qt Stainless Stock Pot
          Bayou Classic 35K BTU Burner

          Digi Q DX2 (Medium Pit Viper Fan)
          Dragon VT 2-23 C Torch
          Eggspander Kit X2
          Field Skillet No. 8,10,12

          Finex Cat Iron Line
          FireBoard Drive
          Lots and Lots of Griswold Cast Iron
          Grill Grates
          Joule Water Circulator
          KBQ Fire Grate

          Kick Ash Basket (KAB) X4
          Lots of Lodge Cast Iron
          Husky 6 Drawer BBQ Equipment Cabinet
          Large Vortex
          Marlin 1894 .44 Magnum
          Marquette Castings No. 13 (First Run)
          Smithey No. 12
          Smokeware Chimney Cap X 3
          Stargazer No.10, 12
          Tool Wizard BBQ Tongs
          Univex Duro 10" Meat Slicer
          ********************************
          Fuel
          FOGO Priemium Lump Charcoal
          Kingsford Blue and White
          Rockwood Lump Charcoal
          Apple, Cherry & Oak Log splits for the C-60
          **************************

          Cutlery
          Buck 119 Special
          Dexter 12" Brisket Sword
          Global
          Shun
          Wusthof
          *******
          Next Major Purchase
          Lone Star Grillz 24 X 48 Offset

        Why don't Crabs give to charity.........


        They're shellfish

        Comment


        • Thunder77
          Thunder77 commented
          Editing a comment
          Gold Brother! That is so bad, it's good!

        • Spinaker
          Spinaker commented
          Editing a comment
          hahahaha Thunder77
      • Spinaker
        Moderator
        • Nov 2014
        • 9819
        • Land of Tonka
        • John "J R"
          Instagram: JRBowlsby
          Smokin' Hound Que
          Minnesota/ United States of America

          ********************************************
          Assistants
          Dexter (Beagle mix)
          Kinnick (American Foxhound)
          ************************

          Grills/Smokers/Fryers
          Big Green Egg (Large) X2
          Blackstone 36" Outdoor Griddle 4-Burner

          Broil King Keg
          Karubeque C-60
          Kamado Joe Jr. (Black)
          Lodge L410 Hibachi
          Pit Barrel Cooker
          Pit Barrel Cooker 2.0
          R&V Works FF2-R-ST 4-Gallon Fryer

          Weber Spirit Gasser
          ******************.
          Thermometers
          FireBoard (Base Package)
          Thermoworks ThermaPen (Red)
          Thermoworks MK4 (Orange)
          **************

          Accessories
          BBQ Dragon
          Big Green Egg Plate Setter
          Benzomatic TS4000 Torch X 2
          Benzomatic TS800 High Temp Torch X 2

          Bayou Classic 44 qt Stainless Stock Pot
          Bayou Classic 35K BTU Burner

          Digi Q DX2 (Medium Pit Viper Fan)
          Dragon VT 2-23 C Torch
          Eggspander Kit X2
          Field Skillet No. 8,10,12

          Finex Cat Iron Line
          FireBoard Drive
          Lots and Lots of Griswold Cast Iron
          Grill Grates
          Joule Water Circulator
          KBQ Fire Grate

          Kick Ash Basket (KAB) X4
          Lots of Lodge Cast Iron
          Husky 6 Drawer BBQ Equipment Cabinet
          Large Vortex
          Marlin 1894 .44 Magnum
          Marquette Castings No. 13 (First Run)
          Smithey No. 12
          Smokeware Chimney Cap X 3
          Stargazer No.10, 12
          Tool Wizard BBQ Tongs
          Univex Duro 10" Meat Slicer
          ********************************
          Fuel
          FOGO Priemium Lump Charcoal
          Kingsford Blue and White
          Rockwood Lump Charcoal
          Apple, Cherry & Oak Log splits for the C-60
          **************************

          Cutlery
          Buck 119 Special
          Dexter 12" Brisket Sword
          Global
          Shun
          Wusthof
          *******
          Next Major Purchase
          Lone Star Grillz 24 X 48 Offset

        I forgot to mention......I gave all my old batteries away today......


        Free of CHARGE

        Comment


        • Spinaker
          Spinaker commented
          Editing a comment
          Yep. Thats how we like 'em!!! Haha Willy

        • Steve Vojtek
          Steve Vojtek commented
          Editing a comment
          Two for the price of one! The joke and tbob4' comment.... Priceless!!!!! LOL

        • Thunder77
          Thunder77 commented
          Editing a comment
          what a SHOCKING thing to do! I feel depleted...

      Announcement

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      Meat-Up in Memphis 2020

      Join us in Memphis for our Meat-Up! Space is limited to 400, secure your spot by booking early! Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis2020)
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      Meat-Up in Memphis

      T-Shirts & More T-Shirts & More
      Order men's and women's T-Shirts, Sweatshirts, Aprons, Mugs, Caps, Tote Bags, Flasks, and more, all imprinted with the Pitmaster Club logo. There's even a spiral bound journal where you can make notes on your cooks.

      Cool Embroidered Shirt Cool Embroidered Shirt
      This beautifully embroidered shirt is the same one Meathead wears in public and on TV. It's wash and wear and doesn't need ironing (really!), but it is a soft cottonlike feel. Choice of four colors and both men's and women's.

      Click here for more info.

      Support ARC

      Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, and it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! And remember, we only recommend products we love. If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon.

      https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

      BBQ Stars

      SPOTLIGHT

      These are not ads or paid placements. These Are Some Of Our Favorite Tools And Toys.

      These are products we have tested, won our top awards, and are highly recommend. Click here to read how we test, about our medals, and what they mean.

      Use our links when you buy things

      Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon

      https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

       


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      Surely you know somebody who loves outdoor cooking who deserves a gift for the holidays, birthday, anniversary, or just for being wonderful. There he is, right in the mirror! Here are our selections of best ideas, all Platinum or Gold Medalists, listed by price.

      Click here to see our list of Gold Medal Gifts


      Digital Thermometers Are Your Most Valuable Tool And Here's A Great Buy!

      maverick PT55 thermometer

      A good digital thermometer keeps you from serving dry overcooked food or dangerously undercooked food. They are much faster and much more accurate than dial thermometers. YOU NEED ONE!

      Click here for more info on the Maverick PT-55 Waterproof Instant-Read Thermometer Review shown above. It may be the best value in a thermometer out there


      If you have a Weber Kettle, you need the Slow 'N' Sear

      slow n sear

      The Slow 'N' Sear turns your grill into a first class smoker and also creates an extremely hot sear zone you can use to create steakhouse steaks.

      Click here for our article on this breakthrough tool


      Bring The Heat With Broil King Signet's Dual Tube Burners

      the good one grill

      The Broil King Signet 320 is a modestly priced, 3-burner gas grill that packs a lot of value and power under the hood. Broil King's proprietary, dual-tube burners get hot fast and are able to achieve high, searing temps that rival most comparatively priced gas grills. The quality cast aluminum housing carries a Limited Lifetime Warranty.

      Click here to read our complete review


      The Good-One Is A Superb Grill And A Superb Smoker All In One

      the good one grill

      The Good-One Open Range is a charcoal grill with an offset smoke chamber attached. It is dramatically different from a traditional offset smoker. The grill sits low in front and doubles as a firebox for the smoke chamber which is spliced on above and behind so it can work like a horizontal offset smoker only better. By placing the heat source behind and under the smokebox instead of off to the side, Open Range produces even temperature from left to right, something almost impossible to achieve with a standard barrel shaped offset.

      Click here to read our complete review


      Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker

      Griddle And Deep Fryer All In One

      The flat top does the burgers and the fryer does the fries. Use the griddle for bacon, eggs, and home fries. Or pancakes, fajitas, grilled cheese, you name it. Why stink up the house deep frying and spatter all over? Do your fried chicken and calamari outside. Blackstone's Rangetop Combo With Deep Fryer does it all. Plus it has a built in cutting board, garbage bag holder, and paper towel holder. An additional work table on the left side provides plenty of counter space.

      Click here to read our detailed review and to order


      Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker

      The Pit Barrel Cooker May Be Too Easy

      The PBC has a rabid cult following for good reason. It is absolutely positively without a doubt the best bargain on a smoker in the world. Period. This baby will cook circles around the cheap offset sideways barrel smokers in the hardware stores because temperature control is so much easier. Best of all, it is only $299 delivered to your door!

      Click here to read our detailed review and the raves from people who own them


      Compact Powerful Sear Machine For Your Next Tailgater

      Placeholder

      Char-Broil's Grill2Go x200 is a super-portable, fun little sizzler made of heavy, rust-proof cast aluminum. The lid snaps shut. Grab the handle and you're off to the party! Char-Broil's TRU-Infrared design produces searing heat while reducing fuel consumption. A 16 ounce LP gas canister is enough to keep you flipping burgers for hours.

      Click here to read our detailed review and to order


      The Cool Kettle With The Hinged Hood We Always Wanted

      NK-22-Ck Grill

      Their NK22CK-C Charcoal Kettle Grill puts a few spins on the familiar kettle design. In fact, the hinged lid with a handle on the front, spins in a rotary motion 180 degrees. It's hard to beat a Weber kettle, but Napoleon holds its own and adds some unique features to make the NK22CK-C a viable alternative.

      Click here for more about what makes this grill special


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      G&F Suede Welder's Gloves

      Heat Resistant Gloves With Extra Long Sleeves Hold The Hot Stuff

      If you're using oven mitts at the grill, it's time to trade up. Say hello to these suede welder's gloves. They're heat resistant enough to handle hot grill grates, and flexible enough to handle tongs. The extra long sleeves even let you reach deep into the firebox to move hot logs without getting burned. Our Fave.

      Click here to read our detailed review

      Click here to order from Amazon


      GrillGrates Take Gas Grills To The Infrared Zone

      grill grates

      GrillGrates(TM) amplify heat, prevent flareups, make flipping foods easier, keep small foods from committing suicide, kill hotspots, are easier to clean, flip over to make a fine griddle, and can be easily removed and moved from one grill to another. You can even throw wood chips, pellets, or sawdust between the rails and deliver a quick burst of smoke to whatever is above. Every gas grill needs them.

      Click here for more about what makes these grates so special


      kareubequ bbq smoker

      Our Favorite Backyard Smoker

      The amazing Karubecue is the most innovative smoker in the world. The quality of meat from this machine is astonishing. At its crux is a patented firebox that burns logs above the cooking chamber and sucks heat and extremely clean blue smoke into the thermostat controlled oven. It is our favorite smoker, period.

      Click here for our review of this superb smoker


      Masterbuilt MPS 340/G ThermoTemp XL Propane Smoker

      masterbuilt gas smoker

      The First Propane Smoker With A Thermostat Makes This Baby Foolproof

      Set ThermoTemp's dial from 175° to 350°F and the thermostat inside will adjust the burner just like an indoor kitchen oven. All you need to do is add wood to the tray above the burner to start smokin'.

      Click here to read our detailed review


      Professional Steakhouse Knife Set

      masterbuilt gas smoker

      Our founder, Meathead, wanted the same steak knives used by steakhouses such as Peter Luger, Smith & Wollensky, Morton's, Kobe Club, Palm, and many others. So he located the manufacturer and had them stamp our name on some. They boast pointed, temper-ground, serrated, high-carbon stainless-steel, half-tang blades with excellent cutting edge ability. The beefy hardwood handle provides a comfortable grip secured by three hefty rivets. He has machine washed his more than 100 times. They have never rusted and they stay shiny without polishing. Please note that we do not make, sell, or distribute these knives, they just engrave them with our name.

      Click here to read our detailed review and to order


      PK 360 grill

      Is This Superb Charcoal Grill A Kamado Killer?

      The PK-360, with 360 square inches of cooking space, this rust free, cast aluminum charcoal grill is durable and easy to use. Four-way venting means it's easy to set up for two zone cooking with more control than single vent Kamado grills. It is much easier to set up for 2-zone cooking than any round kamado. Beautifully designed and completely portable. Meathead says it is his preferrred grill.

      Click here to read our detailed review of the PK 360

      Click here to order it direct from PK and get a special deal for AmazingRibs.com readers only


      Fireboard: The Ultimate Top Of The Line BBQ Thermometer

      fireboard bbq thermometer

      With the ability to monitor up to six temperatures simultaneously with either Bluetooth or Wifi on your mobile phone, tablet, or computer, Fireboard is the best digital thermometer we’ve tested.

      Click here to read our detailed review


      Finally, A Great Portable Pellet Smoker

      Green Mountain Davey Crockett Grill

      Green Mountain's portable Davy Crockett Pellet Smoker is one mean tailgating and picnic machine. But it's also gaining popularity with people who want to add a small, set it and forget it pellet smoker to their backyard arsenal. And with their WiFi capabilities you can control and monitor Davy Crocket from your smart phone or laptop.

      Click here to read our detailed review and to order