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        A bartender looked out the swinging doors of his salon and noticed a dusty cowboy swing down and tie his horse to rail. The cowboy walked back and lifted the horse's trail then poked his finger in his rear end. He gave it a twist, pulled his finger out and carefully wiped it on his lips. The cowboy ambled inside to the bar and asked for a drink. Well, the bartender was understandably disturbed by this event, and more than a little curious.

        "I'll give you that drink if you tell me what that little stunt with the horse is all about. "

        The cowboy threw down his whiskey and said, "Chapped lips."

        The bartender didn't think he'd gotten his money's worth for that answer. "What the heck? That makes them feel better???"

        "Nope. But it shore keeps ya from lickin' 'em."

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          • SheilaAnn
            SheilaAnn commented
            Editing a comment
            That is absolutely awesome!!

          • Locotech
            Locotech commented
            Editing a comment
            excellent, sorry, but I gotsta steal this 1

          A new CEO decides he's going to take a tour of the Facility and cut out the fat by removing any slackers.
          Sure enough as he enters a room full of busy workers he notices a young man leaning against the wall.
          Seeing a chance to lay down the law he walks right up to him and asks him "How much do you make a week?"
          A little surprised the young man stammers "Uh, I make about 400 a week. why?"
          "Wait right here" the CEO replies and he goes into his office.
          He comes back out and hands the guy $1600 and says "Here's 4 weeks severance, hit the bricks and don't come back!"
          Feeling really smug he turns back to the room full of startled workers and inquires; "Does anybody want to tell me what that goofball's job was?"
          From the back of the room someone says, "Yeah, He's the Pizza delivery guy from Dominoes"

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            This guy goes to a bar and meets a woman and they hit it off. As he feels he is all that and way better than sliced bread, he suggests they go somewhere more comfortable. She agrees and suggests her place. He's on that like white on rice, and off they go.

            They arrive and she asks him to come in, brushing a hand down his back. He's thinking, oh, yeah, lets go. They look at each other and she just leads him to her bedroom and sits him on the bed. He thinks, “Straight to the bed, no drinks or anything! I know I got it!!” She excuses herself to freshen up.

            He sits down on the bed then notices the wall across the room at the end of the bed. Covering the wall are shelves and shelves, all full of stuffed animals. Giant stuffed bears, pandas, cats, dogs on the top shelves, smaller stuffed animals on the middle shelves and little tiny toys along the bottom shelf. “Hmm,” he thinks, a big grin plastering his face, “Maybe she's got a serious kink for stuffed animals . . . who knows what’ll happen tonight?”

            She comes out and she is smoking hot, and he's hot too, so they get down to action. He’s working it good, pulling all his best moves, floating like a butter fly and stinging like a bee, you name it, he's doing it. He feels he’s never been so good with a woman, he knows he has never been better.

            After they’re finished they’re both laying back on the bed. He rolls towards her and with a smirk says, “ Well, how’d you like it?”

            She looks at him, waves towards the wall of toys and says, “Pick any animal off the bottom shelf. . . “

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            • tbob4
              tbob4 commented
              Editing a comment
              That’s funny!

            • Stuey1515
              Stuey1515 commented
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              That is not what I was expecting, very good!!

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              • Mr. Bones
                Mr. Bones commented
                Editing a comment
                LMAO, Brother!
                Never lose touch with yer Inner Redneck Self!

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                A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.


                'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?' The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met.'
                She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

                The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16?' he says solemnly. Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do.' she replies.


                The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?' 'Yes, I remember.' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.


                The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?"' 'I remember that, too.' she replied softly.

                He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."

                Comment


                • Mr. Bones
                  Mr. Bones commented
                  Editing a comment
                  LMFAO, Sister! Forever, And Ever, AMEN!!!!!!"p

                > 30 seconds

                https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4-ft0XbpuI
                Last edited by RonB; October 17, 2021, 04:52 PM.

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                I told myself I need to stop drinking. But I'll be danged if I'm gonna listen to some ol' drunk who talks to himself.

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                • Mr. Bones
                  Mr. Bones commented
                  Editing a comment
                  A very logical an admirable rationale, which I will fully take to heart, Brother!

                I freaked out when I got to the cemetery…

                The GPS said, “You have reached your final destination.”

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                  What’s next, pumpkin spice brisket rub? Click image for larger version

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                  • Jfrosty27
                    Jfrosty27 commented
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                    Nope.

                  • SheilaAnn
                    SheilaAnn commented
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                    Shut the front door!

                  • Huskee
                    Huskee commented
                    Editing a comment
                    I'd try it. Ever get syrup on your sausage? Sure you have, and it's tasty.

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                  • bbqLuv
                    bbqLuv commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Now that is freaking funny.

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