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      • SheilaAnn
        SheilaAnn commented
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        OMG… that freaked me the heck out!

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      • Bogy
        Bogy commented
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        It's Baby Yoda!

      This guy was in a bar having a beer, minding his own business, when this big, hairy, mean, drunk biker dude gets in his face, and starts screaming "SUGAR IS THE ONLY WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE WHERE THE S SOUNDS LIKE SH. AM I RIGHT?" As the guy didn't want to cause any trouble, he said, "Sure."

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      • gcdmd
        gcdmd commented
        Editing a comment
        He could have said sumac, but it wouldn't have been as good.

      One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

      She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"

      The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

      Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I think he said "'Holy S^^^! A talking pig!'"







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        An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline.In light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.

        Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

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        • Mr. Bones
          Mr. Bones commented
          Editing a comment
          Yup, have encountered this one, afore lol!

          [email protected] ha, as well

          Still, always a good one!
          Last edited by Mr. Bones; September 22, 2021, 10:16 PM.

        There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck.

        True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later.

        At the seance, she called out, "John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?" A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you."

        Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are?" "It's beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time."

        "What do you do all day?" asked Martha. "Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m."

        Martha was somewhat taken aback. "Is that what heaven really is like?" "Heaven? I'm not in heaven, Martha." "Well, then, where are you?" "I'm a rabbit in Arizona."

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        • new2smoking
          new2smoking commented
          Editing a comment
          So that explains the number of Cottontails chewing up my wife's garden!

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          In January, my wife, a physician,
          met with an elderty patient.
          "So vas Santa good to you?" she asked.
          "Real good,* he said. "I got an SUV."
          "Nice."
          "Yeah ... Socks, Underwear, and Viagra."

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            Never ask your wife when dinner is going to be ready when she is mowing the lawn.

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            • Stuey1515
              Stuey1515 commented
              Editing a comment
              I always start the mower to make it easier for her

            • Foehn Watts
              Foehn Watts commented
              Editing a comment
              SheilaAnn --yes, Yes, YES!

            • Foehn Watts
              Foehn Watts commented
              Editing a comment
              <she says with a BIG menacing grin> FOAD.

              I told my adult son this once when he was being especially smart-*** and I added "and I mean this in the most loving way". He told his friends what had happened and what I said and they were all laughing, telling him I was right! ; - )

            My kind of hot tub.
            Attached Files

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            • Foehn Watts
              Foehn Watts commented
              Editing a comment
              Wait. . . . do they give you a choice of gravy?

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            • Huskee
              Huskee commented
              Editing a comment
              Vase and Vase. One is fancy, one's just a jug to hold fake flowers or dandelions a child picks for you. Also, it's funny how "hair" and washing it become really fancy if you talk about it in a British accent: "luxyoorious heh".

            • new2smoking
              new2smoking commented
              Editing a comment
              Clark At least homonyms are spelled differently, even if pronounced the same. But how the hell are non-native speakers supposed to learn that words that are spelled the same can be pronounced differently if they have a different use or meaning! That’s why Spanish & German are easier.

            • Bbqmikeg
              Bbqmikeg commented
              Editing a comment
              I buckled my buckle so it wouldn’t buckle so I bought a new belt. Contronyms are hard.

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            • Draznnl
              Draznnl commented
              Editing a comment
              One? I sometimes wish only one of my friends was “not quite right”. Then there are other times I’m glad more of them aren’t.

            • RonB
              RonB commented
              Editing a comment
              Sooo - you are not counting Pit friends??

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              • Panhead John
                Panhead John commented
                Editing a comment
                When field testing with friends in the car, always make sure to hit the window locks.

              • Mr. Bones
                Mr. Bones commented
                Editing a comment
                Th elevators at work are great fer field testin lol!

                Airliners, too…
                Last edited by Mr. Bones; September 23, 2021, 09:10 PM. Reason: emoticon gone Renegade...

              • new2smoking
                new2smoking commented
                Editing a comment
                That’s why I run 🏃 in the opposite direction when one of those ladies at Nordstrom approaches to drop some scent. 🦨

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