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Jokes!

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    Two friends are walking down the street thinking of something to do. One friend turns to the other and says, "Let's go get a drink, there's this new place that does THE best punch you'll ever drink."

    So they make their way to the bar and walk straight up to the bartender "Bartender, two glasses of your best punch please."

    The bartender replies in a stern voice, "If you want some punch you're gonna have to get in line like everybody else."

    The friends turn and look around but there's no punch line…

    Comment


    • Stuey1515
      Stuey1515 commented
      Editing a comment
      *slaps forehead

    • HawkerXP
      HawkerXP commented
      Editing a comment
      no joke either.....

    • Foehn Watts
      Foehn Watts commented
      Editing a comment
      HawkerXP -- :-P '''

    for a thread that has been going for years and has over 12,000 responses you would think poor old Huskee would have more than 4 likes (it was only 3 until I added mine a few minutes ago. I always manage to check this thread for new material as I am sure so many do. Consider giving Huskee a like on page 1

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    • Huskee
      Huskee commented
      Editing a comment
      Yeah!!

    • Foehn Watts
      Foehn Watts commented
      Editing a comment
      Done!

    A man is receiving very bad news from his doctor.
    Man: "How long do I have to live, doc?"
    Doc: "Five"
    Man: "Five? Five what? Years, months, what?"
    Doc: "Four....Three....Two....

    Comment


      I was a bumper sticker today that said "I am a veterinarian therefore I can drive like an animal."
      Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the roads!

      Comment


      • Mr. Bones
        Mr. Bones commented
        Editing a comment
        An none they Beemers has no turn ***kin kinda turn signals, neither, ah've found LOL
        Last edited by Mr. Bones; September 17, 2021, 07:04 PM. Reason: da

      • gcdmd
        gcdmd commented
        Editing a comment
        Mr. Bones
        It's called entitlement.

      • Mr. Bones
        Mr. Bones commented
        Editing a comment
        gcdmd oh, now...I totally git that, Doc!

        After all, I work at a University...

      I saw my neighbor the other day and he had a black eye, scratches all over his face, and his arm wasin a sling. I asked him what happened.

      He explained "I was leaving the office Friday afternoon on the 12th floor of the courthouse. While waiting for the elevator, the most beautiful lady walked up and also waited. She was spectacular, and her breasts were gorgeous, with her low cut blouse.
      I just couldn't stop staring!
      The elevator arrived and we got in. She turned around and asked me nicely if I could press 1.
      Well, I did. Don't remember anything after that until Sunday morning."

      Comment


        President Biden was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.



        “Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I’ve just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of the week.”

        Biden: “Oh no! The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. We’ll be ruined. We’ll have to ship condoms in from Mexico.”

        Telephone voice says, “Bad idea… The Mexicans will have a field day with this one. We’ll be a laughing stock. What about Canada?”

        Biden: “Alright, I’ll call Justin and tell him we need five million condoms, ten inches long and three inches wide. That way, they’ll continue to respect us as Americans.”

        Three days later, a delighted President Biden ran out to open the first of the 10,000 boxes that had just arrived. He found it full of condoms, 10 inches long and 3 inches wide, exactly as requested… All colored with red maple leaves and in small writing saying: ‘Made In Canada / Size: Small.’

        Comment


        • Bbqmikeg
          Bbqmikeg commented
          Editing a comment
          I wonder if they have serial numbers written on the base like ours do? Oh, they might not have seen them.

        Did you hear about the guy that invented the knock knock joke? He got a nobell prize...

        Comment


          The wife says to her husband you never buy flowers.

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          He said I didn't know you sold flowers.

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              Comment


              • Mr. Bones
                Mr. Bones commented
                Editing a comment
                I always try to cook at least 1 Pair, if not 2...saves on charcoal, hickory, etc...cooker's already burnin, ready, an able...

                Hail, yall can git a pair done on a Smokey Joe...

                This is why I can still sport me a pair of 2nd hand Tony Llamas from th latter '70's!!!
                Last edited by Mr. Bones; September 17, 2021, 05:36 PM.

              Perhaps you didn’t realize that we’re living the dream.

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                • Bogy
                  Bogy commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Dick Tracy's wrist radio was upgraded to a 2 way wrist TV in 1964. I remember when that was introduced.

                • wu7y
                  wu7y commented
                  Editing a comment
                  I remember reading about that. I'd been in the Army for a bit when that happened and the Army Times didn't carry Dick Tracy back then.😀

                • Mr. Bones
                  Mr. Bones commented
                  Editing a comment
                  We'uns jus had th Stars n Stripes...

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                • Mr. Bones
                  Mr. Bones commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Or finally disposed of alla those humon heads, from my 'lil difficult' period, here, been a spell back

                • Foehn Watts
                  Foehn Watts commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Awwww, @Mr.Bones --you didn't get rid of human heads, you just trashed the excess stupidity you took care of!

                • Mr. Bones
                  Mr. Bones commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Foehn Watts Actually benefited from th experience, in many ways...

                  Fer instance: Learned me that runnin frozen parts through my limb chipper, vs th sometimes touted room temp?

                  WAY Easier Cleanup...jus aim it into th hogpen, an let 'er RIP!!!

                  Hit it with a garden hose, an a pump up sprayer of bleach water...

                  Voila!

                  (Plus, made room fer several Large briskets...)

                The other night I was invited out for a night with the “girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
                Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)
                The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him “MIDNIGHT”… he didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh shit” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

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