Welcome!


This is a membership forum. As a guest, you can click around a bit. View 5 pages for free. If you would like to participate, please join.

[ Pitmaster Club Information | Join Now | Login | Contact Us ]

There are 4 page views remaining.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Jokes!

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Click image for larger version

Name:	FB_IMG_1631362989743.jpg
Views:	242
Size:	32.0 KB
ID:	1092223

    Comment


      Click image for larger version

Name:	FB_IMG_1631242540738.jpg
Views:	246
Size:	28.6 KB
ID:	1092225

      Comment


        Click image for larger version

Name:	Screenshots_2021-09-09-07-32-54.png
Views:	217
Size:	720.9 KB
ID:	1092227

        Comment


        • Panhead John
          Panhead John commented
          Editing a comment
          I’m thinking it’s a triceratops. I saw the movie many times.

        • Foehn Watts
          Foehn Watts commented
          Editing a comment
          Mr. Bones -- same with me. Went to dinner at friends' house and one of their cats walks up to me. He was pretty cool, had a long square face that looked like a jaguar's. I let him check me out, sniff my hand and they assisted him to my lap. The wife exclaims, "Lookit that--<so-and-so> never lets anyone pick him up.

          And just last night I had a cat stretched out on the length of my legs, a cat by my side and the dog on the footstool next to me. Little buggers, always takin' advantage of me!

        • gcdmd
          gcdmd commented
          Editing a comment
          I had a similar experience as Mr. Bones and Foehn Watts . Maybe it was the pork chop I had hanging from the string around my neck.

        From last year but still funny

        Click image for larger version

Name:	flushot.jpg
Views:	241
Size:	26.0 KB
ID:	1092251

        Comment


        • Hulagn1971
          Hulagn1971 commented
          Editing a comment
          Haha!

        If a person from Holland marries a Filipino, are the kids Hollapinos?

        Comment


        • CaptainMike
          CaptainMike commented
          Editing a comment
          And if an Icelander and a Cuban have kids are they Ice Cubes?

          I first heard that one over 50 years ago on a Slappy White album my folks had. It was hilarious then and hilarious now!

        A lawyer joke not involving sharks and professional courtesy:


        The president of the university had resigned and a number of the faculty had applied for the position. The field of applicants had been narrowed to three – a mathematician, an economist and an attorney. The selection committee called each of them in separately for a final interview before making their decision. When the mathematician came in they explained that they had time for only one question and asked him to tell them as quickly as possible, “how much is two and two?”

        The mathematician looked at them and thought carefully before telling them, “Gentlemen that is not an easy question with an easy answer. In the field of mathematics we work in many different numerical systems. We use binary systems, octal, decimal, hexadecimal, and several others including imaginary numbers. The most accurate answer I can give you in the time allowed is in our decimal system an absolute two added to an absolute two is an absolute number equal to four.” The committee thanked and excused him and called in the economist to ask him the same question.

        The economist looked at them and remarked, “Gentlemen, that is not an easy question with an easy answer. In the field of economics we work for the most part with relative numbers which can vary considerably depending upon conditions in the subject under study. Everything can be dependent upon a number of different things. Nothing is fixed. The best answer I can give you in the time allowed is a relative two added to a relative two is a relative number between three and five plus or minus one.” The committee thanked and excused him finally calling in the lawyer who was asked the same question.

        The lawyer looked carefully at the committee, walked back to the door of the room to close and lock it. He closed and locked the windows and pulled the drapes. He then walked around the room appearing to look behind photos, mirrors, other wall hangings and feeling under the edges of the conference table for listening devices. Apparently satisfied with respect to privacy he leaned across the table and again looked carefully at each of the committee members separately and asked, “Gentlemen, how much would you like it to be?”

        Comment


        • Mr. Bones
          Mr. Bones commented
          Editing a comment
          Luvvin This One!
          Sry...No Button..

        Here's an oldie and it picks on a profession other than lawyers.

        A chemist, a geologist and an economist are stranded on a deserted island with nothing to eat. Suddenly a case of canned beans washes ashore. We're saved they all shout. But how will we get the beans? The geologist suggested they find a rock and pound the cans open. The chemist said, "if we angle the cans properly towards the sun, the beans will heat up enough to force the cans open." Finally, the economist spoke up. He said, "Assume we have a can opener."

        Comment


        • gcdmd
          gcdmd commented
          Editing a comment
          A theoretical physicist might have the same response as the economist.

        • Mr. Bones
          Mr. Bones commented
          Editing a comment
          Lovin this...!!!

          A Seabee'd most likely use a KA-BAR, powered by an M-1 Piss Pot...

        Click image for larger version

Name:	216680935_2906488509568530_3879490664980944348_n.jpg
Views:	219
Size:	37.9 KB
ID:	1092824

        Comment


        Click image for larger version

Name:	dog burger.jpg
Views:	211
Size:	39.2 KB
ID:	1093034

        Comment


          Comment


            Comment


              Click image for larger version

Name:	241849113_1213872462461029_6511254861307091471_n.jpg
Views:	196
Size:	38.2 KB
ID:	1093266

              Comment


              • ComfortablyNumb
                ComfortablyNumb commented
                Editing a comment
                Mr. Bones At the Depends testing facility they dress up as the Grim Reaper instead of a scary monster.

                Same outcome (pun intended)

              • Stuey1515
                Stuey1515 commented
                Editing a comment
                LOL!!!

              • wu7y
                wu7y commented
                Editing a comment
                Probably cures hiccups too.

              Taken in London, UK. There IS a reason for this!:

              Click image for larger version  Name:	In London all americans.jpg Views:	3 Size:	93.5 KB ID:	1093312
              Last edited by Foehn Watts; September 12, 2021, 08:15 PM.

              Comment


              • Mr. Bones
                Mr. Bones commented
                Editing a comment
                Havin spent 8+ yrs overseas, reckon I can think of many establishments that wish, in hindsight, that they had had this sign out lol!

              • Bbqmikeg
                Bbqmikeg commented
                Editing a comment
                It’s easy to read because it’s not written in German!

              Ole and Sven die and wake up in hell. The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats warming themselves around a fire. The devil asks them "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?

              Ole and Sven reply, "Vell ya know, ve're from Nordern Minnesoda, the land of ice and snow and cold. Ve're yust happy for da chance ta varm up a bit, don 't ya know."

              The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning, he stops by again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, hats and mittens. The devil asks them again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you two feel that?"
              Again Ole and Sven reply, "Vell, like ve told you yesterday, ve're from Nordern Minnesoda, the land of ice and snow and cold. Ve're yust happy for da chance ta warm up a bit ya know."

              This gets the devil a bit steamed and he decides to show these two just who is in charge down here. He cranks up the heat as high as it can go. The rest of the people are screaming and miserable. He stops by to see if his two Minnesota tenants are the same, and is astonished to find them in light jackets and baseball caps, grilling walleye and drinking beer. The devil says "Everyone down here is in absolute misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves! Why?"

              Ole and Sven reply, "Vell, ya know ve don't get too many varm days up dere in International Falls, ve just got to have a fish fry vhen da vedder is dis nice."

              This absolutely incenses the devil. He can barely see straight. He finally comes up with a plan to set these two straight. These two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives, so he decides to turn off all the heat. The next morning, the temperature in hell is below zero, icicles are hanging off the ceilings, people are shivering so much that they don't even have the strength to complain. The devil smiles and heads over to check on Ole & Sven.
              He arrives and finds the two back in their parkas, hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, and giving each other hi-fives. The devil is now quite dumbfounded, "I just don't understand, I turn up the heat and you're happy. Now I turn off the heat, it's freezing and you're still happy. Why?"

              Ole and Sven stop their celebration and look at the devil with a surprised look and say "Vell, don't ya know, hell froze over... dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl!"

              Comment


              • Bogy
                Bogy commented
                Editing a comment
                new2smoking after the second day, you are no longer a stranger, but if you lived there for 30 years you would still not be one of them. You would still be an outsider. Your wife might be accepted as a prodigal daughter who made her way back home, after 10 years or so. We have friends who left here 30 years ago, husband had a military career and then was at the University of Iowa doing research, came home 20 years ago to retire. They still have to be careful what they say.

              • Donw
                Donw commented
                Editing a comment
                Reminds me of the obituary of a women whose family had moved to an Eastern Shore town when she was a baby. She grew up there, entered first grade there and graduated high school there. She married a fellow from the town, raised her family there and finally grew old and died there. Her obituary in the local paper was headlined as “Baltimore women dies.”

              • Mr. Bones
                Mr. Bones commented
                Editing a comment
                Same same, where I done comed from...EXSPGSMO area...we'un's already are infinitely familiar with each others DNA...others... we Welcomes em, as appropriate, celebrate their lives an accomplishments, as wail...

                But...

                They ain't NEVER gonna be 'From Here'...not bein mean, jus th Way it is...

                Tactical Nuclear Weapons ain't gonna change their minds,none; might kill some off, but any survivors???....
                Last edited by Mr. Bones; September 13, 2021, 09:59 PM.

              Interviewer: Tell me about yourself in 3 words.
              Interviewee: Efficient.

              Comment

              Announcement

              Collapse
              No announcement yet.
              Working...
              X
              false
              0
              Guest
              500
              ["pitmaster-my-membership","login","join-pitmaster","lostpw","reset-password","special-offers","help","nojs","meat-ups","gifts","authaau-alpha","ebooklogin-start","alpha","start"]
              false
              false
              {"count":0,"link":"/forum/announcements/","debug":""}
              Yes
              Rubs Promo
              Meat-Up in Memphis