Welcome!


This is a membership forum. As a guest, you can click around a bit. View 5 pages for free. If you would like to participate, please join.

[ Pitmaster Club Information | Join Now | Login | Contact Us ]

There are 4 page views remaining.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Jokes!

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    I've been pondering an age old question:

    Is giving birth more painful than a man getting kicked in the 'crotch'?

    Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful but how could they know?
    Well, I think I have come up with an answer to that question. Here is the reason for my conclusion.

    A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

    On the other hand, you NEVER hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the 'crotch'.

    I rest my case.

    Comment


    • Bogy
      Bogy commented
      Editing a comment
      new2smoking thanks for your words. Last Saturday I burned the tip of my thumb on my flattop and thought about that multiplied by thousands. His wife is still using the pressure cooker, but it's cold before she opens it, and he won't go into the kitchen while it's hot. During this time when lots of people are canning, be careful!

    • new2smoking
      new2smoking commented
      Editing a comment
      Bogy Just two days ago we were chatting (via Zoom) with our Crossfit trainer, who said his wife wanted to acquire a pressure cooker for canning. My wife said that back in North Dakota, when she was a girl, everyone had one. Needed to put up whatever was ripe for the coming winter months.

    • new2smoking
      new2smoking commented
      Editing a comment
      As your son discovered, pressure cookers can be very dangerous. Not only is there the higher temperature achieved, but also the heat of evaporation is returned to the surface on which the steam condenses. (HS physics/chemistry)

    A few Anagrams:

    The morse code...when you rearrange the letters becomes...Here come dots

    Dormitory...when you rearrange the letters becomes...Dirty room

    Eleven plus two...when you rearrange the letters becomes...Twelve plus one

    The eyes....when you rearrange the letters becomes...They see

    Animosity...when you rearrange the letters becomes...Is no amity

    Election results...when you rearrange the letters becomes...Lies-let's recount

    Interesting!

    Comment


      On that note

      Click image for larger version

Name:	181283757_2856716187879096_4158664924052333520_n.png
Views:	286
Size:	33.6 KB
ID:	1090984

      Comment


        Click image for larger version

Name:	216699147_2906484022902312_1842901793454572851_n.jpg
Views:	295
Size:	31.6 KB
ID:	1090986

        Comment


          Click image for larger version

Name:	horse.jpeg
Views:	269
Size:	55.0 KB
ID:	1091358

          Comment


          • JimLinebarger
            JimLinebarger commented
            Editing a comment
            Bogy The one on page 2.

          • Stuey1515
            Stuey1515 commented
            Editing a comment
            After 10 seconds the horse started to revolve slowly and kept changing colours haha

          • Panhead John
            Panhead John commented
            Editing a comment
            That was the acid kicking in.

          True story

          Click image for larger version

Name:	Screenshot_2021-09-10-10-26-02-1.png
Views:	217
Size:	277.6 KB
ID:	1091430

          Comment


          • Foehn Watts
            Foehn Watts commented
            Editing a comment
            Gol DURN! Did those crisps turn ORANGE?

          • Bogy
            Bogy commented
            Editing a comment
            Foehn Watts How long did you look at them?

          • ComfortablyNumb
            ComfortablyNumb commented
            Editing a comment
            Available in assorted variants? Are we talking crisps or COVID?

            Wait a minute, I meant 'crisps or the C-word'.

            (Just in case Debra reads the joke page. I'm assuming she doesn't as she hasn't posted here 'this community promotes itself worldwide as a BBQ site. A place to learn and trade ideas on BBQ techniques and the Science of BBQ. It does NOT promote itself as a source for Jokes.' But it could be she just hasn't gotten around to it.)

          This has been around in one form or another since the 20's. Still a fun read.

          Chemistry exam -

          Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

          Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

          One student, however, wrote the following:

          First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

          Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

          This gives two possibilities:

          1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

          2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

          So, which is it?

          If we accept the postulate given to me by Mary during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Mary kept shouting 'Oh My God.'

          _____



          Comment


          • gcdmd
            gcdmd commented
            Editing a comment
            Nice twist on an oldie but goodie.

          • Foehn Watts
            Foehn Watts commented
            Editing a comment
            ComfortablyNumb -- Naaah, the 60's were last year. The 20's are ancient history --to me at least!

          • ComfortablyNumb
            ComfortablyNumb commented
            Editing a comment
            Foehn Watts Well if you are going to be that way about it, it still is the 60's!

          Try pulling this one on your kids/grand kids/great grandchildren or when you're trying to one-up an obnoxious acquaintance. . . :

          Click image for larger version

Name:	Pickles 9-9-21.jpg
Views:	211
Size:	37.5 KB
ID:	1091932

          Comment


          • Mr. Bones
            Mr. Bones commented
            Editing a comment
            Most Excellent Advice, Good Sister!!! :
            Last edited by Mr. Bones; September 12, 2021, 08:07 PM.

          • Foehn Watts
            Foehn Watts commented
            Editing a comment
            Gorsh Mr. Bones ! One barrel or two? Hmmm. Best I leave that to you most sage and learned decision!

          Click image for larger version

Name:	Bizarro timmy hits puberty.png
Views:	179
Size:	325.7 KB
ID:	1091935

          Comment


            Click image for larger version

Name:	Finding myself.jpg
Views:	210
Size:	52.4 KB
ID:	1091937

            Comment


              Did I post this one already? Well, any way, this makes me vaguely sick-to-my-stomach and miserable. Misery loves company, so here ya go:

              Click image for larger version

Name:	Just what you wanted for dessert.jpg
Views:	216
Size:	66.5 KB
ID:	1091939

              Comment




                Gweep-gweeps in a rows. Why, I don't knows. But someone made it sos. And here you goes:

                Click image for larger version  Name:	gweep gweep a go go.jpg Views:	0 Size:	227.2 KB ID:	1091945

                And they're edible too! (Look up "cuy meat)
                Last edited by Foehn Watts; September 10, 2021, 06:28 PM.

                Comment


                • 58limited
                  58limited commented
                  Editing a comment
                  OMG! They're takin' over! Where's a Peruvian Pan Flute Band when you need one?

                wu7y post reminded me of one of my favorite physics jokes.

                So a biologist, engineer and physicist are called to help make a dairy farm more efficient

                After careful study the biologist tells the farmer that he should feed the cows certain hormones to make it lactate more. The farmer asked how much it'll cost and the biologist says it'll cost many thousands of dollars.

                The engineer proposes to make a better milking machine to get more milk per cow. The farmer asks how much it'll cost and the engineer says it'll cost many, many thousands of dollars.

                The farmer then asks the physicist how much his idea will cost. The physicist say "It'll cost nothing and can be implemented immediately!" The farmer was astonished and ask how this is possible. The physicist responds, "Now assume a spherical cow of uniform density....”
                Last edited by Donw; September 10, 2021, 07:10 PM.

                Comment


                  holehogg On the tails of your post… saw this in Sam’s club the other week.

                  Click image for larger version

Name:	FF8CC82B-8E64-4715-86CE-329200284573.jpeg
Views:	210
Size:	110.8 KB
ID:	1092070

                  Comment


                  • SheilaAnn
                    SheilaAnn commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Mr. Bones right!?!? Loves me me some sumpin’ sumpin’

                  • SheilaAnn
                    SheilaAnn commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Santamarina really? I had not heard that… who knew? Fun story!

                  • Mr. Bones
                    Mr. Bones commented
                    Editing a comment
                    SheilaAnn Agreed, ain't nuthin better than some good sumpin sumpin, Sister!




                  Comment

                  Announcement

                  Collapse
                  No announcement yet.
                  Working...
                  X
                  false
                  0
                  Guest
                  500
                  ["pitmaster-my-membership","login","join-pitmaster","lostpw","reset-password","special-offers","help","nojs","meat-ups","gifts","authaau-alpha","ebooklogin-start","alpha","start"]
                  false
                  false
                  {"count":0,"link":"/forum/announcements/","debug":""}
                  Yes
                  Rubs Promo
                  Meat-Up in Memphis