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Jokes!

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    • gcdmd
      gcdmd commented
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      Mr. Bones
      Maybe that's what they should issue to airline crews for restraining unruly passengers.

    • JimLinebarger
      JimLinebarger commented
      Editing a comment
      Isn't this one of those Darwin Award entries?

    • ComfortablyNumb
      ComfortablyNumb commented
      Editing a comment
      JimLinebarger It is indeed, for the unfortunate soul that is following or in the next lane.

    ComfortablyNumb And unfortunately, they get to vote!

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    • Davek8282
      Davek8282 commented
      Editing a comment
      Clark hopefully they used Oak for the hitch at least then they can say that the Morgan (made in UK) comes with an Oak frame.

    • ComfortablyNumb
      ComfortablyNumb commented
      Editing a comment
      Even worse, they breed.

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    • Draznnl
      Draznnl commented
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      I assume the lollipop stick is there for fiber?

    • gcdmd
      gcdmd commented
      Editing a comment
      You left out the lettuce, tomatoes, and mayonnaise. Otherwise, you did just fine.

    • Bogy
      Bogy commented
      Editing a comment
      I don't think I can tell just by looking. Bring one over and I'll give it a taste test. Actually, I had a guy in one of my churches who showed me this picture and ask if I could make him a salad like this.

    One morning a husband returns to the cabin after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
    Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out, since it is such a beautiful day. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
    Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says," Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing"?
    "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious"?)
    "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
    "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
    "Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to write you up a ticket."
    "For reading a book"? she replies.
    "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her again.
    "But officer, I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
    "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to write you up a ticket and you'll have to pay a fine."
    "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
    "But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.
    "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
    "Have a nice day ma'am," and he immediately departed.

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    • Huskee
      Huskee commented
      Editing a comment
      I just told this joke on Saturday, coincidentally, to my buddy, and it was before I read it here. Great minds.

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    • MBMorgan
      MBMorgan commented
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      Two outta three … not bad …

    • Donw
      Donw commented
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      Hell, one out of three is a pretty good day!🙂

    • Mr. Bones
      Mr. Bones commented
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      Long as I got to pick which one, I'm in, Brothers!
      MBMorgan Donw

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    • ofelles
      ofelles commented
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      That might be way we have never met face to face Clark

    • Bogy
      Bogy commented
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      I always intended to join the Procrastinators of America, but I never got around to it.

    • Mr. Bones
      Mr. Bones commented
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      Reckon I mighta jus missed th deadline, my danged ol self...

      "Better late, then never"

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      • Panhead John
        Panhead John commented
        Editing a comment
        I must say, one of the great things about The Pit, we ARE easily entertained.

      • Thunder77
        Thunder77 commented
        Editing a comment
        Maybe it will decrease his capacitance for voltage changes!

      • willxfmr
        willxfmr commented
        Editing a comment
        You have all missed the obvious. With a child of that intelligence, you sign them up for a plumbing apprenticeship, and explain slowly with small words that they just weren't cut out for any of the skilled trades.

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      • Mr. Bones
        Mr. Bones commented
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        Interestin plan, Brother...

        That bein said, I still find my danged ol self preferrin th alternatives to sobriety...

      • gcdmd
        gcdmd commented
        Editing a comment
        Change sober to retired.

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      • ofelles
        ofelles commented
        Editing a comment
        Hated Algebra and Geometry also. Even told the teacher it was useless in life.
        Went on to do HVAC sheet metal and guess what is used in layout of the ducting fittings!

      • SheilaAnn
        SheilaAnn commented
        Editing a comment
        My Algebra teacher liked me so much, he invited me back for a 2nd semester! To ofelles point….. extending recipes and bakers percentages…. No algebra there!

      • Foehn Watts
        Foehn Watts commented
        Editing a comment
        SheilaAnn -- same wit' me. But it was one quarter spread over two quarters. AKA dum-dum algebra. Funny thing though, I took algebra again in college when I decided I wanted to learn it, and I did fine. Just hated it in High School.

      An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls.

      The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."

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      • Foehn Watts
        Foehn Watts commented
        Editing a comment
        Yes, JimLinebarger , it does seem that Mr. Bones has put some thought into this matter.
        But, I'm sure, just as mental exercise (of course!). But then again, perhaps Mr. Bones might know about dirty deeds. But are they done dirt cheap?

      • Bbqmikeg
        Bbqmikeg commented
        Editing a comment
        These ribs taste funny.

      • Bogy
        Bogy commented
        Editing a comment
        Bbqmikeg, must be from a clown.

      Why are peppers so good at archery"

      Because they habanero.

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      • SheilaAnn
        SheilaAnn commented
        Editing a comment
        No no no no! Bad donkey! No taco!
        👏🏼🤣👏🏼🤣

      • wu7y
        wu7y commented
        Editing a comment
        CL.

      Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground Ms. Smith, the Sunday School teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

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