Jokes!

[Santamarina]

My father-in-law told this joke a few weeks ago...in church...he’s the pastor...

Build a man a fire and you’ll keep him warm for a day.

Set a man on fire and you’ll keep him warm for the rest of his life!

[Santamarina]

Every time I heard someone say “Thank God 2020 is almost over” I’d think “why do you think 2021 is going to be any different?!?”

[ofelles]

Panhead John Ya maybe, but if you put some streamers on the handle bars and a card in the spokes think of the impression you'd make!!

[Panhead John]

ofelles
If ya just wear Depends like I do, you won’t need to mess with that whole toilet thing.

[ofelles]

Thinking of you Panhead John

[Foehn Watts]

Oh, man! Fire Chicken you have me all wrong! No offense taken!!! I wish I lived out in the sticks; way back we coulda, but then the husband would've had a 3 hour commute to and from. It just cracks me up that all these people want a big house, big lot but then don't do anything with the place.

We and neighbor do see deer, bobcats, coyotes, rabbits, squirrels, hawks, eagles, owls, mountain lions, porcupines, raccoons, and bears. I've not seen lions or bears, but want to. No offense taken. :-)

[Panhead John]

😂👍

[jecucolo]

....

[jecucolo]

...

[Clark]

RL

[Mr. Bones]

Wow, Bogy !!!!

I'da given Much, to be a fly on th wall...

Embarrassingly, decades ago , I was workin 3rd shift, so day sleepin...some folks woke me up, (which pierced me orf) an it was th jw ... I bolted out th front door of my trailer buck nekkid, with a .45, an engaged in conversation...

Seems, they all decided to proselytize, on down th street.

Ain't seen em, since.

[Bogy]

ComfortablyNumb I had a nice conversation with a pair of Jehovah's Witnesses, man and a woman, a number of years ago. (I always think it's really brave of them to try to convince a preacher that they know stuff the preacher doesn't). They showed me what John 1:1 said in their Bible. Then I showed them what the original Greek said, word by word. They guy was really interested, the woman said, "C'mon, we need to go." Worked almost as good as baptizing a squirrel. (I apologize to any JW here.)

[Panhead John]

[ComfortablyNumb]

Then the Jehovah's Witnesses converted them and now they go door to door talking nuts!

Just kidding, I've always enjoyed my conversations with the JWs when they call. I'll say one thing, they do know the Bible.

Who knew squirrels could read! ;-)

[Clark]

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put up a water slide and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a gang of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since!!