Jokes!

[RichieB]

This from a man who isn't married Panhead John,

[Panhead John]

Yeah..... I mean who even let’s the woman BUY the meat in the first place? I will take care of everything related to the meat myself. The woman can do everything else....in addition to fanning me with a giant banana leaf and dropping grapes in my mouth, in between sips of my beer. All this while she’s scantily clad.

[Bogy]

BBQ RULES:
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women

Couple of caveats. First, I don't know what this BBQ "season" is that it mentions at the beginning. Obviously I stole this from someone who doesn't really BBQ. Or Grill. Or Smoke.
Second, Who the heck let's someone else prepare their meat for them?
Third, thought it was funny anyway, love to laugh at the weekend BBQers.

[holehogg]

[Clark]

RonB Your joke was really baaad.

[SheilaAnn]

There is a tire store by my home that does quirky signs. He has a version of this up right now!

[willxfmr]

Thanos was the hero in the franchise, but it makes people uncomfortable to say it.

[Panhead John]

[Panhead John]

[RonB]

He must have felt sheepish after saying it...

[Foehn Watts]

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' Catholic!

[Panhead John]

Stupid but still funny. 😂

[shush]

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his sheep?

A: Where are my sheep?

[Foehn Watts]

A very old man shows up at a house of prostitution.

The madame greets him. "What can I do for you ?"

He replies, "I want a WOMAN!" She heads him into a room and tells him to come out to look at the ladies when he is ready to go.

A few minutes later he totters into the ladies' lounge. He's holding a condom and is bare nekkid, except for ear plugs and nose plugs.

All the ladies laugh and snicker and one pipes up and says, "C'mon old feller, we know the condom, but what're the ear and noseplugs for?

He replies, "--Ain't nothing I hate more than the sound of a screamin' woman and the smell of burnin' rubber!"

[Foehn Watts]

Ya need to be "of a certain age" for the following joke (--but of course you could look up the stuff on the net). I had to post it because it reminded me of the way I used to torture my boss at the school kitchen: I'd walk in singing "What's New Pussycat"; she'd moan and groan about the rest of the shift about that song running nonstop through her head. It always makes me smile!

Joke:

A guy goes to the doctor.

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."