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2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info coming soon! For now click here for more info.
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Jokes!

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  • Clark
    Club Member
    • Mar 2020
    • 286
    • Broken Arrow, OK.

    A bar installed a new-fangled robot bartender that worked great except it also could sense customers IQs while waiting on them.

    When a customer's IQ was over 168, the robot would talk with them about physics, medicine, NASA, and nuclear reactors.

    When a customer's IQ was 100, the robot talked with them about NASCAR, tractors, and beer.

    When a customer's IQ was 65, the robot would lean over and quietly whisper...."Hook 'em Horns!"
    Last edited by Clark; April 4, 2021, 10:33 AM.

    Comment

  • Panhead John
    Club Member
    • Aug 2020
    • 1314
    • Houston, Texas
    • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
      Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
      SnS For the Kettle
      Set of Grill Grates
      Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
      Rotisserie For The Kettle
      J. A. Henckels Knives
      Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
      Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

    Click image for larger version

Name:	49AFA0A4-9B74-4323-A176-FB4BECEEB552.jpeg
Views:	211
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ID:	1012264

    Comment

    • Panhead John
      Club Member
      • Aug 2020
      • 1314
      • Houston, Texas
      • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
        Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
        SnS For the Kettle
        Set of Grill Grates
        Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
        Rotisserie For The Kettle
        J. A. Henckels Knives
        Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
        Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

      Click image for larger version

Name:	2FCE97FE-A0ED-4782-B99B-C51970BAD3A9.jpeg
Views:	213
Size:	143.2 KB
ID:	1012266

      Comment


      • Mr. Bones
        Mr. Bones commented
        Editing a comment
        That one hits mighty closedta Home...
    • Mark V
      Club Member
      • Oct 2018
      • 431
      • Minnesota


      Thanks, DJ

      Comment


      • Mr. Bones
        Mr. Bones commented
        Editing a comment
        Liberally spray some Kroil...

        Wait a few mikes, then:

        Cut wheels hard left,then proceed to back down, ever so gently...
    • Foehn Watts
      Club Member
      • Apr 2019
      • 344
      • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

      A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!"

      The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "B***H!"

      They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road and dies.

      If only men would listen.

      Comment


      • Mr. Bones
        Mr. Bones commented
        Editing a comment
        "Huh???" LOL
        Last edited by Mr. Bones; April 4, 2021, 01:41 PM.
    • Foehn Watts
      Club Member
      • Apr 2019
      • 344
      • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.


      A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

      The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

      Comment

      • Foehn Watts
        Club Member
        • Apr 2019
        • 344
        • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

        A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."

        Bartender: "Yeah! Sure ... go ahead."

        Man: "What covers a house?"

        Dog: "Roof!"

        Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"

        Dog: "Rough!"

        Man: "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"

        Dog: "Ruth!"

        Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."

        The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door.

        Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"
        Last edited by Foehn Watts; April 4, 2021, 10:52 AM.

        Comment


        • ComfortablyNumb
          ComfortablyNumb commented
          Editing a comment
          I got stuck at "A bar and his bar walk into a bar." Was one wood, another steel, and the third aluminium? Where are their feet? So many questions that my head hurts. Reminds me of the time I walked into a bar.....

        • Foehn Watts
          Foehn Watts commented
          Editing a comment
          ComfortablyNumb -- I did it on purpose to make sure you were reading carefully. I changed it to help yer get rid of the headache! ;-)
      • Foehn Watts
        Club Member
        • Apr 2019
        • 344
        • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

        A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

        Engineer: "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

        Doctor: "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

        Pastor: "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

        George: "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

        The group was silent for a moment.

        Pastor: "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

        Doctor: "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

        Engineer: "Why can't these guys play at night?"

        Comment


        • ofelles
          ofelles commented
          Editing a comment
          Now that was funny.

        • Santamarina
          Santamarina commented
          Editing a comment
          Brilliant.
      • Foehn Watts
        Club Member
        • Apr 2019
        • 344
        • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

        A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.

        "I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.

        "Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grown ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in!"

        Comment

        • Foehn Watts
          Club Member
          • Apr 2019
          • 344
          • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

          Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.

          This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.

          This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.

          Comment


          • RonB
            RonB commented
            Editing a comment
            Men marry women and don't want them to change, but they always do.

            Women marry men thinkin' they can change them into something better, but they never change...

          • Mr. Bones
            Mr. Bones commented
            Editing a comment
            I reserves th right to refuse to comment, either way, lol
        • Foehn Watts
          Club Member
          • Apr 2019
          • 344
          • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

          A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.

          "An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins.

          "You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.

          The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.

          The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.

          "Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"

          Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.

          The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog's owner screams at the dog.

          "Hey, what are you doing? That's a really smart dog you've got there," comments the butcher.

          "He's a stupid dog - that's the third time this week he's forgotten his key!

          Comment


          • ComfortablyNumb
            ComfortablyNumb commented
            Editing a comment
            A man and a dog are sitting at a bench in a park playing chess. A crowd gathers to watch. Finally someone says, "That's a smart dog you have there." The man looks up and says, "He's not that smart, he's lost four out of five games."
        • Foehn Watts
          Club Member
          • Apr 2019
          • 344
          • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.


          At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

          The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question.

          "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.

          The witness still did not respond.

          Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

          "Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

          Comment

          • Foehn Watts
            Club Member
            • Apr 2019
            • 344
            • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

            Two guys are playing golf. The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.

            So one man says to his friend, "I'm gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through."

            He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.

            He replies, "One of those women is my friend, and the other is my mistress. Why don't you go talk to them?"

            So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.

            When he gets back, his friend asks, "Now what happened?"

            To this he replies, "Small world . . . "
            Last edited by Foehn Watts; April 5, 2021, 07:55 PM.

            Comment


            • Mr. Bones
              Mr. Bones commented
              Editing a comment
              Lendin ya an "f", Sister...

              'Gold' dinna make much sense, leastwise, to me...

              Brain hurts, now, (thanks), from havin ta think, when it's th Weekend lol

            • Panhead John
              Panhead John commented
              Editing a comment
              Wish I could correct people’s miscues as politely as you do Mr. Bones 🥸

            • Foehn Watts
              Foehn Watts commented
              Editing a comment
              Oh, jeeze Mr. Bones and Panhead John! I dint EVEN read "gold" cuz my brain just filled in "golf"! Sheesh, I guess I will need to pry my eagle-eye open and read more carefully before hitting post--double hard because I hate editing. . . thanks to you both; fixed! :-)
          • Foehn Watts
            Club Member
            • Apr 2019
            • 344
            • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

            A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

            Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

            At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

            "I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

            "Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

            "Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"

            After a moment of silence, he farted.

            Comment

            • Foehn Watts
              Club Member
              • Apr 2019
              • 344
              • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

              Things that make you go hmmm:

              It's interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word "mother-in-law" you get the words "woman Hitler".

              Comment

              Announcement

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              2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

              We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info coming soon! For now click here for more info.
              See more
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