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2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info coming soon! For now click here for more info.
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Jokes!

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  • Wedunne
    Charter Member
    • May 2015
    • 69
    • Fresno, California

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    • SheilaAnn
      SheilaAnn commented
      Editing a comment
      *snort*
  • ComfortablyNumb
    Club Member
    • May 2017
    • 3495
    • Northeast Washington
    • KBQ C-60
      PK360
      Thermoworks Smoke
      Thermoworks Thermopop
      Thermoworks Dot

    Some men think they are great. One woman is greater....

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    • holehogg
      Club Member
      • Nov 2017
      • 2580
      • Port Elizabeth, South Africa

      A young boy stood is broccoli on a plate like a "tree" and pushed all his vegetables under the "tree"
      His mother asked "What are you doing?"
      He answered "The Lord said from this tree you shall not eat"

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      • Foehn Watts
        Club Member
        • Apr 2019
        • 344
        • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.


        A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan.

        The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.

        Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41.

        The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"

        The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"

        Comment

        • Foehn Watts
          Club Member
          • Apr 2019
          • 344
          • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

          A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

          The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

          The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

          The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

          Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

          The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what is the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

          Comment

          • Foehn Watts
            Club Member
            • Apr 2019
            • 344
            • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

            I know some of you out there know the answer to this:

            If a man is alone in the forest, and he says something, and there's no woman there to disagree with him.

            Is he still wrong?

            Comment


            • Wedunne
              Wedunne commented
              Editing a comment
              My wife says "yes"

            • Foehn Watts
              Foehn Watts commented
              Editing a comment
              Wedunne -- I knew that was coming. L O L

            • gcdmd
              gcdmd commented
              Editing a comment
              He doesn't even have to open his mouth, and he's wrong.
          • Foehn Watts
            Club Member
            • Apr 2019
            • 344
            • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

            A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.

            As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.

            "That's unfair!" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

            "Shut up", barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork.

            "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

            Comment

            • Foehn Watts
              Club Member
              • Apr 2019
              • 344
              • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

              A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"

              The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made ..."

              Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

              The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

              The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

              The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!"

              Comment

              • Foehn Watts
                Club Member
                • Apr 2019
                • 344
                • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

                A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!" The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!" The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses ..."

                Comment


                • RonB
                  RonB commented
                  Editing a comment
                  That joke is well over 50 YO. Still funny...

                • Mr. Bones
                  Mr. Bones commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Ah, a timeless classic!

                • Foehn Watts
                  Foehn Watts commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Yep RonB and Mr. Bones - some things withstand the test of time!
              • Foehn Watts
                Club Member
                • Apr 2019
                • 344
                • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

                A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender: "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

                In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2'', weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5'' pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

                The blind guy says: "Not if I'm going to explain it five times."

                Comment

                • SheilaAnn
                  Club Member
                  • May 2020
                  • 559
                  • Long Beach, CA

                  Due to the pandemic, a Lego store had to close it’s doors. Just this past week, it reopened. When they unlocked the door, there was a line for blocks.

                  Comment


                  • HawkerXP
                    HawkerXP commented
                    Editing a comment
                    awwwwwwe

                  • Foehn Watts
                    Foehn Watts commented
                    Editing a comment
                    GREAT one @ShielaAnn !

                    Short, very schweet, and I can remember it. Maybe. . . LOL
                • RonB
                  Club Member
                  • Apr 2016
                  • 13648
                  • Near Richmond VA
                  • Weber Performer Deluxe
                    SNS
                    Pizza insert
                    Rotisserie
                    Smokenator 1000
                    Cookshack Smokette Elite
                    2 Thermapens
                    Chefalarm
                    Dot
                    lots of probes.
                    CyberQ

                  A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk in a bar. As they approach the bar, they see a blood donation booth. The rabbit hops to the nurse to be the first to donate. The nurse looks at him and ask: “What’s your blood group?”



                  The rabbit says: “I dunno, I think I might be a Type-O.”

                  Comment


                  • HawkerXP
                    HawkerXP commented
                    Editing a comment
                    aaaaaah!

                  • Foehn Watts
                    Foehn Watts commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Well holy, well holy mackerel. The dang joke just clicked in!!! Very good one RonB!

                  • Mosca
                    Mosca commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Oooo. Good one.
                • Foehn Watts
                  Club Member
                  • Apr 2019
                  • 344
                  • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

                  A man decides to have a facelift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and
                  feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a
                  newsstand and buys a paper.

                  Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me
                  asking, but how old do you think I am?"

                  "About 35," was the reply.

                  "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

                  After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same
                  question.

                  The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29."

                  "I am actually 47."

                  Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.

                  She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I
                  was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand
                  down your pants and mess around down there, I will be able
                  to tell you your exact age."

                  As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her
                  slip her hand down his pants.

                  Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."

                  Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

                  The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."

                  Comment


                  • HawkerXP
                    HawkerXP commented
                    Editing a comment
                    You can tell someone young wrote this one. Getting a facelift at 47? comeon.....at least wait until the 50s!

                  • Foehn Watts
                    Foehn Watts commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Golly HawkerXP --I think he just wanted to make a major investment in the manscaping infrastructure.
                • Foehn Watts
                  Club Member
                  • Apr 2019
                  • 344
                  • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

                  One Sunday morning, the preist noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names. And small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the priest walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Little Johnny."

                  Little Johnny: "Good morning! Father Scott, what is this?"

                  Father Scott: "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

                  Little Johnny: "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"
                  Last edited by Foehn Watts; March 19, 2021, 05:46 PM.

                  Comment

                  • Foehn Watts
                    Club Member
                    • Apr 2019
                    • 344
                    • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

                    How do cows introduce their girlfriends?

                    "Meet Patty."

                    Comment


                    • gcdmd
                      gcdmd commented
                      Editing a comment
                      What kind of patty? Cow? Peppermint?...Oh, now I get it...Yuk, yuk, yuk.
                      Last edited by gcdmd; March 20, 2021, 01:53 PM.

                  Announcement

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                  2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

                  We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info coming soon! For now click here for more info.
                  See more
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