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    • Mr. Bones
      Mr. Bones commented
      Editing a comment
      gcdmd Why, I remember that one, jus fine, Geo lol!
      Last edited by Mr. Bones; March 8, 2021, 09:48 PM.

    • THE Humble Texan
      THE Humble Texan commented
      Editing a comment
      Is she also asking "where's the beef??"

    • Bogy
      Bogy commented
      Editing a comment
      Not a commercial, but a line only those of us who are older will recognize. In the doctor's office today, wife getting a pre-op physical. Dr. had a student in with him, both of them at least half our ages. The student was checking my wife's ears, and one of them has been very sensitive since we started dating at 18. I said I knew it was that long, because I could blow in her ear and she'd follow me anywhere. Neither of them had a clue. I said, "It was from Laugh-In." More incomprehension.

    Another one from the Inbox


    This is the best explanation of the importance of paying attention that I have ever heard.


    The Dead Cow Lecture





    First-year students at the Texas A&M Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.



    When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

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      • Donw
        Donw commented
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        Apparently we are upset about some monarchy that we threw out of this country at gunpoint a few hundred years ago.

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        • wu7y
          wu7y commented
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          True story here: a good friend once told me about an acquaintance of his showing up after being gone for several years. He asked the friend where he'd been and was told he just finished a five year prison sentence for getting drunk and joy riding in a bus. My friend, surprised, said five years in prison! Joy riding in a bus isn't even a felony. His friend just said, "It is when it's full of people."




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        • Foehn Watts
          Foehn Watts commented
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          Substitute "his chair" for "her bed" and you have the nightly sitcheeation around here.

        • Mr. Bones
          Mr. Bones commented
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          Smokey Cat does this, religiously... lol



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            • Foehn Watts
              Foehn Watts commented
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              --but I have a WET TOWEL, bwa-ha-Ha--HA!

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              I posted one of my favorite jokes here several years ago and Panhead John ‘s post reminded me. So here is a repeat:

              As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country of the county.

              As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop and ask for directions.

              I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

              I felt bad and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

              The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

              And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.

              When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

              As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers start to say, "Well I’ve been installing septic tanks for 30 years ....”

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              • Panhead John
                Panhead John commented
                Editing a comment
                I actually laughed out loud and almost spit out my coffee. 😂

              Mr Smith wanted to become a teacher but the only job he could find was as an instructor teaching sex education at an all female college. His wife was a very jealous woman, so he decided he would tell his wife that he would be teaching sailing so she would not be angry. He was very happy and for months all was well.

              As fate would have it, one day in the grocery store check out line, Mrs. Smith overheard a group of girls standing in line behind her talking about college and their instructor, Mr Smith.

              The girls went on and on about how great this Mr Smith was at teaching their class. The cashier handed Mrs. Smith her change and said, "Have a great day, Mrs. Smith, and thank you again."

              One of the girls in line heard the cashier and asked Mrs. Smith if she was related to the Mr Smith that was teaching at the college. Mrs. Smith replied, "Yes, he is my husband."

              Well, that set off a torrent of accolades about how knowledgeable Mr. Smith was
              about the subject matter he was teaching, and how he got the whole class to discuss their fears about learning the subject.

              Mrs. Smith was taken aback by what she had heard from these girls and replied, "I
              don't know how you find him to be so gifted at teaching this course, as he has only tried it twice in his life. The first time he tried it he got sick, and the second time, his hat blew off and he just quit."

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