Jokes!

[Foehn Watts]

[Foehn Watts]

[Mr. Bones]

Th Very Clear An Present Danger of this happenin is why I, to date, do not own a commode type o cooker lol

[Foehn Watts]

[Panhead John]

[Foehn Watts]

[Foehn Watts]

[Panhead John]

[Panhead John]

I know. This ones kinda weak.

[ComfortablyNumb]

At least we know they aren't in California due to the lack of Prop 65 warning....

[Mosca]

I dunno, I like it. It’s pretty non-sequitur in a silly, yet educated way.

[Mark V]

No thanks!

[willxfmr]

I've worked many winter construction jobs that I would have been THRILLED to find this as the on site crapper. I'm not getting take-out from it under any circumstances, but I'd gladly make a deposit.

[JimLinebarger]

We're having leftovers again?

[JimLinebarger]

Or is that considered seconds?

[Mosca]

[holehogg]

RichieB still a few here in PE mainly to keep out unwanted guests.

[Clark]

Mosca Once saw this on the wall of a pay toilet in Dallas:

Here I sit
All broken hearted.
Paid a nickel to s**t
But only fa*ted.

[Mr. Bones]

Oh, Hail Yeah, I remembers Pay Toilets...cain't rightly say with a straight face that I find my danged ol self missin em, any some, nowadays...

Clark Growed up with that same song, slightly different lyrics*, but still FUN!!!

*Paid my dime, but only farted"

[Mosca]

[Stuey1515]

LOL!!

[gcdmd]

Close enough for gummint work.

[Mr. Bones]

This has me contemplatin a Legal name change lol!

[frigate]

[ofelles]

W ords with 2 Meanings:
1 THINGY (thing-ee) n
Female.. Any part under a car's hood.
Male.......The fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female...Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.......Playing football without a protective cup.

3.. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni- kay-shon) n.
Female...The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male......Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter- tayn-ment) n.
Female...A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male......Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female...An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male.....A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male......Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female...A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male......A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND

He said.....I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said....You wear pants, don't you?

He said......Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said....That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said.....What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said......Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said....Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

[Panhead John]

So much of that is soo true! 😂

[oldsarge84]

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event.

There was no shortage of young, extremely beautiful women in attendance... one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is there something bothering you?"

"Negative Ma'am," the Sergeant Major said. "Just serious by nature."

The young woman looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

The Sergeant Major's short answer was "Yes Ma'am, a lot of action."

The young woman was tiring of trying to start a conversation, but she didn't want to just leave him because she found him oddly attractive.

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finaly the young woman said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?"

The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955."

Surprised, she said, "That long?! Well then, let me make your night better."..... and they sauntered away to a private room.

The young woman stripped and they made passionate love for an hour. The young woman cuddled up to the Army veteran afterward and said, "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1955."

The Sergeant Major looked at her, confused, and said,

"Well, I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now."

[Panhead John]

I just wanna know how he did it for an hour.... I’m lucky if I can last till the end of a Beatles song.

[Clark]

Panhead John Olga told me your song was 'The Minute Waltz'

[Panhead John]

How do you know Olga? Is she seeing you on the side?

[Mosca]

A guy walks into a bar on Ash Wednesday and orders a beer. "I'm really having a hard time trying to decide what to give up for Lent," he tells the bartender. "Well let me tell you a little cautionary tale about giving things up for Lent," the bartender says. "A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up "A" in 2001 and "B" in 2002, but developed into a strong family tradition. This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow... "

[SheilaAnn]

No no no no no.......🤣🤣🤣

[glitchy]

PJ wanted me to ask..if you start singing it to yourself when you read this does it count?

[RonB]

Canada??

[Panhead John]

I see all 12

[glitchy]

I think Bogy just means he misplaced his bifocals.

[Bogy]

I took my glasses off. Now they're all there!