Jokes!

[Foehn Watts]

[Foehn Watts]

[Foehn Watts]

[Panhead John]

[Foehn Watts]

[Foehn Watts]

[Panhead John]

[Mark V]

No thanks!

[Mosca]

[Mosca]

[frigate]

[ofelles]

W ords with 2 Meanings:
1 THINGY (thing-ee) n
Female.. Any part under a car's hood.
Male.......The fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female...Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.......Playing football without a protective cup.

3.. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni- kay-shon) n.
Female...The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male......Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter- tayn-ment) n.
Female...A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male......Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female...An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male.....A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male......Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female...A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male......A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND

He said.....I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said....You wear pants, don't you?

He said......Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said....That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said.....What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said......Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said....Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

[oldsarge84]

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event.

There was no shortage of young, extremely beautiful women in attendance... one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is there something bothering you?"

"Negative Ma'am," the Sergeant Major said. "Just serious by nature."

The young woman looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

The Sergeant Major's short answer was "Yes Ma'am, a lot of action."

The young woman was tiring of trying to start a conversation, but she didn't want to just leave him because she found him oddly attractive.

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finaly the young woman said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?"

The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955."

Surprised, she said, "That long?! Well then, let me make your night better."..... and they sauntered away to a private room.

The young woman stripped and they made passionate love for an hour. The young woman cuddled up to the Army veteran afterward and said, "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1955."

The Sergeant Major looked at her, confused, and said,

"Well, I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now."

[Mosca]

A guy walks into a bar on Ash Wednesday and orders a beer. "I'm really having a hard time trying to decide what to give up for Lent," he tells the bartender. "Well let me tell you a little cautionary tale about giving things up for Lent," the bartender says. "A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up "A" in 2001 and "B" in 2002, but developed into a strong family tradition. This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow... "

[RonB]

Canada??