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Jokes!

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    Hear about the woman who backed into one of those old propeller airplanes? Dis-ass-ter.

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      A man comes up to a Rutgers graduate and says, "if you can guess how many chickens are in this bag I'll give you both of them." The Rutgers graduate thinks hard for a minute and says "3?"

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      • JimLinebarger
        JimLinebarger commented
        Editing a comment
        That's an Aggie joke, too. Right?

      • Foehn Watts
        Foehn Watts commented
        Editing a comment
        Da***t. Sheesh, took me a careful re-read. . .!

      • Bogy
        Bogy commented
        Editing a comment
        JimLinebarger, that's also an Iowan/Minnesotan, Norvegian/Svedish joke! Just insert your own group and the one you like to make fun of.





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        • SheilaAnn
          SheilaAnn commented
          Editing a comment
          I just tasted a bit of throw up from the second “joke” 🤣🤣

        • Foehn Watts
          Foehn Watts commented
          Editing a comment
          Golly @ShielaAnn, that's better than tastin' somethin' else. . . right?
          ;-)

        Many years ago I went into the VA for a colonoscopy and an endoscopy at the same time. As I was being prepped on the table, I asked if I could choose the order of the procedures because one order would leave a crappy taste in my mouth.

        Comment


        • Foehn Watts
          Foehn Watts commented
          Editing a comment
          That is sooooo bad that I am LOL.

        • RonB
          RonB commented
          Editing a comment
          If the scope is long enough, they can do 'em both at the same time...

        • JimLinebarger
          JimLinebarger commented
          Editing a comment
          RonB Again it still depends on which direction. Maybe fine going in, but the direction coming out can make all the difference.

        Truth in Valentining:

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        And so forth:

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        Thank you Patrick McDonnell of Mutts!

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          I had my annual physical yesterday and afterwards, I asked the doc "How do you determine when an older person is ready to be in a nursing home?"

          He said "we fill a bathtub with water and give you a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket and tell you to empty the bathtub."

          I said, "Oh, normal people would use the bucket since it is biggest?"

          He replied "No, normal people just pull the plug."

          (He is trying to get me a room with a window)

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              To al you golfers out there
              Golf Poem
              In My Hand I Hold A
              Ball,
              White And Dimpled, And Rather Small..
              Oh,
              How Bland It Does Appear,
              This Harmless Looking
              Little Sphere.

              By Its Size I Could Not
              Guess
              The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
              But
              Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
              I've Wandered
              Through The Fires Of Hell.

              My Life Has Not Been
              Quite The Same
              Since I Chose To Play This Stupid
              Game.
              It Rules My Mind For Hours On End;
              A
              Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

              It Has Made Me
              Curse And Made Me Cry,
              And Hate Myself And Want To
              Die.
              It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
              If I Hit
              It Straight And Far.

              To Master Such A Tiny
              Ball,
              Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
              But My
              Desires The Ball Refuses,
              And Does Exactly As It
              Chooses.

              It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And
              Dies,
              And Disappears Before My Eyes.
              Often It
              Will Have A Whim,
              To Hit A Tree Or Take A
              Swim.

              With Miles Of Grass On Which To
              Land,
              It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
              Then Has Me
              Offering Up My Soul,
              If Only It Would Find The
              Hole.

              It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
              And
              Swear That I Will Give It Up.
              And Take To Drink To
              Ease My Sorrow,
              But The Ball Knows .. I'll Be Back
              Tomorrow.

              Stand
              proud you noble swingers of
              clubs
              And
              losers of balls!


              A recent study found that the
              average golfer
              Walks about 900 miles a
              year.

              Another study found that golfers
              drink, on
              Average, 22 gallons of alcohol a
              year.

              This
              means that, on average, golfers get about
              41 miles
              to the gallon!

              Kind of makes you proud. Almost
              makes you
              Feel like a hybrid. .

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                In case you missed it this year (Jan. 26), make sure you don't miss Australia Day next year:

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                Last edited by Foehn Watts; February 15, 2021, 04:02 PM.

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                  B-fast of champions (lunch and dinner too):

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                    • 58limited
                      58limited commented
                      Editing a comment
                      That's not a joke, it's the unvarnished truth!

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                        Last edited by ofelles; February 15, 2021, 10:44 PM. Reason: Reload pictures

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