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    This really skinny and feminine looking cowboy named Clark rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

    “Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!” Clark yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.

    “Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!”

    Some of the locals shifted restlessly. Cowboy Clark, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go… what happened in Texas?” Clark turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”
    Last edited by Panhead John; February 11, 2021, 12:09 PM.


    • Mosca
      Mosca commented
      Editing a comment
      That is REALLY GOOD. Unexpected, but really good!

    • gcdmd
      gcdmd commented
      Editing a comment
      Panhead John
      Just clearing your throat, as it were?

    • Foehn Watts
      Foehn Watts commented
      Editing a comment
      gcdmd --the hairball is yet to come. . .

    A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

    To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

    By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

    After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

    To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"


    • wu7y
      wu7y commented
      Editing a comment
      Reminds me of the old story about the guy in a bar who walks up to a very attractive woman and asks if she would sleep with him for $500G. She replies that she would in fact sleep with for that kind of money. He then asks if she would agree to sleep with him for $100. She replies indignantly, "Sir, just what do you think I am?" He smiles and says, "Maam, I already know what you are. Now I'm just trying to figure out how much it's going to cost me."

    • Clark
      Clark commented
      Editing a comment
      Panhead John Had not heard that one since 7th grade.

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        • Panhead John
          Panhead John commented
          Editing a comment

        TV production jokes:

        A producer, director of photography and sound tech were walking down the beach and came upon a brass lamp. The producer rubbed it and a genie popped out and gave them each one wish. The genie asked the sound tech what he wished for and he said, "I want to be on a tropical island with 6 beautiful women feeding me grapes." And poof, his wish came true.

        The genie asked the director of photography next who said, "I want to live in a Manhattan luxury apartment with $10 million in cash in the closet. Poof, he was in NYC.

        The producer steps up and the genie asks what his wish is. The Producer says, "I want both those a-holes back here RIGHT now..."

        What's the difference between a production generator and a producer? The generator stops whining when the shoot is over.
        Last edited by Chuck in Charlotte; February 11, 2021, 06:55 PM.


        • RonB
          RonB commented
          Editing a comment
          And what does a screen writer eat? Plot pie of course.

        Hi, I'm Paul, I'm a Canadian, and I approve of this message.
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        • HawkerXP
          HawkerXP commented
          Editing a comment
          I used to travel internationally a lot with my job. We were warned not to wear anything that could identify us as an American. Being 6' 4" with reddish brown hair and beard I didn't really blend in with the locals. I would always be asked, "Where you from". I told them I was Canadian, nobody hates our brothers and sisters to the north.
          Last edited by HawkerXP; February 13, 2021, 07:52 AM. Reason: Added the sisters

        • glitchy
          glitchy commented
          Editing a comment
          HawkerXP Do they not like our sisters to the North too?
          Last edited by glitchy; February 13, 2021, 08:30 AM.

        A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out.

        Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

        He went to the local technical college and signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

        When the time of the practical exam approached, he prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

        When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

        Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there was an error in the grade?"

        The instructor said, during the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly which is also worth 50% of the mark.

        After a pause the instructor added

        I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I have never seen done in my entire career.


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          • MBMorgan
            MBMorgan commented
            Editing a comment
            Wow ... Huskee has gone power mad ... he must go ...

          • holehogg
            holehogg commented
            Editing a comment
            Think spelling is still your barrier.

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              Five gangsters walk past a local diner

              The owner runs out the door and up to them saying, "Excuse me, I've got a problem and you're the only ones who can solve it!"

              The gangsters look at each other confused and ask, "What, why us man?"

              "I'll explain later, just come with me!" The owner replies. The curious gangsters follow the owner into the diner, and then they enter the kitchen. In the back, a man is furiously scrubbing metal pots and pans so hard that he's damaging them.

              The owner points at the man and says, "My new dishwasher guy is scrubbing the dishes too hard! He's scratching them up and refusing to stop! At this rate, I'm going to have to replace all my dishes!"

              One of the gangsters rolls his eyes and says to another gangster, "Yo G, I got this."

              The gangster taps the dishwasher on the shoulder and says, "Dude, ease up on those dishes."

              But the man keeps scrubbing. Another one of the gangsters says, "That won't do it, G," and he tries to spin the dishwasher around to face them, but the dishwasher man won't budge. "C'mon idiot, ease up on those dishes!"

              But the man is still scrubbing. The third and fourth gangsters try shouting in the man's ears, "EASE UP ON THOSE DAMN DISHES!"

              But the man scrubs away. Finally, the fifth gangster has had enough and start pulling on the dishwasher to get him away from the sink and the dishes. Another G joins in, followed by the rest, pulling as hard as they can.

              But it's no use, and they all fall to the floor exhausted while the dishwasher keeps scrubbing, no sign of easing up on the poor dishes.

              The owner is shocked and shakes his head in disbelief, "I can't believe it, I was sure this would work."

              The fifth gangster looks at him exasperated and says, "Dude, why the hell did you think this would work? What can five gangsters do against a dishwasher who's basically superman?"

              The owner replies, "I know it sounded crazy and I had no evidence to prove it, but I really thought that 5Gs could cause dish ease."


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                  A short one more.

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                  • MTurney
                    MTurney commented
                    Editing a comment
                    YES! 😂

                  Looking for 1 night stand
                  Maybe two I have 2 lamps.



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