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Join us in Memphis for our Meat-Up! Space is limited to 400, secure your spot by booking early!
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  • RonB
    Club Member
    • Apr 2016
    • 12347
    • Near Richmond VA
    • Weber Performer Deluxe
      SNS
      Pizza insert
      Rotisserie
      Smokenator 1000
      Cookshack Smokette Elite
      2 Thermapens
      Chefalarm
      Dot
      lots of probes.
      CyberQ

    This is an oldie, but worth a repeat in case someone has not seen it.

    A blonde walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5000 loan. The banker asks “Okay miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?”


    The woman replies “Yes, of course. I would like to use my Rolls Royce.”

    The banker, stunned, asks, “A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?”

    The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out so they park the car in their underground garage for two weeks. When she comes back, she pays off the $5000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest.

    The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question. We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you want to borrow $5000?”

    The woman replies, “Where else in NYC can I park my car for two weeks for $15.41 and expect it to be there when I get back?”

    Comment


    • Atalanta
      Atalanta commented
      Editing a comment
      JCBBQ - I would do that in college when I'd have my car on campus.

      This is a bit dated:
      How do you know a blond has been sitting at your computer?
      There's white-out on the screen.

    • Huskee
      Huskee commented
      Editing a comment
      Dumb blonde or brilliant?

    • gcdmd
      gcdmd commented
      Editing a comment
      See below, esp. Atalanta
  • Willy
    Charter Member
    • Apr 2015
    • 1793
    • High Desert of the Great Southwest

    "Last spring, I spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him in with the cows but he just ate grass; wouldn't even look at a cow.

    I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. It was too much money to send him off to the abattoir so I had the local Vet come and have a look at him.

    He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.

    Well, the bull started to service the cows within two days - all my cows! He even broke through the fence and serviced all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!

    I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ... but they kind of taste like peppermint."
    Last edited by Willy; January 28th, 2017, 08:45 AM.

    Comment

    • Ate55
      Former Member
      • Dec 2016
      • 12
      • Florida

      A priest, a rabbi and a donkey walk into a bar and the bartender says "Is this some kind of joke?"

      Comment

      • emil.glatz
        Former Member
        • Oct 2014
        • 109

        So my dear old grandpa, obviously being sarcastic, was fishing when the game warden happened by. The Warden said, "I hear you've been fishing with dynamite?" Grandpa says, "Get in the boat I'll show you what I've been doing." So grandpa paddles them out in the lake and pulls a stick of dynamite out of a bag. The Warden says "Aha ha! I've got you, you have been fishing with dynamite." Grandpa lights the fuse and hands the stick to the Warden. Then he says, "Well, you gonna fish or you gonna cut bait?"

        Comment

        • jharner
          Club Member
          • Jan 2016
          • 1087
          • Louisiana - North West but a coon ass at heart
          • Cookers

            Camp Chef DLX Pellet Grill
            Weber 22.5 Kettle
            Brickman Box Smoker

            Accessories

            Slow N Sear
            Tube Smoker
            Turkey Cannon
            Rib racks
            Weber chimney starter

            Thermometer's

            Maverick ET 735
            Tru Temp 3619n
            Thermapen mk4
            Thermapop

            Favorite Drink

            Free beer
            Coors Light
            Windsor ( Canadian blended whiskey )

          Picture it- Honeymoon couple, Groom carries Bribe into the honeymoon suite, drops her on the bed and begins to undress. He takes off his pants and says put these on, she replies I can't wear these they are to big, he replies remember that I wear the pants in the family. She retreats into bathroom and returns with her panties in hand and says put these on, he replies I can't get into these they are to small, she replies and you won't until you change your attitude !!

          Comment

          • Bob's BBQ
            Club Member
            • Jan 2016
            • 490
            • Wisconsin

            A man went to the doctor. As he approaches the office door, it flies open and a nun, dressed in full habit, runs from the office screaming hysterically. The man asks the doctor, "what's up with the nun?". The doctor replies, "I just told her she was pregnant". "Really" the man asks, "she's pregnant?". "No", says the doctor, "but I sure cured her hiccups".......

            Comment

            • Huskee
              Pit Boss
              • May 2014
              • 14778
              • central MI, USA
              • Follow me on Instagram, huskeesbarbecue

                Want a free bottle of whiskey? Check out my link to Flaviar.com, you join with it, we both get a $50 bottle free.

                Smokers / Grills
                • Yoder loaded Wichita offset smoker
                • PBC
                • Grilla Silverbac pellet grill
                • Slow 'N Sear Deluxe Kamado (SnSK)
                • Dyna-Glo XL Premium dual chamber charcoal grill
                • Weber 22" Original Kettle Premium (copper)
                • Weber 26" Original Kettle Premium (black)
                • Weber Jumbo Joe Gold (18.5")
                • Weber Smokey Joe Silver (14.5")
                • Brinkmann cabinet charcoal smoker (repurposed)

                Thermometers
                • (3) Maverick XR-50: 4-probe Wireless Thermometers
                • (7) Maverick ET-732s
                • (1) Maverick ET-735 Bluetooth (in box)
                • (1) Smoke by ThermoWorks
                • (1) Signals by ThermoWorks
                • Thermapen MkII, orange
                • ThermoPop, yellow
                • ThermoWorks ChefAlarm
                • Morpilot 6-probe wireless
                • ThermoWorks Infrared IRK2
                • ThermoWorks fridge & freezer therms as well

                Accessories
                • Instant Pot 6qt
                • Anova Bluetooth SV
                • Kitchen Aide mixer & meat grinder attachment
                • Kindling Cracker King (XL)
                • BBQ Dragon
                • Weber full & half chimneys, Char-Broil Half Time chimney
                • Weber grill topper
                • Slow 'N Sear Original, XL, and SnS Charcoal Basket (for Jumbo Joe)
                • Drip 'N Griddle Pan, 22' Easy Spin Grate, and Elevated Cooking grate, by ABCbarbecue
                • Pittsburgh Digital Moisture Meter

                Beverages
                • Favorite summer beer: Leinenkugels Summer & Grapefruit Shandy, Hamm's, Michelob Ultra Pure Gold
                • Fav other beer: DAB, Sam Adams regular, Third Shift amber or Coors Batch 19, Stella Artois
                • Fav cheap beers: Pabst, High Life, Hamm's & Stroh's
                • Most favorite beer: The one in your fridge
                • Wine: Red- big, bold, tannic & peppery- Petite Sirah, Zinfandel, Cabernet Sauv, Sangiovese, Syrah, etc
                • Whiskey: Buffalo Trace, Eagle Rare, E.H. Taylor, Blanton's, Old Forester 1870, Elijah Craig, Basil Hayden's. Neat please.
                • Scotch: Current favorite- The Arran (anything by them), Glenmorangie 12yr Lasanta, sherry cask finished. The Balvenie Double Wood, also like Oban 18yr, and The Glenlivet Nadurra (Oloroso sherry cask finished) among others. Neat please.

                About me
                Real name: Aaron
                Location: Farwell, Michigan- near Clare. (dead center of lower peninsula)

                Occupation:
                • Healthcare- Licensed & Registered Respiratory Therapist (RRT) for MidMichigan Health, a University of Michigan Health System.




              For those who dig stupid nonsensical humor.

              Comment

              • Steve Vojtek
                Charter Member
                • Mar 2015
                • 613
                • Melbourne Australia
                • 6 & 2 burner gas BBQ's
                  Diy electric smoker
                  A-maze-n-tube 12 inch
                  Gas powered pizza oven
                  GMG Davy Crockett with Wifi
                  Rosle 24 inch charcoal kettle
                  Slow'nSear - my favourite
                  2 x Thermapens
                  2 x wireless thermometers
                  3 x wired thermometers
                  Favourite drink:
                  Scotch whiskey various brands
                  American Honey WT
                  And beer ....
                  And at work just plain old chilled water....

                Do you know what the propeller is for in the front of the plane?
                What? You don't? OK let me tell you....
                It is there to keep the pilot cool. When it stops - you watch the pilot sweat!!

                Comment

                • gcdmd
                  Charter Member
                  • Sep 2014
                  • 972
                  • The Republic of Texas

                  How to tell when your office staff is too old and/or needs to be re-trained

                  Click image for larger version

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                  Comment

                  • gcdmd
                    Charter Member
                    • Sep 2014
                    • 972
                    • The Republic of Texas

                    I went to a genetics conference yesterday.

                    Click image for larger version

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                    Comment


                    • Jerod Broussard
                      Jerod Broussard commented
                      Editing a comment
                      haha...not even close to being "zygous" in my book.

                    • Huskee
                      Huskee commented
                      Editing a comment
                      Lol, last I uttered those words was on some college final...
                  • Spinaker
                    Moderator
                    • Nov 2014
                    • 10467
                    • Land of Tonka
                    • John "J R"
                      Instagram: JRBowlsby
                      Smokin' Hound Que
                      Minnesota/ United States of America

                      ********************************************
                      Assistants
                      Dexter (Beagle mix)
                      Kinnick (American Foxhound)
                      ************************

                      Grills/Smokers/Fryers
                      Big Green Egg (Large) X2
                      Blackstone 36" Outdoor Griddle 4-Burner

                      Broil King Keg
                      Karubeque C-60
                      Kamado Joe Jr. (Black)
                      Lodge L410 Hibachi
                      Pit Barrel Cooker
                      Pit Barrel Cooker 2.0
                      R&V Works FF2-R-ST 4-Gallon Fryer

                      Weber Spirit Gasser
                      ******************.
                      Thermometers
                      FireBoard (Base Package)
                      Thermoworks ThermaPen (Red)
                      Thermoworks MK4 (Orange)
                      **************

                      Accessories
                      BBQ Dragon
                      Big Green Egg Plate Setter
                      Benzomatic TS4000 Torch X 2
                      Benzomatic TS800 High Temp Torch X 2

                      Bayou Classic 44 qt Stainless Stock Pot
                      Bayou Classic 35K BTU Burner

                      Digi Q DX2 (Medium Pit Viper Fan)
                      Dragon VT 2-23 C Torch
                      Eggspander Kit X2
                      Field Skillet No. 8,10,12

                      Finex Cat Iron Line
                      FireBoard Drive
                      Lots and Lots of Griswold Cast Iron
                      Grill Grates
                      Joule Water Circulator
                      KBQ Fire Grate

                      Kick Ash Basket (KAB) X4
                      Lots of Lodge Cast Iron
                      Husky 6 Drawer BBQ Equipment Cabinet
                      Large Vortex
                      Marlin 1894 .44 Magnum
                      Marquette Castings No. 13 (First Run)
                      Smithey No. 12
                      Smokeware Chimney Cap X 3
                      Stargazer No.10, 12
                      Tool Wizard BBQ Tongs
                      Univex Duro 10" Meat Slicer
                      ********************************
                      Fuel
                      FOGO Priemium Lump Charcoal
                      Kingsford Blue and White
                      Rockwood Lump Charcoal
                      Apple, Cherry & Oak Log splits for the C-60
                      **************************

                      Cutlery
                      Buck 119 Special
                      Dexter 12" Brisket Sword
                      Global
                      Shun
                      Wusthof
                      *******
                      Next Major Purchase
                      Lone Star Grillz 24 X 48 Offset

                    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

                    Comment


                    • tbob4
                      tbob4 commented
                      Editing a comment
                      The joke is going to my sister!

                    • Spinaker
                      Spinaker commented
                      Editing a comment
                      hahahahaha, I was waiting to see if this one made the cut..........
                      tbob4

                    • Mr. Bones
                      Mr. Bones commented
                      Editing a comment
                      Spinaker Th' worst is when ya' lay 'em out t' wear, an' cain't find 'em in th' mornin'. This is th' exact reason I won't never, no, not ever, buy camo TP ;-)
                  • gdsim1
                    Club Member
                    • Jan 2017
                    • 173
                    • KC MO
                    • Tryin' not to light my beard on fire east of KC MO. Pit Barrel Cooker for smokin', Char-Griller for grillin' and the cutest little no-name instant read thermometer you've ever seen to keep me from screwin' up!

                    A special one for those of you with little ones running around the house, when you tuck em in bed at night...

                    You: Knock knock!

                    Kid: Who's there?

                    You: Olive!

                    Kid: Olive who?

                    You: Olive YOU ya silly kid!!!

                    (Commence with tickling and kiss bombing. :-D Dad humor is the best! LOL)

                    Comment

                    • RonB
                      Club Member
                      • Apr 2016
                      • 12347
                      • Near Richmond VA
                      • Weber Performer Deluxe
                        SNS
                        Pizza insert
                        Rotisserie
                        Smokenator 1000
                        Cookshack Smokette Elite
                        2 Thermapens
                        Chefalarm
                        Dot
                        lots of probes.
                        CyberQ

                      GRANDMAS ARE SMART

                      I was out walking with my Grandson. He picked up something off of the
                      ground and started to put it in his mouth. I took the item away from him
                      and I asked him not to do that.

                      "Why?" my Grandson asked.

                      "Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's
                      dirty, and probably has germs, and sometimes germs make little boys sick
                      and not feel good" I replied.

                      At this point, my Grandson looked at me with total admiration and asked,
                      "Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?? You are so smart."

                      I was thinking quickly and said to him, "All Grandmas know stuff. It's on
                      the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a
                      Grandma."

                      We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but he was evidently
                      pondering this new information.

                      "Oh...I get it! He beamed, so if you don't pass the test you have to be
                      the Grandpa."

                      "Exactly," I replied with a big smile on my face.
                      When you're finished laughing, send this to another.

                      Comment

                      • gdsim1
                        Club Member
                        • Jan 2017
                        • 173
                        • KC MO
                        • Tryin' not to light my beard on fire east of KC MO. Pit Barrel Cooker for smokin', Char-Griller for grillin' and the cutest little no-name instant read thermometer you've ever seen to keep me from screwin' up!

                        HA! The "Grandma's Are Smart" post reminded me of an actual real world similar story, as related by a friend. He and his then 3 yr old daughter were playing tic tac toe one day, when this happened...

                        Daughter: UGH! You beat me again! HOW do you keep beating me Daddy???

                        Buddy: 'Cause I'm smarter than you kid.

                        Daughter (thinking about that for a second or three): OK - but I'm still smarter than Mom right?

                        Buddy (without missing a beat): Yes, you're still smarter than Mommy honey.

                        Daughter (satisfied): OKAY! :-D

                        Comment

                        • JCBBQ
                          Club Member
                          • Jan 2016
                          • 1068
                          • Jersey City, NJ
                          • Primo Oval XL Ceramic Cooker
                            Pit Barrel Cooker
                            2x Mavrick 732
                            Therma Pen Orange
                            Favorite Bourbon Blanton's
                            SF Giants

                            MCS wish list - Lone Star Grillz off set

                          Not a joke but REALLY funny. This video is called "Angry Yoga"

                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BH0l4FlZT-A

                          Comment


                          • Huskee
                            Huskee commented
                            Editing a comment
                            Good stuff. Dern those apple butter vegan terrorists!

                          • JCBBQ
                            JCBBQ commented
                            Editing a comment
                            Huskee I loved "homeless samurai" Haha yeah the whole thing is hilarious.

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                        Meat-Up in Memphis 2021

                        Join us in Memphis for our Meat-Up! Space is limited to 400, secure your spot by booking early!
                        Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis)
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                        Meat-Up in Memphis

                        T-Shirts & More T-Shirts & More
                        Order men's and women's T-Shirts, Sweatshirts, Aprons, Mugs, Caps, Tote Bags, Flasks, and more, all imprinted with the Pitmaster Club logo. There's even a spiral bound journal where you can make notes on your cooks.

                        Cool Embroidered Shirt Cool Embroidered Shirt
                        This beautifully embroidered shirt is the same one Meathead wears in public and on TV. It's wash and wear and doesn't need ironing (really!), but it is a soft cottonlike feel. Choice of four colors and both men's and women's.

                        Click here for more info.

                        Support ARC

                        Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, and it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! And remember, we only recommend products we love. If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon.

                        https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

                        BBQ Stars

                        Spotlight

                        These are not ads or paid placements. These Are Some Of Our Favorite Tools And Toys.

                        These are products we have tested, won our top awards, and are highly recommend. Click here to read how we test, about our medals, and what they mean.

                        Use our links when you buy things

                        Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon

                        https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

                         


                        If you have a Weber Kettle, you need the Slow 'N' Sear

                        slow n sear

                        The Slow 'N' Sear turns your grill into a first class smoker and also creates an extremely hot sear zone you can use to create steakhouse steaks.

                        Click here for our article on this breakthrough tool


                        The Good-One Is A Superb Grill And A Superb Smoker All In One

                        the good one grill

                        The Good-One Open Range is dramatically different from a traditional offset smoker. By placing the heat source behind and under the smokebox instead of off to the side, Open Range produces even temperature from left to right, something almost impossible to achieve with a standard barrel shaped offset.

                        Click here to read our complete review


                        Griddle And Deep Fryer In One

                        Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker

                        The flat top does the burgers and the fryer does the fries. Use the griddle for bacon, eggs, and home fries. Or pancakes, fajitas, grilled cheese, you name it. Why stink up the house deep frying and spatter all over? Do your fried chicken and calamari outside. Blackstone's Rangetop Combo With Deep Fryer does it all!

                        Click here to read our detailed review and to order


                        The Pit Barrel Cooker May Be Too Easy

                        Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker

                        The PBC has a rabid cult following for good reason. It is absolutely positively without a doubt the best bargain on a smoker in the world. Period. This baby will cook circles around the cheap offset sideways barrel smokers because temperature control is so much easier.

                        Click here to read our detailed review and the raves from people who own them


                        The Undisputed Champion!

                        thermapen

                        The Thermoworks Thermapen MK4 is considered by the pros, and our team, to be the single best instant read thermometer. The MK4 includes features that are common on high-end instruments: automatic backlight and rotating display. Don't accept cheap substitutes.

                        Click here to read our comprehensive Platinum Medal review


                        Grilla Pellet Smoker proves good things come in small packages

                        Grilla pellet smoker

                        We always liked Grilla. The small 31.5" x 29.5" footprint makes it ideal for use where BBQ space is limited, as on a condo patio.

                        Click here for our review on this unique smoker


                        Delta by Nuke,
                        Stylish and Affordable
                        Gaucho Grill

                        Weber Genesis Grill

                        Delta by Nuke burns wood or charcoal and comes with an adjustable height grill grate. This Argentinian grill will get your flame on!

                        Click here to read our complete review


                        Genesis II E-335 
                        A Versatile Gasser That Does It All!

                        Weber Genesis Grill

                        Weber’s Genesis line has long been one of the most popular choices for gas grillers. The new Genesis II E-335 offers solid performance, a sear burner for sizzling heat and an excellent warranty.

                        Click here to read our complete review


                        GrillGrates Take Gas Grills To The Infrared Zone

                        grill grates

                        GrillGrates(TM) amplify heat, prevent flareups, make flipping foods easier, kill hotspots, flip over to make a fine griddle, and can be easily rmoved from one grill to another. You can even throw wood chips, pellets, or sawdust between the rails and deliver a quick burst of smoke.

                        Click here for more about what makes these grates so special


                        Is This Superb Charcoal Grill A Kamado Killer?

                        PK 360 grill

                        The PK-360, with 360 square inches of cooking space, this rust free, cast aluminum charcoal grill is durable and easy to use. Four-way venting means it's easy to set up for two zone cooking with more control than single vent Kamado grills. It is beautifully designed, completely portable, and much easier to set up for 2-zone cooking than any round kamado.

                        Click here to read our detailed review of the PK 360

                        Click here to order directly and get an exclusive AmazingRibs.com deal


                        Our Favorite Backyard Smoker

                        kareubequ bbq smoker

                        The amazing Karubecue is the most innovative smoker in the world. The quality of meat from this machine is astonishing. At its crux is a patented firebox that burns logs above the cooking chamber and sucks heat and extremely clean blue smoke into the thermostat controlled oven. It is our favorite smoker, period.

                        Click here for our review of this superb smoker


                        Masterbuilt MPS 340/G ThermoTemp XL Propane Smoker

                        masterbuilt gas smoker

                        This is the first propane smoker with a thermostat, making this baby foolproof. Set ThermoTemp's dial from 175° to 350°F and the thermostat inside will adjust the burner just like an indoor kitchen oven. All you need to do is add wood to the tray above the burner to start smokin'.

                        Click here to read our detailed review


                        Digital Thermometers Are Your Most Valuable Tool And Here's A Great Buy!

                        maverick PT55 thermometer

                        A good digital thermometer keeps you from serving dry overcooked food or dangerously undercooked food. They are much faster and much more accurate than dial thermometers. YOU NEED ONE!

                        Click here to read our complete review


                        Track Up To Six Temperatures At Once

                        Grilla pellet smoker

                        FireBoard Drive 2 is an updated version of a well-received product that sets the standard for performance and functionality in the wireless food thermometer/thermostatic controller class.

                        Click here for our review of this unique device


                        The Cool Kettle With The Hinged Hood We Always Wanted

                        NK-22-Ck Grill

                        Napoleon's NK22CK-C Charcoal Kettle Grill puts a few spins on the familiar kettle design. In fact, the hinged lid with a handle on the front, spins in a rotary motion 180 degrees. It's hard to beat a Weber kettle, but Napoleon holds its own and adds some unique features to make the NK22CK-C a viable alternative.

                        Click here for more about what makes this grill special


                        Finally, A Great Portable Pellet Smoker

                        Green Mountain Davey Crockett Grill

                        Green Mountain's portable Davy Crockett Pellet Smoker is one mean tailgating and picnic machine. But it's also gaining popularity with people who want to add a small, set it and forget it pellet smoker to their backyard arsenal. And with their WiFi capabilities you can control and monitor Davy Crocket from your smart phone or laptop.

                        Click here to read our detailed review and to order