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    • Foehn Watts
      Foehn Watts commented
      Editing a comment
      Fire Chicken --last summer I WANTED to do that, it was 110 degrees + here with that "heat dome" thing.

      I dint even *think* of cooking for a while there. Cereal and milk was good, very good.

    • HawkerXP
      HawkerXP commented
      Editing a comment
      Please close the door. Who do I look like John D. Rockefeller?

    • gcdmd
      gcdmd commented
      Editing a comment
      HawkerXP
      My dad's version was "You must think I'm made of money."

    Our cats usually just reach under the door when I am in the bathroom. Sometimes they just paw (patpatpatpatpatpat) at it.

    Used to have a dog that if the door was open just a bit, she would not come in but you would see just the black leather tip of her nose flaring at you. That was kinda creepy.


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    I am worried about America. Maths are hard. So are logics.

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    • Bogy
      Bogy commented
      Editing a comment
      Apparently, once again something exciting happened, and I missed it.

    • Panhead John
      Panhead John commented
      Editing a comment
      Bogy CAN you believe what ofelles just posted right below here!!!??
      Last edited by Panhead John; January 31, 2021, 04:47 PM.

    • Mr. Bones
      Mr. Bones commented
      Editing a comment
      Anglish are hard, too...






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    • Foehn Watts
      Foehn Watts commented
      Editing a comment
      Soothing and reassuring, for sure.

    • RonB
      RonB commented
      Editing a comment
      I looked at this and wound up with a blank stare...

    • HawkerXP
      HawkerXP commented
      Editing a comment
      Not sure you are allowed to say that here.

    Subject: OVERCOMING DEPRESSION....
    After we both were suffering from severe depression, my wife and I decided to commit suicide yesterday...

    Strangely enough after she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better and thought the hell with it!

    I'll try to make a go of it ...



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    • JimLinebarger
      JimLinebarger commented
      Editing a comment
      Not sure if I should laugh at that!

    • ofelles
      ofelles commented
      Editing a comment
      That is true. But it did make me shake my head.
      Last edited by ofelles; January 29, 2021, 08:19 PM.

    • willxfmr
      willxfmr commented
      Editing a comment
      I often share jokes from here with my girlfriend. Not this one...

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    • Bogy
      Bogy commented
      Editing a comment
      That's not a joke, it's a helpful tip for a successful relationship. When I showed her this my wife said she didn't get flowers. I reminded her the last time she got a couch!

    • SheilaAnn
      SheilaAnn commented
      Editing a comment
      👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

    • Foehn Watts
      Foehn Watts commented
      Editing a comment
      Uh, this should be a man holding his face with a whole buncha beers instead of the roses. Like it should be my husband. I am notorious for finding free grills of various sorts and dragging them home. . .

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    • HawkerXP
      HawkerXP commented
      Editing a comment
      I worked with that Frog!

    • Mr. Bones
      Mr. Bones commented
      Editing a comment
      Done encountered dat bullfrog...

      What piques my curiosity is th lil UFO an Alien, all kinda hooverin over th Hu-Mon's LH shoulder...

    • Foehn Watts
      Foehn Watts commented
      Editing a comment
      Mr. Bones the artist, Pirarro, always puts the flying saucer dudelette and other things in his comics.

    Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously.


    What a pity Kulula doesn't fly internationally - we should support them if only for their humour:

    On a Kulula flight , (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want), passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing their seats, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people, we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!

    On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies & gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

    And from the pilot during his welcome message:
    "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"








    After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as heck everything has shifted.



    From a Kulula employee:

    "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt,
    insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every
    other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably
    shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

    "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend
    from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If
    you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting
    with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your
    favorite."

    "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
    we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody
    loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

    "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an
    emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
    compliments."

    "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane".



    "Thank you for flying Kulula . We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:

    "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"



    On landing , the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

    "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."



    Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
    "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

    Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said,
    "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"




    Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

    An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
    Finally, everyone had got off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
    She said,
    "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
    "Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
    The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

    Comment


    • gcdmd
      gcdmd commented
      Editing a comment
      The last one was the best. Tegucigalpa, surrounded by close-in mountains, is a particularly problematic airport in the best of times but particularly so in times of political unrest.
      Last edited by gcdmd; January 30, 2021, 01:05 PM.

    • Meathead
      Meathead commented
      Editing a comment
      I have heard some fun ones on Southwest to. After a hard landing once a flight attendant said "Ladies and gentlemen we have just attacked Chicago."

    • holehogg
      holehogg commented
      Editing a comment
      They are known for this kind of humour. They actually owned by British Airways.




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    • surfdog
      surfdog commented
      Editing a comment
      The last one reminds me of visiting friends...
      Saw a crystal object and asked what it was.
      “This?! It’s a bottle stopper,” she said laughing.
      “A what?”
      “A stopper. To put in the wine bottle.”
      “Why?”
      “To put in the bottle to save what’s left.”
      “Eh...sorry, I don’t understand.” LOL

      It actually went on for a while before she realized that I was probably yanking her chain. Her husband just kept rolling his eyes, and couldn’t believe I was still dragging her along. LOL

    • JCGrill
      JCGrill commented
      Editing a comment
      surfdog I had a friend telling me what he does with leftover bacon and my response was very similar. 'sorry, not familiar with the concept'

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    • surfdog
      surfdog commented
      Editing a comment
      The last one reminds me of when I made a batch of hand sanitizer...

      Turned out it was margaritas. LOL

    • RonB
      RonB commented
      Editing a comment
      surfdog - perhaps you made stomach sanitizer??

    • Mr. Bones
      Mr. Bones commented
      Editing a comment
      ComfortablyNumb , one cain't be too safe, nowadays...

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      Click image for larger version  Name:	adopted.jpg Views:	13 Size:	62.5 KB ID:	982791

      Saw this at Mr. Bones the other day...

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      Last edited by RonB; January 31, 2021, 09:36 AM.

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      • Stuey1515
        Stuey1515 commented
        Editing a comment
        Yep, the last one!!!

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      • surfdog
        surfdog commented
        Editing a comment
        I LOL way too hard at that one!




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