Welcome!


This is a membership forum. As a guest, you can click around a bit. View 5 pages for free. If you would like to participate, please join.

[ Pitmaster Club Information | Join Now | Login | Contact Us ]

There are 4 page views remaining.

Announcement

Collapse

2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

This summer's 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis IS OFFICIALLY RESCHEDULED FOR March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info here!
See more
See less

Jokes!

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • gcdmd
    Charter Member
    • Sep 2014
    • 1173
    • The Republic of Texas

    Sign on door:

    NO SOLICITING!!!
    Our vacuum cleaner works just fine.
    We don't read magazines.
    We gave at the office.
    We know who we are voting for.
    We have found Jesus.
    Have a nice day.

    Comment


    • HawkerXP
      HawkerXP commented
      Editing a comment
      You forgot cookies, popcorn, mulch, wrapping paper, supporting of school and intermural sport teams and marching bands. Firewood, tree trimming/removal, gutter cleaning and all sorts of yard work.
      Last edited by HawkerXP; January 17, 2021, 06:06 PM. Reason: new stuff

    • SheilaAnn
      SheilaAnn commented
      Editing a comment
      In my neighborhood, it’s redoing your driveway, painting your house number on the curve and getting new windows. My favorite is when they say, “We talked to Sam next door.....”. Of course, mike lives next door, Tony after that and Brandon across the street. 🤦🏼‍♀️

    • gcdmd
      gcdmd commented
      Editing a comment
      SheilaAnn
      I usually send them to my neighbor next door, who loves to talk but whose wife won't let him buy anything.
  • Mosca
    Charter Member
    • Oct 2014
    • 3956
    • PA
    • Large Big Green Egg, Weber Performer Deluxe, Weber Smokey Joe Silver, Maverick 732, DigiQ, and too much other stuff to mention.

    Click image for larger version

Name:	C4AFBB4E-F56B-4047-8DDD-43021F4AABE4.jpeg
Views:	181
Size:	42.1 KB
ID:	975372

    Comment


    • Fire Chicken
      Fire Chicken commented
      Editing a comment
      Very true, good one.
  • Bogy
    Club Member
    • Mar 2016
    • 686
    • North Central Iowa
    • Blaz'n Grill Works Grid Iron
      Weber Genesis E-310
      Original Grilla
      Smokey Joe® Charcoal Grill 14"
      Thermoworks ThermoPop
      Thermoworks Thermapen Mk4
      Thermoworks Smoke Thermometer with gateway
      2 iGrillminis - from before they were Weber.

    Comment

    • pkadare
      Club Member
      • Jun 2019
      • 1050
      • Bobcaygeon, Ontario
      • My gear:
        22 Weber Kettle
        Napoleon PRO Charcoal Kettle Grill
        Broil King Keg
        Traeger Pro 34
        Napoleon Prestige Pro 500
        Pit Barrel Cooker
        Blackstone Range Combo Griddle

      Comment

      • ComfortablyNumb
        Club Member
        • May 2017
        • 3707
        • Northeast Washington
        • KBQ C-60
          PK360
          Thermoworks Smoke
          Thermoworks Thermopop
          Thermoworks Dot

        A Seatlleite couple took a winter trip to visit a friend in Spokane. When they got there it was snowing heavily with a strong wind, visibility was near zero.. After making a stop at a store, they wondered how they would get to their friend's house. The wife told her husband that her parents had told her if the roads were bad to follow a snowplough. So when one came by the husband started the car and began following it. They had been following it for about ten minutes when the plough stopped and the driver walked back to the car and asked if everything was all right. The couple told them they were fine and following him because of the bad conditions "Okay then," said the plough operator. "I'm just about done the Walmart parking lot, next we'll be going over to Home Depot."
        Last edited by ComfortablyNumb; January 18, 2021, 12:46 PM.

        Comment

        • ComfortablyNumb
          Club Member
          • May 2017
          • 3707
          • Northeast Washington
          • KBQ C-60
            PK360
            Thermoworks Smoke
            Thermoworks Thermopop
            Thermoworks Dot

          I've decided to stop calling my toilet 'The John', rather from henceforth I'll be calling it 'The Jim'.

          Now I can honestly say that I start my day by going to the Jim...

          Comment


          • JimLinebarger
            JimLinebarger commented
            Editing a comment
            Not really sure how I should take that...

          • holehogg
            holehogg commented
            Editing a comment
            You're a Jenius
        • ComfortablyNumb
          Club Member
          • May 2017
          • 3707
          • Northeast Washington
          • KBQ C-60
            PK360
            Thermoworks Smoke
            Thermoworks Thermopop
            Thermoworks Dot

          I'm at the age where I experience amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I have the feeling I've forgotten this before!

          Comment

        • ofelles
          Club Member
          • Jun 2018
          • 2894
          • Brentwood CA
          • LSG large insulated cabinet
            Yoder YS640
            David Klose 20x42 Grill Chef Grill
            Weber Jumbo Joe
            FireBoard controller and PitBull fan
            Thermapen Mk4

          These have probably been in here before but want the heck. Here they are again.
          VERY
          INTERESTING STUFF

          In the
          1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed
          To beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
          Hence we have 'the rule
          Of thumb'

          Many years ago in
          Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen
          Only...Ladies Forbidden'.. .and thus, the word GOLF entered
          Into the English language.

          The first couple to
          Be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma
          Flintstone.

          Every day more money
          Is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.
          Treasury.

          Men can read smaller
          Print than women can; women can hear better

          Coca-Cola was
          Originally green.

          It is impossible to lick
          Your elbow.

          The State with the
          Highest percentage of people who walk to work:
          Alaska

          The percentage of
          Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get
          This...)
          The percentage of
          North America that is wilderness: 38%

          The cost of raising
          A medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
          $ 16,400

          The average number
          Of people airborne over the U.S. In any given
          Hour: 61,000

          Intelligent people
          Have more zinc and copper in their hair..

          The first novel ever
          Written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.

          The San Francisco
          Cable cars are the only mobile National
          Monuments.

          Each king in a deck
          Of playing cards represents a great king from history:
          Spades - King David
          Hearts - Charlemagne
          Clubs -Alexander, The Great
          Diamonds - Julius Caesar

          If a statue in the
          Park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air,
          The person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in
          The air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
          If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died
          Of natural causes

          Only two people
          Signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock
          And Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
          The last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

          Q. Half of all
          Americans live within 50 miles of what?
          A. Their birthplace

          Q. Most boat owners
          Name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
          Requested?
          A. Obsession

          Q.. If you were to
          Spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
          Would find the letter 'A'?
          A. One
          Thousand

          Q. What do
          Bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser
          Printers have in common?
          A. All were invented by women.

          Q. What is the only
          Food that doesn't spoil?
          A. Honey

          Q. Which day are
          There more collect calls than any other day of the
          Year?
          A. Father's Day

          In Shakespeare's
          time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
          When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened,
          making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the
          phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'

          It was the accepted
          practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the
          wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with
          all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because
          their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the
          honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

          In English pubs, ale
          is ordered by pints and quarts.. So in old England , when
          customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind
          your pints and quarts, and settle down.'
          It's where we get
          the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'

          Many years ago in
          England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or
          handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill ,
          they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle'
          is the phrase inspired by this practice.

          At least 75% of
          people who read this will try to lick their
          elbow!

          ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
          Don't delete this
          just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read
          it.

          I cdnuolt blveiee
          taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
          phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at
          Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the
          ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the
          first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
          taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This
          is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
          istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

          --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

          YOU
          KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2021 when..

          1. You accidentally
          enter your PIN on the microwave.

          2. You haven't
          played solitaire with real cards in years.

          3. You have a list
          of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of
          three.

          4. You e-mail the
          person who works at the desk next to you

          5. Your reason for
          not staying in touch with friends and family is that they
          don't have e-mail addresses.

          6. You pull up in
          your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is
          home to help you carry in the groceries.

          7. Every commercial
          on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

          8. Leaving the house
          without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first
          20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic
          and you turn around to go and get it.

          10 You get up in
          the morning and go on line before getting your
          coffee

          11. You start
          tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

          12 You're reading
          this and nodding and laughing.

          13. Even worse, you
          know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
          message.

          14. You are too busy
          to notice there was no #9 on this list.

          15. You actually
          scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this
          list

          ~~~~~~~~~~~AND
          FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

          NOW U R LAUGHING at
          yourself.

          Go on, forward this
          to your friends. You know you want to! Ad go lick your
          elbow.

          Comment


          • Fire Chicken
            Fire Chicken commented
            Editing a comment
            I did notice there wasn't a period after 10 tho. Lol

          • Fire Chicken
            Fire Chicken commented
            Editing a comment
            That's an awesome post! Great job sir!
        • ofelles
          Club Member
          • Jun 2018
          • 2894
          • Brentwood CA
          • LSG large insulated cabinet
            Yoder YS640
            David Klose 20x42 Grill Chef Grill
            Weber Jumbo Joe
            FireBoard controller and PitBull fan
            Thermapen Mk4

          And it's come to this!?!

          Comment

          • ofelles
            Club Member
            • Jun 2018
            • 2894
            • Brentwood CA
            • LSG large insulated cabinet
              Yoder YS640
              David Klose 20x42 Grill Chef Grill
              Weber Jumbo Joe
              FireBoard controller and PitBull fan
              Thermapen Mk4

            Often heard Panhead John the house

            Comment


            • Panhead John
              Panhead John commented
              Editing a comment
              Hey.... that was months ago!
          • ofelles
            Club Member
            • Jun 2018
            • 2894
            • Brentwood CA
            • LSG large insulated cabinet
              Yoder YS640
              David Klose 20x42 Grill Chef Grill
              Weber Jumbo Joe
              FireBoard controller and PitBull fan
              Thermapen Mk4

            Comment

            • ofelles
              Club Member
              • Jun 2018
              • 2894
              • Brentwood CA
              • LSG large insulated cabinet
                Yoder YS640
                David Klose 20x42 Grill Chef Grill
                Weber Jumbo Joe
                FireBoard controller and PitBull fan
                Thermapen Mk4

              In case you have not noticed........

              Comment


              • JimLinebarger
                JimLinebarger commented
                Editing a comment
                You've been busy!
            • Davek8282
              Club Member
              • Mar 2016
              • 115
              • Prince George, B.C.

              Found this old one, I don't remember seeing it on the post.
              Attached Files

              Comment


              • JimLinebarger
                JimLinebarger commented
                Editing a comment
                I like that part, too!
            • Foehn Watts
              Club Member
              • Apr 2019
              • 418
              • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

              Click image for larger version

Name:	donut big cheerio.jpg
Views:	102
Size:	56.7 KB
ID:	976259

              Comment

              • Foehn Watts
                Club Member
                • Apr 2019
                • 418
                • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

                Click image for larger version

Name:	clickbait.jpg
Views:	130
Size:	212.0 KB
ID:	976264

                Comment

                Announcement

                Collapse

                2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

                This summer's 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis IS OFFICIALLY RESCHEDULED FOR March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info here!
                See more
                See less
                Working...
                X
                false
                0
                Guest
                500
                ["pitmaster-my-membership","login","join-pitmaster","lostpw","reset-password","special-offers","help","nojs","meat-ups","gifts","authaau-alpha","ebooklogin-start","alpha","start"]
                false
                false
                {"count":0,"link":"/forum/announcements/","debug":""}
                Yes
                Meat-Up in Memphis