Jokes!

[surfdog]

At a bar, my friend made a remarkable shot in pool, and I asked how he did it.

He said, “When I am about to take a shot, it’s like magic, I can just see the line where I need to shoot.”

Then he threw a dart and got a bullseye on the first throw and I asked how he could aim the dart so well.

He said, “When I am about to throw a dart, it’s like magic, I can just see the line where I need to throw it.”

Later, he got into a fight with another guy at the bar.

He threw a punch and missed badly.

I asked how he could throw such a poorly aimed punch.




He said, “There is no punch line.”

[surfdog]

As many of you know, I fly a lot. A lot.

Anyway the person sitting next to me on a flight was an attractive woman.

Ever the charmer, I used one of my “best” lines on her.

I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to a good-looking man?”

“Yes,” she replied, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”




ROFL WAIT?! What?!

[ofelles]

What disease did cured ham actually have?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a stupid song about him?

If corn oil is made from corn,
and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?

[jharner]

Well since corn is a vegetable I am guessing very young corn.

[Panhead John]

[surfdog]

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not ...?

[Clark]

When I took my dog for our morning walk, I decided to go a different route so we headed toward the State Mental Hospital.

As we neared the fenced-in facility I heard a group of voices saying "fourteen, fourteen, fourteen."

About that time I spotted a knothole in the fence and, being curious, leaned down and peaked thru the knothole.

Someone then poked a finger in my eye!

Then I heard "Fifteen, Fifteen, Fifteen"

[Clark]

Check my math:

111,111,111 X 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Who woulda thunk it!

[Panhead John]

Fun Facts Most People Didn’t Know!

[Mosca]

Got it from a Brit...

[Mosca]

[Panhead John]

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.



A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f***ing potatoes!"

[Foehn Watts]

Wow. Now I've seen it too:

[RonB]

[Panhead John]