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2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info coming soon! For now click here for more info.
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Jokes!

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  • surfdog
    Club Member
    • Mar 2016
    • 1232
    • Sunny SoCal
    • Cooking gadgets
      Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
      Weber Summit Platinum D6
      Blue Rhino Razor
      Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
      Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
      Anova WiFi

      Thermometers
      Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

      Other useful bits...
      KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
      A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
      A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
      Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
      All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
      Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
      Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

    At a bar, my friend made a remarkable shot in pool, and I asked how he did it.

    He said, “When I am about to take a shot, it’s like magic, I can just see the line where I need to shoot.”

    Then he threw a dart and got a bullseye on the first throw and I asked how he could aim the dart so well.

    He said, “When I am about to throw a dart, it’s like magic, I can just see the line where I need to throw it.”

    Later, he got into a fight with another guy at the bar.

    He threw a punch and missed badly.

    I asked how he could throw such a poorly aimed punch.




    He said, “There is no punch line.”

    Comment


    • Mr. Bones
      Mr. Bones commented
      Editing a comment
      Since almost everybody's bigger than me, I often opt fer th butt end of th pool cue, in such situations...tends to extinguish trending volatility, in an opponent...

      Jus sayin...

    • JCGrill
      JCGrill commented
      Editing a comment
      On that we agree. 😝

    • Bogy
      Bogy commented
      Editing a comment
      I've got a pool table, but right now it's covered with a ping pong table. Grandkids are 10, 8, 8, 5 and 4, and at this point I would much rather have them learning ping pong than messing with the felt on my pool table. Pretty soon I'll have to start brushing up on my pool so when it comes time to teach them that I can beat them. At least for a while.
  • surfdog
    Club Member
    • Mar 2016
    • 1232
    • Sunny SoCal
    • Cooking gadgets
      Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
      Weber Summit Platinum D6
      Blue Rhino Razor
      Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
      Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
      Anova WiFi

      Thermometers
      Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

      Other useful bits...
      KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
      A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
      A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
      Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
      All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
      Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
      Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

    As many of you know, I fly a lot. A lot.

    Anyway the person sitting next to me on a flight was an attractive woman.

    Ever the charmer, I used one of my “best” lines on her.

    I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to a good-looking man?”

    “Yes,” she replied, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”




    ROFL WAIT?! What?!

    Comment


    • Panhead John
      Panhead John commented
      Editing a comment
      Much better than your first one. 😂

    • ComfortablyNumb
      ComfortablyNumb commented
      Editing a comment
      My credit card has a picture of me on it. When a store clerk looks at it to verify my identity I say, "Nobody else could be that ugly." Usually I get something like 'don't say that' or 'it's not ugly' Best comeback ever was when this young lass replies, "You know what they say, the customer is always right!"
  • ofelles
    Club Member
    • Jun 2018
    • 2657
    • Brentwood CA
    • LSG large insulated cabinet
      Yoder YS640
      David Klose 20x42 Grill Chef Grill
      Weber Jumbo Joe
      FireBoard controller and PitBull fan
      Thermapen Mk4

    What disease did cured ham actually have?

    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
    why is there a stupid song about him?

    If corn oil is made from corn,
    and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
    what is baby oil made from?

    Comment


    • Mr. Bones
      Mr. Bones commented
      Editing a comment
      How bout Chinese Seasonin, Italian Seasonin, Cajun Seasonin, etc., or Vegetarian Broth???

      Alla those have me kinda concerned, an cornfused, as to their contents, quite frankly...

    • JimLinebarger
      JimLinebarger commented
      Editing a comment
      little seals.

    • Bogy
      Bogy commented
      Editing a comment
      And what are Girl Scout cookies made from?
  • jharner
    Club Member
    • Jan 2016
    • 1304
    • Louisiana - North West but a coon ass at heart
    • Cookers

      Camp Chef DLX Pellet Grill
      Weber 22.5 Kettle
      Brickman Box Smoker

      Accessories

      Slow N Sear
      Tube Smoker
      Turkey Cannon
      Rib racks
      Weber chimney starter

      Thermometer's

      Maverick ET 735
      Tru Temp 3619n
      Thermapen mk4
      Thermapop

      Favorite Drink

      Free beer
      Coors Light
      Windsor ( Canadian blended whiskey )

    Well since corn is a vegetable I am guessing very young corn.

    Comment

    • Panhead John
      Club Member
      • Aug 2020
      • 1340
      • Houston, Texas
      • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
        Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
        SnS For the Kettle
        Set of Grill Grates
        Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
        Rotisserie For The Kettle
        J. A. Henckels Knives
        Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
        Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

      Click image for larger version

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      Comment


      • Panhead John
        Panhead John commented
        Editing a comment
        😭😭😭 Mr. Clark, please revisit this joke after having a few beers. That might help with your early morning, grouchy pants demeanor. This is now 3 of my jokes in the last week you have not liked. I’m beginning to have feelings of humoristic inadequacy. This joke has gotten 5 likes so far.....a CL at least, would go a long way to soothing my hurt feelings 😉
        Last edited by Panhead John; January 14, 2021, 08:07 AM.

      • Clark
        Clark commented
        Editing a comment
        Panhead John Semi-CL

      • Panhead John
        Panhead John commented
        Editing a comment
        Thanks...Cuz! 😂
        Last edited by Panhead John; January 14, 2021, 09:31 AM.
    • surfdog
      Club Member
      • Mar 2016
      • 1232
      • Sunny SoCal
      • Cooking gadgets
        Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
        Weber Summit Platinum D6
        Blue Rhino Razor
        Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
        Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
        Anova WiFi

        Thermometers
        Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

        Other useful bits...
        KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
        A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
        A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
        Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
        All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
        Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
        Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

      Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not ...?

      Comment


      • Mark V
        Mark V commented
        Editing a comment
        You would recognize it then?

      • Fire Chicken
        Fire Chicken commented
        Editing a comment
        You wouldn't know what to put on that day?! Lol
    • Clark
      Club Member
      • Mar 2020
      • 295
      • Broken Arrow, OK.

      When I took my dog for our morning walk, I decided to go a different route so we headed toward the State Mental Hospital.

      As we neared the fenced-in facility I heard a group of voices saying "fourteen, fourteen, fourteen."

      About that time I spotted a knothole in the fence and, being curious, leaned down and peaked thru the knothole.

      Someone then poked a finger in my eye!

      Then I heard "Fifteen, Fifteen, Fifteen"

      Comment


      • ComfortablyNumb
        ComfortablyNumb commented
        Editing a comment
        So I then pulled out my pocket knife, leaned towards the knothole, and cut off the finger when it poked through. Then said, "Minus one, minus one, minus one."
    • Clark
      Club Member
      • Mar 2020
      • 295
      • Broken Arrow, OK.

      Check my math:

      111,111,111 X 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

      Who woulda thunk it!

      Comment


      • Panhead John
        Panhead John commented
        Editing a comment
        You should have stopped while you were ahead.
        😂

      • jharner
        jharner commented
        Editing a comment
        my calculator said error

      • Fire Chicken
        Fire Chicken commented
        Editing a comment
        You are correct sir!!
        Most of the people I work with think when you count it goes 74, 38, 79 , 78!
        Thanks, that made my day......
        Good stuff
    • Panhead John
      Club Member
      • Aug 2020
      • 1340
      • Houston, Texas
      • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
        Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
        SnS For the Kettle
        Set of Grill Grates
        Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
        Rotisserie For The Kettle
        J. A. Henckels Knives
        Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
        Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

      Fun Facts Most People Didn’t Know!
      Attached Files

      Comment


      • glitchy
        glitchy commented
        Editing a comment
        I would love an MP-5, my favorite CoD weapon in several versions of the game...yes...I really do play (too many) video game...that is the one true fact I snuck in PHJ's goofy thread a while back...PHJ any connections on acquiring one?

      • Panhead John
        Panhead John commented
        Editing a comment
        I have military connections in Libya. What do you want glitchy ?

      • surfdog
        surfdog commented
        Editing a comment
        Laughed way too hard at the last one. LOL

        Did you know: I used to carry an MP-5K on occasion. ;-)
    • Mosca
      Charter Member
      • Oct 2014
      • 3839
      • PA
      • Large Big Green Egg, Weber Performer Deluxe, Weber Smokey Joe Silver, Maverick 732, DigiQ, and too much other stuff to mention.

      Got it from a Brit...

      Click image for larger version

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      Comment


      • Bogy
        Bogy commented
        Editing a comment
        Mosca, I'll have to mention this to my British son in law. He will probably point out to me that his "traditional British food" is a tie between fish and chips and curry. Spicy curry. Although now they are in competition with his favorite American food, brisket smoked on the pellet burner I talked him into getting when the gasser we gave them as a wedding present wore out.
    • Mosca
      Charter Member
      • Oct 2014
      • 3839
      • PA
      • Large Big Green Egg, Weber Performer Deluxe, Weber Smokey Joe Silver, Maverick 732, DigiQ, and too much other stuff to mention.

      Click image for larger version

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      Comment


      • Stuey1515
        Stuey1515 commented
        Editing a comment
        There's those vegan burgers again, it's a frittata , just call it what it is

      • ComfortablyNumb
        ComfortablyNumb commented
        Editing a comment
        Stuey1515 Do you really want us to call it what it is? Really?

        Okay, how about male bovine defecation!

      • Foehn Watts
        Foehn Watts commented
        Editing a comment
        I don't know 'bout you all, but I consider it a challenge to cook *something* vegan or vegetarian for a get-together. And I don't tell 'em it's vegan or vegetarian. I mean there's so much meat, lots of times the vegan-veg stuff goes just as fast or faster-first. Which means I have more meat leftover (there's a method to my madness).
    • Panhead John
      Club Member
      • Aug 2020
      • 1340
      • Houston, Texas
      • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
        Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
        SnS For the Kettle
        Set of Grill Grates
        Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
        Rotisserie For The Kettle
        J. A. Henckels Knives
        Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
        Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

      My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.



      A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f***ing potatoes!"

      Last edited by Panhead John; January 14, 2021, 05:25 PM.

      Comment


      • Bogy
        Bogy commented
        Editing a comment
        A few weeks ago I said if people (other than me) kept telling preacher jokes I might have to leave! lol

      • jharner
        jharner commented
        Editing a comment
        Helped with youth mission trips in the 90's on Navajo reservations and spent time in Page Arizona. The kids ( teenagers ) really got a kick going to the Damn bar and grill and other stores with the Damn name.

      • JCGrill
        JCGrill commented
        Editing a comment
        In Minnesota we have Gull Lake, and wouldn't you know there's a dam at the outlet. A brewery (now closed) opened up calling itself Gull Dam Brewing. When you walked in they would say, "How about a Gull Dam beer?"
    • Foehn Watts
      Club Member
      • Apr 2019
      • 349
      • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

      Wow. Now I've seen it too:

      Click image for larger version  Name:	funny-dog-hat-riding-buffalo1.jpg Views:	0 Size:	131.1 KB ID:	974028
      Last edited by Foehn Watts; January 14, 2021, 07:03 PM.

      Comment


      • JimLinebarger
        JimLinebarger commented
        Editing a comment
        Hummmmm... I lived on Guam for almost 3 years and my wife lived there over 9 years. We never saw any live stock 'cept chickens and I thinks some wild pigs. Could be wrong, but never saw or smelled beef/buffalo. Lots of snakes that cause power outages and bats (served at birthdays of weddings).

      • Fire Chicken
        Fire Chicken commented
        Editing a comment
        Foehn Watts I apologise, was just trying to make a joke. Didn't mean to offend anyone.
        I live out in the sticks where there's more wildlife and livestock than humans, and I enjoy it. I love watching the animals, have gamecam now to maybe get a pic of a mountain lion, bobcat, bear, etc..
        May I say I'm sorry, it's a very cool pic. Sorry 😔

      • Foehn Watts
        Foehn Watts commented
        Editing a comment
        Oh, man! Fire Chicken you have me all wrong! No offense taken!!! I wish I lived out in the sticks; way back we coulda, but then the husband would've had a 3 hour commute to and from. It just cracks me up that all these people want a big house, big lot but then don't do anything with the place.

        We and neighbor do see deer, bobcats, coyotes, rabbits, squirrels, hawks, eagles, owls, mountain lions, porcupines, raccoons, and bears. I've not seen lions or bears, but want to. No offense taken. :-)
    • RonB
      Club Member
      • Apr 2016
      • 13673
      • Near Richmond VA
      • Weber Performer Deluxe
        SNS
        Pizza insert
        Rotisserie
        Smokenator 1000
        Cookshack Smokette Elite
        2 Thermapens
        Chefalarm
        Dot
        lots of probes.
        CyberQ

      Click image for larger version

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      Comment


      • SheilaAnn
        SheilaAnn commented
        Editing a comment
        “Don’t hang up....”

      • Fire Chicken
        Fire Chicken commented
        Editing a comment
        I'm with glitchy on this

      • JCGrill
        JCGrill commented
        Editing a comment
        You definitely should hang up so you can clear the line for the call from the Social Security Administration.
    • Panhead John
      Club Member
      • Aug 2020
      • 1340
      • Houston, Texas
      • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
        Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
        SnS For the Kettle
        Set of Grill Grates
        Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
        Rotisserie For The Kettle
        J. A. Henckels Knives
        Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
        Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

      Comment

    Announcement

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    2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

    We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info coming soon! For now click here for more info.
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    Meat-Up in Memphis