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2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

This summer's 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis IS OFFICIALLY RESCHEDULED FOR March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info here!
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Jokes!

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  • Mosca
    Charter Member
    • Oct 2014
    • 3956
    • PA
    • Large Big Green Egg, Weber Performer Deluxe, Weber Smokey Joe Silver, Maverick 732, DigiQ, and too much other stuff to mention.

    Love story!

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    • RonB
      Club Member
      • Apr 2016
      • 14104
      • Near Richmond VA
      • Weber Performer Deluxe
        SNS
        Pizza insert
        Rotisserie
        Smokenator 1000
        Cookshack Smokette Elite
        2 Thermapens
        Chefalarm
        Dot
        lots of probes.
        CyberQ

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      • gcdmd
        gcdmd commented
        Editing a comment
        Green side up.

      • Bogy
        Bogy commented
        Editing a comment
        First time I heard that joke was 50 years ago when a friend of mine laid sod one summer, and he's the one who told it.
    • ofelles
      Club Member
      • Jun 2018
      • 2894
      • Brentwood CA
      • LSG large insulated cabinet
        Yoder YS640
        David Klose 20x42 Grill Chef Grill
        Weber Jumbo Joe
        FireBoard controller and PitBull fan
        Thermapen Mk4

      Comment


      • Fire Chicken
        Fire Chicken commented
        Editing a comment
        Whatever works out best for you is what I say!
    • ofelles
      Club Member
      • Jun 2018
      • 2894
      • Brentwood CA
      • LSG large insulated cabinet
        Yoder YS640
        David Klose 20x42 Grill Chef Grill
        Weber Jumbo Joe
        FireBoard controller and PitBull fan
        Thermapen Mk4



      This sounds like some of the conversations around my house!


      Last edited by ofelles; January 11, 2021, 02:26 PM.

      Comment

      • ofelles
        Club Member
        • Jun 2018
        • 2894
        • Brentwood CA
        • LSG large insulated cabinet
          Yoder YS640
          David Klose 20x42 Grill Chef Grill
          Weber Jumbo Joe
          FireBoard controller and PitBull fan
          Thermapen Mk4




        Comment


        • Donw
          Donw commented
          Editing a comment
          The first one reminds me of an episode of “Last Man Standing,” I saw recently.

        • Porkies
          Porkies commented
          Editing a comment
          My step-daughter said the girl scouts were selling cookies outside pot shops in Colorado. haha
          Last edited by Porkies; February 9, 2021, 11:54 AM. Reason: colorado
      • Clark
        Club Member
        • Mar 2020
        • 374
        • Broken Arrow, OK.

        Things you didn't know:::

        It is impossible to lick your elbow!

        The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

        The only food that doesn't spoil is honey.

        If you were to spell out numbers, you would have to go all the way to one thousand before you would need the letter 'A'.

        At least 75% of you have now tried to lick your elbow. LOL!!

        Comment

        • Clark
          Club Member
          • Mar 2020
          • 374
          • Broken Arrow, OK.

          It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish Pub. An old man stood beside the puddle holding a
          stick with a string on the end and he jiggled it up and down in the water.

          A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.

          "Fishing", replied the old man.

          The gentleman thought, "poor old man" so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.

          Feeling he should start some conversation while sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked "How many have you caught today?"

          The old man replied..."You're the eighth!"

          Comment

          • Panhead John
            Club Member
            • Aug 2020
            • 1790
            • Houston, Texas
            • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
              Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
              SnS For the Kettle
              Set of Grill Grates
              Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
              Rotisserie For The Kettle
              J. A. Henckels Knives
              Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
              Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

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            • Panhead John
              Panhead John commented
              Editing a comment
              Clark I have plenty, the girls knocked em off the wall dancing around. That’s the only bad part about having 4 scantily clad women dancing around in your house. I’m constantly having to pick up after them.
              Last edited by Panhead John; January 11, 2021, 05:34 PM.

            • ComfortablyNumb
              ComfortablyNumb commented
              Editing a comment
              Panhead John It's all fun and games until one of them invites her gay brother over...

            • Panhead John
              Panhead John commented
              Editing a comment
              ComfortablyNumb I know! It was really awkward....pretending to like him and everything.
          • Panhead John
            Club Member
            • Aug 2020
            • 1790
            • Houston, Texas
            • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
              Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
              SnS For the Kettle
              Set of Grill Grates
              Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
              Rotisserie For The Kettle
              J. A. Henckels Knives
              Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
              Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

            Texan: "Where are you from?"

            Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions."

            Texan: "Okay— where are you from, jackass?"

            Comment


            • gcdmd
              gcdmd commented
              Editing a comment
              You sure cleaned that one up.

            • Mr. Bones
              Mr. Bones commented
              Editing a comment
              Yup.

            • fkrall
              fkrall commented
              Editing a comment
              gcdmd At least partially....
          • holehogg
            Club Member
            • Nov 2017
            • 2647
            • Port Elizabeth, South Africa

            Don't shoot the messenger

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            • Bogy
              Bogy commented
              Editing a comment
              PJ's tips for a long and happy marriage? lol Just be sure to call the funeral director and your pastor ahead of time so they can begin to prepare.

            • SheilaAnn
              SheilaAnn commented
              Editing a comment
              Me: “.....and that’s when I shot him, Your Honor.”
              Judge: “Case dismissed!”

            • Rfhd69
              Rfhd69 commented
              Editing a comment
              Haaaaaaa!
          • Panhead John
            Club Member
            • Aug 2020
            • 1790
            • Houston, Texas
            • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
              Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
              SnS For the Kettle
              Set of Grill Grates
              Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
              Rotisserie For The Kettle
              J. A. Henckels Knives
              Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
              Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

            • Have dinner ready -- Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
            • Prepare yourself -- Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with alot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
            • Clear away the clutter -- Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.
            • Prepare the children -- Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
            • Minimize the noise -- At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.
            • Some Don'ts -- Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.
            • Make him comfortable -- Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
            • Listen to him -- You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
            • Make the evening his -- Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.
            • The goal -- Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.
            holehogg posted this above. I found an easier to read version.

            Read More: How to Make Men Happy… According to 1950s Home Economics | https://catcountry1029.com/how-to-ma...edium=referral
            Last edited by Panhead John; January 11, 2021, 04:20 PM.

            Comment


            • JimLinebarger
              JimLinebarger commented
              Editing a comment
              Panhead John At least you have 14 brain cells. I have had only one for a long time and for a few years had to share half of it with some one else. My wife is the one with all of her brain cells intact.

            • glitchy
              glitchy commented
              Editing a comment
              I’m just disappointed www.panheadsaniodiot.com isn’t real. PHJ probably forgot to pay the bill.

            • Panhead John
              Panhead John commented
              Editing a comment
              glitchy When you only have 14 brain cells, that kind of stuff happens.
          • Thunder77
            Founding Member
            • Jul 2014
            • 2886
            • Halethorpe, MD
            • Weber 26.75" Kettle with SnS. Broil King Baron 5 burner. Akorn Kamado, and Akorn Jr kamado. Primo Oval Junior. Love grilling steaks, ribs, and chicken. Need to master smoked salmon Favorite cool weather beer: Sam Adams Octoberfest Favorite warm weather beer: Yuengling Traditional Lager All-time favorite drink: Single Malt Scotch

            Warning: Dad joke!
            Today I bought a book titled “A Guide to Surgical Procedures “
            It had the appendix removed....

            Comment

            • RonB
              Club Member
              • Apr 2016
              • 14104
              • Near Richmond VA
              • Weber Performer Deluxe
                SNS
                Pizza insert
                Rotisserie
                Smokenator 1000
                Cookshack Smokette Elite
                2 Thermapens
                Chefalarm
                Dot
                lots of probes.
                CyberQ

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              • RonB
                RonB commented
                Editing a comment
                ofelles - if the shoe fits...

              • ofelles
                ofelles commented
                Editing a comment
                Perfectly snug!

              • UncleSpike
                UncleSpike commented
                Editing a comment
                Reminds me of a customer we had here in the door business. He turned 90 this year, and told me he doesn't buy green bananas....
            • bep35
              Founding Member
              • Jul 2014
              • 330
              • 1987 Weber Kettle (Still going!)
                2004 Cookshack Smokette (The original!)
                2012 Weber Genesis (Wonderful for steaks and chops!)
                2014 Pit Barrel Cooker (Lovin it!)
                Thermoworks Thermapen
                Thermoworks Mini Handheld Thermocouple & Meat Needle Probe
                Various other wireless remote thermometers

                Beer...Bud Light (Timeless)

              Grizzly bears are widespread throughout Glacier National Park, so the Rangers put on Grizzly Bear protection classes for tourists. The first thing taught is how to protect yourself by wearing small bells on your shoes to alert bears that you are in the area. That way you don’t surprise a bear by walking up on it. The next lesson is how to carry and use pepper spray in case you ever need to protect yourself from an attacking bear. The last thing they teach is how to identify Grizzly Bear scat from that of other bears. Black and brown bear scat can be identified by the berries and fur in it. Grizzly bear scat can be identified by the fact it has bells in it and smells like pepper spray!
              Last edited by bep35; January 18, 2021, 07:01 AM.

              Comment

              • Panhead John
                Club Member
                • Aug 2020
                • 1790
                • Houston, Texas
                • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
                  Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
                  SnS For the Kettle
                  Set of Grill Grates
                  Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
                  Rotisserie For The Kettle
                  J. A. Henckels Knives
                  Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
                  Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

                I’M RICH! If I can only avoid the hoodlum. Actual spam email I got today. Don’t share my winning # please!
                WhatsApp Admin

                Congratulation

                Your email has won $1 million United States Dollar ($1,000,000) in the 2021 WhatsApp lottery and you are expected to claim it as quickly as possible or your lottery will be transferred to the second runner up.

                Its a way to appreciate your commitment to WhatsApp and the impression you have given other people about WhatsApp.

                For Security reasons your winning number is (WHTZPPX9) please keep this information very confidential to avoid being hunted by hoodlum when you finally claim your winning.


                Your Name
                Your Address
                Age
                Your country
                Your winning number
                Your Telephone numbers


                Yours Sincerely,
                WhatsApp Admin

                Comment


                • Clark
                  Clark commented
                  Editing a comment
                  They probably got your email, credit cards, etc. from your charges on one of your favorite porn sites.

                • Panhead John
                  Panhead John commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Clark No chance. I don’t visit the paid sites. I only use the free ones that you recommended.

                • Clark
                  Clark commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Panhead John You misunderstood. Those were only for straights!

              Announcement

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              2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

              This summer's 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis IS OFFICIALLY RESCHEDULED FOR March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info here!
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              Meat-Up in Memphis