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      Craigar - Your post reminds me of an old joke:

      Jim is looking at cars in the classified section of the paper, (I told you it was old ), and saw an add for a one year old Porsche in excellent condition for $50. Jim thought it was an error, but called anyway. He spoke with a woman who said the price was correct. Jim said he'd be there in 20 minutes with cash in hand. He bought the car then asked why so cheap. She said she got a call from her husband who had run off to Hawaii with his secretary. Her husband told her to sell the Porsche and send him the $$, so that's what she did.

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      • Craigar
        Craigar commented
        Editing a comment
        RonB An oldie but a goodie!

      I just read that on average, an adult U.S. Male will have sex 2-3 times a WEEK, whereas a Japanese man will have sex only 1-2 times a YEAR.

      This is very upsetting new to me, as I had no idea I was Japanese!

      Comment


      • JimLinebarger
        JimLinebarger commented
        Editing a comment
        @Panhead John
        cl BTW, what's a "virtual sex addict"? Trying to see if I resemble that remark.

      • Bogy
        Bogy commented
        Editing a comment
        Ok, from my advanced age of just a month shy of 67, from my experience, the time you have the most sex is when you are trying to make the first baby. The time you have the least sex is after the first baby. This can last anytime from a year to the rest of your life. Depends on if you ever want another after that first one. The next time you have the most sex is after you get a vasectomy and you don't have to worry about any more babies. And the last one of them finally leaves home!

      • JimLinebarger
        JimLinebarger commented
        Editing a comment
        Bogy I guess I didn't get the memo.

      Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsuprisedly, it sank, proving once again that
      you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

      Comment


      • HawkerXP
        HawkerXP commented
        Editing a comment
        cl

      • Panhead John
        Panhead John commented
        Editing a comment
        Mmm....mixed reviews here. 😱

      • SheilaAnn
        SheilaAnn commented
        Editing a comment
        πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ

      When I was in the Army, we survived mustard gas and pepper spray. They said we were seasoned veterans.

      Does a backward poet write inverse?

      If you jumped of the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

      A grenade tossed into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

      My first wife was the daughter of a whiskey maker, and I love her still.

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      • HawkerXP
        HawkerXP commented
        Editing a comment
        Hell no!

      I think 2021 already started drinking and it ain't gonna stop soon. . . .
      And someone needs to get that cat some catnip tea.



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        • gcdmd
          gcdmd commented
          Editing a comment
          I wish I had had that observation when I was teaching anatomy and physiology.

        • Foehn Watts
          Foehn Watts commented
          Editing a comment
          You guys tone it down. I can't stop laughing. . .

        • JimLinebarger
          JimLinebarger commented
          Editing a comment
          Panhead John I don't think you have the nerve to do it.

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        • Foehn Watts
          Foehn Watts commented
          Editing a comment
          I thought it was to keep his brisket warm.

        • Fire Chicken
          Fire Chicken commented
          Editing a comment
          The sad thing is I get the same question at lowes, and I don't even have an apron!

        • Bogy
          Bogy commented
          Editing a comment
          Not long ago I was in a hardware store and was asked.3 times if I worked there. I last worked in a hardware store was 1977, but I tried to point at least 2 of them in the right direction.

        Let’s start the new year with a life lesson...

        On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

        The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

        And God saw it was good.

        On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

        The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?

        And God, again saw it was good.

        On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

        The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

        And God agreed it was good.

        On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

        But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

        "Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

        So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

        Life has now been explained to you.

        There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.

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        • ComfortablyNumb
          ComfortablyNumb commented
          Editing a comment
          I'm afraid I'm not much good at life lessons, just ask my parole officer!

        • Stuey1515
          Stuey1515 commented
          Editing a comment
          This, I like this

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        Thank you to Piraro and Wayno of Bizarro!

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        • Mark V
          Mark V commented
          Editing a comment
          old age

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          I have seen this before and it is still good.

          A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
          The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
          The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
          The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
          The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
          This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get
          rid of the donkey.
          The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
          The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
          The Bishop fainted.
          He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
          The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
          This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
          The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
          The Bishop was buried the next day.
          The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.
          So be yourself and enjoy life.
          Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!!
          You'll be a lot happier and live longer!

          Comment


          • HawkerXP
            HawkerXP commented
            Editing a comment
            Remember? "Don't worry be happy"? Annoying song but go idea.

          • Fire Chicken
            Fire Chicken commented
            Editing a comment
            Just goes to show you, don't sell it, don't give it away, if it's good just keep it! LOL

          Comment


          • Panhead John
            Panhead John commented
            Editing a comment
            Happened to me just last week.
            Last edited by Panhead John; January 9, 2021, 05:26 PM.

          • Bogy
            Bogy commented
            Editing a comment
            Many years ago at a family Thanksgiving in Michigan one of my cousins brought her new boyfriend to the dinner. Michigan had just introduced it's can recycling program, and the boyfriend was complaining that it was a real hassle bringing the empty cans back to the store to be recycled. One of my cousins said, "But it isn't any problem getting the full ones home, is it?" He very earnestly replied, "No, it isn't!" He couldn't understand why all of us burst into laughter. Last time we saw him.

          • Fire Chicken
            Fire Chicken commented
            Editing a comment
            Bogy probably a good thing?


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