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Meat-Up in Memphis 2021

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  • RonB
    Club Member
    • Apr 2016
    • 13311
    • Near Richmond VA
    • Weber Performer Deluxe
      SNS
      Pizza insert
      Rotisserie
      Smokenator 1000
      Cookshack Smokette Elite
      2 Thermapens
      Chefalarm
      Dot
      lots of probes.
      CyberQ

    Twas the Night After Christmas

    'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer,
    The beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler.
    The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys
    And I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy.

    The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife,
    The worst Christmas they said they'd had in their life.
    My wife couldn't argue and neither could I,
    So I watched TV and my wife, she just cried.

    When out in the yard the dog started barkin',
    I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin.
    He yelled, "Roy, I am sworn to uphold the laws
    And I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus."

    I said, "Claus, I don't know nobody named Claus,
    And you ain't taking me in without probable cause."
    Then the Sheriff, he said, "The man was shot at last night."
    I said, "That might have been me, just what's he look like."

    The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly,
    That shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly.
    He sports a long beard, and a nose like a cherry."
    I said, "Sheriff, that sounds like my wife's sister Sherri."

    "It's no time for jokes, Roy" the Sheriff he said.
    "The man I'm describing is dressed all in red.
    I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean.
    Tell me what you've done, tell me what you've seen."

    Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell,
    It wouldn't have been the first time I've spent New Years in jail.
    I said, "Sheriff, it happened last night about ten,
    And I thought that my wife had been drinking again."

    When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost.
    I thought maybe she had seen one of them UFO's.
    But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head,
    And stopped on the roof of our good neighbor Red.

    Well, I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder,
    A freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter.
    Well my hands were a shakin' as I grabbed up my gun,
    When outta Red's chimney this feller did run.

    And slung on his back was this bag overflowin'.
    I thought he'd stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowling'.
    So I yelled, "Drop, fat boy, hands in the air!"
    But he went about his business like he hadn't a care.

    So I popped a warning shot over his head.
    Well he dropped that bag and jumped in that sled.
    And as he flew off I heard him extort,
    "That's assault with intent, Roy, I'll see ya in court."

    Comment


    • Mr. Bones
      Mr. Bones commented
      Editing a comment
      ROFLMAO!!!!

      Thanks!!! Made My Whole Week!, Brother!

    • Donw
      Donw commented
      Editing a comment
      Now that was good!

    • SheilaAnn
      SheilaAnn commented
      Editing a comment
      I don’t care where you’re from, ‘at there’s funny!
  • Clark
    Club Member
    • Mar 2020
    • 192
    • Broken Arrow, OK.

    My neighbor took the Pfizer vaccine on Pfriday. He says he is pfeeling pfine and says the nurse was pfantastic. He says he hasn't had any pfever so pfar.

    Comment


    • Clark
      Clark commented
      Editing a comment
      I forgot to mention that he said he has to go back pfor a pfollow-up on the pfirst Pfriday in Pfebruary.

    • Mr. Bones
      Mr. Bones commented
      Editing a comment
      pfagiddabouttit lol!

    • gcdmd
      gcdmd commented
      Editing a comment
      If he develops pfever he should soak his head and pfeet under a Pfister pfaucet.
      Last edited by gcdmd; December 30, 2020, 04:47 PM.
  • holehogg
    Club Member
    • Nov 2017
    • 2525
    • Port Elizabeth, South Africa



    SERIOUS LOCK DOWN ADVICE
    Everyone PLEASE be careful because people are going crazy from being locked down at home!
    I was just talking about this with the microwave and the toaster while drinking my Pepsi, and we all agreed that things are getting bad.
    I didn’t mention any of this to the washing machine, because she puts a different spin on EVERYTHING!! Certainly couldn’t share with the fridge, cause he’s been acting cold and distant!
    In the end, the iron straightened me out! She said the situation isn’t all that pressing and all the wrinkles will soon get ironed out!
    The vacuum, however, was very unsympathetic…told me to just suck it up! But the fan was VERY optimistic and gave me hope that it will all blow over soon!
    The toilet looked a bit flushed but didn’t say anything when I asked its opinion, but the front door said I was becoming unhinged and the doorknob told me to get a grip!! You can just about guess what the curtains told me: they told me to “pull myself together!”
    We will survive!!

    Comment


    • Clark
      Clark commented
      Editing a comment
      I bet your carpet floored you and then your roof tried to top that!

    • Panhead John
      Panhead John commented
      Editing a comment
      My garage got mad at me. Said I was just using her.
      Last edited by Panhead John; December 29, 2020, 07:49 AM.

    • SheilaAnn
      SheilaAnn commented
      Editing a comment
      What a timely post! I was just chatting with the blender and she to mix it up a bit to break the monotony.
  • Mosca
    Charter Member
    • Oct 2014
    • 3708
    • PA
    • Large Big Green Egg, Weber Performer Deluxe, Weber Smokey Joe Silver, Maverick 732, DigiQ, and too much other stuff to mention.

    Click image for larger version

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    Comment


    • Panhead John
      Panhead John commented
      Editing a comment
      😂😂😂

    • Donw
      Donw commented
      Editing a comment
      Of course I didn’t share this one with all my kids and grandkids.😉

    • gcdmd
      gcdmd commented
      Editing a comment
      An old Model A'er says thanks.
  • Clark
    Club Member
    • Mar 2020
    • 192
    • Broken Arrow, OK.

    If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

    If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

    If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

    What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

    I went to a bookstore and asked the information lady "Where's the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

    Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

    Comment


    • surfdog
      surfdog commented
      Editing a comment
      Reminds me of this...
      What’s the scariest thing to read in Braille? Danger, do not touch!
  • ComfortablyNumb
    Club Member
    • May 2017
    • 3453
    • Northeast Washington
    • KBQ C-60
      PK360
      Thermoworks Smoke
      Thermoworks Thermopop
      Thermoworks Dot

    Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic that suffers from insomnia?

    He stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

    Comment


    • Steve R.
      Steve R. commented
      Editing a comment
      Oldie but goody!
  • holehogg
    Club Member
    • Nov 2017
    • 2525
    • Port Elizabeth, South Africa

    We were informed last night we are back to level 3 (from 5) and that invoves a complete ban on the sale of alcohol with immediate effect.
    So this is our only option until the stores reopen.

    Click image for larger version

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    Comment


    • holehogg
      holehogg commented
      Editing a comment
      Panhead John I believe some of the reasons are the taverns get out of hand and people loose all inhibition. There are a lot of alcohol related fights stabings etc and drunk driving is responsible for many road accidents. So it's meant to supposedly prevent any unnecessary hospitalisations.

    • Panhead John
      Panhead John commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks. I totally get it now. We impose the same restrictions at my family get togethers.
      Last edited by Panhead John; December 29, 2020, 11:07 PM.

    • Stuey1515
      Stuey1515 commented
      Editing a comment
      A leading alcohol retailer over here put limits on purchases during April 2020. Limits were lifted in May as they had their worst month sales ever. 100% fact, I love Oz!
  • ofelles
    Club Member
    • Jun 2018
    • 2432
    • Brentwood CA
    • Yoder YS640 on Comp cart
      Klose 20x42 Charcoal Grill
      LSG Insulated Cabinet
      Jumbo Joe
      VacMaster Pro 380 sealer
      FireBoard and Pit Bull fan
      Thermoworks Signal
      Thermoworks Dot
      Thermopen Mk4



    Comment


    • ofelles
      ofelles commented
      Editing a comment
      😁 Panhead John 👀
      Last edited by ofelles; December 29, 2020, 10:45 PM.

    • tbob4
      tbob4 commented
      Editing a comment
      Panhead John - I do not look like that. I wear red suspenders! Someone photoshopped that and changed the color

    • Panhead John
      Panhead John commented
      Editing a comment
      Luv ya man! Only you can turn that around and make it even more funny!
  • ofelles
    Club Member
    • Jun 2018
    • 2432
    • Brentwood CA
    • Yoder YS640 on Comp cart
      Klose 20x42 Charcoal Grill
      LSG Insulated Cabinet
      Jumbo Joe
      VacMaster Pro 380 sealer
      FireBoard and Pit Bull fan
      Thermoworks Signal
      Thermoworks Dot
      Thermopen Mk4


    Comment


    • Henrik
      Henrik commented
      Editing a comment
      The first one is gold!!
  • Panhead John
    Club Member
    • Aug 2020
    • 953
    • Houston, Texas
    • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
      Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
      SnS For the Kettle
      Set of Grill Grates
      Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
      Rotisserie For The Kettle
      J. A. Henckels Knives
      Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
      Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

    Click image for larger version

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    Comment

  • Foehn Watts
    Club Member
    • Apr 2019
    • 242
    • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

    Click image for larger version

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    Comment


    • HawkerXP
      HawkerXP commented
      Editing a comment
      Too much salt!
  • MTurney
    Club Member
    • Feb 2020
    • 261
    • Grapevine, TX

    ...
    Attached Files

    Comment

    • RonB
      Club Member
      • Apr 2016
      • 13311
      • Near Richmond VA
      • Weber Performer Deluxe
        SNS
        Pizza insert
        Rotisserie
        Smokenator 1000
        Cookshack Smokette Elite
        2 Thermapens
        Chefalarm
        Dot
        lots of probes.
        CyberQ

      A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client.



      “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”

      The art collector replied, “You know, I’ve had an awful day, Jack, so let’s hear the good news first.”

      The lawyer said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million … and I think she could be right.”

      Saul replied enthusiastically, “Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn’t she? You’ve just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?”

      The lawyer replied, “The pictures are of you and your secretary.”

      Comment

      • Panhead John
        Club Member
        • Aug 2020
        • 953
        • Houston, Texas
        • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
          Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
          SnS For the Kettle
          Set of Grill Grates
          Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
          Rotisserie For The Kettle
          J. A. Henckels Knives
          Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
          Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

        Click image for larger version

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        Comment


        • ofelles
          ofelles commented
          Editing a comment
          Not sure if I should give you a real like or a courtesy like................but I do like pork!

        • HawkerXP
          HawkerXP commented
          Editing a comment
          Oh no! Piglet! CL

        • SheilaAnn
          SheilaAnn commented
          Editing a comment
          WTF? Kinda creepy and funny all at the same time!
      • surfdog
        Club Member
        • Mar 2016
        • 1193
        • Sunny SoCal
        • Cooking gadgets
          Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
          Weber Summit Platinum D6
          Blue Rhino Razor
          Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
          Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
          Anova WiFi

          Thermometers
          Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

          Other useful bits...
          KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
          A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
          A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
          Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
          All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
          Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
          Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

        Thought for the day...

        THINK

        It's what you do when you can’t thwim.

        Comment


        • ComfortablyNumb
          ComfortablyNumb commented
          Editing a comment
          Do you know how to catch a unique rabbit?

          Unique up on it.

          Do you know how to catch a tame rabbit?

          Tame way tupid!

      Announcement

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      Meat-Up in Memphis 2021

      SOLD OUT! Secure your spot on our waitlist now. First-come, first-served!
      Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis)
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      Meat-Up in Memphis

      Spotlight

      These are not ads or paid placements. These Are Some Of Our Favorite Tools And Toys.

      These are products we have tested, won our top awards, and are highly recommend. Click here to read how we test, about our medals, and what they mean.

      Use our links when you buy things

      Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon

      If you have a Weber Kettle, you need the Slow 'N' Sear

      slow n sear
      The Slow 'N' Sear turns your grill into a first class smoker and also creates an extremely hot sear zone you can use to create steakhouse steaks.

      Click here for our article on this breakthrough tool


      The Good-One Is A Superb Grill And A Superb Smoker All In One

      the good one grill
      The Good-One Open Range is dramatically different from a traditional offset smoker. By placing the heat source behind and under the smokebox instead of off to the side, Open Range produces even temperature from left to right, something almost impossible to achieve with a standard barrel shaped offset.

      Click here to read our complete review


      Griddle And Deep Fryer In One

      Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker
      The flat top does the burgers and the fryer does the fries. Use the griddle for bacon, eggs, and home fries. Or pancakes, fajitas, grilled cheese, you name it. Why stink up the house deep frying and spatter all over? Do your fried chicken and calamari outside. Blackstone's Rangetop Combo With Deep Fryer does it all!

      Click here to read our detailed review and to order


      The Pit Barrel Cooker May Be Too Easy

      Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker
      The PBC has a rabid cult following for good reason. It is absolutely positively without a doubt the best bargain on a smoker in the world. Period. This baby will cook circles around the cheap offset sideways barrel smokers because temperature control is so much easier.

      Click here to read our detailed review and the raves from people who own them


      The Undisputed Champion!

      thermapen
      The Thermoworks Thermapen MK4 is considered by the pros, and our team, to be the single best instant read thermometer. The MK4 includes features that are common on high-end instruments: automatic backlight and rotating display. Don't accept cheap substitutes.

      Click here to read our comprehensive Platinum Medal review


      Grilla Pellet Smoker proves good things come in small packages

      Grilla pellet smoker
      We always liked Grilla. The small 31.5" x 29.5" footprint makes it ideal for use where BBQ space is limited, as on a condo patio.

      Click here for our review on this unique smoker


      Delta by Nuke,
      Stylish and Affordable
      Gaucho Grill

      Weber Genesis Grill
      Delta by Nuke burns wood or charcoal and comes with an adjustable height grill grate. This Argentinian grill will get your flame on!

      Click here to read our complete review


      Genesis II E-335
      A Versatile Gasser That Does It All!

      Weber Genesis Grill
      Webers� Genesis line has long been one of the most popular choices for gas grillers. The new Genesis II E-335 offers solid performance, a sear burner for sizzling heat and an excellent warranty.

      Click here to read our complete review


      GrillGrates Take Gas Grills To The Infrared Zone

      grill grates
      GrillGrates(TM) amplify heat, prevent flareups, make flipping foods easier, kill hotspots, flip over to make a fine griddle, and can be easily rmoved from one grill to another. You can even throw wood chips, pellets, or sawdust between the rails and deliver a quick burst of smoke.

      Click here for more about what makes these grates so special


      Is This Superb Charcoal Grill A Kamado Killer?

      PK 360 grill
      The PK-360, with 360 square inches of cooking space, this rust free, cast aluminum charcoal grill is durable and easy to use. Four-way venting means it's easy to set up for two zone cooking with more control than single vent Kamado grills. It is beautifully designed, completely portable, and much easier to set up for 2-zone cooking than any round kamado.

      Click here to read our detailed review of the PK 360

      Click here to order directly and get an exclusive AmazingRibs.com deal


      Our Favorite Backyard Smoker

      kareubequ bbq smoker

      The amazing Karubecue is the most innovative smoker in the world. The quality of meat from this machine is astonishing. At its crux is a patented firebox that burns logs above the cooking chamber and sucks heat and extremely clean blue smoke into the thermostat controlled oven. It is our favorite smoker, period.

      Click here for our review of this superb smoker


      Masterbuilt MPS 340/G ThermoTemp XL Propane Smoker

      masterbuilt gas smoker
      This is the first propane smoker with a thermostat, making this baby foolproof. Set ThermoTemp's dial from 175? to 350?F and the thermostat inside will adjust the burner just like an indoor kitchen oven. All you need to do is add wood to the tray above the burner to start smokin'.

      Click here to read our detailed review


      Digital Thermometers Are Your Most Valuable Tool And Here's A Great Buy!

      maverick PT55 thermometer
      A good digital thermometer keeps you from serving dry overcooked food or dangerously undercooked food. They are much faster and much more accurate than dial thermometers. YOU NEED ONE!

      Click here to read our complete review


      Track Up To Six Temperatures At Once

      Grilla pellet smoker
      FireBoard Drive 2 is an updated version of a well-received product that sets the standard for performance and functionality in the wireless food thermometer/thermostatic controller class.

      Click here for our review of this unique device


      The Cool Kettle With The Hinged Hood We Always Wanted

      NK-22-Ck Grill
      Napoleon's NK22CK-C Charcoal Kettle Grill puts a few spins on the familiar kettle design. In fact, the hinged lid with a handle on the front, spins in a rotary motion 180 degrees. It's hard to beat a Weber kettle, but Napoleon holds its own and adds some unique features to make the NK22CK-C a viable alternative.

      Click here for more about what makes this grill special


      Finally, A Great Portable Pellet Smoker

      Green Mountain Davey Crockett Grill
      Green Mountain's portable Davy Crockett Pellet Smoker is one mean tailgating and picnic machine. But it's also gaining popularity with people who want to add a small, set it and forget it pellet smoker to their backyard arsenal. And with their WiFi capabilities you can control and monitor Davy Crocket from your smart phone or laptop.

      Click here to read our detailed review and to order