Jokes!

[Clark]

A recent survey asked doctors if it is time to ease the COVID lockdown. HERE ARE THE RESULTS:

Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised against any rash moves.

Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought the government didn't have the nerve.

Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

Many Pathologists yelled "over my dead body!" while Pediatricians said "oh grow up!"

Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and Pharmacists claimed it would be a bitter pill to swallow.

Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."

Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but Urologists were P.O. at the whole idea.

Anesthetists thought the idea was a gas, but Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in politics!!

[RonB]

[HawkerXP]

How did the table go over?

[RonB]

HawkerXP - it went over very well - she loved it/ Thanx for asking.

[Mr. Bones]

That's jus a 2020 Classic, Brother!

Glad Mama like yer Shaker table, it was a right nice piece ya made, an ya oughtta be quite proud.

If'n ya kept her from findin it, th whole time, we;;, thanI owe ya an Adult Bevvie, if not a whole bottle...

Mebbe she jus acted like she didn't find it, wives are wise, an mystically complex...

[Mosca]

[58limited]

"What, are you chicken?" "Uhmmm..."

[Foehn Watts]

Hey, 58limited don't be a stubborn goat! Quit horsin' round. . .

[Mr. Bones]

Looks like Santa gots him some Game on...

[Mosca]

[Mr. Bones]

Oh, that one's jus Pterrible lol

[Jared49]

How pfunny is that!!

[MTurney]

...

[Mosca]

[58limited]

Several years ago I sold a classic car part on ebay to someone in Great Britain. I mailed it and then followed the tracking: from Beaumont, Tx to Houston, Tx, then to Illinois (forgot the city), back to Houston, and then to Great Britain. Basically the package was sent on a 3000 mile round trip for no apparent reason before going overseas.

[Bogy]

It makes a big difference which direction packages are going. From Iowa I can send a package via Priority Mail to my daughter in Washington and it will take 3 days max. Might make it in 2. But a package or letter I send to my daughter in St. Louis will take over a week. If it doesn't come back with a notice their isn't such an address or the people don't live there anymore and they don't have a forwarding address. They've lived there for almost 2 years now.

[Foehn Watts]

Yes, Bogy --earlier this year I had a small package of fresh pandan leaves sent me from Santa Monica California via first class mail, which is about a whole 50 or so miles away. A normal two day ship Took 7 days and my leaves were cooked because we had a hot wave and the stuff got stuck in a transfer facility. I had some plants sent to me from the opposite direction, from San Bernardino CA (~30 miles), and they got to me in wonderful live shape in 3 days.

I feel sorry for the carriers!

[fracmeister]

I realize this is only my stepladder. But I love it as if it were my real ladder.

[Panhead John]

Good one! Here’s a follow up.

[Panhead John]

[holehogg]

[MBMorgan]

As long as we're on the subject:

[ofelles]

[Panhead John]

That one made me bust out laughing. So many times over the years, I’ll go upstairs to my bedroom, stop and go WTF did I come in here for? I’ll pause a minute or so, try my best to remember why I came up here....can’t remember why, so I’ll go back downstairs to where I was when I thought I needed to go upstairs for something. I’ll stand there for a minute....and it’ll come to me! So then I trudge my ass back upstairs....so happy I remembered. 😂

[gcdmd]

Panhead John
BTDT, many times. A friend of mine, who is a retired engineer well into his eighties and still sharp, says that as long as he can remember something he is trying to recall to mind within 24 hours he figures he's still OK.

[ofelles]

[ofelles]

ComfortablyNumb Actually, I kind of owned a '78? conv. (my wife's). She had it when we first got married. First year of fuel injection and a pain ($$) to keep running but she loved it. Finally talked her into getting a red conv. '96 Mustang.

[Mr. Bones]

have had split windows, an ovals, over th span of time...

Last Beetle I ever had was a 'Dk Blue '68 with a healthily built 1600cc... it was quite fun, even though I greatly dislike th post '66 bodystyle/cosmetics...

[Foehn Watts]

We used to have two '71 buses (only year with the bug engine AND disc brakes on the front). When we sold "mine" because of not wanting to dump a bunch of money into it, I swear I mourned the loss for a couple of years. Still have the other bus and it's under a cover, ready as a daily driver.

Never any stickers on mine but I really wanted the paint I saw once: Flames from the engine compartment streaming towards the front of the bus. (Busses are somewhat known for engine fires. . . ).

[fracmeister]

Even though it is only my step ladder I love it as if it were my real ladder

[RonB]

Deja vu all over again...

[Mr. Bones]

Better than Vuja De, that ain't NEVER purty, imce

[Panhead John]

[Clark]

A tourist pulled into a motel in a small town and told the desk clerk he would like to look at a room before deciding to stay.
He put a $100 bill on the counter to show that he was serious and he went off looking at several rooms.

The desk clerk grabbed the $100 and ran next door and paid the butcher on his account.
The butcher then paid the farmer that was delivering his meat.
The farmer then ran to the co-op and paid his bill.
The co-op manager then crossed the street and paid his hooker.
The hooker then ran to the motel and paid for her room.

The desk clerk put the $100 back on the counter. The tourist came back into the office, picked up his $100, and said he would stay elsewhere.

No one produced anything.
No one earned anything.

BUT the whole town was then out of debt and looking forward with optimism.

Now THAT is a financial stimulus!!