Jokes!

[ofelles]

[MTurney]

...

[Bogy]

The connection between the Elf on a shelf and some Christmas cookies!

[Foehn Watts]

Thank you to Loren Fishman and Mallard Fillmore!

[Foehn Watts]

T
Thank you Stephen Pastis of Pearls Before Swine!

[wu7y]

I have goal and I am on a quest. If I can get a "like" from willxfmr I will consider myself a success.

[Foehn Watts]

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.

“Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".

[Foehn Watts]

What is the difference between hot potato and a flying pig?

One's a heated yam, and one's a yeeted ham.

[Foehn Watts]

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.

[Foehn Watts]

A goat gets his wish granted by a genie.

He wishes to be turned into a human being.After his transformation, the, now, man is so grateful to the genie.He asks ‟How can I ever repay you?”

The genie just has this request: That the man make the most of his life and live like no man has lived before; love like no man has loved before; and care like no man has cared before.The man obliges.

He first sets out to find his ‟calling”.Over the years, he works many jobs.He finds himself becoming depressed with the monotony that he has come to know.Finally, he decides to go back to his roots and do what he knows.He becomes a farmer.With the money he has accumulated from his many professions, he buys a large farm where he decides to take in unwanted and ill animals.Goats (obviously), pigs, cows, cats, dogs, and various other animals.He cares for them.He comes to know and understand them.He has a deep connection with them.

One day, a woman brings her dog to the man’s farm.She is worried about the dog.She says ever since the dog’s sibling died, he hasn’t seemed right.The man agrees to take the dog and care for it.He knows the other animals will comfort it and the dog will enjoy his new family.The woman comes to visit the dog regularly.She becomes familiar with all of the other animals on the farm, and most of all, the man.They spend hours together each visit.Talking and taking care of the animals together.Hours turn to days.Days to weeks.The man asks the woman to live with him and his animals.The woman obliges.They are in love.They are truly happy.

The genie comes to the man one night in his dreams.The genie says to the man ‟You have lived like no other man; you’ve loved like no other man; and you’ve cared like no other man.You have done well”.

The man wakes up the next morning and he doesn’t feel well.He can’t explain it, but somethings not right.Weeks go by and the man’s condition seems to worsen.His doctors cannot explain his rapidly deteriorating health.The woman is always by his side when she is not caring for his animals.The woman’s dog sleeps at the foot of his bed.Never leaving.At last, it seems like he cannot hold on for much longer.He’s barely able to speak at this point.He motions for the woman to come near.He says to her ‟Do you want to know why I fell in love with you all those years ago? Do you want to know why I love you more and more every day?”

She says, ‟Yes, my love, tell me.”

With his final breath, he tells her ‟Because you make me feel like a kid again.”

[Panhead John]

[Panhead John]

[Panhead John]

[frigate]

[frigate]

Some more.