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    • Panhead John
      Panhead John commented
      Editing a comment
      I hope he washed em first.

    • Bogy
      Bogy commented
      Editing a comment
      "of COURSE you can smell alcohol officer, I just sanitized my hands!"

    • Mosca
      Mosca commented
      Editing a comment
      Some really good ones here.

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      The connection between the Elf on a shelf and some Christmas cookies!

      Comment


      • Foehn Watts
        Foehn Watts commented
        Editing a comment
        That dang elf must be really busy this year!

      Click image for larger version  Name:	mallard fillmore relatives and cdc.gif Views:	0 Size:	202.5 KB ID:	958586

      Thank you to Loren Fishman and Mallard Fillmore!
      Last edited by Foehn Watts; December 18, 2020, 07:23 PM.

      Comment


      • ComfortablyNumb
        ComfortablyNumb commented
        Editing a comment
        Wait a minute now. Passed out on the sofa is not a COVID-19 safety measure?

      • Foehn Watts
        Foehn Watts commented
        Editing a comment
        Jeeze ComfortablyNumb --don't we all wish.

        Wait -- Passed out on the sofa means you're at home and not socially interacting, so I guess it IS a COVID-19 safety measure!

      • ComfortablyNumb
        ComfortablyNumb commented
        Editing a comment
        Foehn Watts So, the CDC should be recommending consuming alcohol as it will not only NOT impair our ability to follow safety measures, it will ensure we do.


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      Thank you Stephen Pastis of Pearls Before Swine!
      Last edited by Foehn Watts; December 18, 2020, 07:25 PM.

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      • SheilaAnn
        SheilaAnn commented
        Editing a comment
        Loves me some PBS!

      • Panhead John
        Panhead John commented
        Editing a comment
        My favorite comic strip.

      I have goal and I am on a quest. If I can get a "like" from willxfmr I will consider myself a success.

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      • wu7y
        wu7y commented
        Editing a comment
        WooHoo!! I'm just gonna sit back and watch this.

      • Panhead John
        Panhead John commented
        Editing a comment
        willxfmr The only reason I chew my toenails is because they remind me of your cooks.😉
        Last edited by Panhead John; December 21, 2020, 10:50 AM.

      • Foehn Watts
        Foehn Watts commented
        Editing a comment
        Panhead John -- That is so wrong, but LOL.


      A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

      After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.

      “Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

      With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".

      Comment



        What is the difference between hot potato and a flying pig?

        One's a heated yam, and one's a yeeted ham.

        Comment


        • Foehn Watts
          Foehn Watts commented
          Editing a comment
          JimLinebarger --sorry about the educational, but I didn't know it was a word either. Learn sumpin' new everyday!

        • wu7y
          wu7y commented
          Editing a comment
          I knew it was a word. I just didn't know whose.

        • HawkerXP
          HawkerXP commented
          Editing a comment
          You yeeted me on that one.

        What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

        The letter F.

        Comment



          A goat gets his wish granted by a genie.

          He wishes to be turned into a human being.After his transformation, the, now, man is so grateful to the genie.He asks ‟How can I ever repay you?”

          The genie just has this request: That the man make the most of his life and live like no man has lived before; love like no man has loved before; and care like no man has cared before.The man obliges.

          He first sets out to find his ‟calling”.Over the years, he works many jobs.He finds himself becoming depressed with the monotony that he has come to know.Finally, he decides to go back to his roots and do what he knows.He becomes a farmer.With the money he has accumulated from his many professions, he buys a large farm where he decides to take in unwanted and ill animals.Goats (obviously), pigs, cows, cats, dogs, and various other animals.He cares for them.He comes to know and understand them.He has a deep connection with them.

          One day, a woman brings her dog to the man’s farm.She is worried about the dog.She says ever since the dog’s sibling died, he hasn’t seemed right.The man agrees to take the dog and care for it.He knows the other animals will comfort it and the dog will enjoy his new family.The woman comes to visit the dog regularly.She becomes familiar with all of the other animals on the farm, and most of all, the man.They spend hours together each visit.Talking and taking care of the animals together.Hours turn to days.Days to weeks.The man asks the woman to live with him and his animals.The woman obliges.They are in love.They are truly happy.

          The genie comes to the man one night in his dreams.The genie says to the man ‟You have lived like no other man; you’ve loved like no other man; and you’ve cared like no other man.You have done well”.

          The man wakes up the next morning and he doesn’t feel well.He can’t explain it, but somethings not right.Weeks go by and the man’s condition seems to worsen.His doctors cannot explain his rapidly deteriorating health.The woman is always by his side when she is not caring for his animals.The woman’s dog sleeps at the foot of his bed.Never leaving.At last, it seems like he cannot hold on for much longer.He’s barely able to speak at this point.He motions for the woman to come near.He says to her ‟Do you want to know why I fell in love with you all those years ago? Do you want to know why I love you more and more every day?”

          She says, ‟Yes, my love, tell me.”

          With his final breath, he tells her ‟Because you make me feel like a kid again.”

          Comment


          • gcdmd
            gcdmd commented
            Editing a comment
            We used to call those shaggy dog stories.

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              • 58limited
                58limited commented
                Editing a comment
                That was me yesterday but with twice the stuff, and the cops thing crossed my mind.

              • Mosca
                Mosca commented
                Editing a comment
                That’s three good ones in a row...

              • Clark
                Clark commented
                Editing a comment
                I thought you wore glasses.

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              • Panhead John
                Panhead John commented
                Editing a comment
                Hilarious dude!😂😂

              • SheilaAnn
                SheilaAnn commented
                Editing a comment
                🤣🤣🤣👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

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              Comment


              • HawkerXP
                HawkerXP commented
                Editing a comment
                Only one is showing. The phone on wall.

              • JCGrill
                JCGrill commented
                Editing a comment
                And if you left your house the person calling couldn't reach you. And guess what? THEY CALLED BACK LATER!

              • jharner
                jharner commented
                Editing a comment
                Mine did not have buttons to press

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