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I saw a poor old lady fall down after tripping on a step. At least I presume she was poor...she only had $1.15 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
My wife has been missing for a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst so I went to the thrift shop to get her clothes back.
Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed fine until he stuck his index finger up my rear! Do you think I should change dentists?Comment
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Clark's post made me think of this. Not sure if it really is originally from Red Skelton, but it certainly sounds like him. Loved him and regularly watched his show.
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.Comment
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Still LOVES me some Red Skelton, Brother!
Jackie Gleason / Art Carney, too!
Lucille Ball, anybody?
Some th Funniest I ever seen come down th pike!
I'm sure I've posted some Red vidya(s) afore, over yonder to th Jokes Channel.)
Wishin a Safe an Happy Thanksgivin to alla yall there, Family, Friends, an Flock!
Blessed Be, Yall!
BogyLast edited by Mr. Bones; November 26, 2020, 06:52 AM. Reason: Reason: Wasn't quite windy enough... (Elaboration On a Theme sounds nicer, though lol!) :-)
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Along those lines.......Attached FilesComment
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Marriage-Free since 1985!
Th Ol Timers always tol me as a youngun: Bones, now dontcha never find yerself to go bein fool enough to go gittin hit by th same train, twicet-like!
May Th Good Lord rest their souls, fer all that they taught me; I am in Eternal Debt, an passin it along... hopefully it will help many, if they cain figger summat out, without their smartphones...
Requiescat in paceLast edited by Mr. Bones; November 26, 2020, 03:27 AM.
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Panhead John
Ha! LOL!!!
Whatta Rube, I only bought 9, Brother!
Happy Turkey Day, wait a few years til I git back Down Home, Good Lord willin, an th crick don't rise...
If all systems still Check "GO", at that point, reckon ya'll be seein me, down yer way, now an again...
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