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2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

This summer's 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis IS OFFICIALLY RESCHEDULED FOR March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info here!
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Jokes!

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  • Clark
    Club Member
    • Mar 2020
    • 373
    • Broken Arrow, OK.

    A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

    A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

    Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

    A midget fortune-teller escaped from prison. Police said he was a small medium at large.

    Comment

    • Thunder77
      Founding Member
      • Jul 2014
      • 2886
      • Halethorpe, MD
      • Weber 26.75" Kettle with SnS. Broil King Baron 5 burner. Akorn Kamado, and Akorn Jr kamado. Primo Oval Junior. Love grilling steaks, ribs, and chicken. Need to master smoked salmon Favorite cool weather beer: Sam Adams Octoberfest Favorite warm weather beer: Yuengling Traditional Lager All-time favorite drink: Single Malt Scotch

      Imagine if you will...
      Attached Files

      Comment

    • surfdog
      Club Member
      • Mar 2016
      • 1329
      • Sunny SoCal
      • Cooking gadgets
        Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
        Weber Summit Platinum D6
        Blue Rhino Razor
        Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
        Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
        Anova WiFi

        Thermometers
        Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

        Other useful bits...
        KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
        A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
        A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
        Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
        All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
        Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
        Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

      My wife said I only have two faults.
      I don’t listen and...
      something else.

      Comment

      • RonB
        Club Member
        • Apr 2016
        • 14070
        • Near Richmond VA
        • Weber Performer Deluxe
          SNS
          Pizza insert
          Rotisserie
          Smokenator 1000
          Cookshack Smokette Elite
          2 Thermapens
          Chefalarm
          Dot
          lots of probes.
          CyberQ

        Did you see that Amazon is having a special sale of Ozzy’s music?

        It’s part of their Black Sabbath Friday sales.

        Comment

      • Panhead John
        Club Member
        • Aug 2020
        • 1755
        • Houston, Texas
        • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
          Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
          SnS For the Kettle
          Set of Grill Grates
          Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
          Rotisserie For The Kettle
          J. A. Henckels Knives
          Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
          Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

        ... Click image for larger version

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        Comment

        • Panhead John
          Club Member
          • Aug 2020
          • 1755
          • Houston, Texas
          • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
            Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
            SnS For the Kettle
            Set of Grill Grates
            Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
            Rotisserie For The Kettle
            J. A. Henckels Knives
            Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
            Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

          ,,,
          Attached Files

          Comment

          • holehogg
            Club Member
            • Nov 2017
            • 2642
            • Port Elizabeth, South Africa



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            Comment


            • JimLinebarger
              JimLinebarger commented
              Editing a comment
              Huskee you're such a dope! lol "Tree" looks like it was drug to that spot to pose for the picture.

            • wu7y
              wu7y commented
              Editing a comment
              Once I'm lit I can see a hell of a lot more than that.
              Last edited by wu7y; November 19, 2020, 11:18 PM.

            • Panhead John
              Panhead John commented
              Editing a comment
              This is your brain after joining Amazing Ribs 🤯
              Last edited by Panhead John; November 19, 2020, 11:24 PM.
          • ComfortablyNumb
            Club Member
            • May 2017
            • 3681
            • Northeast Washington
            • KBQ C-60
              PK360
              Thermoworks Smoke
              Thermoworks Thermopop
              Thermoworks Dot

            Last week I had to go to Wenatchee to see an eye specialist. The building I went to housed the eye clinic and the orthopedics. It appears just getting to the doctor's office is part of the therapy.....

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            Comment


            • HawkerXP
              HawkerXP commented
              Editing a comment
              See? I knew you had eye problems!
              Last edited by HawkerXP; November 19, 2020, 11:00 PM.

            • ComfortablyNumb
              ComfortablyNumb commented
              Editing a comment
              HawkerXP No, I don’t.😉

            • JimLinebarger
              JimLinebarger commented
              Editing a comment
              I think those are just the "down" stairs.
          • PBCDad
            Club Member
            • Jan 2016
            • 419
            • Seattle area
            • Pit Barrel Cooker - 2015
              22" Kettle + SnS - 2016
              Thermapen - 2016
              Jambo 24x48 offset smoker (Big Tex) - 2017
              Camp Chef Denali griddle - 2018
              Billows and Signals - 2020

            I am neither Lutheran nor from Minnesota, so I don't know how accurate this is - let me know. This sounds a lot like Bogy's Ole and Sven jokes so thought you might enjoy.

            MN Lutheran Airlines.
            WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN AIRLINES IS NOW OPERATING IN MINNYSOTA!
            ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORDERN MITCHIGEN, NORT & SOUT DAKOTA
            If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, the no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, here flyin is a upliftin experience:
            - Dair is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.
            - Meals are potluck. Rows 1 tru 6, bring rolls; 7 tru 15, bring a salad; 16 tru 21, a hot dish, and 22-30, a dessert.
            - Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft.
            - Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.
            - All fares are by free will offering, and da plane will not land til da budget is met.
            - Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air.
            Okay den, listen up; I'm only gonna say dis vonce: In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly gonna be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because ve fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodder with doze liddle masks on da rubber tu bes--you're gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair liddle holes.
            Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're gonna have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sorta like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it. In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget it.
            Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive dose who sin against us, which some people say 'trespass against us,' which isn't right, but what can you do?
            Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is by da pants all da way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God had meant you to use a cell phone, He wudda put your mout on da side of your head.
            We start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style wit da coffeepot up front. Den we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pockets in front of you. Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am gonna be real upset and I am NOT kiddin!
            Right now I'll say Grace: Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fader, Son, and Holy Ghost, May we land in Dulut or pretty close.

            Comment


            • Andrrr
              Andrrr commented
              Editing a comment
              JCGrill they may not be a liar, but they are probably from MN 👍

            • Bogy
              Bogy commented
              Editing a comment
              I once shared an Ole and Lena joke on another forum where I occasionally posted. One of the regulars was from Minnesota and was highly offended, because no one from Minnesota talked like that. (Except my aunt and uncle from St. Paul.) Then all his buddies piled on to defend him. My job as an Iowan to offend people from Minnesota was done. (Its in the state constitution, and vicey versey, dontcha know.)

            • JCGrill
              JCGrill commented
              Editing a comment
              gcdmd no, I saw it in a theater in MN and it got loads of laughs. But I do hear folks say we don't talk like that. Don't believe it.
          • painter
            Club Member
            • Dec 2016
            • 258
            • Denver
            • Primo LG300
              Weber Performer Deluxe
              Maverick 732
              Smobot
              Vortex

            Christmas Lights Rant

            Sorry about the following rant, but once again it's the time of year that I need to remind everyone: Those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, can you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my bourbon, douse my joint, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to put my clothes back on. It's just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.🎄

            *Found on the interwebs

            Comment


            • Mr. Bones
              Mr. Bones commented
              Editing a comment
              JCGrill Might as well finish it, they'll jus make ya dump it out, an yer still in th same dang trouble, or so I've heared lol

            • Porkies
              Porkies commented
              Editing a comment
              My temperament will not allow me to carry when the other conditions mentioned are present!

            • gcdmd
              gcdmd commented
              Editing a comment
              Mr. Bones JCGrill
              You may as well knock it back, since that part won't have time to absorb before they give you the field sobriety test.
              Last edited by gcdmd; November 21, 2020, 01:46 PM.
          • RonB
            Club Member
            • Apr 2016
            • 14070
            • Near Richmond VA
            • Weber Performer Deluxe
              SNS
              Pizza insert
              Rotisserie
              Smokenator 1000
              Cookshack Smokette Elite
              2 Thermapens
              Chefalarm
              Dot
              lots of probes.
              CyberQ

            A priest and a retired cop have a fender bender one cold winter night. Both are shaken up but not injured. They call the police. While waiting, the retired cop notices the priest shaking a bit and goes to his trunk and pulls out a bottle. He offers it to the priest to calm him down. The priest sez he doesn't drink, but it might help him calm down, so he takes a drink and hands the bottle back. The retired cop puts the cap back on the bottle and walks towards his trunk. The priest asks if why he didn't take a drink. The retired cops answers that he will wait until after the police leave.

            Comment

            • ofelles
              Club Member
              • Jun 2018
              • 2873
              • Brentwood CA
              • LSG large insulated cabinet
                Yoder YS640
                David Klose 20x42 Grill Chef Grill
                Weber Jumbo Joe
                FireBoard controller and PitBull fan
                Thermapen Mk4

              Comment

              • ComfortablyNumb
                Club Member
                • May 2017
                • 3681
                • Northeast Washington
                • KBQ C-60
                  PK360
                  Thermoworks Smoke
                  Thermoworks Thermopop
                  Thermoworks Dot

                Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable." The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?" The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly... com-for-da-bull."

                Comment


                • THE Humble Texan
                  THE Humble Texan commented
                  Editing a comment
                  We had a lawyer leave our men's group because we told lawyer jokes. Some times it was other lawyers telling the jokes. When people make fun of the way I pronounce words I just say "Well you are learnin talk correctly."

                • THE Humble Texan
                  THE Humble Texan commented
                  Editing a comment
                  We had a lawyer leave our men's group because we told lawyer jokes. Some times it was other lawyers telling the jokes. When people make fun of the way I pronounce words I just say "Well you are learning to talk correctly."

                • Bogy
                  Bogy commented
                  Editing a comment
                  THE Humble Texan, that does it, one more preacher joke and I'm outa here. Guess I better not tell any more.
              • RonB
                Club Member
                • Apr 2016
                • 14070
                • Near Richmond VA
                • Weber Performer Deluxe
                  SNS
                  Pizza insert
                  Rotisserie
                  Smokenator 1000
                  Cookshack Smokette Elite
                  2 Thermapens
                  Chefalarm
                  Dot
                  lots of probes.
                  CyberQ

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                Comment


                • ComfortablyNumb
                  ComfortablyNumb commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Perhaps some non-fiction got mixed in, the title of the book next to 'The Perfect Wife' is 'Insidious'.
              • Clark
                Club Member
                • Mar 2020
                • 373
                • Broken Arrow, OK.

                Oklahoma Style Holiday Turkey Recipe:

                4 cups of stale bread crumbs
                1/2 cup of sage
                1 cup of dried onions
                2 cups stale beer
                2 Tbsp salt
                2 Tbsp ground pepper
                1 stalk chopped celery
                1 pint of fresh oysters
                2 cups of unpopped popcorn

                Rub the salt, pepper, and sage into the inside cavity of the turkey. Mix all remaining ingredients together well. Stuff the bird and firmly sew it shut. Bake at 475 degrees for 5 1/2 hours or until the popcorn blows the ass of the turkey.

                Bon Apetit!!

                Comment


                • Panhead John
                  Panhead John commented
                  Editing a comment
                  That sounds like an “Authentic” recipe.

                • gcdmd
                  gcdmd commented
                  Editing a comment
                  That can happen even with a regular dried bread stuffing if you over stuff the bird. Shirley Corriher, in her book "CookWise," describes it with a duck she stuffed in her younger days. It exploded in the oven. The bread absorbed the moisture from the duck and ran out of room to expand.

              Announcement

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              2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

              This summer's 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis IS OFFICIALLY RESCHEDULED FOR March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info here!
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