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    #16
    A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Wanna hear a Buckeye joke?” The guy replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6′ tall, 200 lbs. and I am an Ohio State graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, 225 lbs., and he is an Ohio State graduate. The guy right next to him is 6’5″, 250lbs., and he is also an Ohio State graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?” The first guy says, “No, not if I’m going to have to explain it three times.”

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      #17
      How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

      Comment


        #18
        OK, so a famous doctor who becomes a BBQ champion goes to a bar and says “give me a mesquite daiquiri” to the bartender. Well, they have a smoker so he goes and gets a piece of mesquite, adds it to the blender with some rum, lime juice and sugar syrup and presto--- mesquite daiquiri. Every day the doctor goes to the bar and orders the same thing but one day the BBQ cook has switched to hickory to get a little milder flavor --- the bartender doesn’t think his customer will notice but he does, spitting the drink out and saying “What was that?” to which the bartender replied…








        (wait for it)












        That’s a hickory daiquiri doc.

        Comment


        • Mr. Bones
          Mr. Bones commented
          Editing a comment
          twist on an ageless Classic

        #19
        Originally posted by fracmeister View Post

        (wait for it)












        That’s a hickory daiquiri doc.
        Love it!

        Comment


        • boftx
          boftx commented
          Editing a comment
          Simple things for simple minds.

        • Mr. Bones
          Mr. Bones commented
          Editing a comment
          Keep 'em coming! I heerd about 90-95% so far from my Da', an' his friends, when I was a young'un. (He was born in 1922, btw!) Still as funny as they ever was.

        #20
        A duck walks into a thrift shop and asks the manager "Do you have any grapes?"
        "No", relpies the manager. The duck turns around and waddles out.

        The next day the duck returns and asks the manager "Do you have any grapes?"
        "No, no grapes duck." The duck turns around and waddles out.

        The third day the duck returns and asks the manager "Do you have any grapes?"
        "No! We don't sell grapes here! If you ask me that again I'm going to nail your bill to the floor!"
        The duck turns around and waddles out.

        The 4th day the duck returns and asks the manager "Do you have any nails?"
        "No, no nails" replies the manager.
        "Good", the ducks says. "Do you have any grapes?"

        Comment


        • boftx
          boftx commented
          Editing a comment
          And I paid a membership fee for this?!?

        • Huskee
          Huskee commented
          Editing a comment
          No, this one was a complete freebie.

        • Mr. Bones
          Mr. Bones commented
          Editing a comment
          Long Live Th Duck, he gots it Goin On....

        #21
        Why are pirates so cool?

        Just because they arrrrrrr

        Comment


          #22
          Fish runs into a wall and says dam.

          Comment


          • Bothwalien
            Bothwalien commented
            Editing a comment
            And what did the wall say?

            Dumb bass.

          #23
          Speaking of proctologist,

          I was at mine a while back and he says to the nurse "get me a light", she steps out and comes right back with a beer. He looks up at her and says "NO a butt light"


          Click image for larger version

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          http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?...shot&play=true
          Last edited by Jon Solberg; September 16, 2014, 06:36 PM.

          Comment


            #24
            A man is on his deathbed. He asked his nurse to be a witness to his will.

            His wife, his daughter and two sons are at his bedside.

            "So", he says to them:

            "Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses..."

            "Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza ..."

            "Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center ..."

            "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."

            The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she
            says, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hardworking man to
            have accumulated all this property".



            Sarah replies, "Property? The as***** has a paper route!"

            Comment


              #25
              Originally posted by Marauderer View Post
              A man is on his deathbed. He asked his nurse to be a witness to his will.

              His wife, his daughter and two sons are at his bedside.

              "So", he says to them:

              "Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses..."

              "Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza ..."

              "Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center ..."

              "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."

              The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she
              says, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hardworking man to
              have accumulated all this property".



              Sarah replies, "Property? The as***** has a paper route!"



              Jon's image was worth repeating for this one. LOL

              Comment


                #26
                I forgot about this thread, thanks for the contribution Barry. I'll have to think of one again....

                Comment


                  #27
                  Missing Wife/ The Male Mind
                  A husband went to police station to report his missing wife:

                  Husband : I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home.
                  Sergeant : What is her height ?
                  Husband : Oh, 5 something . . .
                  Sergeant : Build?
                  Husband : Not slim, not really fat.
                  Sergeant : Color of eyes?
                  Husband : Never noticed.
                  Sergeant : Color of hair?
                  Husband : Changes according to season.
                  Sergeant : What was she wearing?
                  Husband : Dress/suit/blue jeans -- I don’t remember exactly.
                  Sergeant : Did she go in a car?
                  Husband : yes.
                  Sergeant : What kind of car was it?
                  Husband : 2015 Corvette Stingray 3LT with the Z51 Performance Package, shark gray metallic paint,
                  with the 6.2 litre V8 engine with Direct Injection generating 460 HP. 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission, and GT bucket seats, and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.…at this point the husband started crying...
                  Sergeant : Don't worry sir.......We’ll find your car.


                  Comment


                  • Simply2low
                    Simply2low commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Im stealing this one!

                  • Mr. Bones
                    Mr. Bones commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Loving It !!! Happily divorced for 30+ yrs...

                  #28
                  A man was out on the open highway toolin' along at about 85 or so when he saw a cop come behind him and put his flashers on. The guy sped up to 100 and the cop stayed right with him. Eventually the guy was topped out at 130 or so and still couldn't shake the cop, so he pulled over.

                  The cop came up and asked him why he ran. The guy said "Officer, my wife ran off with a cop last month and I thought you were trying to bring her back."

                  Comment


                  • Mr. Bones
                    Mr. Bones commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Equally excellent, see above reply!

                  #29
                  I got this from a friend and thought it appropriate anywhere on our site but put it in the Jokes section first.

                  Comment


                    #30
                    You could take this as a Joke???



                    Comment

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