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2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled

We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for tentatively March 18-21, 2022. Click here for more info: https://pitmaster.amazingribs.com/forum/announcements/misc/1014106-meat-up-in-memphis-2021-canceled
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Jokes!

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  • Panhead John
    Club Member
    • Aug 2020
    • 1151
    • Houston, Texas
    • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
      Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
      SnS For the Kettle
      Set of Grill Grates
      Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
      Rotisserie For The Kettle
      J. A. Henckels Knives
      Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
      Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

    This’ll be bigger than Woodstock!
    Attached Files

    Comment

    • fkrall
      Club Member
      • Jan 2017
      • 172
      • Northern NJ

      A woman gets home, runs into her house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, pack your bags; I won the lottery!"

      The husband says, "Wow, that's great! Should I pack for the ocean or should I pack for the mountains?"

      She says, "I don't care. Just get the hell out."

      Comment

      • Foehn Watts
        Club Member
        • Apr 2019
        • 308
        • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

        So these two guys are in a cabin in the woods by a small pond in Vermont.

        One says, "Hey, go fetch some water to drink."

        So the other takes a pail and wades out into the pond to get water. He looks up and there is a bear across the pond looking at him and growling!

        The guy drops the pail and runs back to the cabin.

        He bursts into the cabin and shouts, "There's a bear in the lake!"

        The other guy looks up and says, "Relax, he's probably more scared than you are."

        The some what wet guy says, "Oh, then you wouldn't want to drink the water anyway."

        Comment

        • Foehn Watts
          Club Member
          • Apr 2019
          • 308
          • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

          Bill was once afflicted with with a terrible bout of dry mouth

          The doctors could do nothing to help and Bill's future was looking dim. His food had long since been rendered flavorless and eating became a chore. But then he met Ted who said he was sent by god to cure Bill's ailment. Bill was skeptical but desperate, willing to try anything.

          Bill asked him, "How much?"

          Ted replied, "Nothing more than a bit of faith."

          Bill had long since given up religion but he took Ted up on the offer. After all, it was a small price to pay for his salivation.

          Comment


          • gcdmd
            gcdmd commented
            Editing a comment
            Ouch!
        • MTurney
          Former Member
          • Feb 2020
          • 262
          • Grapevine, TX

          ...
          Attached Files

          Comment


          • Huskee
            Huskee commented
            Editing a comment
            What about the little alligator one?

          • MTurney
            MTurney commented
            Editing a comment
            Huskee equally overpriced
        • ofelles
          Club Member
          • Jun 2018
          • 2592
          • Brentwood CA



          ANOTHER

          STORY TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY...

          I ordered Chinese from a local place , I went to pick it up and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving ! I thought what on earth is that? Has something got into the bag? I could see a little pair of eyes peering out. I was driving so I pulled over, I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the ginger beef, I thought it’s got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down

          ...

          ...


          And there it was a peeking duck......





          Comment


          • Panhead John
            Panhead John commented
            Editing a comment
            Now that thar’s funny! I don’t car who ya are.

          • Stuey1515
            Stuey1515 commented
            Editing a comment
            Haha, I didn't see that coming, good one!!

          • Foehn Watts
            Foehn Watts commented
            Editing a comment
            Such suspense! Dat's my kinda joke cuz I can remember it!!! and torture my family with it.
        • Bogy
          Club Member
          • Mar 2016
          • 643
          • North Central Iowa
          • Blaz'n Grill Works Grid Iron
            Weber Genesis E-310
            Original Grilla
            Smokey Joe® Charcoal Grill 14"
            Thermoworks ThermoPop
            Thermoworks Thermapen Mk4
            Thermoworks Smoke Thermometer with gateway
            2 iGrillminis - from before they were Weber.

          Comment

          • Foehn Watts
            Club Member
            • Apr 2019
            • 308
            • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

            A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old woman, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves:

            “Do you know how they make these gloves?” He asked.

            “No, I don't.” She replied.

            “Well.” He spoofed. “There's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, Then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.”

            She didn't crack a smile.

            “Oh, well.. I tried.” He thought. But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

            “What's so funny?” He asked.

            She replied. “I was just envisioning how condoms are made!”

            Comment

            • Foehn Watts
              Club Member
              • Apr 2019
              • 308
              • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

              Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

              Comment


              • Bogy
                Bogy commented
                Editing a comment
                JimLinebarger & Foehn Watts, I've used Jim's line in sermons.

              • Panhead John
                Panhead John commented
                Editing a comment
                I’ve never spoke those lines before, but heard them many times. Usually directed at me.

              • Huskee
                Huskee commented
                Editing a comment
                There's a reason we have 2 ears and 1 mouth!
            • Panhead John
              Club Member
              • Aug 2020
              • 1151
              • Houston, Texas
              • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
                Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
                SnS For the Kettle
                Set of Grill Grates
                Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
                Rotisserie For The Kettle
                J. A. Henckels Knives
                Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
                Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

              ...
              Attached Files

              Comment


              • Bogy
                Bogy commented
                Editing a comment
                It is possible for someone to pay a bill for you. Especially utility bills. I've paid bills for people in the past. I'd rather pay the bill directly to the utility company than give them a check. Not that I'm cynical or anything, but then I know the money actually got to where it needed to go. Most times utility companies are familiar with pastors paying for people in arrears. Might be different if I was trying to pay their Visa bill.

              • Foehn Watts
                Foehn Watts commented
                Editing a comment
                I have worked retail/fast food and the big thing with the ID taking is that you covered your bundolas and you wouldn't get canned if the check bounced/was hinky, etc! Ya gotta follow them rules, ya know? Stupid, but true from my experience.
                Last edited by Foehn Watts; September 10, 2020, 01:59 PM.

              • Bogy
                Bogy commented
                Editing a comment
                Yeah, when I mentioned this to my wife she also said the cashier had to do it or she would get in trouble, even though it seems stupid.
            • MTurney
              Former Member
              • Feb 2020
              • 262
              • Grapevine, TX

              ...
              Attached Files

              Comment


              • Panhead John
                Panhead John commented
                Editing a comment
                Don’t feel bad MTurney. I made a mistake once.

              • Huskee
                Huskee commented
                Editing a comment
                I've seen this joke about Betty White.

              • surfdog
                surfdog commented
                Editing a comment
                It’s like déjà vu all over again. LOL
            • Panhead John
              Club Member
              • Aug 2020
              • 1151
              • Houston, Texas
              • Weber 22” Master Touch Kettle, added a side shelf
                Weber 14” Smokey Mountain Smoker
                SnS For the Kettle
                Set of Grill Grates
                Thermo Pro Remote Dual Probe Thermometer
                Rotisserie For The Kettle
                J. A. Henckels Knives
                Work Sharp E-5 Electric Knife Sharpener
                Char-Broil Instant Read Meat Thermometer

              ...

              Click image for larger version

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              Comment

              • holehogg
                Club Member
                • Nov 2017
                • 2593
                • Port Elizabeth, South Africa


                Click image for larger version

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                Comment

                • Foehn Watts
                  Club Member
                  • Apr 2019
                  • 308
                  • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

                  Teacher: "Kids, what does the fluffy chicken give you?"
                  Little Johnny: "Meat!"

                  Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the muddy pig give you?"
                  Little Johnny: "Bacon!"

                  Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
                  Little Johnny: "Homework!"

                  Comment

                  • Foehn Watts
                    Club Member
                    • Apr 2019
                    • 308
                    • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

                    An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. "I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!" The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded.

                    The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye.

                    Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop." The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork.

                    The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning. "Are you all right?" asks the agent. "No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"

                    Comment


                    • Mr. Bones
                      Mr. Bones commented
                      Editing a comment
                      Lol good oldie!!!

                    • Foehn Watts
                      Foehn Watts commented
                      Editing a comment
                      @Mr.Bones : Ya know it's good when you hear it a couple of times, many years apart!

                  Announcement

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                  2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled

                  We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for tentatively March 18-21, 2022. Click here for more info: https://pitmaster.amazingribs.com/forum/announcements/misc/1014106-meat-up-in-memphis-2021-canceled
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                  Spotlight

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